MIL has stolen my childhood christmas decorations!

[ExhaustedPigeon37]

Hello all,

Bit of a strange one but I think my MIL has stolen my Christmas Decorations!!

They have been in my family since I was small and although they aren’t expensive, nothing special they are just sentimental to me.

We had these three decorations, saying Joy, Noel and Ho Ho Ho with a Santa head on the top. The letters cascade downwards and the Santa has a loop so that you can hang them up. This year I put our decorations up and only found the Joy one. Asked DH and he said he hadn’t seen them, so I only put the Joy one up thinking I’d come across them in another box, I never did.

Fast forward to yesterday when we went over to theirs and they live about an hour away so we stayed for dinner and catch up after DH finished work. MIL was showing us her new decorations and the tree (which is themed red and white). I happened to glance at the bottom of the tree where I saw THE/MY Noel and Ho Ho Ho decorations hanging off of her tree!!! I’ve never seen these decorations at their house before, so the only conclusion I can come to is that they are mine, which is why I couldn’t find them this year!

Asked DH and he said he didn’t notice, asked if he remembers us giving them to her or anything and he said can’t at all. Last year we moved house in

I’m so shocked. What do I do? Do I ask for them back? Do I just leave it? Do I sneak them out when we next go there? DH wanted to stay at home on Boxing Day but I now want to go there to retrieve my decorations (they have been invited on Christmas Day but declined due to the journey and FIL recently having had a knee replacement).

I wouldn’t really know what signs to look for, I’ve been very lucky to not know or have anyone in my family who have had dementia, if it is dementia that is!

It’s only just clicked after speaking to DH about his mum and him saying about the age thing, I didn’t even think about this last night at all! I’ll make sure it’s kept an eye on!

I hope everything goes as smoothly as possible for you and your family!

I think we will have to do the same observe and wait, neither MIL or FIL would take it too well if we suggested anything!

I would be stealing them back

I’d have had the same wtf reaction as you OP, but I agree with others, be on the lookout for dementia. My dad had early onset Alzheimer’s and we didn’t realise for over a decade. It wasn’t until afterwards we saw signs in retrospect. He absolutely would have done this, and was an honest man.

If she does have the beginning of dementia then she could say that she doesn't know where they came from & be telling the truth!

Hope you manage to find ones to swap with Op.

If they just disappear from the tree surely someone would notice?

Why don’t you simply ask where she got them, as you’d like to replace yours, which are missing.

Yep steal them back. Don't mention it.

I know a few people have mentioned dementia, is it possible she has a UTI? that can cause confusion as seen last night? Obviously doesn't account for how the decorations ended up in her house but before a leap is made to dementia it's worth noting there are many other reasons for brain fog/confusion especially in very early stages

Its horrible being in the early ish stages where something is obviously not ok but not bad enough to be a big issue. She is still competent and herself so anything we say would be absolutely not taken well at all. And obviously it has left Dsis and I thinking that this is something we need to think about for our own futures, especially in regards to the next generation.

Problem is that when there is cognitive decline, the person will often not see or accept that there is an issue as they are sure that they are fine. So will I accept it if my kids have that conversation with me? Probably not.

STEAL THEM BACK.

This is a good shout, although I think she would have said something, or mentioned she is having to drink loads of water or is on antibiotics or needs to go to the doc, she is often quite open with her trips to the GP and any medication she is on.

If she knows she's got one, some people don't realise they have one 🤷🏼‍♀️

But for a whole year? Given that the only chance she had to pinch them was last Xmas.

ETA if she pinched them at all and the OP's DH didnt just agree to her taking them and is now panicking and lying.

As per my original post, this doesn't account for how she came to have them it only might be the reason for the confusion OP and her DH picked up on from her last night

The only good solution is to quietly take them back.

The moment anyone starts to act as a go-between to get them back, or you visit her to explain how much they mean to you, or whatever other well-meaning approach people have suggested, is when she insists they have always been hers and/or they go missing from the tree and you never see them again.

Even after you take them back you won't be able to have them on display again if she is visiting. Maybe frame them as a three-piece set you can display at Christmas, it would be harder for her to sneak a picture frame into her handbag.

My Gran & Aunt have these. Fairly sure they were from Marks & Spencer!

Steak them back!! Love the idea of discretely marking them

The most logical explanation is that they are yours and she took them. Too much of a coincidence to be anything else.

usually I would say talk to her, but she is going to deny it, who would admit to it? Once you have said something and she has said no, then you are stuffed. If anyone else asks her, then she is going to deny it. Once the cat is out of the bag and she has been asked, she might remove/hide/destroy them. Your only real option is to NOT discuss it with her.

I would quietly take them back, and then mark them in some way so that you can show the mark and say they are yours in the future.

If you are feeling kind, replace them with similar. Or just quietly rehome them to yours.

And your DH is being a dick about this. It matters to you, so it matters. He needs to step up and deal with it in some way.

Yep. This. It's not stealing, at all, because they're yours.

And, as I said before, never ever reason with a nutter. Of course she won't admit it, and then you will have lost your ornaments forever.

PS, your husband is an arsehole.

Let it go not worth the hassle over a tree decoration.

The more I think about it, the more I realise it is actually awful of your husband to support his mother in stealing from you and attempt to minimise how important they are to you.

I wonder if he stole them from you and gave them to her?

So sorry your treasured childhood ornaments have been stolen from you. Again, just take them back.

Really weird of DH if he has done this?

It seems more likely that she took them if Joy was hanging in the kitchen and the other two were together in the front room.

I agree, but the whole situation is so weird, I guess I am just looking for a logical explanation of how the stolen items got to his mum's and why he is being so flippant about his mother stealing treasured ornaments from his wife.

I'd try, next time you're over there, exclaiming in surprise: "Oh! My favorite family decorations! I was looking for them, and couldn't figure out what happened. I can't remember - did you borrow them last year? Anyway, don't forget to drop them off to me in January."