MIL has stolen my childhood christmas decorations!

[ExhaustedPigeon37]

Hello all,

Bit of a strange one but I think my MIL has stolen my Christmas Decorations!!

They have been in my family since I was small and although they aren’t expensive, nothing special they are just sentimental to me.

We had these three decorations, saying Joy, Noel and Ho Ho Ho with a Santa head on the top. The letters cascade downwards and the Santa has a loop so that you can hang them up. This year I put our decorations up and only found the Joy one. Asked DH and he said he hadn’t seen them, so I only put the Joy one up thinking I’d come across them in another box, I never did.

Fast forward to yesterday when we went over to theirs and they live about an hour away so we stayed for dinner and catch up after DH finished work. MIL was showing us her new decorations and the tree (which is themed red and white). I happened to glance at the bottom of the tree where I saw THE/MY Noel and Ho Ho Ho decorations hanging off of her tree!!! I’ve never seen these decorations at their house before, so the only conclusion I can come to is that they are mine, which is why I couldn’t find them this year!

Asked DH and he said he didn’t notice, asked if he remembers us giving them to her or anything and he said can’t at all. Last year we moved house in

I’m so shocked. What do I do? Do I ask for them back? Do I just leave it? Do I sneak them out when we next go there? DH wanted to stay at home on Boxing Day but I now want to go there to retrieve my decorations (they have been invited on Christmas Day but declined due to the journey and FIL recently having had a knee replacement).

But that's not the same thing.
OP has said that the other children call her Nanny, so it's an accepted name.
To say "I'm not your Nanny" is being unkind. She could have said, "You can call me that if you like, even though I'm not your 'proper' Nanny"

That's what my MIL did with my BIL's partner's children. They call her Nanny. They have 3 Nannys and love them all.

No, that's nonsense.
If she was worried about 'stepping on toes' there are about a hundred different ways she could have said that.
"Don't call me that, I'm not your Nanny" is not a kind or 'not stepping on toes' way to say things.

Obviously I don’t know your husband and you do but he’s either completely and utterly spineless in not confronting his mother, or he’s involved with her having them.
He knows they’re sentimental to you, so why isn’t he on your side to get them back?

@RabbitsEatPancakes many children have a multitude of grandparents, both due to their own parents' remarriage or indeed their grandparents' remarriages. I think it would be a pretty mean grandparent to tell a child off for calling them nanny

So why did she say she is 63 when she is 76 or whatever? She is doing things that are out of character but you are rather enjoying the criticism of her on here so you prefer to go with the idea that she is just a thieving, impossibly difficult mil.

I know. I'm finding it very unpleasant.

I think its about more than the decorations on the tree to be fair.

You've pointed out your husband to be has not only a history of infidelity, but that he now can't cope with confrontation. He isn't going to stand up for you, and he is not going to come at this as a united front.

Best case scenario, you take your decorations back, nobody notices, but now you can't display them at christmas when your in laws visit as there'll be the blame game of you stealing from her. What is stopping her stealing other things from your home in future? Your partner clearly doesn't care to prevent this.

Worst case scenario your husband to be forms a united front with MIL because they're emotionally enmeshed and you'll be back writing a post about how you are ganged up on, didn't see the signs, thought he would change etc, you risk a future of being branded the crazy ex girlfriend.

Your MIL won't let your kids call her nanny, she doesn't see your kids or want them as family. Your kids have already been made to feel emotionally unsafe around this person. They aren't equal to your partners children in her eyes, they have the potential to be the black sheep of the family. Your partner has enabled this and you have just accepted this.

You talk about a wedding but how can you want to marry into this family, and blend your children with people who are contemptuous towards them?

If all you want to focus on is getting your decorations back, go and get them, but the details you've shared highlight much bigger issues.

In that case she's a bit of a mean bitch isn't she?! I'd take them and stuff them in my handbag and feign ignorance.

I don’t know she just did. Just to be clear that this is the FIRST time she has ever done anything like this, and you do understand she doesn’t have any sort of diagnosis apart from what others on MN have diagnosed her with?

As I’ve said we will keep an eye on it can’t do anything more at the moment and as I’ve said before, SIL and FIL have never said anything about her being confused or anything before.

Don’t follow! There is nothing unpleasant at all, I’m confused as to how my decorations that have gone missing are on her tree. Please stop with diagnosing someone with one day of minor confusion, as I’ve said before there is SIL and FIL have never mentioned about it before and they are with her far more often. There is not a lot more we can do apart from keep an eye on her and speak to SIL.

