anyone else not celebrate christmas? advice please!

[asuwere]

please tell me how you deal with people (mainly old) randomly asking DC what they want from Santa... DS1 is only 2.6 so generally just goes shy when strangers speak to him, DS3 is only a baby and I just ignore them... it really annoys me though and I'm close to shouting "SANTA DOESN'T EXIST!"

should i just continue to ignore them or should I enlighten them that not everyone celebrates christmas/santa??

I never said you were an awful mother. Misguided in my view but not awful. Don't post asking for advice if you're going to get defensive about whats offered. If you want unconditional validation you'll need to try elsewhere.

ok. Ignore them . and us. Your children, your choice.

I'm not all religious, but want to let dd make her own mind up. But in Belgium St Nicolas brings the pressies. She's seen him everywhere in the last few weeks. He even turned up at school on Friday.

The tradition here is that the kids get their presents on 6th December..It's actually nothing to do with Jesus and his birth etc etc. I would not let my dd go without, and she had a lovely time. Interestingly enough without all the family pressies and big fuss.

I think you are asking the question on the wrong forum TBH.

Everyone wants a celebration-especially in winter. Everyone to their own, but you will have problems explaining it when they are older, if you are not doing Hanukkah, Diwali, Winter Solstice or any festival. I think we all need one! Children need fun and magic IMO

nbee84 - you're welcome. And that is impressive - learning the aleph bet and the festivals. Are you a childminder or nanny or teacher? If the middle one I'm seriously contemplating offering you our position - I have never heard of anyone learning the hebrew alphabet in that position beofre!!!

I have a friend who has two small children and they do get presents and a big meal, they just don't believe in Santa because their parents have never told them that he exists. I expect she is equally pissed off by the kind of question in the OP.

It would be interesting if you came back and posted in 5 years time-I am just curious as to how you can ignore Christmas with children (unless you have an alternative celebration like Eid), when it is such a huge part of the culture.
Unless you HE and shut yourself off in December it is everywhere. Schools will most likely have a play, a Christmas tree, a Christmas dinner,a party, make Christmas cards,have a Christmas post box, sing carols to old people, do creative writing on a Christmas theme, have fun Christmas maths etc, etc.
My DH works in a predominantly Jewish office, they still all go out for Christmas lunch before Christmas. My muslim teacher friend has a day off for Eid, but in school she does all the above with the DCs, sends her class Christmas cards and goes out with the staff for a Christmas meal.
It is much better to have generosity of spirit than the 'bah humbug' approach.
Of course old people will ask small DCs what Santa is bringing, they are being friendly (maybe they haven't spoken to anyone all day), you need to think of a friendly response if you don't want to take part.

I don't think your children will 'suffer' exactly (there are enough horrific headlines at the moment to put real suffering into context). That said, be prepared for a LOT of questions/tantrums from them when they are older. I have a friend whose parents took this stance. She spent every Christmas with other people from aged 14 onwards as soon as she was allowed, and still talks about the bitterness she feels about this aspect of her childhood....she now has the full works as Christmas time for her children so they have traditions to enjoy.

BTW, I think you quite right about commercialism. Kids don't need lots of pressies; a token is enough. Family traditions such as decorating a tree together, having a special meal or opening an advent calender can be done as part of a 'Mid winter festival'....after all, thats what is was before the Christians hijacked it!

I do feel a bit sad that your kids are missing out...and I think you are kidding yourself when you assert that they won't feel left out when they are old enough to know what is going on.

i'm a muslim, and we 'celebrate' christmas.
dh's family are always adamant that they dont celebrate christmas, yet, he says that growig up, they always had a family meal together on christmas day, because it is a national holiday, and everyone was off work. and often his mother would do a turkey roast. they didnt exchange presents, or do the tree, but imo, th emeal together meant that they celebrate it.

i love christmas trees, and cards, (well, i used to) and since my parents always sent christmas cards, i continued it. a tree is a massive amount fo joy for the kids, for less than twenty pounds. we always give the kids one present each because we love them. they also get presents at other times of the year, noticebaly the two Eids, and of course birthdays. i have never indulged the idea of santa bringing presents, as that's innappropriate imo.
whats not to celebrate? i dont understand that stance....

same as stich.

Actually completely non religious but born and raised muslim.

We NEVER talk about religion.

Now what do I do when DS comes back home talking about jesus in the manger/God in the clouds/ light and darkness etc.........?
Raise an eybrow and say oh it's just bullshit, your friends aand their parents are lunatics?
Not really appropriate at that age (4.5)

We just let it be. Am actually glad that he is learning about spirituality because that is obviously a dimension totally lacking in our lives.It will make his education more complete.

At the same time he knows it is not something that determines our ethical beliefs. Our rules are common sense good behaviour detached from superstition.

Now does this mean I have to deprive him from an innocuous happy celebration like Xmas? definitely not!

We are lucky enough to live in a multicultural society where we can light candles for Deepavali and eat sweets for Eid Al Fitr or Rosh Ashana and spend happy moments with various friends and family.

I really think you are taking it to extremes.

Hello again lisalisa I am a 39 year old nanny - so one of the more 'mature' ones(!). Sorry to say (for you) but I am very happy in my current job, 2 gorgeous children, 2 lovely parents and days/hours that suit me very well.

I'm Christian and my children (20 & 14) were brought up going to church and Sunday school but even they lose the meaning of Christmas in the middle of all the presents and food. I am genuinely enjoying learning all about the Jewish culture and am now familiar with a Kosher kitchen I don't feed the children meaty meals so that makes it a bit easier for me.

