I don't know how to do Christmas

[Tunacheesequesadilla]

Firstly, I know this is a little early but I've been thinking about Christmas a lot recently. I had a quite neglectful childhood and holidays were completely ignored. This didn't bother me much, up until I had a baby last year, and this is the first time that Christmas feels important.

My dh isn't really a holiday person and he's not a planner either, but he'll go along with whatever I want to do, so I feel like it's on me to make it happen. Neither of us have any family to visit/invite so it'll just be the three of us.

I want to ensure my kids have holiday traditions and fun memories of family Christmases! The only problem is that I don't feel like I know how to "do Christmas" so I'm here to ask what are your traditions and how does your Christmas day look?

Budget friendly ideas are very welcome especially!

I also forgot to add, I know others have, but when your dd starts nursery and school Christmas will change, you will have carol services, nativity’s, plays, Christmas fairs, and more that will keep you busy in December. Because of my personal health issues I like to be done (as in shopping and organising) by 1 December so I can enjoy this season, it’s honestly magical.

One thing we do to join in and get our DDs involved is either volunteer to help the ptfa at events or set up our own stall, it dosnt have to be anything serious, our school Christmas fairs have stalls of sweets, hot choc cones, kids making loom bands, book marks, 2nd hand toys, it’s just another exciting thing to do over Christmas and get the children involved.

There is so much commercialism and pressure on parents to do more and spend more, but you honestly don’t need to, especially in the early years, we stuck to charity shops and cheap gifts, bath toys, peppa pig lunch boxes, practical stuff as when little they don’t understand or care x

I totally agree with being done by 1st December @ITSSSSCHRISTMASSS. I like all presents bought, Christmas cake made and most food either bought or ordered online by the end of November.

It means that I can just enjoy December and relax as much as possible knowing it is all prepped and I don't have to do any last minute dashes round the shops for gifts.

Absolutely @ITSSSSCHRISTMASSS it seems daft to get lots of impractical stuff for tiny tots. Our eldest was just on the point of weaning for her first Christmas: she got spoons and a couple of baby food pouches in her stocking 😂

What do you like best about Xmas? What do you like doing?

We like walking round seeing Xmas lights with a hot chocolate. We use to pay to go to organised ones but not just go to a few estates where we know they are particularly good.

We do a bit of crafting and cooking, we’ve made gingerbread reindeer, Xmas cookies and hot chocolate stirrers.

I get my kids Xmas pjs at the beginning of the season. When they were younger I got colouring books, bath bombs and face masks - all Xmas ones!

During Covid we had to cancel our Xmas trip. I bought a couple of cheap white teepee tents, bunting and string lights and did them a teepee sleep over. They loved it! I hate little trays I put them snacks etc on. We just watched films and chilled. We get them out every year now!

We've always done something energetic on Christmas eve, so when they were little is was soft play, followed by a Christmas movie (when they were little it was usually something shorter like gruffalo) then set up for father Christmas then bed. Burning off energy really helped them sleep.
my DC are now early teens and still insist of a family walk followed by movie and hot chocolate Christmas Eve.

Some good suggestions here, esp about keeping it low key. Some see Xmas like a holiday or a wedding, piling on the pressure to make it 'perfect' to compensate for some sense of personal failure for the rest of the year.

A priority would be to not have a family row of any kind - really, esp for a kid in tow, a nice atmosphere is the best. Low stress.

A small tree that won't fall on a kid. Some retro lights. Add a bauble each year.

A bottle of Champagne - I like Nyetimber - for you and your husband. Smoked salmon and scrambled egg Xmas morning.

Oh! Do a massive tidy up/clear out, Hoover late November so it doesn't feel like tat on top of crap. For me I have a tendency to feel I have to 'get everything' done by the end of the year, tick off the list, which is stressy

I got this book with beautiful illustrations and it became a tradition to read this with my two young sons on Christmas Eve.
I’d give you a link on Amazon but I’m abroad and it’s doing weird things!

Every family does Christmas differently and has their own Christmas traditions.

The key to a lovely Christmas is to focus on what's important to you / what you'll enjoy and absolutely don't put pressure on yourself to do things a certain way because other people expect it, or you feel you "should" do xyz.

So, before answering your question, I'd love to know a bit about you.

What do you love?

