Need to rant? Come on over.

[DontlikeChristmas]

I’ll start. We’ve just opened presents. I couldn’t give a fig about presents for myself, but I think if you’re going to spend money on a gift for someone you’d may as well make sure it’s something they will like/use. DH has panic bought me a horrible tie dye jumper two sizes too big. I’ve never worn tie dye in my life. My mother has inexplicably bought me a truly awful outfit clearly meant for a teenager (I’m 50) in a colour I never wear, also in the wrong size. DH has also managed to buy DC a load of stuff they already have because he couldn’t be bothered to check. I feel so deflated by this & think it’s all such a massive waste of money (we probably could have gone out for dinner with the cost of the presents no one is going to wear/use, or made a charity donation).

We now have DHs family coming for dinner, who are lovely people but seem to have ever changing dietary requirements (none of which are due to diagnosed conditions) that it’s impossible to keep up with, so I’ve got to make about 15 different gluten-free/oil free/non-acidic/anti-inflammatory and whatever else dishes (DH ‘doesn’t do cooking’).

I’m over Christmas & it’s not even 8.30. Anyone else?

Another person here whose mother has discovered Temu/ Shein. Multiple presents for a newborn baby including clothes, bedding, toys, bibs and muslins with no safety labels/ import info and strong chemical smells. I feel guilty that’s she’s wasted her pension, annoyed at the waste and apprehensive about the conversation I’m going to have to have with her in the new year about it.

For years my ex would buy crap for me so I told him not to bother and I’d do the same well didn’t he have all mighty tantrum cos he wasn’t getting anything but it was ok not to get me what I actually asked for and he admitted he couldn’t be arsed but I had to get him as I was the woman. He was dumped not long after.

I now have Christmas with my husband just us and no hosting cos we did it for years before and it was beginning to get to expensive so we told the extended family we wouldn’t be hosting and got called mean and selfish and who else is going to and we went not us.

i send links to husband for gift ideas as he does for me as he’s right fussy on gifts.

we did stockings this year and I got some hilarious things in mine cos he knows I love the inside jokes we do to each other.

sorry for folks when the husband doesn’t step up or the parents or in-laws are just arseholes.

It was lovely. Thank you. 😊💛

I wonder how many people had to spend yesterday listening to relatives ranting on about the state of the UK, the NHS, the immigration crisis, the benefit system, taxation...yes, the country is in a mess, but some people can't give it a rest even when they're meant to be celebrating Christmas - so many angry folk about right now, venting their rage at anyone who's a captive audience. I can't begin to imagine how miserable some people's tables and living rooms must have been this year...

Wow, why is the bar set so low for some of you. The amount of posts where people haven’t received a gift is shocking.
I really hope some of you are reflecting on your relationships and making significant changes in the new year. Some of you really need to advocate for yourself as no one else will.

Small rant- just that the kids had a cold over Christmas despite having the terrible flu that is going round at the start of the month. Second Christmas in a row they’ve been unwell (although a cold is much better than last year when everyone was dying on various sofas/chairs and the toys sat unopened for days).

DDs both have ASD and it was the first Christmas that the youngest actually showed an interest in her toys, and the oldest was in good form. So thankful that they were happy and not too overwhelmed.

I myself was completely overwhelmed, though. Very lucky to have DH who does most of the cooking etc on Christmas but I just find it such a stressful time. Had visitors round earlier and I probably said about 10 words in 3 hours. Wish I was one of those people who was good at hosting but I find it so stressful and exhausting. So I’m sure I came across as a rude twat which is great.

Feeling a bit deflated, now. On paper it was a “good Christmas” but I always feel like I’m just not very good at the social side, despite good intentions. Always feel like I fall short.

Don’t feel like not hosting visitors isn’t an option, either. Don’t want others to miss out. It’s important the DDs see their family and DH too. Just wish I was better at it.

Ah well, there’s always next year. Maybe by then I’ll have figured out how to be a normal chatty person.

there's only really lactose in liquid milk and cream and soft cheeses, butter and hard cheeses don't have it - you can have croissants made from butter

there's also not enough milk powder in milk chocolate to give you bad symptoms unless you're having a lot of it, a few squares is probably okay

I lost two gift cards I was supposed to be giving to someone. Suspect OH being too tidy with rubbish. And he lost two more Christmas presents for the pets - still looking for those and THEN teen son and girlfriend come over at 5pm on Boxing Day and apparently are staying two nights - which is a bit short notice. I've asked twice over the last week what his plans are after they stayed unexpectedly two nights earlier in the week and I had visions of his girlfriend being here every night right up until Christmas. On Monday I was told she wasn't seeing him again for a week and son said he was home all week. And now, on Boxing Day - they just "assume" it's ok to stay for two nights without any warning.

