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Christmas

From present ideas to party food, find all your Christmas inspiration here.

Am I a Scrooge? (Presents for adults)

86 replies

TeaAndCock · 27/10/2025 20:52

I don’t want to receive or buy anything anymore for the adults, it all feels so pointless, a hassle and a waste of money. Happy to buy for kids, teens, young adults - who don’t have the cash to readily spend on what they want. I’m trying to buy less material shit, I don’t care if I’ve got nothing under the tree. I’ve suggested to family on my side that we stop the secret Santa for adults (£100) but it’s not gone down well so I guess others enjoy it. Anyone else feel like this or am I totally joyless and lacking in festive spirit?!

OP posts:
Halloweeeeeeeeen · 28/10/2025 10:01

I got burnt out doing the presents as well, it’s so much mental energy to think of something thoughtful and I also get anxious receiving more ‘stuff’. I am totally overwhelmed by all the ‘stuff’. I started an adult secret Santa a few years ago then just stopped altogether after receiving a dismal effort. I now feel guilty because my parents don’t get anything 🙄

SeaAndStars · 28/10/2025 10:04

"It’s nice to have something to open"

I just don't get that. I'm 100% prepared to accept that makes me weird but really? Why is it nice to have something to open?

MonGrainDeSel · 28/10/2025 10:25

We do a strict £20 limit on presents for adults (though I do spend a bit more on my dad, who has had a hard few years and needs cheering up). Realistically, with such a small budget, this mainly means interesting/luxurious toiletries and food items so at least they don't hang around for years and are vaguely useful! And most people probably wouldn't spend £20 on shower gel or soap or whatever, but it is really nice when you have something to use that's a bit more indulgent than standard everyday stuff.

Figgygal · 28/10/2025 10:26

I buy for my husband and parents
Adult siblings we don't do
No adult neice/nephews yet bit will likely stop at 21

Brefugee · 28/10/2025 10:28

I think it is fine to day "no presents to me, and i'm not giving any" and for other adults to say "ok, that's fine but we're carrying on with our Secret Santa". You don't have to join, and as long as you don't sit there giving them "cat's bum face" while they enjoy their present giving, nobody is harmed.

I don't know why MN has to collectively shit on people who like, or don't like, the whole present thing. Each to his own.

What many many posters need to learn is how to articulate their feelings/wishes effectively.

user1471538275 · 28/10/2025 10:39

https://www.moneysavingexpert.com/news/2022/11/martin-lewis-christmas-gifts-help-or-hindrance/

'Why sometimes the best gift is nothing at all'

I absolute agree with him on this - we haven't done adult gifts for years.

It doesn't mean we don't care about each other - it just means we give the gift of our time, of conversation, of company - just not 'stuff'.

'Stuff' is hurting us all - we're not paying the true price of it, other people's environment is being degraded for it and we just don't need it.
https://www.youtube.com/@StoryofStuff

Before you continue to YouTube

https://www.youtube.com/@StoryofStuff

PorridgeAndSyrup · 28/10/2025 10:51

Oh my gosh I so totally agree!! When I was a child, my parents didn't get anything for Christmas except maybe the odd occasional token bottle of bubble bath or pair of socks from their own parents. So I was expecting the presents to stop at some point when I turned 18, but they never stopped, and then I had to start joining in, buying presents for the 10 family members who bought me presents, even though I was a student and could barely afford a budget of £10 per person.

The moment I realised how utterly futile it was, was as a student, when I'd taken the train to spend Christmas at my grandparents' house, and as I was leaving I couldn't fit all my presents in my suitcase so I asked to leave them in their spare room and collect them at a later date. Except that later date never came because I still didn't have a car, and the following year I spent Christmas with the other side of the family, and then the year after that I went back to my paternal grandparents and the exact same thing happened, too many presents to take home on the train, and as I went to stash my new presents in the cupboard, I rediscovered all my presents from two years previously. Which showed how utterly, utterly pointless it all was.

There are also a few people in my family who pride themselves on being "really good at buying presents for people" when actually they aren't at all.

There have been several times in my life where I have felt like I am DROWNING in the absolute TAT people inundate me with for Christmas. And I sound ungrateful - yes, I'm bloody ungrateful. I am not one single bit grateful for being inundated with RUBBISH, just because it satisfies other people's shopping addiction.

Frustratingly, there have been a few times when I've agreed with my mum that we won't do presents for the adults, or just agreed to a token £5 spend, but after a couple of years she usually unilaterally renegues on it, which is frustrating as well as embarrassing.

Two years ago, I realised that not one single jumper I owned was one I had chosen for myself. They were all gifts, except that none of them were actually to my taste (I just wore them because "they'll do"), so I was going around all winter wearing stuff I didn't really like. I don't have a lot of spare cash, so it just feels SO BLOODY SILLY spending it on something that I don't know if the other person will really like (and I'm unlikely to find out if they really like it), and getting something I'm not overly keen on in return, when we could each keep our cash and treat ourselves to something we actually really want!