OP's MIL was fine for her 'real' blood-related grandaughter to call her nanny, but not OP's daughter because she doesn't consider her to be her grandaughter. It's not the choice of nanny or nana that she doesn't like, it's that she doesn't consider herself to be related to OP's daughter so would equally object to gran, granny or grandma.

You don't get to decide what I follow.
As a matter of fact, I do find this thread cruel, mean and unpleasant, so I'm not going to follow any longer.
Good luck with your decorations.

OP the recent confusion you have mentioned could signal the early stages of dementia.

But I don't see how that fits with the missing decorations. If she did take them, she must have taken them last Christmas, a whole year ago, and none of the close family seem to have mentioned or noticed any indications of cognitive failure during in that year (unless they are in denial).

Anyway I hope your three decorations are reunited. 🎄

I find OP's MIL cruel, mean and unpleasant to OP's daughter so until there is more evidence and a diagnosis of dementia, I think that the most likely explanation of OP's family Christmas decorations suddenly appearing on MIL's tree is that MIL just wanted them for herself and took them. She hasn't ever made OP feel welcome and doesn't consider her or her daughter to be family.

Thanks for the therapy, however you have quite a bit wrong!

Infidelity in PREVIOUS marriage not current one.

We are already married and if you think I am a walk over when it comes to my daughter or me you have me completely wrong. I have not accepted anything and when I’ve bought issues up with DH about MIL he has dealt with them previously, he just thinks I should leave this one.

Is this the HoHoHo one? I found it in a box of decorations at work. I can probably purloin it for you to swap with MIL if you like.

For some reason I can't post photos on this PC so if it doesn't come out it's Santa's top-half holding his arms out wide. There is a "Ho" in red fabric with white spots above his right shoulder and "HoHo" in front of his chest. There is a bell on each end.

Thank you so much for the kind offer no it’s not the same unfortunately

Bloody hell people like to come up with their own stories on here don’t they!
Sounds like she’s pinched them OP, and good luck getting them back

What? "cruel, mean, and unpleasant." Are you the MIL? Regardless of the stealing, have you taken in what the woman said to the OP's DD?

Why don’t you just take FIL’s present round and ask if the decorations are yours? Most likely explanation is that someone gave them to her after a few drinks and everyone has forgotten about it. Don’t steal them back or diagnose her with dementia, just ask.

Sorry other posters but whatever the reason they were taken, the only solution is to take them back! Sneak them away and make sure you've got the third one in your bag too. Write your fanily name on the back. Then if anyone asks you can just say they are yours - see, your name is on them. And there are three! If yiu get away with getting them out then just deny all knowledge if asked. If DH doesn't think it is a big deal then great, it's not a big deal you've got them back either.

My theory is that the two that are now at MIL's house are the two that were on the sash windows, and that MIL wanted to air the room while she was there last year, so removed the decorations to open the windows. She absentmindedly put them in her cardigan pocket and then they got transported back home with her, where she found them and put them to one side to return to you. Meanwhile whilst tidying up after Christmas, FIL finds the decorations and, thinking they belong to him and his wife, (because really men don't care as much as women about dingly-dangly things (apart from their own personal dingly-danglies of course)), packs them away with the other PIL Christmas things. A year goes by and neither of them can remember where these two lovely new decorations came from, but neither do they remember seeing them at your house, so they just put them on the tree. The end.

But then that puts OP in the firing line as the untrustworthy thief that posters are sure is MiL.

Wouldn't that be worse?
MiL accuses OP of stealing her decorations, which could actually be true, as OP has no way of being 100% sure that they are hers.

OP becomes the thief through something that could be a mistake (decs are not hers).

Horrible end to family relationships with no-one trusting anyone else.

OP You will find that people some of the things people do before dementia is diagnosed is they get more direct (and hurtful) with their language as the executive functions go. I remember going round the supermarket and my relative loudly remarking on women’s weight and hair which was mortifying but very unlike them before. You may also find they hoard things, and mask what they cannot do by getting you to do it instead. They may get cross as they get confused. There’s ‘sundowning’ too.

Obviously some of the above is normal for any of us at some points and why some perimenopausal women get scared they have dementia.

And yet the consensus last week on another thread was that a step parent who had been in a child's life a long time was totally unreasonable to be called gran.

I thought the youngest child was 12 so no small kids involved?

I find it very odd that anyone would just take it back and not just say 'oh that's so odd, you have those vintage decorations. I have that set. Where did you get yours?'