Do you enjoying cooking / baking? Do you like TV and film? Are you outdoorsy? Do you like crafting or is it too much of a faff? Do you enjoy singing? Are you a book worm? Do you like theatre? What do you like doing for fun?

What don't you like?

If you can give us some pointers, it could help us suggest things that might work for you.

Bottom line, though, some presents, a stocking, some decorations, some food and some fun, and how you do all the above should be in a way that works for you.

@WhereDidSummerGoAgain
Bottom line, though, some presents, a stocking, some decorations, some food and some fun, and how you do all the above should be in a way that works for you.

Exactly this. It's supposed to be fun, and if anything feels too stressful, leave it out next year ❤️

I've just remembered a tradition that I started during covid: not just sending the usual Christmas cards, but including a round robin letter too. I love receiving Christmas letters from other people, so I hope I'm passing that feeling on.

Dc have wooden advent calendars that I fill myself. Depending on how much time and energy I have in November, we have had various fillings:

A Christmas craft activity, trip out or joke every day
Little figures of whatever they were into at the time - look for cake toppers on Ebay
Chocolate

Baker Ross are good for cheap craft kits.

The only traditions we have are

Making the Christmas cake
Tree up first weekend in Dec
Go and do something festive - so when they were little, father Christmas in a garden centre. Then we have done various theme parks and now they're too big to go and see Santa we find a light trail or similar.

Loads of lovely ideas here and I think it’s lovely you would like to make Christmas a special time for your new family.

I think lots of it is about repetition! Doing the same things each year. Kids quickly start to anticipate the traditions and enjoy them.

Some suggestions for you: Take part in local free things like go and see local Christmas lights switched on. Take part in any other free community things like the Christmas tree trail in your town or carol singing in local town market square or shopping centre or park or whatever.

At home- get a little tree, real or fake, and decorate together. Soon your kid will be making decorations at nursery or school to treasure and get out every year! Watch the Christmas films on tv. Yes it has to be the same ones every year mostly! See earlier point about repetition!

Food- on Christmas Day choose a favourite meal from your culture and have that every year. Or agree a special treat meal and make that Christmas Dinner. And letting kids eat chocolate before breakfast usually raises the specialness factor!

I wish you many many lovely Christmases.
PS. Don’t let your partner leave it all to you. Make sure he does his share of the shopping, wrapping, planning, sorting and tidying and start as you mean to go on! Make Christmas a family time not a women’s work/ men sit on their arse time.

You're brave! Round robin letters get a pasting on MN for being smug and boastful. (Senders don't tend to write their real life challenges in them, only the edited impressive bits) and they're impersonal wrt the recipient.

I must admit we've privately laughed at ones we've had in the past and I think most people realise they're naff.

I really wouldn't advise the OP to start this as a tradition.

Think about your Xmas eve meal. We have ham egg and chips so that the ham is done for Xmas. Easy. Think about something super easy that is a treat to you.

You sound like a sweet mama.

Charity shops are a great place to get Christmas decorations on the cheap

My children are teens. Every year they have made and / or picked out new Christmas decorations and now we have quite a boxful. Christmas Carols on youtube. Movies like Grinch and Home Alone. Lovely roast chicken dinner on the day. Crackers.

It doesn't have to cost anything much to be a bit magical.

I love receiving round robin letters and emails. Horses for course. But then, I like my friends.

How exciting! A blank Christmas spread but equally a bit overwhelming.

Food: what do you actually want to eat? What will DC eat? The batch lady has released a Christmas book. Might be worth a look to get a head.

How do you like to spend your time? Do that.

If you tend to get overwhelmed then do a little and often.

Your DC is so little they won't remember anything so don't feel pressured to get masses. I think DS took a week to open all his presents when he was 2. Lidl has lovely wooden toys as you get closer to the day.

Thanks, me too ❤️
I love receiving them too, which is why I started sending them. I've never received a boastful one, and I am careful to avoid coming across that way myself. "As usual we spent a week summer holidaying staying with the in-laws in Wales" is not really the stereotypical boasty Christmas letter. Not that I've ever received (or sent) that sort of letter, I reckon they're a myth anyway 😂

They're definitely not a myth. Maybe we've just had exceptionally self- unaware friends (they weren't close friends).

One of them sent a dreadful round robin which just went on and on about how well their DC were doing since they'd moved them to a private school.

