Irritated by parents already😩

[Bellyblueboy]

I am an awful person. My parents are staying for Christmas - only arrived today - and I am already irritated.

The constant passive aggressive questions - the long, boring stories about people I don’t know - the complete lack of interest in my life

All my Electrical appliances have been unplugged so the remote controls no longer work. I will have to crawl under the Christmas trees now to turn them back on (don’t know how my dad managed to get under there, he is 80!).

the TV is up so loud I can’t think. They brought the contents of their fridge with them - I had to put most of it in the bin!

my mum keeps asking me are we having (fill in some obscure food item she never mentioned before) then looking disappointed when I say I didn’t know she wanted it. I went to Tesco to try and find Turkish delight with no chocolate because apparently it just isn’t Christmas without it.

i am already so irritated I could scream. They are elderly. They can’t help it. But in fairness they have always been a bit annoying, they have just lost their filter.

I am trying to find it funny. But failing. Every time I move my dad asks me what I am doing. Where I am going. Aggghhhh

Merry Christmas everyone - to the sympathetic, to the sanctimonious, to the oblivious🥰.

Merry Christmas. Ignore the idiots. I totally hear you and feel for you. I hope normality can be restored for you soon! X

Haha ... Merry Christmas Bellybb

There’s having a bit of a moan and there’s being mean about your harmless but slightly irritating 80 year old parents on a website with a big readership, and this one crossed the line.

Oh get over yourself 🤣

Mumsnet has a big number of posters but it's largely anonymous, she didn't publish their pictures and a list of their misdemeanours in the Daily Mail!

She posted to vent here where it's safe to let off steam so she can give her overbearing parents a happier time.

I hope th hey are all having a good time today, but especially the OP.

Perhaps you're able to understand and follow simple instructions, such as "please don't turn my electric appliances off"?

Agree and I hope that poster, now the op has given some more context (your mother sounds horrible op) is having a think about her comments.

I think there are some parents who just can't wrap their heads around having grown up adult children and they always feel the need to parent, control and diminish. OPs parents need to accept that their daughter is a responsible grown up and they are guests in her house.

Oh god. Coming soon- an article on how the vipers hate old people at Christmas time 🙄

If this was your partner doing all this and controlling you then MN would be screaming to leave him. Your parents are walking red flags. It’s your house and I would lose my 💩 if all my stuff got unplugged.

I have a dysfunctional family. I choose not to engage with my mum as I can’t take the narcissistic behaviour. Even today I sent her a simple photo of my kid with his stocking and it’s turned into a woe is me post.

my dad left when I was a baby and is more like a distant uncle and my ex step dad sexually abused me.

you don’t have to put up with this nonsense because they are blood.

many people have quoted they will be dead and they miss their parents. But that may be because they had actual parents not just people that birthed them like many people do.

if your dad unplugs stuff then tell him to stop. He’s just controlling you. Challenge your mum when she’s mean to you with a gentle
why did you say that? It’s unkind

i know I’ll get roasted as everyone here has perfect parents and I genuinely wish I had the loving parents that many people are missing on Christmas Day because they were kind people

Well said. OP you say you should be kinder. No, they need to be kinder to you.

Merry Christmas OP, and feel free to come here and vent - but be aware that your parents may be over on Gransnet blowing off steam about you!

And yet there are many people who are genuinely relieved or even happy their parents are dead. I'm pleased you were parented positively but try to have some compassion and empathy for the adult children of the violent, abusive (physically, emotionally, sexually), addicted, or emotionally damaging parents who made their childhoods hell.

OP certainly doesn't deserve some of the comments she's had for finding her parents mildly irritating.

I can guarantee my kids will feel like this. My DH at 56 has all the hallmarks of a grumpy old todger. I constantly lose things and don’t finish drinks. I already irritate my kids!

No way did this cross the line! Perfectly ok to have a moan and giggle about this .
would drive me batty !

OP you have expressed all this beautifully and I think many of us can relate! Have a drink and snatch five mins to yourself when you can. You will be so glad of the peace and quiet when they go - and will have the satisfaction of knowing you’ve done your best for them x

But we don't show it. Most of us grit our teeth, accept their foibles and rant to friends/on forums. Without an outlet, it probably would show.

