Neurodivergent household - Christmas tips

[Jane19855]

Would love to know other people’s adjustments and traditions that are ND friendly. Or from anyone who likes to turn down the chaos & overwhelm of Christmas!

Ours:

• No snaps in crackers (we use a make your own kit, £2.99 last year! And just put in choc coins!)
• No elf (too chaotic & unpredictable & surveillance concept is terrifying) We are doing the little advent fairy this year. It’s calm and all about kindness & gentle magic
• One room remains Xmas decoration free
• Static lights only
• We always have a ‘secret’ present stashed away for emergency moments of overwhelm towards the end of the day. You can go off and have a quiet moment away from everyone and enjoy a little present. We’ve only had to reach for it once in 7 years (the rest have been saved for bdays!)

Then there’s obviously the adaptations we do on a daily basis anyway, would love to know Christmas specific tips!

I just stick them in the oven TBF - it stays hot for ages. If it's just me eating on a normal day, I'll take the chill off them on a just-switched off hob, or microwave it for 30 seconds. I also stopped keeping the plates in a cupboard directly on an outside wall, which helps.

Only one room is Christmassy.

Very few 'activities' in the run up.

No scheduled visitors bar neighbours bearing gifts and treats to the door.

Low-key Christmas meal, same as last year.

Only one source of noise at any one time: radio, Alexa or TV.

Gifts only from lists, no surprises.

Present opening in intervals over Christmas Day, if necessary into Boxing Day.

All wrappers, paper and ribbons tidied away as soon as opened.

All gifts straight into each recipients' individual 'Christmas gift bag' (a large handsewn, sturdy, boxy bag in Christmassy fabric) to keep space uncluttered.

Christmas is generally quite well tolerated as it is repetitive and predictable.

We do not go anywhere on Christmas Day nor do we have anyone to our house at all. We don’t do a roast dinner and DH and I cook what DC choose in advance (they can choose their favourite meal). This has worked brilliantly for our two autistic children. This year it’s lasagne for DD and steak for Ds!
our wider family were upset when we started doing this with no visiting or visits on Christmas Day but it has bought a calmness to Christmas that DC love!

Really loving hearing about everyone’s different Christmases. So wonderful to think we’re all just quietly doing things in our way and in a way that suits our own families. Rather than the picture of Christmas that is sold to us.

I have an AuDHD husband, an autistic 16 year old and an ADHD 13 year old. I’m 6 years into perimenopause. Don’t set expectations high, go with the flow, get ready to calm down standoffs, don't be offended when they float away to their rooms for quiet and space and ignore you. It’s literally a day of trying to appease everyone, keeping the peace and I’ve learned to just let things go because even though I get wound up and frustrated by everyone else’s highs and lows, I can take the hit and able to regulate myself that little bit better. One year we had our kids choose their own Christmas dinner. Younger son has food fuss issues. The different dinners worked really well for them and they knew what to expect. A Christmas roast would take him over an hour to eat as he picked at it and evaluated each bite despite liking everything on his plate. He’d be talking and out of sync with the rest of us who just wanted to eat our meals in semi quiet and move onto pudding. Older one is more moody and out of routine so we have to think on our feet. Christmas isn’t exactly a welcome break, it’s hard work and we all go back to work shattered and burnt out. We’ve asked family to stand down this year and leave us to it Christmas Day and Boxing Day. Too many visitors overwhelms my kids and we are going for a firmer routine this year.

Just thought when my two were younger and we struggled with the "what do I get them?" A woman on MN had said: Something to read, something to wear, something to watch/experience, something to eat (treat), and something to play with? (Something along those lines) - can be a good starting point and vary in many different ways (sensory friendly, budget can be changed to fit)

Also my kids are currently into chicken dinners but it has to be oakhurst/oakfarm? frozen chicken joints from Aldi - £3.59? They are worth checking out

We had to tell the truth about Santa quite early, as DS found it really stressful (particularly the bit about NEEDING to be asleep before Santa came - cue DS being awake until 4am!)

