MIL has stolen my childhood christmas decorations!

[ExhaustedPigeon37]

Hello all,

Bit of a strange one but I think my MIL has stolen my Christmas Decorations!!

They have been in my family since I was small and although they aren’t expensive, nothing special they are just sentimental to me.

We had these three decorations, saying Joy, Noel and Ho Ho Ho with a Santa head on the top. The letters cascade downwards and the Santa has a loop so that you can hang them up. This year I put our decorations up and only found the Joy one. Asked DH and he said he hadn’t seen them, so I only put the Joy one up thinking I’d come across them in another box, I never did.

Fast forward to yesterday when we went over to theirs and they live about an hour away so we stayed for dinner and catch up after DH finished work. MIL was showing us her new decorations and the tree (which is themed red and white). I happened to glance at the bottom of the tree where I saw THE/MY Noel and Ho Ho Ho decorations hanging off of her tree!!! I’ve never seen these decorations at their house before, so the only conclusion I can come to is that they are mine, which is why I couldn’t find them this year!

Asked DH and he said he didn’t notice, asked if he remembers us giving them to her or anything and he said can’t at all. Last year we moved house in

I’m so shocked. What do I do? Do I ask for them back? Do I just leave it? Do I sneak them out when we next go there? DH wanted to stay at home on Boxing Day but I now want to go there to retrieve my decorations (they have been invited on Christmas Day but declined due to the journey and FIL recently having had a knee replacement).

Do you put presents underneath the tree? If so did they get snagged on her present fall in the bag?

If they live at the bottom of the tree someone may well have passed her a gift clumsily, especially if you weren't there.

There is absolutely no way this could have happened, I don’t put them on the tree. I hang them around the house

To be fair to her, my mother would say the same. She hates it.

She's a gran, granny or grandma. Never a nanny or nana and would not like it. Much the same as I'd hate to be called Mom.

I’m not ruling it out entirely however it is unlikely. There is no history of Dementia on her side of the family and she hasn’t actually been diagnosed with anything so why people are blaming dementia when there is no proof, apart from one day where she was confused, nothing has ever been noticed before and there are multiple reasons why confusion can happen!

Honestly, I'd buy these very similar ones from Ebay for £10, swap them and take mine home! No one will be any the wiser. Even if they say the wrong thing, who cares! You know they're yours!

My guess is DH has given her them and forgotten about them.
She'll have sat admiring them, oh they are pretty, they'd look nice on my tree, they are the right colours...bla bla bla...DH has caved to shut her up, Oh why don't you take them.

I think you have to ask where she got them from.

I think this is the most likely too, if the decorations aren't just MiL’s in the first place, perhaps stored away and brought out, when she saw yours.

I have a box of ‘old’ decs, which are becoming quite retro and could now be used again.

I can't believe so many posters think that any adult would visit and steal from your house. Really?

But people do nick strange things. I once had a mum from my kids' school round who I found filling her bag with bread sticks from my kitchen cupboard before she went home. And no, she wasn't poor or hungry. If anything I'd say fairly well off!

There doesn’t have to be a history or a diagnosis. Small episodes of out of character behaviour can be early indicators that something is wrong, and isolated episodes of confusion, however small, would be a red flag for me because this is how my mum started with vascular dementia. You’re right in that episodes of confusion can be down to different things, but if you’re noticing out of character or odd behaviour it’s a good idea to get it checked out.

I’m shocked you are even defending this behaviour.

DH children all call MIL Nanny. She doesn’t have an issue with any of them calling her Nanny it’s her “name”.

Also why would anyone say this to a young child who just wants to be accepted? It’s one sure way of making sure a blended family is divided.

I think this settles it. Steal back the decorations.

Way to miss the point!!

But she's not your DDs nan is she? I would correct another child calling me mum even though I answer to it from my own children.

Maybe she was worried about stepping on toes. Your DD must have her own nannies/ grandmothers.

That is besides the point! FIL doesn’t care if DD calls him Grandad, SIL doesn’t care if DD calls her aunty, in fact we had spoken to the kids and encouraged them to be fair and not to leave anyone out. So if MIL didn’t want it to happen, there are different ways to go about it, and not be so spiteful, maybe speak to me or DH, but to say this in front of her other GC is awful. It’s embarrassing for DD and isolating. This isn’t about her behaviour towards my DD anyway, it’s about my decorations that are now on her tree!!