It's not the not being as capable that does my nut in. It's the obliviousness to me having any needs of my own, the lack of understanding about my time not being infinite because I work full time and have DC. It's my mum coming into my home and rearranging things I don't want rearranged, or cleaning things when I've not asked her to, and just ignoring me when I say leave the washing up I'll put it in the dishwasher later, then half an hour later there's a pile of dripping dishes on the side and she doesn't know where everything goes so I have another task on my plate to dry everything and put it away. It's the expectation from my DF and DGM that I can drop things at a moment's notice because they failed to plan ahead for an appointment or something and there's a clash.

It's really not about them not being as capable any more of everyday things and needing help. It's the not being as capable of having any consideration for anybody else.

Glad you came back Bellyblueboy. I loved your post (and the hairdresser's receptionist's daughter), took it in the spirit you intended and giggled my way through it. The fact that it is so normal makes it funny. My parents are both long gone, and of course I would love to have them for one more Christmas, complete with all their foibles, but I am actually now quite grateful that the went before the invention of smart sockets and Alexa. It would be bloody chaos here today.

Fluid timing for lunch simply means it makes the table sometime between noon and 8pm so I'm sure you will get it spot on. Merry Christmas - enjoy your day.

Happiest of Christmases to you and yours @WiddlinDiddlin xx

And i joked earlier about my 22 year old dd - who has declared she is head chef today. I've had to tell her that her dictatorial approach is not fun and she's in danger of ruining it for everyone. We all normally make dinner together - this year has felt like a military campaign - it's not fun! So I've lit the fire and a few candles - whilst I have a glass of Creme de Peche mixed with champagne. We all love our food but it does not matter more than anything else. I'm going to dive in again and start the peeling once the temp dies down a little.

(Names changed to protect the innocent)

MIL: it's Amy's turn to do the Christmas dinner round at Steve's caravan this year.
DH: Who's Amy, mum?

MIL: oh, you know Amy. She's Sheila at no.33's granddaughter. She was with John until last year. Steve's her new fella. Lives in a static, up near [town]
Us:

We have not opened presents yet, waiting for DS to get back from work. I have already been warned by DH to arrange my face appropriately when opening the one from MIL. She has got me... wait for it... an advent calendar... and wrapped it up for Christmas. He asked why, pointed out the obvious flaw and she said that Sheila (not from no.33, different Sheila!) had suggested it. Can't wait!

And this is why I go to the local Indian , order what you want cheaper than food shop and no washing up - tbf I do cook for a living and I’m not cooking on my first Christmas Day off in 5 years , 80 year old moms over from Cyprus and she loved it today

At the risk of being lambasted - I asked my dad four times not to put the champagne in the food fridge - there isn’t enough room and the bottles fall out into the floor

he rolled his eyes every time. Bottle just fell out of fridge and cracked a floor tile. He was not even apologize! I know I know, he is getting on. But I also know he has a stubborn streak and the only reason he took the bottles out of the wine fridge and stuffed them into the over full food fridge was because I asked him not to. Makes no sense.

I could cry - flooring is down a year and was expensive. His response was I should have got Lino!

two more days!

OP I completely get you. I have a complicated past with my DPs but spend several days with them frequently as they are in their 80s/ 90s and live hours away. Each time it’s a grin and bear it marathon for much of the time.

Having the TV ramped up to a deafening volume.
Insisting on watching back to back soaps, with no compromise on watching something else. But also getting offended if I leave the room.
Reading the Daily Mail out to me.
Commenting on my weight.
Despite a pristine house, and lots of money and food, having mouldy bread, jam etc. When pointed out being told to scrape it off.
Asking if I’m a communist because I read the Guardian.
Not putting in hearing aids to that every conversation is massively painful. But then crying if I ask them to put them in, as I am ‘criticising them’.
Latest theory that someone is now or has in past stolen from them. This isn’t dementia, it’s a lifelong quirk and without fail I always find the ‘stolen’ item.
The hoarding. Open any drawer or cupboard and it’s stuffed with Knick knacks and paperwork up to 50 years old.
Anything I do ends up with an attempt to micro-manage.

On the plus side they are generous hosts, have a beautiful house and I know they love us. It’s utterly claustrophobic though being there.

You need to disappear for an hour or two. Just disappear out of the house.
Leave a note on the kitchen table explaining that A Neighbour or friend is having a domestic crisis and you will be back as Soon as......you're going to crack up and if you DO Have a friendly neighbour who can listen for a few hours then all the better.

I’d have replied ‘or you should have left the bottle in the wine fridge where I told you to leave it; that’s what a wine fridge is for!’