15yo who doesn’t want anything….

[sealandforest]

I have a near 15yo who has a birthday and Christmas close together. He has pretty much everything like TV, gaming, electronics etc and this year, has said there is nothing he wants - would be fine with a bit of money or a gaming gift card. But he never spends any of them.

While I admire his non greedy attitude, there are numerous (older) relatives who want to buy him an actual thing and I’m not sure how he will actually feel on his birthday and Xmas day when all he has is a few envelopes to open and everyone else has lots of presents (on Xmas)

I can’t think of anything special for him anyway, even as a surprise as he has all the big things. He hates sports, clothes, toiletries, ‘things’, ‘experiences’, books etc. his friendship circle and social life is limited as he’s autistic and his interests are quite limited.

What would you do? Any ideas?

I’d suggest Premium Bonds too. I think only parents can buy them for children now, but I might be wrong but that’s easily overcome if others give you the money surely.

Either way, encouraging children to save is a valuable life lesson. My GS starts calculating the percentage return on his savings almost as soon as he’s gifted any money. He’s already had considerable winnings from his PB investments.

My kids are much younger but they're similar (except they like experiences). As for stuff its not really something they like, they have specific things they want sometimes. Food and snacks that I know they like go down a treat, also new snacks too to try. Birthdays and Christmas can be quite, present-less but I know they're happy. Sometimes the most weird things the kids enjoy getting like my eldest got into crochet and loved her cheap crochet hooks. Youngest wanted a wooden piece of..wood? I don't know, she picked some wood from b&q it was an offcut too so literally cost £1 and she was really happy.

Just focus on what he likes, and be vocal about how happy you are to share these special days with him! I'm always voicing this to my girls.
Also, my youngest recently gave to charity instead of receiving a gift. She said she was fed up with stuff and she was gifted a donation so just a card with a note that the animal shelter was grateful.

I’d ask relatives to put cash into his bank account/send cash. Although he may need nothing now, he is very likely to in the future - unless you are supremely wealthy? If the latter anpplie, I’d encourage him to donate to charity/other altruistic activity that could improve someone else’s life.

It's always nice to receive an actual gift, why not put the money in a card/box/whatever, but also give him a bunch of things he always uses, only nicer - eg, some fancy shower gel, socks, deodorant, cologne, shampoo, chocolates, pens/pencils, diary/notebook, scarf, hat, gloves etc. doesn't really matter what it is, just buy a more up-market brand than usual and wrap it uo as a gift. There are some quite amusing, and I am told comfy, boxers from brands called "Oddballs" and "Bawbags" - you might have a look there for something useful but quirky

I was your son as a teen , didn’t need anything other than what I had , actually dislike having gifts that I didn’t want , hated clothes , etc , loved books but needed to be the right books , money fine , more I like the thought that someone wants to give me something rather than actually receive a gift I didn’t want ( if you can follow that !)

It's so difficult isn't. From about age 10 all I'm asked to give my nieces and nephews is money. Then mine want money too. Swapping cash for cash, it's a complete waste of time.

Now the younger children are asking for cash, or their parents are anyway. Or premium Bonds. Gift cards. Same thing.

I'd say it's a pretty good sign OP. In my experience, the more you want the more unhappy you tend to be. My brother was like that – never wanted much for xmas. He's still the same, perfectly content with his books and swimming in the sea. And he's a deeply happy man.

My SS is similar, his only interest is football really, so it's only ever football shirts, FIFA and money. He sits on the money for ages bevause he doesn't really want anything either.

I'd say at 15 if he's insisting he doesn't want anything then I don't think he'll be disappointed to get giftcards/money and a stocking. If it were me I'd give money and get him a couple of bits he needs, regardless of him not asking for them. He must need new clothes/trainers at times so I'd just wrap those.

Would he like new trainers or clothes?
Does he have a favourite football team? Stadium tours make a good present.
Gig tickets?

My 15 yo is a bit like this he is getting sheepskin slippers, some comfy clothes. He really doesn’t see the point in a gift just for the sake of gift giving, mindless consumerism is killing the planet.

Is there a place or event that he might like to go to instead of an actual present, or a class that he might enjoy?

This is such a lovely thing, thank you.

How about a mini fridge for his bedroom, so he can easily grab a can of coke or a snack whilst he's gaming?

A snack subscription (from a different country each month) from Snackverse, Cash in one of those boxes that you pull from the top and the notes unravel out, A poster or wall art for his new room to do with his interests, new school stationery, a soft rug or blanket, some toiletries maybe?

Uniqlo do some great UT game related T-shirts and sweatshirts, excellent quality cotton and printing. Might be worth a look. Also wondered about a small room fridge for the food treats you mentioned.

I have a 16 year old one of these. He has mainly money from other people. I usually give him a snuggly hoodie, sweets and chocs (ones from another country are usually a hit) silly bits, so this year origami cats so far, usually a fidget or small puzzle, fizzy pop or hot choc and there's often a game he would like.

If he would accept a game gift card could you ask for games he would like that people could buy?

Beyond that food that he likes.

Or could you take him out shopping one day in December for him to choose a few things. Make a day of it with lunch or coffee etc and then wrap them for him so he has something to open and likes the gifts.

Concert tickets? Theatre? Winter wonderland in London is a good festive trip out. A break away some where?

Last year we made Ds a hamper. It had all his favourite treats in such as a weird flavour Vimeo, flavoured meringues, huge pack of Haribo, hot chocolate, Pringles, etc

we also brought him lots of instrument cables,( he’s a keyboard player) extra long phone charging cable & a power bank strong enough to charge his iPad.

what are his outside interests?

I have 2 dc like this. While I love how unmaterialistic they are I completely understand how you feel too - I've definitely bought things for them in the past to make me feel better.

Just to add my dd recently bought herself a tablet to use at college (rather than lugging around her laptop everyday). She was absolutely thrilled to be able to do this. So while I'm with you about feeling worried about gifting money, seeing her face when she finally had something she wanted to spend some of her savings on was lovely.

Apple Watch? He can monitor his sleep, do monthly challenges and (boring) see what time it is!!

Day with all his favorite food and maybe an experience or day trip to an interest of his.

What does he want to do for his career, does he know yet?

I’ve put money & gift cards in puzzle boxes before- might that amuse him and give him something more physical to open.