People ‘diagnosed’ my mum with dementia on MN and she was doing some odd things, but it turns out that she doesn’t have it at all (confirmed by a brain scan). My mother is, however an odd person, has mental health issues and narc personality traits so that can also be the reason for off the wall behaviour.

Hence, you certainly don’t know the OP’s MIL has dementia.

im Also not sure why certain people get a kick out of undermining the OP’s feelings.

Whilst it would be satisfying to confront her, my advice is don’t. (I had a sticky fingered relative who used to steal all kinds of low-value-but-valuable-to-us items from our house). If your MIL did steal them, she is obviously very brazen and sneaky, and people like that are capable of very smoothly coming up with a believable story on the spot, thus making YOU look like the unreasonable one and forcing you to have to drop the issue. By then, you’ve shown your cards so you won’t be able to get your decorations back without now YOU looking like the thief. So just take them.
Of course, there is the faint possibility that she is innocent, and therefore you WOULD indeed be a thief, but given the low value of the items, and how big of a coincidence it is, I think secretly stealing them back is the safest option.

OP, it's not up to you to make sure your DH and SiL are keeping an eye on your MiL. That's their job.

I'm definitely team steal them back. Don't mention it to anyone else and just take them. Or if you want a bit of drama I'd go over asap, storm in shouting 'I'm just here to reclaim my decorations' and then flounce out with them in your hand.

Hope you get it all sorted!

If you send her that message don't mention Harrods or that your mum was having a clear out. These are nostalgic things from your childhood that she passed onto you. The last thing you want MIL to think is "ooh Harrods!" or that your mum more or less threw them away.

I think you should steal them back and replace with similar ones. You need a strategy that works whether she is developing early dementia or not. With a direct approach accusing her of stealing them, she will almost certainly deny it whether there is dementia involvement or not. My mum like @MyTrivia 's is very complicated and while she doesn't have dementia, her truth is different to the my truth. She feels extremely strongly that nothing is ever her fult and will rewrite history to argue black is white. She would give you a whole fabricated story of how she came by the decorations and how she knows they are hers, and it would be your word against hers with her in possession. Denial is the strongest and easiest defence - it's a huge step to admit to theft. If it is dementia she will likely genuinely think they are hers and be upset at being accused of stealing, and at the idea of you wanting to take her things.

This thread is insane!!! The poor OP!! She’s being so calm considering some of the bat shittery responses. MN always so quick to blame MH, ND, and whatever else. Sometimes people are just unpleasant. She won’t let a little girl call her nanny ffs.

She had half a decoration stashed away, that is exactly the same as the half a decoration that’s missing from OP’s house? Nope.

I'd steal them back and just pop them on my tree and not mention it again.

Another vote for quietly repatriating the decorations.

On balance, I think I support the theory from PPs that your MIL admired them, and DH offered them to her. Although why wouldn't she just thank you, why wouldn't it be mentioned?

On the other hand, there are a remarkable number of petty pilfer-ers about! I am surprised how many stories I have heard similar to this over the years.

Yes, my own mother bought me a mirror for my birthday (among other things) when I was about 11. Suddenly, one day, she started calling it her mirror which was extremely confusing for me. I doubted my own memory. Another thing she did was to start wearing a teddy bear brooch of mine when I was about 6. To this day, I believe she did it to goad me to be upset so that she could scream at me and accuse me of selfishness. Then lock herself in a room.

The people saying MIL has dementia probably don’t have weirdo relatives like some of us do (lucky you). These people were talking about don’t have a shred of self awareness. They are usually also hypocrites of the highest order! It’s one rule for them and another for everyone else.

Sneakily mark the back of one the decorations in pen while still on the tree. Then you can firmly demand an explanation, that you were sure these were yours as they are the two missing from your set of three matching ones, and you have now checked and the same mark you made as a child is still there.

See if she can squirm out of it, but either way let her know you are taking them back home where they belong and hope you don’t find any more of your items in her home in future