15yo who doesn’t want anything….

[sealandforest]

I have a near 15yo who has a birthday and Christmas close together. He has pretty much everything like TV, gaming, electronics etc and this year, has said there is nothing he wants - would be fine with a bit of money or a gaming gift card. But he never spends any of them.

While I admire his non greedy attitude, there are numerous (older) relatives who want to buy him an actual thing and I’m not sure how he will actually feel on his birthday and Xmas day when all he has is a few envelopes to open and everyone else has lots of presents (on Xmas)

I can’t think of anything special for him anyway, even as a surprise as he has all the big things. He hates sports, clothes, toiletries, ‘things’, ‘experiences’, books etc. his friendship circle and social life is limited as he’s autistic and his interests are quite limited.

What would you do? Any ideas?

Premium bonds/money in a savings account. He'll need money at some point in life.

His favourite snack or shower product if they really want to give a physical gift.

I agree with putting some money aside for him. Does he have a savings account?

Could he use the money to save towards a bike or something bigger?

Money is fine of course - he has a savings account with loads in because he doesn’t spend anything. He doesn’t do anything physical / can’t ride a bike / doesn’t want to drive when the time comes etc - that doesn’t interest him.

Im more worried he’s going to be disappointed on the days because he only has money to be put away and never see or use and not have any surprises or treats. Especially compared to everyone else on the day.

He sounds like mine.
He always wanted new games though - are there none he wants?
Also occasionally a hardware upgrade, headphones, keyboard, better mouse, storage, that sort of thing.
I would add a huge box of favourite chocs and something snuggly usually and he was happy.

A large wrapped cardboard box with a £50 note in the middle. Extra points of you can get smaller and smaller boxes as you go in.

Upgrades to stuff he already has? New back pack, gaming chair, mouse, cool mouse pad, ned clothes in a theme if a favourite game?

Food?

I have one of these too! He’s 17 now and has never asked for anything beyond the latest version of the FIFA game.

Im grasping at straws but what about a makeover for his bedroom? Whether that’s big (new bed, curtains, paint, carpet) or smaller (bedding, lamp/task lamp, clock).

Onesie/slanket

Does he do anything creative with the gaming? Coding, Roblox building? Streaming lets play? You could support that? Courses, subscriptions, new camera/microphone/back drop?

If he spends time in his room what about some nice lighting? Mine craft Creeper lamp, Tetris stacking lamp. Whatever would suit his current likes.

I saw an awesome ghastly (Pokémon) one recently that has a defuser in it so it appears to smoke/steam.

Does he already have unlimited of what he wants? No snacks or treats or anything? No hardware updates? Any charities he wants to support? Does his game have in app purchases? Phone is still good? New T shirts with the exact right blend of cotton lyocell and spandex or socks similar (things that make dh happy).

Merch for streamers he follows?

Clothing? My boy is not into fashion and brands and doesn’t like shopping but when he finds something ‘comfy’ he wants to wear it 24/7. He was given a Nike cotton tshirt and hoody which he says are soft and comfy and is living in them so I got him more of them.

Weighted blanket? Food gifts to have something to open alongside money? Mine like the cocoba chocolate bombs.

Does he like Lego or anything like that? Board game?

He doesn't actually do anything? Never?

I've always been someone who doesn't want presents.

I find 'stuff' too much and receiving presents I don't want just makes me wonder what to do with the stuff. The consumerism of the whole thing makes my teeth itch. I appreciate the kindness, but really, really don't want anything. I can understand how your son would be pleased to receive nothing I honestly do.

I'm old enough now to have made a no present pact with the people I love. It's a real relief.

Premium bonds would be a good idea. It's like a game every month.

Can you think about what he does every day and whether it could be made nicer?

E.g. it sounds like he spends a lot of time in his room. What is his bedroom setup? Could he have an upgraded desk/gaming chair/bed/bedding set/cool lamp?

Although he doesn't like clothes, he does have to wear them. Maybe more comfortable/luxurious versions of his preferred clothes - a particularly soft hoodie or nice trainers.

Does he like food and if so, would he be interested in learning to cook?

I have one of these too. I've decided that the guilt I had was mine and they really are not bothered about gifts so I treat my dc equally in terms of money but not how many presents they have. Apparently all they need for Christmas is a years supply of their favourite jam (which dc has worked out will cost £30) based on how many days it takes to eat a jar full !
What i do (because dc isn't really keen on surprises or waste) is buy a multipack of their favourite chocolate bar, a book (because they like reading), one other small item they may have mentioned during the year (last time it was a holder for their bus pass/bank card, some items of clothing because they dont like me just to buy them clothes and I give them money for the equivalent of what I've spent on siblings. The money sits in their savings account and they very enthusiastically tell me how much interest they've earned each month! Dc doesn't want to learn to drive and says the money is to support themselves through university.
I think Christmas/birthday planning is much easier since I stopped putting pressure on myself and do what each dc wants/needs/appreciates. I treat them all fairly but differently.

