11 Year old doing absolutely nothing!

[Loo46]

I know its thatweird bit between Christmas & New year but my 11 year old has done absolutely nothing since Christmas Day but eat “ chill” and play on his new devices.

He is perfectly happy and has refused any offer to go out for walks or events and the lack of excercise and structure if making me feel anxious! More so as I'm not doing anything too ‘.

Im stuck between its a funny time and he and me also dont often get the chance to relax but I also feel a really bad mum for not making him do more!

What's everyone else been doing??

Isn't that the point of Christmas holidays?

My 13 year old is completely vegetating. He flips between hours of gaming time and building new Lego sets. Don't think he's had fresh air for several days. I did have to talk myself out of feeling guilty that he "should" be riding his bike or building a tree house or doing quantum physics etc. But no, it's that ultra chill out post Christmas time and he deserves to spend it as he wishes. I insist on brushed teeth and a shower and then leave him to it.

This is what I’m trying to encourage my 10 and 12 year olds to do, but they keep wanting to leave the house and do things!
The half term between October and Christmas is a long and tiring one. I’d let him chill (although I would try and encourage a bit of fresh air and exercise).

In steady of offering walks, tell him you are going on one

It's pretty much what my entire family has done tbh. We've had the odd walk/trip to the shops, but it's been 90% vegging out.

Leave him to it.

It'll be back to school soon enough.

My 11yo has done nothing but mess with her hair, nails and makeup. An occasional sketch and lots of chatting to friends on tablets. It’s her holidays, she’s allowed to lounge around. She was ill in the run up to Christms, I’m happy she’s having a rest.

She will be back at school soon enough and into her usual routine.

I thought I'd get mine to be productive today

I had to go to work

So they both wanted to wake up early around 7am. Fed them

Got back around 12.30

They'd just been watching tv still in night clothes.

Thought I'd get them to do some maths work. Also needed to go to supermarket. Older one got ready . But younger one refused.
Tyounger one had a started nap around 2pm. Just woke up now.

I was also tired after the long weekend. Had a nap.

Older one- 11 pottered around. But got bored. Also had a nap. Again just woken up now.

Now just making their food.
Might watch some TV and go bed later.

11-12ish is a funny sort of stage, particularly for boys I think, where they're too old for you to arrange stuff for them with friends, but where they won't initiate it themselves. DS probably didn't do much in the holidays at the age either (he's 14 now). My oldest was very socially self-organising from about age 12, but DS has ADHD and is a little behind the maturity curve but has just recently started to sort out socialising during the holidays himself. I'd leave your DS to it for now, maybe do insist on one or two family things together.

You are their parent, tell them they must come out for walks with you.

If they are on their devices too much, set limits.

They can relax of course, but you set healthy limits.

Mine are 10 and 12 and have been out with us for a walk every morning. Once we are back they do their chores around their house and then they are freeeeeeee. I’ll get them to do some instrument practice but otherwise the morning walk and chores means we all feel we’ve done what we need.

Most afternoons we’ve either watched a movie or played board games and then they’ve gone to do their own thing.

Their own thing is Lego, craft, gaming, cooking and watching stuff typically. 12 year old will also play his drums or do some weights or exercise too.

Well I've hardly done anything since Christmas and I am loving it! My son hasn't done much either but I think he deserves to do whatever he wants before going back to school. For me, I find I need the holidays to recharge my batteries, and all I've done is read and watch TV, really, and a walk about the city today.

I wouldn't worry, they'll be back to school and activities soon enough. A few days of enjoying their presents and time to themselves is good for them.

God I wish I was 11.

This is making me feel a bit better about how phenomenally lazy my 10 year old seems to be this holiday!
We’ve had to put passcodes and screen timers on all devices and apps otherwise she would not move ALL day.
In fairness to her, she will throw some clothes on and go out for an hour or so to sort out her pony but otherwise she has zero interest in leaving the house, wearing clothes or consuming anything that isn’t chocolate. Glad it’s not just us with this battle 🤣

When my children were young I loved the time between Christmas and New year precisely because it was an opportunity to do nothing at all and relax. The school term up until Christmas is the longest and busiest then the run up to Christmas is hectic. The opportunity to do nothing doesn't happen often. Enjoy it.

It's fine for most of the time, but as PP said tell him you are all going for a walk or outing somewhere, don't ask him. Just explain it is essential for his physical and mental health and his eyes that he isn't hooked to a screen 24/7.

Our rule was no phones at dinner. Then after dinner, get out a game. Even if you only play it for half an hour - a few rounds of cards, bananagrams, a silly Christmas quiz etc - if you do these every evening, it will break the habit.

The autumn term is long and exhausting, and Christmas is manic...if he's happy chilling then I'd mostly leave him to it as long as he's coming out to eat and showering etc.
Maybe plan a day out at some point so he has to emerge from his cave - I always found a promise of hot chocolate and cake was quite effective at this age!

This post makes me feel so much better! My DD hasn’t wanted to move out the house- just eat, watch tv and play games I felt guilty but I guess it’s normal

Mine is 10 and has been absolutely determined to 'chill' which basically means pottering about the house, watching youtube, playing Roblox, and eating sweets. Not a kick in the arse off what I'd rather be doing. Its the one single week of year she actually gets a full break from both school and sport and doesn't have to be going somewhere or doing something. I do limit screen time and she's fine with that, she always finds something else to do. Next week she'll be all go again so I'm happy to let her just relax and recharge.

As parents, we forget sometimes that they work hard enough during the school year. It's good for them too to have free time for their head, to relax and be themselves. There is a bit of a build up to Christmas for kids. It can be both exciting and overwhelming. It's good that they have time to chill after it all. If I were you, I would take the opportunity of some r&r yourself! And enjoy the peace!

My 17 year old has been out and about. My 12 and 14 year old are gaming together flat out.

My 12yo is the same, she just wants to loaf. We went out for lunch and a mooch yesterday, but apart from that, she’s been loafing every day and on her iPad/switch. She’s gone off to her friend’s house for a sleepover tonight and she’s going out on Wednesday.
She’s way better when she gets some fresh air (and admits she feels better for it) so I may encourage a bit of fresh air and a little less screen time from Thursday onwards.
Her term time is busy though and she works so hard, so I’m happy she’s had some down time

We've all done very little, ds2 had been ti the gym twice.

DS13 is pretty much the same - as I'm really enjoying a break from work and finding myself disinclined to pack my days with activities for the sake of it I'm not going to pester him to! He's had four days of MIL staying with us over Christmas (and Christmas day with my parents as well), we went into town for a bit today, and tomorrow we're going out to meet some friends but apart from that I'm insisting on clean teeth and a shower daily and then if he wants to he can put his PJs back on and crawl back under his favourite blanket.

It's not a problem, it's the holidays in winter. Just be glad they are not bored