Am I a Scrooge? (Presents for adults)

[TeaAndCock]

I don’t want to receive or buy anything anymore for the adults, it all feels so pointless, a hassle and a waste of money. Happy to buy for kids, teens, young adults - who don’t have the cash to readily spend on what they want. I’m trying to buy less material shit, I don’t care if I’ve got nothing under the tree. I’ve suggested to family on my side that we stop the secret Santa for adults (£100) but it’s not gone down well so I guess others enjoy it. Anyone else feel like this or am I totally joyless and lacking in festive spirit?!

I agree with you

I feel it too. From about September onwards, I start feeling dread at having to think of and buy presents for people who've got everything they need already. It's all so pointless and wasteful. Worse - I have to come up with ideas for what others can buy for my adult DC or for my parents etc. I'd love it all to stop!

We did that years ago for DH's and my siblings.

Now that our kids are adults I've managed to get DH to agree to stop family stockings as well - 2 of the 4 of us are near-impossible to buy for, and we end up buying things no one wants just for the sake of giving and receiving presents. I was really resenting the time and money going into this.

MIL sent us her husband’s (not DH’s dad) Christmas list the other day. This is a man of nearly 70 with enormous assets and much more disposable income than either DH or SIL!

DH said he replied as politely as he could manage…

My sister is married with no children, we have my dad, 3 adult children and 6 grandchildren. That's it. We take advice from the parents as the children already have plenty of toys or interest stuff. My eldest two grand children have discovered warhamner so they'll get something to do with that

My grandmother died close to christmas 1979 and none of us celebrated. The next yer I announced that I was not buying gifts, decorating or sending cards ever again. I had found it such a liberating experience not having to rush around and spend money on tat that I decided it was not for me. It took me a couple of years to "educate" my family not to buy me gifts. I also took to going to a non christian country like Morcco or Egypt or Nepal over the holiday period to get away from it all. So I have not celebrated christmas since 1979.

Yes I agree it all seems very wasteful and a bit laboured.
I think it’s a nice thought to buy someone a gift but I’m trying to declutter and there isn’t anything I really want. Well, one small thing which dh has said he will buy me but I could just buy it myself it is so inexpensive.

I can’t stand the tat swap, such a waste of money.

that's on you for buying tat. I don't and i get lovely things that i want and can, and do, use

Why do people buy stuff only to throw it away or put into charity?
Just stop buying for adults, so much easier.

But some people get given tat whether they want it or not, hence my throw/ charity comment, presents are such a waste of money and anxiety in buying. Always reading it on here from the martyrs buying for the world, it's wife and mother in law. Why do it?

One person's treasure is another's tat. I wouldn't want 95% of all the 'lovely things' that people suggest as Christmas gifts.

And if I did want them, I would have already bought them, when I decided I wanted them. Therefore it's unlikely I want someone to buy me another one.

That list should duck right off for a start. Team H

Honestly everyone here is so passive. I give a list to my nearest and dearest. Friends know me. I don't get or give tat. And if I hot something I didn't want? Charity shop.

But my main point is just speak up. Be firm. If someone gives you a gift after that? " thank you, I asked for no gifts. Please don't do it again" and if they do? Just put it back in their hands.

Exactly. If there's something I really want or need, I'll have bought it already (and I'm a skinflint!)

£100 for Secret Santa?
Ho,ho,ho 🎅😂

I came here to say that. That's more than I spend on each of my dds!

I need to know exactly what was said!

Secret Santa is a good compromise though, but £100 is far too much! You could halve that and still get something lovely.

Totally agree. We only buy for our 2 adult DS who come and stay for Christmas each year and it's just some nice chocolate or the like. Wider family we don't buy for. We agreed years ago and it's totally freeing to escape all the spending nonsense. We enjoy spending time with family instead, maybe do an escape room and a nice meal. I am arty so I make all my own cards and everyone enjoys getting these. Its the time spent with family that makes our Christmas special.

£100 for a Secret Santa? I only buy for a few friends and the members of my very small family whick is now even smaller due to a tragic death. I give book tokens, posh chocolates, luxury bath stuff, things that are used and hopefully give pleasure. I ask people what they want it seems to work out ok

I couldn’t agree more. We buy for my in laws and all they do is complain about shit gifts. And we honestly put thought into it. They’ve ruined Christmas for me now and I can’t be arsed. Once someone gets to their 20s (allowances for young adult children on a student budget who can’t get themselves nice things) and it’s nothing. But love and a smile!

Time to put your foot down and say "I won't be buying adults presents this year. I ask that you don't buy them for me as I won't be accepting them."
It might cause a fuss but you've made your position clear and they can like it or lump it.

Stopped the present buying finally a few years ago. The relief! The stress was making me I'll every year, I spent baot on mean people when I didn't want presents for myself and all they did was complain in a round about ceay about everything! Christmas had lost its true meaning. Get your self out of the present buying. It's great!

IsThisLifeNow

So sorry about your breakup. I'm sad that your soon to be ex won't be willing to help your children to get a present for you.

My ex and I separated on good terms when DD was 12 and assisted our daughter with birthday and Christmas and Mothers/Father's day presents and cards until she was able to sort it herself. Although we still remind her now at at almost 23. * *

I understand that many separations are more stressful and I wonder if the mum of one of their friends might help. All you are asking is for them to assist them to choose some sweets for you.

If I had a newly single friend I would like to think they could ask me to help their children to choose a Christmas present. It could cost just a couple of pounds. Its just for the children to have something to give to their mum.
Please single mums ask your friends if you know them well. I'm sure they won't mind. Its just a £2 chocolate bar or bag of sweets a nice bubble bath after all. Its just a nice thing to help the children.