Wits end with dh and chronic neck pain/headaches

[ForeverbyJudyBlume]

Dh has always suffered from neck pain and headaches - when he's having an attack life is miserable for him and everyone around in.

Since the beginning of this term the attacks seem to be more or less non-stop. It is impacting us a family horribly, he is always in a filthy mood and biting the kids' heads off, we can rarely do anything as a family - for example twice we've been going round to friends' houses and I've had to go alone. On holiday, it is a given that he will have neck pain for the first two days and lie in bed moaning. He is awake half the night groaning and thrashing about, which keeps me awake too. Last night about 5am I started crying saying I couldn't cope with being so worried about him all the time and I get it in the neck as being unsupportive.

Over the years he's tried acupuncture/chiropractors/osteopaths/pilates/yoga/swimming. He's had an MRI - zilch. He's adamant none of them work or work for long. He sees a massage guy regularly who helps a bit but saw him this Saturday and it seemed to have no effect. I've made an appointment with the GP for this week but don't hold out much hope. I think he needs to see a therapist and a lot of this is based on childhood trauma and a total inability to deal with stress, he mutters that yes he will but then when I press him on it he yells at me to stop nagging him.

I am at the end of my tether with exhaustion and anxiety. I love dh but if it carries on this way I am going to have to leave to save myself and the dc. Any advice on where to take this would be welcome

[WavesAndLeaves]

Really appreciate you starting this thread OP as my husband is the same - the physical pain is definitely related to inability to deal with stress and long term self esteem issues, but he refuses to see a counsellor (or rather, he had one session but "didn't think it was very helpful" so didn't continue )

Going to pick up some of the suggestions by PPs, including the one about telling him how much it ruins family life. I'm not at the point of leaving him yet, but my god his lack of action is infuriating and if he doesn't do something it will wear me down.

Hope things get better for you

[Wolfiefan]

Daft and random thought! Is he a tooth grinder?

[ForeverbyJudyBlume]

In answer to questions/comments on here - no, he isn't a tooth grinder

Occipital neuralgia I have never heard of but will google

WavesandLeaves I'm obviously not glad you're going through the same thing but good to have someone who understands. I am not on the point of leaving either, whatever it may sound like, but the apathy is infuriating. If that makes me an unsympathetic person so be it. Good luck to you too

Dh went to GP today who sent him off with some naproxen, not very helpful. She dismissed amitryptiline as pain had to be constant, not - as with us - twice weekly.

I've been suggested a private pain therapy guy (GP wouldn't hear of a referral) so will contact him. I think dh has clocked he can't go on like this and is open to seeing him.

[MrsColon]

Patients often react angrily when it's suggested that their pain is causes by their mental health/stress - they often think that means the doctor is suggesting it's not real pain.

Poor mental health can and does cause physical pain, and it sounds like something your DH should at least explore. No-one can diagnose over the internet, but maybe talk to the GP about antidepressants?

[Trying81]

Also think occipital neuralgia - I’ve just been diagnosed with this and it sounds very similar

Do painkillers help? I find they don’t, as they won’t work on nerve pain, so I’m having my first nerve block soon.

I’d ask for a neurology referral - waits are long currently but might be worth the wait if it helps