The letter kept repeating the full name of the school - think "And Susie is excelling at swimming since starting lessons at Our Lady of The Cross Private School for Children with Wealthy Grandparents." That was the tone of the whole letter. 🤮

The other was from a chap who fancied himself as the next Ed Sheeran and enclosed a CD which asked for donations to fund the production costs. 🤣

We still receive a card from another couple with an update of their lives that year, but that's handwritten and personalised, not the same letter sent to everyone and much more thoughtful.

How wonderful that you want to make sure your dc have the special times that you didn't have.
Don't be taken in by all the commercial crap that you're told you need! You don't NEED to do Christmas Eve boxes, lots of events, massive piles of presents...choose a couple of things that are important to you.
When my dc were little we had:

• an advent calendar that I filled with a little treat every day (although this became a bit of a nightmare over time, so maybe don't adopt that one!)
• a real tree, decorated together with Christmas music and/or a Christmas film
• a baking day to make mince pies and gingerbread
• a trip to see Santa at the farm park
• the crib service on Christmas Eve
• stockings left out with a mince pies and a drink for Santa and a carrot for Rudolph.

I hope you enjoy creating a special family Christmas for the 3 of you

Anything you try this year does not have to be done every year for the sake of "tradition". Use these early years to find your way.

Because anything you accept into "our Christmas traditions" might need to be done forever... 😄 we are 24 years into ours.

OP, I also came into motherhood without any Christmas traditions of my own due to a neglectful childhood. Here's what worked for us:

Christmas is a midwinter festival. We're celebrating that we are warm, fed, we can create light and we are alive together through another midwinter. Anything that celebrates these is correct.

We decorate a tree with lights and a mishmash of unmatched decorations we've been collecting for years. Our kids made some, we made some, we bought some. They're selected on the basis of memories, not aesthetic. We have basic chocolate advent calendars starting from Dec 1st.

We watch a Christmas film (Muppets Christmas Carol) every Christmas eve with hot chocolate.

Christmas day we have stockings with small gifts and a satsuma in the bottom, then bigger wrapped gifts from under the tree.

We have a roast dinner. Chicken not turkey, as it's cheaper.

We spend the afternoon enjoying our new gifts (reading books, playing games, dumping lego sets all over the floor, etc etc...). We also run the heating to a decadent temperature. We have leftovers with homemade bread for tea.

That's essentially it. I found Christmas really overwhelming without childhood patterns to fall back on, but you don't have to copy anyone else's elaborate traditions unless they appeal to you. Food, warmth, light, together.

Sorry don’t want to derail the thread but felt I needed to comment. I honestly couldn’t think of anything worse, it reminds me of the Christmas letters that you see in American tv shows with family portraits. I struggle giving anyone an update on my life and kids, it’s usually “yep we are good” 😬

I do exchange a few words in some cards with people overseas, a lovely lady I lived next door to for years will send a card with updates of her life so I will respond with a short, kids are growing DH now working for X, we managed a small summer holiday and then the usual, happy or sad to hear how things are going. Buts it’s very short, it has to fit in the small Christmas card after all.

Well, I have four paper penpals, one of whom I have been exchanging letters with on and off since we were seven years old. There are some of us who appreciate a good letter! We are emigrating, and my massive bundles of paper letters were the first thing I put in my shipping crates when we started packing.:)

The Christmas round robin emails I have had have delivered all sorts of news from celebratory to devastating- from babies born to cancer diagnoses, sharing wedding photos and a gofundme to help with buying a novelty tombstone for someone's hen night. So what. Since few of my real life friends are active on social media (the generation older than us are), it has been a brilliant way to keep up. When you're scattered around the world, it's not as though you are all meeting up down the pub every Saturday.

But then, I like my friends, and don't cultivate the acquaintance of people just to sneer at them.

We leave out a mince pie and a carrot and a glass of rum (our Santa prefers that to milk lol) on Christmas eve.

Hubby cooks the turkey on a low heat overnight.

Christmas morning we all get up. Adults have a cuppa tea and get the camera ready. Our presents are all under the tree as it's more fun that way looking for yours. Santa used to leave ours in piles on the sofa but I prefer to search for them. After gifts are open, I clean up and hubby starts preparing dinner.

We eat around 3pm. Turkey with all the trimmings. Crackers to pull. Wear the daft little hats. Have gateaux for pudding. Wash up then sit on the sofa for a bit. Then play with the kids with their stuff. Then family game night. Can't wait 😊