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Christmas

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Original poster

If your parents are divorced, what do you do about xmas?

40 replies

santapaws · 12/11/2008 09:47

I would like to have my mum for xmas dinner, but obviously cant invite my dad (and partner) so what do i do?

Im thinking probably something on xmas eve for dad as we go to my SIL on christmas day night and have done for years, well last 5 years, but its kind of a tradition now.

Dont really want to do a big xmas dinner, so do you think some party food and a few drinks from sainsburys would be ok?

On the other hand, i kind of want xmas eve to be a me, dh and ds time so im stuck between doing what i want and doing what i should!

Any ideas welcome

xx

OP posts:
dmo · 12/11/2008 13:31

we have christmas eve as a family (hubby, me and our 2 boys) normally go to a panto

christmas day we have no visiters and we dont visit anybody we just keep it to the 4 of us again-maybe just go out to the park

boxing day we visit my dads for dinner and stay till 2ish then we go to my mums for a buffet tea

27th we visit hubby parents in the morning then his brother in the afternoon

ilovetochat · 12/11/2008 13:35

xmas eve we have a meal out with mom and her her husband and kids, xmas day is just for the 3 of us at home and boxing day we see my dad and his partner in the day and dp's parents and brothers on the evening for a tea.
xmas is about the kids and i will never let my parent's divorce ruin dds xmas day.

Original poster
santapaws · 12/11/2008 16:45

Thanks guys, ilovetochat - i know exactly how you feel about it not ruining xmas for the kids, my ds is only 2 so doesnt know anything yet, but it wont be long before he does, so am thinking if i start this now, then maybe it can be like another tradition (dad left mum so feel more like i should be with mum and am much closer to mum anyway)

Oh i dont know, families?!?!?!?

xx

OP posts:
nannyL · 12/11/2008 19:10

my mum and dad are divorced but get on fine

my mum has remarried (a really horrible nasty violent man who has physically attacked and strangled me (and been dealt with by police accordingly)

anyway last year we all went to my grandparenst, ie me, my sister, my mum, my dad and NOT my stepdad.

this year my grandparenst are abroad with my couins so my mum and dad and sister and other grandmother are coming here
my step dad will NEVER be welcome in my house and will never see my children when i have them

my mum and dad get in fine and my step dad gets on ok with my dad too, it is now me who dictates that he doesnt come near me, as as far as im concerned the nasty violent man might kill me and i wont take the risk.

my mum and step dad are inculsed in my dads side of the family, and my dad is included in my mums side

wired i know but it works for us

my mother also saw my dad (her ex husband) rather than her own husband for her borthday this year
(have no idea at all why she refuses to divorce the evil man he is )

PeachyAndTheSucklingBas · 12/11/2008 19:18

dh's parents have split

neither come for Christmas; when we spoke to both we did them separately on boxing day

now just fil when we can both manage- fab!
My parents we do a massive Christmas Eve do with my sisters and their famillies, then tey come here day after boxing day

morningpaper · 12/11/2008 19:20

both me and DH's parents are divorced so we have both mothers for christmas - our fathers have both re-married so our priority is our (single) mothers really

StripeyKnickersSpottySocks · 12/11/2008 19:22

Xmas eve = dad and partner
Xmas day = mum

between xmas day and new year = mil

juicychops · 12/11/2008 21:47

xmas day round my dad's, step mum and little sis for xmas dinner

boxing day round my sisters with my mum and her boyfriend

Louandben · 12/11/2008 21:55

my sis and I take it in turns to have each parent in turn - which of course means that she and I never spend xmas together but seems the best way for us to deal with it. DH and I usually then invite the other parent (the one we didn't have for xmas) for new year with us - as we have kids and hate new year anyway its not a problem but my sister, so far without children, understandably prefers to celebrate with her DH.

Thomcat · 12/11/2008 22:03

I have my mum, stepdad & my sister over her Xmas Eve.
Then Xmas Day I take my dad to my parents in law and see my sil there.
Then boxing day morning go back to PIL for bubble & squeak lunch.
Then Boxing Day late afternoon / early afternoon we go to my mum's / stepfathers.

Other brothers & sisters on mine and DP's meet up with us along the way somewhere.

SpangleMaker · 12/11/2008 23:31

We generally rotate on a 2 yr cycle. It's made easier by the fact that my dad and his wife travel up to see her parents for Christmas Day lunch, and we have a tradition of going over first thing (10am) to open presents & being back home by 11.30am.

One year, my mum, her husband and my brother come over for Christmas Day and spend the whole day with us. We don't see DH's parents at all on Christmas Day. Then Boxing Day we spend with DH's family.