And then there's the soul-destroying ritual of traipsing around shops in the rain trying to guess what another adult might like, when I find it hard enough to pin down something that I would like!!

And when I think of the environmental impact of all the shit that ends up in landfill because no one really even wanted it in the first place, it just breaks my heart. It actually really makes me angry.

Buying annual Christmas presents for children makes sense, because they grow and change every year. But adults... I asked my DH for socks and gin last year... now he's asking me what I want this year, but the socks from last year are still growing strong and I haven't finished the gin.

Jessica167353 · 28/10/2025 10:52

I totally agree! I hate receiving gifts and I hate buying them! I don't really like giving to others at all, not just the adults. I've always thought I was a Scrooge until I had a realisation a few months ago - I love Christmas, I love the food, I love seeing family and friends, decorations, carols, every other aspect of Christmas so I'm nota Scrooge I just hate the waste. The gift giving is the one thing that stresses me out and puts a dampener on it for me. I have resolved this over the years by only buying gifts for the 3 kids now. I give money to the nieces and nephews and me and DH will have a boozy lunch and shopping trip in December to buy a few things each we want and we'll swap for the other to wrap. It's about as simple as it can get for gift giving. Now I'm just working on the kids and I'll try and stick to a strict budget and only buy things from their list or things I know they need.

FunnyOrca · 28/10/2025 10:56

Among the adults were do “secret” stockings. So every adult gets a stocking from another adult. Mostly consumable things (food, toiletries etc), a novelty (maybe a quiz to be played later in the day, socks etc) and a gift card (£20-30 ish) or something person specific for about the same price (golf balls, film for camera, theatre ticket etc.)

It cuts out “things” that nobody really wants and that the older adults would just buy for themselves anyway. Most things are consumable, so the giftee will need more at some point anyway. Then generally there’s some not so secret conferring the make sure someone is getting a little piece of entertainment to share later in the day. (Quiz, game etc.)

Bjorkdidit · 28/10/2025 11:10

user1471538275 · 28/10/2025 10:39

https://www.moneysavingexpert.com/news/2022/11/martin-lewis-christmas-gifts-help-or-hindrance/

'Why sometimes the best gift is nothing at all'

I absolute agree with him on this - we haven't done adult gifts for years.

It doesn't mean we don't care about each other - it just means we give the gift of our time, of conversation, of company - just not 'stuff'.

'Stuff' is hurting us all - we're not paying the true price of it, other people's environment is being degraded for it and we just don't need it.
https://www.youtube.com/@StoryofStuff

Martin Lewis has been promoting the 'no unnecessary presents pact' since the credit crunch of 2008? so over 15 years ago and sadly got nowhere despite 'everyone' complaining about how skint, and busy they are, it seems that too many people are far too keen to impose their shopping addiction on their nearest and dearest. It's not thoughtful, it's annoying.

Perhaps this is a good time to promote my solution to all this nonsense. Everyone buys themselves a present.

You still get to open it in front of other people, talk about it and show it off, but best of all, everyone sets their own budget and gets exactly what they want. What's not to like?

Lilyowl · 28/10/2025 11:33

I can see your point of view and can see that you shouldn't be buying lots of gifts when you don't want to. I do think secret Santa is quite a good compromise though and it would be nice to keep this going for others who do enjoy the gift giving. It's only 1 present which I think is low cost, low stress and low waste. Or maybe just be open to a break from gift giving would be an option.

pinkksugarmouse · 28/10/2025 11:36

Perhaps if everyone has the money and wants to take part in the consumerism they could buy gifts for people who need them. There are usually local groups asking for children's presents and if you have a women's shelter, hospice or care home those are places where nice cosmetics and boots gift sets etc would be used and enjoyed.

bridgetreilly · 28/10/2025 11:46

We have tried this before, all agreed. And then everyone still buys things for me! So I have given up suggesting it.

FishPie2 · 28/10/2025 12:02

Gave up on Adult presents years ago after my SIL regifted a bracelet to me that said Happy Birthday love from Aunty card still in the box, plus it was awful. Great excuse to stop buying stuff for any of them.
Don't bother with Christmas Cards these days either.

mugglewump · 28/10/2025 12:05

I am so with you on this. I have adult DNs in their 30s who are on good salaries, yet am buying them presents which are not reciprocated because historically the adults bought presents for the kids.

MightyGoldBear · 28/10/2025 12:06

Oh I'm with you op. We have stopped buying for adults for a good few years I'm sure I'm judged by inlaws for this but not my husband 😴

It's all just pointless exchanges of stuff no one wants. Unless you know someone really well I'd just rather not exchange bath stuff candles chocolates that no one wants or likes. I'd also rather not receive tat for the kids they don't like but I can only control what I do on that front no matter how much we politely suggest other options.

Every year I have to find new homes or charity shop bits that are just useless for us it really doesn't end up being a gift just clutter.

