Christmas with only immediate family

[Teddlesisagoodboy]

I know this might sound strange but what do you DO on Christmas day? When I was growing up we would have lots of family and cousins come to stay over Christmas so it was great fun. Now I have a family of my own we are a bit short on family. I've asked people several times to ours and sometimes they do come but usually want to do their own thing or seeing other sides of their family. I can't help feel sad for my kids. They have one cousin who is a lot older and has no interest in them. One set of aunties and uncle never see them, forget their birthdays and don't even send card. Other auntie and uncle see them maybe four times a year at a push. One grandad who's wife hates Christmas and they go away.

Obviously we do presents in the morning. What do you do in the evening? We can't really do board games as my son is autistic and gets really stressed if he can't win or doesn't understand the rules. Charades I think would stress him out because he wouldn't understand what is going on. My daughter is 9, she misses out on so much because of her brother. We could try and watch a film? Any suggestions or suggestions of anything else I can do to make it special for both of them?

We always had Christmas with just us, hated the idea of lots of other people around which is how it was when I was a kid .
We always made sure there were things the DC could actually do as presents so that kept them busy. We would play games and I’m sure you could find or modify something so your DS could join in. We sometimes had the tv on later in the day but not always - we were just busy playing with new toys and having lots of food and goodies. It’s just another day so what would you normally do on one of those? My DC have good memories of Christmas just from being together and not having to share or entertain anyone else tbh

Just me, husband and child, I cook at my mothers house for her and my sibling
cant be dealing with loads of people to cook for

We are in a similar position. When mine were younger, we’d just play with them, with their new toys really. They’d get Lego and my husband would build it with them while I cooked the dinner. We’d watch a Christmas cartoon/film and they’d read their new books. Also we’d have special Christmas bath products in their stockings so they’d have a nice relaxing bath with eg a lush bath bomb. My kids are 15 and 19 now and say they’ve loved all their Christmases. We’ve still never spent it with anyone else.

Similar, we both grew up with big extended family Christmases and such happy memories of those but are now part of a much smaller family group and because of everyone else's preferences for small Christmases we've only ever had us plus my parents and that is no longer possible due to parents care needs (we visit them instead for a part of the day). I'm always a little envious when I read of posters hosting huge family gatherings as we don't have that. To be honest we just flop in front of the telly in the evening. We have exactly the same issue with board games and an autistic DC, although we manage occasionally Christmas isn't the right time for them, we save them for quieter times. Our DCs (young adults now) tend to just take themselves off to other parts of the house while I watch Strictly. I think by the evening it's fine to just have some quiet time after all the build up and presents/dinner.

We tend to have "busy" Christmas days, but one thing we do is play co-operative board games like Pandemic. Everyone can access - sometimes through a parent and child playing together - and there is no individual winner - either the players win as a team, or the game wins. Might work better for your DS?

Its often just us (me, DH and DS) because we live abroad and our parents are now elderly or would have had other plans.

We have a great routine/tradition of eating a fancy breakfast, gifts, playing with new toys when DS was little, then phone calls to grandparents, watching a xmas movie then all pitching in for the big dinner. Afternoon /evening would be a clean up (with Xmas music playing) then a long walk, chocolates and goodies, movies, left overs for tea, maybe a game of cards in the evening. We love it because over the years travelling home could be stressful, so i really treasured the years we spend just us.

Could you set your kids a fun task to design Xmas day? Obviously you’d have to explain you might not be able to accommodate it all but might give you some ideas
other than that

film
baking
hide and seek
colouring in
crafts
buffet nibbles in the evening
writing a story or letter about the year just gone
pop out to the pub?
FaceTime their friends
a quiz where you rig it so your son wins in his team? Maybe he could be in a team with your daughter and give them kids, easy questions while you and your other half have really difficult adult questions
depending how old they are mine used to love having something like a pet set or travel agents that they could play pretend at

could you play a board game with your daughter while your son chills in the bath for a bit (sorry, don’t know how old he is if that’s something he can do on his own)

maybe most importantly make sure you have something nice going on for yourself even if it’s just for half an hour and your other half gets the same where you just chill / meditate/ FaceTime a friend or whatever you’d enjoy. Xmas day can be a lot of pressure for parents

My autistic ds wasn’t keen on board games either but he liked to be the banker in monopoly, or the quizmaster. Sometimes we invented a judge role for him in other games.