The other year, we spend Christmas Day with DH's family and Boxing Day with my dad, brother, step sister + partners (they do a big Boxing Day meal every yr but we only go to every other). Then my Mum we have to fit in on another day - sometimes Christmas Eve, sometimes before.

Generally BIL/SIL happen to fit with this routine, but the system broke down last yr when they had PIL over for lunch and didn't invite us as they had too many. So we had another (3rd) Christmas lunch with PIL, BIL/SIL on 27th.

Goodness knows what is happening this year, will depend on them I guess.

TheFallenMadonna · 12/11/2008 23:32

Rotation.
Three way (Mum, Dad, PIL)
PIL think it should be a two way rotation

Pruners · 13/11/2008 00:27

Message withdrawn

Pruners · 13/11/2008 00:27

Message withdrawn

Tinker · 13/11/2008 00:31

Worse it being the partner of divorced parents because you have to do ILs twice

morningpaper · 13/11/2008 08:37

I am with you pruners

I shall find myself a young lover and escape to Egypt for the winter

PeachyAndTheSucklingBas · 13/11/2008 09:18

Pruners we came late to this- in laws were married 35 years when they split- but goodness I know what you mean, such a massive pita. We couldnt even have them both at The Baptism, had to invite fil but not mil which meant not invinting half the people we knew in case they told her ffs.

But had mil come it wold've just been a nightmare.

FIl is now living with a lovely lady who we have 'adopted' in lieu of a sane mil. He deserves it; I now he shouldn't have cheated on MIL but I think he deserves a medal for lasting that long- more to the point, dh agrees!

frecklyspeckly · 13/11/2008 20:29

soo sorry for all your many dilema's but comforting to know christmas arrangements for others are fraught as are my own. My parents are married but would rather spend xmas eve/day/boxing day in company of brothers family - we live 3 hours away. I have BEGGED them to consider seeing us this year for the first year ever and they wont come. It has resulted in a lot of upset and now they are avoiding ringing etc. And we can't come to them - no room for all of us as well as brothers family and assorted other relatives. I havent seen EITHER of my parents on Christmas day or Boxing Day for ten years. We have a nice christmas just us 4. Despite last year when they couldnt even be arsed to ring dc's to speak to them. Sorry OP to hijack - it must be very hard if they both want and expect to see you and i hope it gets sorted.

mincepiemadness · 14/11/2008 11:13

Gosh, it's all so depressing. Families are a nightmare, eh?
I don't see my father so we usually have mum over Xmas day or go to my aunt's house. Dh, dd and I have Xmas eve on our own if we can. Boxing day (or sometime after Boxing day) we travel down to Dh's family (also divorced)and spend 2 days going from mil and partner to fil and wife (her grown up kids by previous relationship and their children also there), siblings and their partners and kids. The whole thing is exhausting and really makes you want your own relationship to NEVER break down

Original poster
santapaws · 14/11/2008 12:14

frecklyspeckly - that must be really hard too thought, because xmas is deemed to be such a "family" time - sorry too for your dc's.

I really would like to have a xmas eve (evening time) on our own, so was wondering do you think I could prepare my xmas day dinnner in the morning, and then do maybe baked potatoes, salad, and perhaps gammon for xmas eve day (as opposed to coming in the evening) and ask them to come then or does that sound like too much work?

Dont really want to leave it till boxing day to see them, if i can help it.

x

OP posts:
Pruners · 14/11/2008 12:21

Message withdrawn

ilovetochat · 14/11/2008 13:33

pruners, i know how you feel, i dread arranging anything as the first question is always what time is your mom going and we can come after, if the party is at 1 its at 1, i don't want a shift rotation.
even when i had dd dad wanted to know when mom would be visiting hospital so as to avoid each other so i told him not to bother. and any announcements they want to know if they are the 1st to know, grow up aagh.

Original poster
santapaws · 14/11/2008 17:50

ilovetochat - exactly the same happened to me - dad said when i had ds, let me know when your mums gone and i'll come! I had to have them both at his baptism and they couldnt even look at each other, the whole day was about them, ffs - they were married for 28 years, would it kill them to not make everything about them and be the same room for a few hours! rant over. Think this theards gone bit haywire

xx

OP posts:
Original poster
santapaws · 14/11/2008 17:52

ilovetochat - exactly the same happened to me - dad said when i had ds, let me know when your mums gone and i'll come! I had to have them both at his baptism and they couldnt even look at each other, the whole day was about them, ffs - they were married for 28 years, would it kill them to not make everything about them and be the same room for a few hours! rant over. Think this theards gone bit haywire

xx

OP posts:
Original poster
santapaws · 14/11/2008 17:53

See. i wwas so annoyed, i posted it twice - lol
x

OP posts: