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Christmas

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Original poster

This too shall pass

59 replies

HappyFace2025 · 24/12/2025 21:05

It's only been 4 hours since DD2, her DP and 18 month toddler arrived to stay until 27th (due to no trains until then.) It's a nightmare as our small 2 bed flat I share with DP (we are in our 70s) isn't 'safe' for a baby, in her opinion! I did everything I could to move stuff so he can crawl around freely but I missed certain things eg. DVDs being within his reach.

DD then wanted all doors shut which I agreed to except when DGS was either in his playpen or in his cot. She admits she is paranoid about DGSs safety (understandably) but this is already turning out to be the most stressful Christmas ever (and there have been some!) DP is fed up and threatened to move into a hotel!

Not sure why I m posting but I can't wait for what should be a happy time (there are only five of us including DGS) to be over. And there is all the cooking to do tomorrow 😥

OP posts:
MaggieBsBoat · 24/12/2025 21:08

You have my sympathy. Last year in our small flat, me, DH, 2 kids, 2 adult kids, pILs, one adult child‘s partner and a long all day visit from his mother, I lost it and said I was never doing it again. I am not this year and next year I’m going to go alone to Bali!

Holliegee · 24/12/2025 21:11

It’s a few days, just get on with it and know that it won’t happen again - next year alternatively plans have to be made that make Christmas less stressful for you (and the others) but mostly you.
keep in mind that once this period is over you can have a lovely evening with nice treats you can buy on the reduced/sale and have a after Christmas Christmas !! Xx

pizzaHeart · 24/12/2025 21:14

you should accept that it’s going to be a very different Christmas and try to make it as enjoyable as possible. Your DD has made an effort to come, it’s an extra pressure and extra responsibility for her and I’m sure she is trying her best. She could have stayed at home and not bother.
Support her and make her life easy, it’s only a few days for you.

By the way all toddlers are very different, some of them are very very active and curious at this age. I always thought that it’s a good sign.

Spookyspaghetti · 24/12/2025 21:16

It sounds like a great opportunity to get to know your DGC. They will never be this age again. (In fairness they are absolutely at the worst age for getting into everything and needing constant supervision) They will be older and easier to handle in future years. It does sound stressful but try your best to enjoy it. Maybe you can stay with them in future years.

Original poster
HappyFace2025 · 24/12/2025 21:17

MaggieBsBoat · 24/12/2025 21:08

You have my sympathy. Last year in our small flat, me, DH, 2 kids, 2 adult kids, pILs, one adult child‘s partner and a long all day visit from his mother, I lost it and said I was never doing it again. I am not this year and next year I’m going to go alone to Bali!

I'm positive my DP won't have them to stay over Xmas again and frankly just trying to keep the peace is doing my head in!

OP posts:
Original poster
HappyFace2025 · 24/12/2025 21:22

pizzaHeart · 24/12/2025 21:14

you should accept that it’s going to be a very different Christmas and try to make it as enjoyable as possible. Your DD has made an effort to come, it’s an extra pressure and extra responsibility for her and I’m sure she is trying her best. She could have stayed at home and not bother.
Support her and make her life easy, it’s only a few days for you.

By the way all toddlers are very different, some of them are very very active and curious at this age. I always thought that it’s a good sign.

It's me and DP who have gone to the trouble to make it as nice a Christmas as possible. I have told her I wanted her to be able to relax and enjoy the break from work, shopping, cooking, cleaning etc but all she's done is find fault with me. I have no issues with DGS at all. He's a lovely happy toddler. It's his mother who is spoiling the time we have together.

OP posts:
Sillysoggyspaniel · 24/12/2025 21:22

The easiest thing to do is to ask her to do a sweep of the house tomorrow with a couple of boxes and move anything she is worried about. Then she will relax a bit more, and your stuff is safe and so is the toddler. Then it's on her a bit more rather than her worrying about whether you've got it right.