OP, I think our DS's might be twins! I've no idea what we're going to get him and people are asking me for ideas already.

DS has so much LEGO that I'm reluctant to get him any more but I might have to...

My dd was like this at that age (also autistic), she’s now 21 and is finally learning to drive and all the money she saved is going in this. I know you say he has no plans to drive but neither did my dd at that age, she’s learning in an automatic with an amazing instructor who’s so understanding but at £80 a lesson is expensive (all the money she has saved has helped).

Does he like the cinema or have a favourite place you could get him a pass too? Both my DC’s have asked for pass to a local attraction this year. Lego always goes down well too and has become a Christmas tradition (we all get a small set and spend Boxing Day building them), I am getting dd the game boy Lego set this year. Dd got a Gregs card/voucher from a relative a couple years ago which went down well, it’s one of the few places she will eat.

My autistic son hates birthdays because they involve surprises. The anticipation and ot knowing what his face should do when he opens them, is just way too overwhelming.

He doesn’t want anything and so instead, I buy him a few sweets/chocs things and put money into his account.

If they don’t want anything, don’t worry about it. If he says he won’t be disappointed at no gifts, believe him.

I don't like people buying me more "stuff". But, something that can be used up is fine. Chocolates, gift boxes of things he can eat. Treats. Granola bars? Special candies? Maybe a kit to build something or assemble something? T-shirts?

Thanks for all the ideas and the understanding.

Of the things he likes and does (laptop, TV, PS, VR etc) he has literally everything and all upgraded. He would see it as a waste to replace anything and get cross. He hates clothes but could definitely add to some of the few nicer items that are the comfy ones. It’s touch and go whether he would see that as a waste though.

He hates Lego, books etc cluttering his room. His room was done earlier this year out of necessity so nothing there and he likes it sparse. He has 2 specific out of the house club interests but neither require any stuff for them. He hates days out, travel, experiences. He may sound dull to many but school takes everything he has and he’s a gorgeous boy with a lovely heart.

I should have said - there are a few treat food items he loves so that is his stocking sorted etc.

I like the idea of wrapping boxes to put money / gift cards in etc - that certainly makes it more interesting!

I have one like this, now in his mid 30s so possibly not that helpful. I've finally cracked presents for him. Crucially he's very happy to get more or less the same thing each time.

I put some £ into his account for his house savings, and send him a food parcel with the things he loves - very good steak, some other good meat (duck breasts, top quality bacon); some of his favourite sweets; a couple of the more interesting things I know he likes like Gymkhana curry sauces or a local mix of fajita spices. I wrap them all separately (drives him nuts) to make it more of an event.

I used to put in a couple of scratch cards too but since working in banking fraud he's hard against any form of gambling. I generally find some of that mini lego - he likes fiddly and fidgety things like that.

Perhaps you can give money that you can suggest needs to be invested in stocks & shares ISAs - there are various companies out there and perhaps he will like the 'gaming' aspect of investing?

Then just some smaller gifts, chocolates, fun card games.

So many of us seem to have the same at home! My autistic DS15 wants a box of Leonidas chocolates and a card with money for his online gaming. And he knows I'm not keen on virtual things costing money so he gets really happy when he gets that. Unfortunately the chocolate will all be gone in 24 h no matter how much we buy so on order to prevent him from being sick we can just take a small one. With DS2 it's so much easier because he's not autistic and very materialistic (like he wants many things but he's not a spoilt brat and he gets really excited on christmas).

Tbf I don't want anything for christmas except certain books and chocolate so I'm difficult as well.

What are the out of house interests? Maybe they don't have anything he needs for them, but do they have merch?

My gamer likes t-shirts with slogans/characters from his favourite games on them.

I have a 25y/o very like your DS but I'm lucky because he likes lego. I haven't read everyone's suggestions but my DS loves the Uniqlo fleece lined joggers and likes to get those as gifts. He also loves a good pair of slippers

My 15 year old is similar. he gets Amazon gift cards that he then spends over the course of the year (we are still going from last Christmas) and money. He spent some of it today actually on a headphone case.

Plus little things he does not even know he wanted but likes when he gets them- like an anime ramen bowl with chopsticks and a t-shirt with an anime godzilla cat on it. This year I might buy him a cinema subscription.

I tend to look out for things he may like through the year and put them aside for opening on the day.