I helped write a short/budget friendly Christmas list with him - he needed to know that if something went on the list, he would get it - he couldn't cope with 'we will choose things from the list to get for you'.

Another trial and error christmas here, the best one was a xmas buffet and travelled to the beach. We have a buffet lunch at home and a walk at the woods mostly follow usual routine no pressure or stress, we have one small tree with non flashing lights no visiting etc all low key.

Yes to this. DD gives me now a very specific list (she also has very specific tastes so I don‘t dare to choose clothing or jewellery for her and my make up choices are leaving a lot to desire it seems).

I can do some extra surprises but the list is agreed in advance.

But she is not keen on last minute changes in plans, surprise trips or even unknown restaurants so a wish list is not an issue.

A good tip is to buy those large clear storage containers that stack. Put each child's name on a lid. Wrap things up and pop into correct containers. Xmas day I always get a suprise too as I've forgotten so e of the bits I bought and wrapped up early.

Stick to familiar foods - ignore the speciality crisps flavours for example.

We keep outings and events to a minimum and we don’t leave the house except as necessary in December and just have lovely cosy at home days. Bliss.

We have fun with table settings but keep food quite consistent for ds. He has a couple of seasonal favourites but on Christmas Day, I’ll cook something ordinary for him and serve up buffet style so no one pays too much attention

Gifts are planned and known about ahead of time. They don’t appear under the tree until Christmas morning so the anticipation isn’t overwhelming. We all still pretend Santa has come even though that theory was thoroughly demolished by Ds as a small child. It’s part of the ritual.

New pyjamas are introduced in November or early in December as a very low key thing - in the hopes that he’ll be respectable in any Christmas morning photos.

I prep all the sides ahead and freeze them throughout December. I can manage all the allergies and issues and then it’s just a matter of filling the oven on Christmas Day.

Christmas Day involves a project - typically a huge LEGO build that keeps Ds focused and calm.

For guests I have quiet spots, and leave out a big jigsaw and crossword. Buffet style dinner, and people welcome to bring their own food too if that feels safer for them.

My DC’s are now adults but from an early age we decided to change Christmas dramatically to suit their needs (and mine). We spend the day at home and no longer visit relatives, this was after a couple really awful christmases visiting relatives. When dd2 was 6 we gave up with Santa as the whole thing seemed to terrify her, so we just do family gifts. We don’t do Christmas crackers and for many years we don’t really do a set Christmas dinner due to them both having a restrictive diet. No huge surprises with gifts (often they would choose what they wanted rather than me surprise them). When they hit the teen years we started having a Christmas Eve take away and we reintroduced Christmas dinner. The Christmas Eve take away was always dominos as then they knew they would get a good meal Christmas Eve to make up for the disappointment that they call Christmas dinner (though this s mainly dd2).
we stopped opening presents in front of other people so they didn’t have to pretend they liked their gifts to please others.

They are now 20 and 22 and we still keep it pretty low key. We stay at home Christmas day but we are happy to have people drop in during the afternoon/evening after dinner.

For my ND DC, Christmas is their favourite time of year! Christmas list has to be done quite far in advance and then we run through it together and manage expectations, otherwise DS1 assumes he is getting everything on the list and nothing else. Sometimes he writes things he already owns, so we go through that and remind him. Sometimes he writes things that just don't exist, so I encourage him to replace those with a different idea. Presents are opened as and when through the day, DC will often open one present and then want to play with it for a while before opening any more.

We do have a calendar out so they know how many sleeps till Christmas and then how many sleeps till the decorations come down. That's an important one.

DC won't eat any part of a traditional Christmas dinner so they are each allowed to choose what they would like on Christmas day. The two of them will normally eat with each other, but before everyone else and then they watch a Christmas movie while the adults eat.

I'm considering ditching advent calendars as DC don't seem to enjoy them . We don't do the elf, but that's more about me not being arsed tbh!