How can we keep Christmas spending reasonable after difficult childhoods?

[letsmakethisxmasnice2026]

For context Me and dh grew up in poverty. At times I didn't eat for days and had to almost every month use tissues socks as period protection etc so pretty bad poverty and neglect. Dh grew up in a family that would spend money on drugs and drink etc. We both have done very well considering the odds and we have a very nice lifestyle. We have 3 dc who at xmas get lots of presents from us despite us saying every year never again.
We both have scars from our childhood that we have mostly fixed apart from Xmas. For example I used to buy lots and lots of food. To the point food was getting binned but I have stopped that now. When dd13 first started school dh used to buy her new polo shirts pretty much every week so she would always look great gping to school. So overall we have done well.

Apart from xmas last yr we spent 3k in presents which doesn't include presents for friends or family. if i was to include food and activities i would add another 1k :( We dont want to again but it's hard which I know sounds silly. I suggested we ask the kids to pick 10 things with only one being big. Does that sound ok? any ideas

Btw I love xmas

ai title as thought it was pretty spot on

Absolutely this. Our household love Christmas and the run up to it is almost the best bit 🎅🏻

My DH is opposite to you. He grew up in poverty and is so scared of going there again despite earning very well and having no mortgage. I didn't grow up with much either but lots of love, presents were home made or charity shop. We still have a £15 limit for family (parents, niece, sister)! So, I would say, just have a budget per person. Mine is £100 per kid and they are now late teens. I get creative with Vinted! DH and I probably spend about £50 max. The kids get us something around £10 from their own money. We pay a lot for our kids, driving lessons, laptops when needed, phones when needed etc., we will support through uni - so we're not stingy overall but we don't spend on them through Christmas or birthday gifts, just buy something which is a bit of a treat.

If you want to ensure that they don't need to deal with poverty, why not cut Christmas down to a more sensible level and put some of the money in savings for them instead? I bet in the long run they would prefer to leave university with no debt. The amount you are wasting would compound significantly over time, particularly in a stocks and shares ISA.

What is the hardest part for you? Is it saying no if the kids ask for something (get them to write gift lists in advance, set them a budget, pre-empt them asking out of the blue), or is it the twitch where you keep buying one more thing, and one more thing (delay your shopping so there’s less twitch time), or is it seeing all the lovely Christmas products in the shops week in week out (switch to deliveries in the run up).

All the above

Yes, i totally agree.

Give your children the gift of financial security. Open savings accounts for them, spend less on Christmas and birthdays and put the difference in their accounts for a sound future.

Please don't buy into the 'Christmas must be magical' bollocks. Christmas should be special, but that shouldn't cost the Earth.

I'd put money into savings for them to secure their future, rather than spending so much on things that won't last. I do understand the way you feel, though - we had nothing really as kids and it's so tempting to buy absolutely everything for your own children.

I honestly agree with everything said. We do buy decent quality presents and not just tat etc. Me and dh have worked hard on our issues but Christmas is still one that we struggle with. Our children aren't spoiled and we go shopping together to buy toys for cash for kids ( a great charity btw) Last year we did go out for Christmas dinner and it was bad to say the least. As we walked home we pretty much couldn't stop laughing as it was quite unbelievable how bad and tiny everything was. We ended up cooking eggy bread when home and it honestly was the best time we had that. With the laughing and quite literally having eggy bread for xmas dinner with a box of chocs lol.

What horrible childhoods for you both. I think it a very good idea to limit the amount of toys you give kids. A list of 10 presents sounds like a great idea. On top of that, it will teach your kids to think and select. As for money, the thing you need to know is how important it is....and then when it stops being the most important thing. You needs to know both at the same time. The first part of that sentence is the first part to know, as your childhood illustrates. You sound like a very good mum.

I'm in the opposite camp as I spend maybe 200-250 on the kids max, usually less. BUT they are hugely privileged and get nice birthday presents and when they books or Lego and it's within reason, they get it. So for Christmas our major spend is on 'experiences'- carols at the Royal Albert Hall, Christmas at Windsor Great Park or Kew, maybe a kid's ballet like the nutcracker etc. We might go and watch whatever kids' movie that comes out. That way, the Christmas period is memorable (we usually go for the lights post Christmas as the crowds are less), rather than just Christmas Day itself. Christmas Day is very simple- we have a big meal at home but it's not turkey and trimmings, presents in the morning, maybe a movie in the afternoon post a nice walk, and board games in the evening.

Carols at the Royal Albert Hall is one of our family traditions. Love it.

Ours are 6, and have Christmas birthdays too. So there's just an absolute influx over the space of a week. It's a bit crap to be honest. They are just looking for the next present and get totally overwhelmed. They aren't spoilt, but that week they both turn into Verucca Salt and it fucking crazes me. To compound matters they are twins so it's two Christmases and two birthdays simultaneously.

We can't reduce the amount, because equally, they are 6 so right in the throes of believing, and playing with toys and want the "wow!" moment when they burst downstairs to see if the jolly old chap has been. Then there are older DC as well, so there's just an absolute tonne of presents, then the family turn up with presents for all the DC as well.

I genuinely don't know what to do. I plan on living with the horror of it for another 2 yrs, hoping at 8/9 they have slightly more maturity and a natural calming of fewer toy presents and more family games, Christmas films, walks etc. Elder DC weren't like this. Twins are a different ball game.

Solidarity, OP. Mine have way too much and it's not cool. I feel embarrassed by their behaviour over the Christmas week.

This year I'm going for a big present that will hopefully hold their attention as an activity to stop the rush of opening one thing after another. Then just hoping they grow out of it.

I completely get where you are coming from, OP. DB and I had a similar childhood. Would you want to direct your money to doing more over Christmas rather than giving more? Pantomime tickets, Christingle service or midnight mass, Carol service, Christmas baking, ice skating or illuminated walks if you have that locally. Or maybe a board game or quiz or movie night with everyone’s favourite food. We like the Netflix games you can play against each other on your phones. Doing loads might help to fill the space of giving less.

honestly, you both sound like amazing people and parents! if you can afford it, do you need to feel guilty about it? or are you worried about the waste? i find it so hard to hold myself back, so i hear you - but i love your idea of 10 presents with one big one. splashing out on a fun activity or little holiday for all of you at Christmas also definitely fits the making memories thing and makes you feel like you are treating them all? have done stuff like a night at legoland when they were younger, would love to take them to a european christmas market and beer garden now they are older!