One child is at a Jewish nursery and one at a Jewish primary school so as they bring things home I am taking time to look at and learn about it. Oldest (5) taught me to count to 5 in Hebrew this morning but I have forgotten them already

I am thankful for my family and friends every day of every year.

However I also like giving gifts as a token on that care, love and friendship. And Christmas seems like a lovely time to do that.

And yes, maybe I am dreadful and shallow, but every so often I enjoy recieving the odd gift too!

Each to their own - if you don't do Christmas, then dn't do it. But I wouldn't just ignore people of they mentionit or ask our children about FC. I would just politely answer that your family don't celebrate Christmas. No further explanations required.

In the winter we need a celebration to be cheerful, eat drink and be merry, sentimental and take some time to be with those we love. My children are nearly grown up now and they cherish the memories of Christmas past, the big trees, little trees, the year a log fell off the fire and terrified the dog. Yes you can spread giving throughout the year but personaly I feel there is a lot to be said for one huge gut busting excessive jolly feast - and I can't imagine family life without it.

Asuwere - at the risk of making myself incredibly unpopular, I understand where you are coming from. My family weren't religious and didn't like the commercialism of Christmas either so we didn't really celebrate it. What we did though was still quite nice.

On Christmas morning we would have an extra special breakfast together and then exchange our "gifts". They didn't cost a penny but we made special "I love you" gifts and exchanged them. Then we would watch a film together (as every one on telly is about Christmas).

It wasn't Christmas, it was just our special family day. It was a tradition I loved as a child and I never felt ostracised at school because we didn't celebrate.

Do what you think is right for your children and tell everyone else quite simply, "We do not celebrate Christmas". That should be enough.

Just as a side note...now, at 30 years old, I am finally starting to celebrate Christmas the "traditional" way. My husband has always celebrated Christmas and I didn't think it was fair for him to miss out just because he married me. So we compromise and celebrate Christmas, but with minimal spend and plenty or homemade gifts.

Have skimmed so apologies if I make any glaring errors.

Am with you on this, OP. I grew up (as a Christian) in a multicultural environment with many Jewish friends and I respect other people's views, religious or otherwise. If you explain to people that you don't celebrate it they should leave it at that, although I can well understand some people wouldn't.

Keep on sticking to your principles!

Asuwere - at the risk of making myself incredibly unpopular, I understand where you are coming from. My family weren't religious and didn't like the commercialism of Christmas either so we didn't really celebrate it. What we did though was still quite nice.

On Christmas morning we would have an extra special breakfast together and then exchange our "gifts". They didn't cost a penny but we made special "I love you" gifts and exchanged them. Then we would watch a film together (as every one on telly is about Christmas).

It wasn't Christmas, it was just our special family day. It was a tradition I loved as a child and I never felt ostracised at school because we didn't celebrate.

Do what you think is right for your children and tell everyone else quite simply, "We do not celebrate Christmas". That should be enough.

Just as a side note...now, at 30 years old, I am finally starting to celebrate Christmas the "traditional" way. My husband has always celebrated Christmas and I didn't think it was fair for him to miss out just because he married me. So we compromise and celebrate Christmas, but with minimal spend and plenty or homemade gifts.

sorry for the double post.

Op you sound really, really defensive about this.

of course you should tell people you don't celebrate christmas. Why wouldn't you? That'll get 'em to be quiet.

Don;t shout 'santa doesn't exist' - that's daft.

Do you mean you don't celebrate Christmas or you don't partake in the religious and comercial aspects of Christmas?

I celebrate with my boys the holiday and family time that Christmas allows. My sister, also not religious, rather confused my elder son by telling him Christmas is when we celebrate the birth of Father Christmas (she was sobber and didn't engage brain) The same son proudly sings about cheeses rather than Jesus (I have corrected him but he likes the idea of a big festival of cheese!)

I don't have lots of money and I'm shocked when people around me spend £300- 500/ per child which they spend on credit so the true cost is higher.

Could you say that in your house all presents (not specifying birthday/ christmas etc) are chosen carefully and sent from those that give them? Its not that you're denying what you do its just an easier way of fitting in, not offending people who do celebrate and not causing antagonism by appearing like a humbug (this is not humbug but takes more than one sentance to explain because it isn't the philosophy adopted by the majority.

Asuwere, Christmas is a huge deal in most nurseries and schools, so if you are intending to use a nursery/school, and your eldest is 2.6, pretty soon you are going to have to come up with a way of figuring out how to deal with it in a way that doesn't make him feel excluded. Particularly if there aren't any specific religious objections to the festival.

In the meantime, I would think that "we don't do much at Christmas" would be polite enough, without requiring you to enter into any debate with random strangers.

nbee84 - Oooh - now you hyave to tell me where you work? In north west londn maybe?? Maybe your nannied kids even go to school with mine?? ( mine go to a njewish school).

Hello - must look like I spend far too much time on mn!

Work in Elstree. Nursery in Borehamwood. School in Radlett.

Ah nbee84 - I am far too nosy then. Must be Hertsmere JPS? Better not say if it is but its not my kids school!!! There are a lot of glamorious nannies at my kids school and had visions of one of them winking at me tomorow morning and whispering "MN" at me as I struggle past armed with lunchboxes and sleepy kids . Now I can do the school run safe in teh knowledge that it won't happen!!!!