Original poster
HappyFace2025 · 24/12/2025 21:25

Spookyspaghetti · 24/12/2025 21:16

It sounds like a great opportunity to get to know your DGC. They will never be this age again. (In fairness they are absolutely at the worst age for getting into everything and needing constant supervision) They will be older and easier to handle in future years. It does sound stressful but try your best to enjoy it. Maybe you can stay with them in future years.

I do spend time with my DGS. It is very precious time as DD and her DP both work full time and their tiny house is too small to accommodate visitors. When I do go to visit them I stay in a b&b. But at the age of 77 it isn't easy for me to run around after him and ensure he doesn't hurt himself.

OP posts:
Original poster
HappyFace2025 · 24/12/2025 21:44

She's just messaged me from the next room to say she's booked a hotel for tomorrow! (I'm already in bed and they are trying to get DGS to sleep). I haven't replied.

OP posts:
Sassylovesbooks · 24/12/2025 22:03

I think your daughter and her family staying in a hotel is probably the best option. Children have to learn not to touch things, and the word 'No'! If everything is constantly locked away, how can they learn? Of course your daughter doesn't want her son to hurt himself, but she can't expect to go to other people's houses and for them to lock everything away! It's a case of saying 'No' and moving the child away - yes, it's tedious, but it's the only way they learn!

Sillysoggyspaniel · 24/12/2025 22:04

Sassylovesbooks · 24/12/2025 22:03

I think your daughter and her family staying in a hotel is probably the best option. Children have to learn not to touch things, and the word 'No'! If everything is constantly locked away, how can they learn? Of course your daughter doesn't want her son to hurt himself, but she can't expect to go to other people's houses and for them to lock everything away! It's a case of saying 'No' and moving the child away - yes, it's tedious, but it's the only way they learn!

For a few days, so everyone can relax and enjoy their time together, definitely lock everything away. They can spend the other 362 days of the year reinforcing "no".

Barrenfieldoffucks · 24/12/2025 22:08

I'm going to hazard a guess that she has picked up on your/your partner's (her dad's?) feelings here OP. Shame. Unless she was expecting you to be running around after the child I can't see she has done anything wrong here, if give her free rein to do a sweep of the flat to remove/hide away anything she is worried about and crack on.

Going to stay in a small flat with a baby, a toddler and a partner along with your parents is not the easy option, you seem to be minimising any effort she has made here.

Original poster
HappyFace2025 · 24/12/2025 22:16

Sassylovesbooks · 24/12/2025 22:03

I think your daughter and her family staying in a hotel is probably the best option. Children have to learn not to touch things, and the word 'No'! If everything is constantly locked away, how can they learn? Of course your daughter doesn't want her son to hurt himself, but she can't expect to go to other people's houses and for them to lock everything away! It's a case of saying 'No' and moving the child away - yes, it's tedious, but it's the only way they learn!

Thank you.

OP posts:
ChaliceinWonderland · 24/12/2025 22:16

Yes this was a bad idea, hotel better option or airbnbnear you. Too small space for too many people.

Original poster
HappyFace2025 · 24/12/2025 22:19

Barrenfieldoffucks · 24/12/2025 22:08

I'm going to hazard a guess that she has picked up on your/your partner's (her dad's?) feelings here OP. Shame. Unless she was expecting you to be running around after the child I can't see she has done anything wrong here, if give her free rein to do a sweep of the flat to remove/hide away anything she is worried about and crack on.

Going to stay in a small flat with a baby, a toddler and a partner along with your parents is not the easy option, you seem to be minimising any effort she has made here.

It was what she wanted - to spend Xmas with us and we were all looking forward to it. I have moved as much as I can out of harms way but it's still not enough for her. I have limited space and storage!

OP posts:
Doveyouknow · 24/12/2025 22:32

Taking a smaller toddler away is never relaxing however generous the host is. It's just child care in a more inconvenient place. Add to that toddlers rarely sleep as well in a strange place and your dd is probably a bit stressed and tired.