Boxing Day is my day off! Preparing for Christmas is hard work, I need some down time without a couple of teenagers having a honeymoon in the house at NO NOTICE. I'm really pee'd off! Ground rules out the window it seems. And the more I say we need to know in advance because we have lives, the more I'm ignored,

I'm trying really hard to be laid back and magnanimous but I'm pee'd off. They're here every week-end and don;'t stay at her parents house for various reasons and I want a week-end off! Or at least Boxing day off to chill in my own home. We don't see them - but they are still there!

my mother used to play this game, it's kind of passive-aggressive IMO, glad I'm NC with her now

What game?

Must be a 17 year old thing. Took son to Bali for a week- the food was weird, the humidity was too much, there wasn’t enough to do but also can’t we just stay in the room on our phones. Too much food, not enough food, bad wifi, dumb phone, other weird tourists. I thought I was going to break a tooth forcing a smile and highlighting the positives. Going solo next time.

I bloody hate it when something is agreed then people don’t stick to it. You did the right thing. Don’t feel guilty.

Jeez they sound exactly the same. Heaven forbid we do anything remotely fun as a family hahaha

After explaining that I'm happy to make Christmas dinner for 8, I don't need offers of help or questions asked... I will let people know what needs doing, and they can help that way.

Eg please take this dish to table now

The only thing I needed DH to do was carve the turkey and put it in the chafing dishes. I needed him to do it when I asked him so he was done using the space when I needed it for the rest of the trays coming out if oven.

So I say to him please carve turkey.

He then proceeds to try and move the utensils I'm using to dishwasher. I tell him I'm using them, he just needs to carve the turkey. 15 minutes later he hasn't started and is in his phone (!!!). I tell him again "I need it done now!" He gets up and spends 20 minutes doing it... Then got a bit huffy when I asked him to move over a bit... because I needed the space for the gammon. He said he'll carve the gammon after the turkey. I just did it and finished before he had!

The pressure is immense for one day. DH is ill and I just want to sleep but DS wants to go shopping so that will be nice to spend time with him

She is allowed to go do what she likes. You are also allowed to donate or chuck it. I'd suggest some sort of ritual burning but the fumes wouldn't do you any favours 😬I totally feel your pain. We had relatives that did the same....for years

@TheAirbender Talk to him.

Ask him if he's pleased with his presents from his list.

Ask him if he remembers the conversations you had before Christmas when you exchanged lists.

Then say 'So I felt ignored, unappreciated and hurt when I saw what you'd done for me. How it made me feel to think what I'd love and enjoy just wasn't in your mind. How despite our conversations I realised you'd ignored my wishes and my feelings when I'd taken time and care to consider yours.'

See what he says and how he behaves.

Next year don't do Christmas for everyone. Sit back and let someone else run around like headless chicken. Get DH a token gift and buy yourself something lovely...that you actually want. Take control and never end up in this situation again. Feeling for you. That was horrible experience. Never again.

Man will hear 'moan, moan, moan'. Just do diddly squat next year and he will learn.

Don't have the conversation. Just say thanks and bin.
Don't spend on her next year or regift her unwanted stuff.

I'm fairly sure she knows what she can and can't have...

He was just regifting a bottle of wine ...grab a gift probably. Unthinking, unprepared, thoughtless. I hope it was that otherwise despicable.

I can't believe anyone would do something so stupid and thoughtless.

I hope you took the phone back quietly. Please return it and put the money back in your bank account. Sole bank account. Perhaps use it for an initial meeting with a divorce solicitor.

We went to my mums, just DH and I.
She had the TV on at ear splitting volume, watching some old border force programmes. This sent her off into a tirade about immigration. She’s a leave voting, racist, Daily Mail reading, GB News watching bigot.
Untrained dogs all over us. Glad I didn’t dress up.
Luke warm lunch served at 11:30. We had to put it in the microwave.

Impossible to have a decent conversation between her shouting at the dogs, loud TV and not being able to wear her only working hearing aid because one of the dogs chewed it up. So she can’t bloody hear a thing and it’s, WHAT? WHAT? PARDON? Shouted at every single word.
Mum waffling on about the neighbours and people we don’t know. Never once asking about our lives.
I changed my job 4 weeks ago. She doesn’t know

Highlight was taking the dogs for a long walk, left her on the sofa.
Made excuse to leave at 15:30 to get back to feed our own pets.
So glad it’s only once a year and if it was up to me, we wouldn’t go anywhere.