If we were to re-write the nativity according to MN, how would it go?

[MerlinsBeard]

There was once a man named Tech who lived in the town of Shed-le-hem...his DP...erm...Justine was heavily pregnant with their pfb

.......

'oh no', said Justine ' a shining star. that will hurts baby's precious eyes'

The fruitshoot hit the troll as it crawled from under its bridge along came Psycho and the troll busters and......

Plenty of candidates for the Wise WO-Men here - but we might struggle to find a virgin......

But at that very moment the Three Wise Regulars turned up, armed with frankincense, myrrh, gold and a mooncup...

'is that organic frtankinsesne' asked Justine, adjusting her new Boden robe....

"I can't believe it!" sobbed Mary. "The Amby nest hasn't arrived! I'll have to put baby Jesus in this manger and hope he doesn't get cow lick poison!"

'Wha do you think of the name Jesus'? mary asked on the baby name threads.
approximately 40% flamed her and told her in no uncertain terms the poor little mite would face a lifetime of spelling it out and being teased. The other 60% were split between those who thought it a reasonable and classy sort of name andthose who thought it a tad chavvy.Ofcourse Joseph was n help at all because he wanted to call him Tarquin or Cain and that would ever do at all.

'AIBU?' asked Joseph 'to be just a teensby bit jealous of this Angel who somehow got Mary pregnant even though Nothing Happened?'

meanwhile mary was searching through the holiday threads rom last year to picka sitable destination foe a family break.should she go for self catering? children's clubs?

Justine/Mary wondered where she had put all her "child care guru" books as she posted in the sleep section that her 3 hour old Son Of God just would not sleep

Joseph began to question the validity of Mary's story - were there any signs that there could have been a real man involved ?

Was her mobile on silent?
Was there anyone who she kept 'mentioning'?
Was she defensive and aggressive when he asked her how she got pregnant?

as they approached the inn, they were aghast that there were camels parked in the mother and baby spaces.

meanwhile some shephards appeared, who for some reason gave her a Bat instead ofa sheep

'can the baby read yet?' asked the Innkeeper, Joseph looked ahsamed and Mary put the 'G&T threads to 'hide'

later that evening mary pulled out her laptop from under some straw. she clicked on the G&T thread.
'I may be being a little precious first born-ish but my son is the son of god and was born for greater things than the average boy. should i get him a tutor this year or wait until next? also although he will be able to do some miraculous thngs i don't think he is applying himself yet and i haven't seen much evidence.' 'ps he is only 4 hours old but i don't want things to slide'

Mary carefully folded the organic washeable nappies next to the cute wool wraps. 'where's Joseph?' she wondered, 'AIBU to think he should be here holding my hand?'
3 rich men looked in on the scene 'bloody scrounging single mums' they harrumphed as they tried to fit their bonuses into the already bulging wallets.

Meanwhile outside Joseph was carefull shovelling up the camel poo into bags marked "Organic Fertilizer" 'Well there is a credit crunch on you know' he says to a scandalised shepard.

Mary hurriedly closed the lap top and wondered if she could just nip in to the inn next door if she left the monitor on?

hmmm, 6 hours old she thought. I should be back at work, especiall as I will be an icon to women everywhere.

AIBU to leave Jesus in the care of the 3 Kings whilst I go pop to the Inn for a small Sauv Blanc? They're not Ofsted registered, but can make a start on the Oriental language tuition.

"Help hun" posted Mary on the For Sale boards, "MIL's got a stinkin donkey 4 us but I rly wanna Bugaboo in lilac, any1 kno were I cn get 1? Luv ya hun xxxxx"

MIL arrives and starts sweeping the stable and commenting on how silly it is to swaddle the baby. It wasn't like that in her day....