We had some success with cooperative games, although we found it better to eliminate the countdown clock if there was one. Parallel play was always good - creative lego building together (not building a set though - he preferred to do that himself) and video games like Minecraft.

Our best discovery though has been D&D and I wish I’d found it sooner - because it’s story based, even when a dice roll goes against at you, it adds to the fun. There’s no win/lose tension and it’s cooperative instead of competitive.

But to get back to Christmas specifically, we start the day with Santa’s gifts even though they’re long past that now. We have a special breakfast - I set the table for it the night before. Because ds doesn’t enjoy his food changing, I put a bit more effort into the table setting, using special dishes, etc. Everyone else gets something a bit different to eat but it can vary year on year.

I used to love going to church but we don’t do that anymore. It was a great way to fill an hour, get a walk, see some familiar faces.

I always tried to get the dc something to keep them busy. Ds was easy - a big Lego set, Dd a bit trickier. But she’d help out with dinner prep and enjoy setting the table too. We have a big kitchen island, and ds can build his Lego while I’m cooking, and we all chat away.

Just before dinner we open gifts - this is separate from Santa, where we exchange gifts, and take a bit of time over it, taking turns, talking about the gifts. But it also meant that when the novelty had worn off the morning gifts, they had something they were eager to play with/read after dinner so that the adults could eat in peace and have second and third helpings. And maybe even a little snooze.

After dinner, we all move into the living room, where dh has a fire going, and it’s all cosy.
Eventually when I stand up again it’s time to help clear up the dishes, so it’s amazing how long everyone can play quietly together and not disturb me Then we all play some sort of game, or cuddle, or read. At some point we have leftovers or dessert depending on who wants what.

Some years we have visitors but the structure of the day is the same. The years that we’ve been by ourselves are the best ones.

We don’t have a big family. Cousins didn’t want to come so they stayed at home! So just my DC now plus 1 boyfriend this year I believe!

We just have a normal day, presents in the morning, full cooked lunch, walk the dog late morning and late afternoon, watch tv and have snacks. We used to have in laws and parents round, but sadly no longer with us and my youngest adult son goes to his GF house over Christmas so it’s just 3 of us plus my brother, who really enjoys the day. We used to play cards in the evening, but nobody mentions this anymore.

For games, what about an uncomplicated, fun game? I bought this one to play with my nephews this year, it's a stacking game like Jenga but with reindeer and it's really cheap on Amazon: https://amzn.eu/d/8PHLT8C

Do you know of any games like that (without one winner) that are good for young children (aged 4-9)? Thank you

Its often just DH and myself (TTC 12yrs and no living children). Sometimes we have a single friend stay over, go for a walk, take to the dog to the beach etc, but otherwise its very quiet. His mum might visit us, but its complex because his sister is NC with us.

All my family are abroad and we normally go there every 2nd year. We have a large family meet up on Christmas eve, then often host lunch Christmas day. It does alternate between houses though. We used to play Wii type games on the games console, but I have no idea what the modern equivalent is? After opening gifts, its always traditional to roll up the wrapping paper to make balls. Normally these are thrown at any new boyfriend/partner/friend that comes. I have no idea how this started, but its been going on since I was a child 40yrs ago.

Christmas music on, fairy lights, silly dancing.
A dressing up box with Christmassy bits and pieces in.
Puppets and putting on a puppet show.
All getting wrapped up cosy for hot chocolate and marshmallows by the firepit.
A colouring in tablecloth that you can all do together with snacks, Christmas music, drinks.

Peaceable kingdom make great kids cooperative games, there are also some card games that are cooperative like bandito. We also like card games like sussed or herd immunity that are more about conversation.

As kids we would wake up & open our stockings. Then eat breakfast. Then play with those toys, watch Christmas films, go for a walk. Then have a big Christmas dinner. And then open the presents under the tree. Staggering the presents throughout the day kept it exciting! Evening was playing games. In the 90’s we weren’t officially diagnosed but between the 3 of us kids, one is autistic and one has ADHD and it still all worked really well.

we do the same now with our children. It’s great.

