To be annoyed

[Princespea]

Just to start by saying, I am very grateful that people want to buy me and my children presents. We do appreciate it.

Every year I struggle to find presents to buy my children, especially the adult ones. The younger ones are easier as they still play with toys. I have my mil and mother asking me what everyone wants for Christmas and what I want. Constant messages in a group chat about what I want. It takes the fun out of christmas a bit when I'm just searching for something for them to buy me and the children. It's so stressful thinking of presents from me and my mother plus mil. What happened to surprises? I love absolutely everything people buy me. I don't often buy myself anything, so even new socks or some chocolates are nice and I love them. I have 9 children so I have to think of 27 lots of gifts every year and I'm fed up. Anyone else have this?

People don't want to spend loads of money on things the children won't like, or duplicates of things they already have.

9 children is a lot. Why not ask for experience presents for the younger ones such as zoo tickets or something? Or board games to be shared? Then amazon for older ones.

I understand that, I really do, but it's hard work. Some of thr older ones have chosen things themselves this year so a bit easier but it's the constant hassle of just picking things for the sake of it

No one wants to buy something unsuitable for children or duplicate what the parent(s) are buying. You know your children and what they would like best. The more children you have the more ideas you are going to have to come up with. If they don’t actually need anything ask for money for their bank accounts and a token gift if necessary (pens, something for the bath, chocolates etc).

Is there anything more practical they need? PJ’s, new bedsheets, jumpers, new school bag, new chargers? I sometimes ask my family to get things like that for the kids, sounds boring but if there’s nothing else you can think of it does help.
If not maybe vouchers or money into their bank accounts

Thinking of presents for my 3 kids, my DH and me is just another thing I have to think about. What is the person’s budget? Who have I already given ideas to? What ideas have been taken? Exhausting!

I would rather the kids got something they enjoy but it always falls to me rather than DH. Shocker!

Amazon wish lists are your friend here.

Add things to it, get the children who are old enough to do it themselves.

Send the lists out and people can choose from there.

Christmas lists or money.

I hate it too.

Its not a gift 'from you' if I did all the work... even worse when they say 'you just something and I'll give you the money when I next see you'. So I have to come up with the idea, source it, go out to get it, pay for it and then awkwardly ask for the money back from you?

Even more annoying than that is 9 time out of 10 the person then pulls a face about what you got. Well if you had different ideas on what is a good gift then YOU should have done the work.

I won't do it any more, it defeats the ENTIRE point of a gift which is thought and effort. Its another way everyone offloads their basic 'caring' duties onto mams/wives.

Its absolutely fine to say in conversation 'oh, I saw this cute baby doll that I thought I would get for baby Allthings for Christmas, is that ok? your not already getting her one are you and if so I'll find something else' to check your not stepping on parents toes or buying duplicate and not remotely the same as dumping all the work on the mother who already has enough to do (that she gets fuck all credit for without everyone else giving her more jobs and taking more credit).

Sometimes what's even worse is that you know that your dc is desperate for a specific X toy so when someone asks you what to get them you say please buy X toy. Okay they say. Come Christmas and they've gone and bought something else instead and your dc doesn't get the one thing they've wanted for months.

I hate it too. I just buy what I think nieces/nephews will like and hope for the best. Usually something that's 'in' at the moment so a good chance of being used/liked. As for my siblings I know them well enough to do the same. I agree it just adds another job for you to do.

I think if you have 9 kids it’s reasonable to tell them gift vouchers please as you dont have time to find 27 gifts for your family & both grandparents. I think they’ll understand.

I garden its not only me. I would love a surprise present as I rarely get anything for myself and I absolutely love anything. For people that ask the budget is around £50 each child from both mil and mother. I also do December the 1st pjs and slippers, christmas eve bags, 2 buffets christmas eve, plus organise absolutely everything else christmas related so it's a lot

so don't pick things for the sake of it.
The older ones can pick for themselves - guide them on price range only.

Presumably you and the father of the younger ones know approximately what they like? how many children are we talking about here?

so basically your choice is: make a bit of effort so your kids get something they like and will play with/use

or risk getting a load of junk they don't like/use and they are grumpy and family are grumpy because they wasted their money?

As for all the december stuff- parcel out the jobs or stop doing them if it bugs you so much.

With 9 kids you might reduce the workload massively by mum and mil buying all of the kids the same thing.

Stuff like Christmas jumpers / craft kits / panto tickets etc work really well for stuff like that, and then they can get you the same thing.

So for yourself, just say you honestly don't mind what it is as long as it's a surprise.
For kids, ask them for a list of a few things they'd like, "in case anyone asks".

Just get the in-laws / mum to buy passes to somewhere appropriate to the ages . I’ve had NT membership from my sister for my birthday for years now .

I glad its not only me. I would love a surprise present as I rarely get anything for myself and I absolutely love anything. For people that ask the budget is around £50 each child from both mil and mother. I also do December the 1st pjs and slippers, christmas eve bags, 2 buffets christmas eve, plus organise absolutely everything else christmas related so it's a lot

9 so thats 36 presents

My MIL does this. We’ll give her ideas that someone has asked for and she’ll say she’ll get it. So often it never appears! Infuriating! Please just let us know so we can pass on the idea to someone else.

so presumably since you are talking about MIL these children have a father?
So you think of something for the younger ones who can't think for themselves, and tell your mum, the father tells his mum and the older ones can make their own lists.

I think this is one of those things that really divides people so there isn’t really a right or wrong.

Personally I am on team ask what they want don’t guess! DS can be a pain to buy for so I would rather people ask me for ideas and I can suggest the bizzare book I know he would enjoy than guess and we end up with something that sits gathering dust.

I actually disagree with most of the PP. Yes, it’s a shame there’s no surprise, but considering they’re buying nine gifts, I think it’s completely reasonable to ask what the children would like. I find present buying quite stressful, and to be honest, I’m terrible at it - I’d much rather buy something that’s been suggested than waste money on something that ends up forgotten in a corner! My DD changes her mind every few months about what she likes/dislikes, and I imagine it must be even harder for a grandma to keep up. Why don’t they ask the kids directly what they’d like?

We don’t do presents, which makes life a lot easier.

You could signpost your MIL to her son for ideas which would cut it down by 1/3. You can tell your mum to think for herself if she must buy gifts which reduces it to another 1/3, which you can then split with your husband so you have 1/6 the mental load you have now. Win win.

otherwise ask for a crate of gin/champagne and leave the rest of them to it.