Aintnosunshinenowitsgone · 28/10/2025 12:11

My family stopped buying for adults years ago. Now we give the gift of time. My DM asked for 4 days this year and asked to combine Xmas and NY. She took us away, but usually it’s a weekend, theatre trip, big meal out. Time is the nicest gift you can get - assuming you all love each other 😂

BettyBettyBoop · 28/10/2025 12:13

I never get gifts for my parents or my sister, we agreed this many years ago and it works fine- but I do always get them nice Christmas cards.

OHs family absolutely will not hear of it, they are very much in the camp of "you simply must have something to open" and his mother is horrified every year that we don't get gifts for the adults on my side of the family.

IsThisLifeNow · 28/10/2025 12:13

I dunno, I am newly single, but even before that STBExH and I used to exchange charity shop shit and the only other presents I got were from my mum, and a token present of sweets from the DC, I doubt I will get that this year as they are too young and need help from STBExH to facilitate that.

I used to love charity shop shit and am really going to miss it this year. go out and spend a tenner on the most offensive or shittest stuff you can get from a charity shop. It was a good laugh, the stuff often went back to the charity shop, or in the bin, the charities got rid of some utter tat and made some money. And I felt good at cleaning some stuff that really shouldn't be on sale anymore. Black and white minstrel vinyl, I'm looking at you!

I would be gutted if I received no presents at all, yet still having out go out and buy for my 2 kids, 2 nieces, my aunt, my cousin (they give to both DC) and both my parents since they buy for my kids

TBH I am probably holding on to a long resentment of buying for 2 nieces, my brother and his wife for years and getting something really crappy back. I worked out one year I spent close to £300 on gifts for my family and got maybe £50 worth back. I know that sounds really materialistic, but I was young, single and living in a crappy shared flat buying for people that earned roughtly 3 times what I earned, it made me feel to under appreciated and completely invisible

JustAThought8 · 28/10/2025 12:20

I agree with you, OP. I hate it all. The lists just make it feel like we’re all just picking up each other’s click-and-collect orders. I hate having to come up with ideas for other people to buy me presents. I hate all the extra stuff I end up with, just because as a grown adult I apparently need multiple things to unwrap, or else it’s “not Christmas.”

It annoys me more than it should that siblings with partners get to buy gifts as a couple, but I have to buy double — one for my sibling and one for their partner, who I honestly don’t even know well enough. And despite my best intentions, I’m sure whatever I get them just ends up in a cupboard somewhere. It just feels like a waste of my hard earned money.

I finally got my family to do Secret Santa last year, but this year my brother’s already talking about doing regular gifts again.

MermaidMummy06 · 28/10/2025 12:32

We only buy for our DC & a small gift for our DPs & DN's (DB's 2 DC) cash every second year when we see them. Nothing for others & we see lots of family on Xmas day. Everyone is happy with the arrangement. My DC get gifts from us, Santa & GP's. We take them shopping to buy small gifts for GP's so they know to gift & not just get.

Scrooge is my SIL (DH's DSis). SIL & Bil are very high income earners. SIL hates Christmas so has decided to not do Christmas gifts at all, even for their DS. Told him they could afford holidays by forgoing a gift. No birthday gifts, either. It's purely selfish. It also leaves us entertaining FIL every year. We'd love to go away over Christmas (it's summer hols here & office closes for two weeks), but we can't because elderly FIL & his DW would be alone because SIL 'doesn't do Christmas'. Now that's a Scrooge.

PomegranateVase · 28/10/2025 13:32

I’m happy to buy for adults, but I always make an effort to ask them and try and find out if there is anything specific they would like me to get them. I’d much rather buy something that I know someone really wants or needs and will love using rather than something I think they will like. If they don’t tell me, then I place a lot of effort into searching for items I think they would like and that are good quality.

Unfortunately no one does the same for me anymore, and I hate to sound ungrateful, but I’m truly fed up with receiving copious amounts of cheap and poor quality items that I do not want or need! I fail to see the point in it, it’s just a waste of money.

I have said so many times that I don’t want any more than 4 presents on each occasion and we have all agreed on this and I stick to it and give no more than 4, but the rest don’t and I end up with at least 3 times this number at Christmas and then again on my Birthday and most of them never get used and clog up space before they get sent to charity!

Tryingatleast · 28/10/2025 13:35

We stopped it one year and I missed it even though it had been my suggestion. Tbh I think I was depressed (angry about everything and anything, bitching about everything and anything etc). The following year I put thought in and it turned out to be fun.

Zempy · 28/10/2025 13:39

The rest of the family don’t have to agree.

OP can tell them what she’s doing and give them the option to do the same. It’s up to them if they insist on continuing to buy for her.

Pinkladyapplepie · 28/10/2025 13:40

I thought the point of a secret santa was you didn't know what it was or who it was from?
I didn't want to do this as you would still have someone spending their hard earned money on something you/they may not want?
I am buying my adult kids £50 present and GD same. Hopefully what they ask for. Then job done.