Thanks everyone. Made me realise there is plenty we can do to fill the day and I just need to think smarter on games to play. I think presents, games, dog walk, dinner, and a film would be a good combo. It's just me missing all the guests, my children don't know any different.

Thank you I'll take a look into these 😊

It's hard to accept that thr future we thought we'd have doesn't match the reality of what we have, that's understandable. But as you said your kids won't know shy different and Xmas to them will mean a day with their nuclear family only and will bring happy memories in the same that yours with extended family does. Growing up it was just my nuclear family for Xmas day, my kids spend it with just us in the morning then we go to their grandparents house and all their cousins are there. It's different for me, I've had to let go of what I thought Xmas would look like and accept how our Xmas is. My kids love it. I love not having to Cook, but it doesn't always feel like Xmas to me. To me it's all day spent in your pjs, playing with the toys you've just opened, watching Xmas TV etc things we don't do. So for me my Xmas is the opposite of yours but still not what I ever anticipated

@Teddlesisagoodboy

It's just me missing all the guests, my children don't know any different I think you’ve summed up perfectly what the issue is. Everyone who had happy Christmases as a child is always going to prefer their ‘own’ way of doing Christmas and think that any other way is maybe missing something. But your DC are probably having a flipping lovely day and you’re worrying over nothing.

I love your username OP.

Could you take mince pies and a thermos of hot chocolate on the dog walk? Make it a bit more special?

Can you all enjoy a film together? Maybe a special "popcorn salad" of popcorn plus festive sweets / chocs all in one bowl to share.

Also have ND children and we've found that spreading the festive fun over the month helped make it feel special but also took the pressure off Christmas Day itself.

Random one...but we found a chocolates quiz that was fun (identify the chocolate bar cut in half) everyone got involved purely because it was chocolate! We didn't have a winner per se, just all did it together.

Bingo is also fun in our family! My youngest struggles with games, but loves being in charge of the bingo wheel and reading out the numbers whilst the rest of us use the dabbers to play the game.

I second this - I had busy, quite loud sociable Christmases as a child and loved them. My ND kids really can't cope with that though, and it's been an adjustment for me...but, the main thing is that they're very happy and content.
And so is my DH, who had pretty miserable family Christmases and now loves the calmer, quieter days that we have.

@Teddlesisagoodboy
There has only ever been me and my son, except for the last 2 years when we've had a foster child in the mix.
I always made Christmas about more than just the day which might help with making things more exciting for your daughter.

As all my family live elsewhere we had a weekend before Christmas where we stayed over, saw family, had a meal together.
Visit to Father Christmas of course

On Christmas Eve we had breakfast with friends, when he was younger we would go to a panto or other Christmas event, now we go on a lights trail.
I don't do Christmas Eve boxes but there is a visit from the elves who leave a bag with pj's and selection box.

If you look around you can find all sorts of local events. One of our local churches has a Christmas tree festival, all the churches have fetes.

Not so much pressure to have an all singing and dancing Christmas day.
By the time we've done breakfast, presents, out for a walk, dinner, called a few friends and relatives, we're ready to veg out in front of the TV.
One of my friends has a big family who I used to spend Christmas with. Could be up to 30 people around. They were very special times but exhausting. I was always glad to get home for a bit of peace and quiet

We open stockings, open presents, have breakfast, dress, go to church, have coffee with church families then home for lunch, then playing with toys and building toys eg Lego sets. We then watch the King’s Speech, call relatives, watch the children’s big TV show of the day eg Wallace and Gromit, then play charades or board games before tea, then DC bedtime. If your DS can’t manage games could he do a jigsaw, make a model aeroplane etc or a Lego/train set or similar?

I always find the day flies by and is really busy if you do a mix of the above. Many years we do see family but the day is pretty similar regardless. Boxing Day we swap church for a country walk, then home for lunch and watch more Christmas TV or films, call more relatives, play with more toys, then have tea and DC bedtime.