Wetcoatsandmudagain · 24/12/2025 22:44

Sassylovesbooks · 24/12/2025 22:03

I think your daughter and her family staying in a hotel is probably the best option. Children have to learn not to touch things, and the word 'No'! If everything is constantly locked away, how can they learn? Of course your daughter doesn't want her son to hurt himself, but she can't expect to go to other people's houses and for them to lock everything away! It's a case of saying 'No' and moving the child away - yes, it's tedious, but it's the only way they learn!

This sums it up perfectly!

Raisondeetre · 24/12/2025 22:48

HappyFace2025 · 24/12/2025 21:05

It's only been 4 hours since DD2, her DP and 18 month toddler arrived to stay until 27th (due to no trains until then.) It's a nightmare as our small 2 bed flat I share with DP (we are in our 70s) isn't 'safe' for a baby, in her opinion! I did everything I could to move stuff so he can crawl around freely but I missed certain things eg. DVDs being within his reach.

DD then wanted all doors shut which I agreed to except when DGS was either in his playpen or in his cot. She admits she is paranoid about DGSs safety (understandably) but this is already turning out to be the most stressful Christmas ever (and there have been some!) DP is fed up and threatened to move into a hotel!

Not sure why I m posting but I can't wait for what should be a happy time (there are only five of us including DGS) to be over. And there is all the cooking to do tomorrow 😥

I feel your pain. I have a very badly behaved three year old and baby staying . The house is totalled. I feel like a slave. . Not shown much respect or consideration by anyone and I’m desperate for it to be over. I adore my grandchildren but I just can’t cope with the screaming, tantrums mess and disorder on top of endless cooking and cleaning. I’m worn out already.

RudolphTheReindeer · 24/12/2025 22:49

HappyFace2025 · 24/12/2025 21:44

She's just messaged me from the next room to say she's booked a hotel for tomorrow! (I'm already in bed and they are trying to get DGS to sleep). I haven't replied.

Why not? It sounds like you're not enjoying having her there so surely this a positive thing and you will all get some breathing space.

WittyJadeStork · 24/12/2025 22:50

If you want to spend Christmas together in future it might be best to stay in a holiday cottage, neutral territory.
I have quite a few friends that it has worked well for
I hope tomorrow is enjoyable for all of you

AgingLikeGazpacho · 24/12/2025 22:59

Raisondeetre · 24/12/2025 22:48

I feel your pain. I have a very badly behaved three year old and baby staying . The house is totalled. I feel like a slave. . Not shown much respect or consideration by anyone and I’m desperate for it to be over. I adore my grandchildren but I just can’t cope with the screaming, tantrums mess and disorder on top of endless cooking and cleaning. I’m worn out already.

Show quote history

Sorry slightly off topic, but as a new mum I'm wondering whether your own kids were very different at those ages or if you've held onto the more positive memories of them that young?

We hosted a Christmas Eve meal today and my toddler made it pretty much impossible for us to sit down and relax - not badly behaved per se, but just needed constant attention/ to be held. Am wondering when things get easier or if I need to parent her differently 😅🫠

Bellyblueboy · 24/12/2025 23:04

It all sounds very stressful and your daughter sounds a bit unreasonable. Vent on here😇.

i am doing that on another thread about my stressful hosting of my parents. I am getting a bit of a roasting - but I do think it’s only natural to bit heads and feel irritated.

deep breaths OP, you are doing your best.

user1471538275 · 24/12/2025 23:16

It's like all holidays, they're not fun with toddlers in tow.

It really isn't your fault and neither is it your responsibility to supervise the child.

It's a sad fact for your daughter that you don't get a break when children are small - especially at christmas and at other people's houses.

At least she isn't trying to juggle the cooking and the toddler.

user1471538275 · 24/12/2025 23:17

Just seen there are two of them - so they can take turns to supervise.

Crikeyalmighty · 24/12/2025 23:42

It’s not you OP, it simply is that there’s not enough space for 2 sets of adults plus toddler or enough storeage to keep it clear for a mum who sounds a bit neurotic -