If we were to re-write the nativity according to MN, how would it go?

[MerlinsBeard]

There was once a man named Tech who lived in the town of Shed-le-hem...his DP...erm...Justine was heavily pregnant with their pfb

.......

The three wise men start tutting and muttering under their breath about how disgusting it is to breastfeed when there are men around and can't she do it discreetly fgs?

Mary gets rather stroppy at the MIL's suggestion that she wear a 'hooter hider'. She has nothing to hide. It's her right as a woman to bf in public - or in a stable - and furthermore, the wise men (ha!) are putting her off and screwing with her let-down.

Mary decides she needs a bit of solidarity and heads for the local M&B group....she is shocked to learn that all other week old babies are sleeping through the night, even the ones that aren't divine. She scuttles back to the stable with the group biscuits concealed beneath her 'hooter hider'.

Mary receives a leaflet saying "Bored with the wise men in your life, try your local yurt. On offer we have HV, doula or karmic realignment."

As a December baby, Jesus fits easily into the Reception intake and Mary/Justine throws herself into the PTA and playdate rituals. "AIBU", she cries, "to resent mothers who imply my stable is not a welcoming environment for my DS's friends?"

apologies in advance for any offence

Mary would be clad in boden,having read up on nct she would have already employed lulumama to be her doula

After studying childbirth and conception from books supplied by little lapin

she would post on the conception threads

she would post on am i being unreasonable saying her dh was always covered in sawdust and it was marking her polished wood floors.

Kerry mum would tell her the facts

mary would flounce

mary would come back after speaing with psychmum who says if you think a carpenter is bad try being married to a builder!!

Cod would come back to advise on suitable nightime attire to lure joseph into bed

an angel(or a troll slayer) like desi would predict a baby

the clearblue pregnancy trial test would confirm a baby would be born

the name?? to be decided on another aibu thread

mary and joseph would travel to bethlehem using a phil and teds definitely bypassing greggs and fruit shoots also carrying a tens machine and a birthing ball,whilst on the way they would argue about home education,when to stop believing in father xmas and dispoable v terry nappies

morning paper would announce the birth

people would travel from far and wide FAQ would serenade,kerry mum would visit being careful not to break her bones,flame and psycho would read lots of books on the trip

mary would post on aibu sing if my son is the son of god why is he only playing the doney in the nativity- twinset would patiently explain that school and sttus arent equal.

mary would compare her life on the soap thread to eastenders and think she had a good deal

jesus would be blw with ease

he would of course be talented and gifted

he would attend katy macs nursery

and s teenager custy would sort him out.

gets coat and leaves in earnest search to find a life.

**apologises to everyone again x

ohhh and xenia would encourage mary to make a million a year whilst being mother to christ!