Christmas is tough for some people

[LilyAnn13]

People ask me why I don't like Christmas.
Well, aside from the tacky decorations, horrid songs and
insipid movies, it's also a hard time for some people.
Christmas day especially.
It can be a reminder of how lonely we feel, of how Christmases have changed, of how loved ones have dwindled, of how we are perhaps not where we expected to be in life as another year whizzes to an end.
So, if we are not all having the Hallmark movie experience, then Christmas is just a cruel reminder of all of the above 😕

I paint on a smile as I want my DC to remember it as good times, but then I have my down times away from them. Not every that is having a good time really is.

absolutely we do have to be aware of this
it is the ultimate fomo

I hear you OP. I find Christmas naff, tacky, tasteless and unbearably sentimental. It magnifies any feelings of loss, sadness or loneliness that you have. And it gets shoved down your throat from 1 November onwards, there's no escape.

Exactly! 😔

It's good you have people who care enough to ask you why you don't like Christmas OP. Hopefully by talking to them you can start to form new bonds in the New Year.

Many people, even ones who like Christmas (it doesn't have to be tacky and Hallmark) understand that it can be a time of year which others struggle with.

We always invite people we know to join us if they are going to be on their own, it's a time to open your doors to others for some.

As with many things in life it can bring out the worse and best in people, we are all more similar than we are different.

And looking on the brightside, because it's healthy to do that, it's all out the shops and almost all over now. Almost time for the clean slate January.

Agree with this! I’m an extremely sentimental,emotional and nostalgic person so Christmas just kill’s me. I had nice Christmas’s as a child so I don’t get why it makes me so sad every year. I hate it.

Despite having my own children, Christmas has never been the same since DM passed away. She was Christmas to me.

This is exactly the same for me!

Tend to agree with this.

I like Christmas, but have a very fractured family and it really magnifies that loss.

I also work mainly from home and the whole month of December seems to be constant "work do's" and as I don't really see my colleagues much, I feel very much on the fringe of all that.

It really does magnify loss and loneliness, but I feel it's much worse now than it ever was. Everything's so visible now. Social media rams people's perfect Christmas' down your throat constantly. And the twee Christmas movies which just make you feel shit about your own life.

It's very hard to escape it.

And the extreme overconsumption and commercialism is just horrible.

I really hope the tide will turn on this and it can be pared back to be a much more simple affair.

Whilst it seems unlikely, I believe we are already starting to see similar with the wedding industry.

Massive, big bling wedding extravaganzas are slowly being seen to be a bit naff. Couples don't want to get themselves into thousands of pounds worth of debt for one day and it looks like much more simple affairs might start to be become more and more common.

It would be great if similar could happen with Christmas.

I hope things like social media are coming to a peak as well, and future generations will be back to more of an anonymity, like it was in the 90s, rather than the very over exposed way we live now.

@Manchesterbythesea yes, I feel the same, you have put it into words nicely.

I have struggled through it all honestly...the expectations from others...BUT ITS CHRISTMAS!! Blah blah blah....😡. I am literally walking through treacle it seems as we speak....absolute living nightmare....

Thankful it's nearly over for another year and I can crawl back into my shell where I feel the safest.

'Social media rams people's perfect Christmas' down your throat constantly'

Such a good point about social media - it makes it even harder to escape the Christmas avalanche. I'm a fan of social media for adults and there is some very good stuff on there if you use it carefully but you do have to wade through some absolute dross, especially in December. I hope you're right that it all might be toned down in the near future!

Agree with all this. I was in a foul mood on Christmas Day!

It can feel a bit relentless going through Christmas Day, NYE, Valentine's Day, Mother's Day...

Sorry to hear some of you that have had a bad time.

Is there anything that people could do to make Christmas time more tolerable for some of you?

Agree op. I do absolutely love Christmas but I also feel painfully lonely as well as we have no extended family or people to go too.
I'd love to be able to afford to go away and do different things.

I agree with all of the comments on this thread. It's never been my favourite day to say the least.

I'm the same re no family to spend Christmas with. So I think I know how you feel.

It's horrid isn't it. I do of course have dh and dc but I'd love to have other family members also or somewhere to go.
My good fiend who lives a few hours away has one day with her mum hosting and another day with her sibling hosting then they go to her dh family then back and they host. I'd absolutely love that and it's good for the dc to see people just having fun.

I completely agree. I feel it's doubly hard when you have kids, as you're just expected to be happy, excited for the kids etc. And people think that kids automatically make Xmas magical! Which they can do but they also do not repair any bad Xmas memories/existing feelings you have.

I just find the whole thing exhausting and pressured and I am dreading people at work on Monday asking "did you have a good Xmas?!".

I think it's like most things - if life is generally going well then it's easier to be happy and in the mood for it. But if you've got lots of real life problems, then having to fake happiness and being surrounded by excited people, makes you feel very very disconnected from society.
And if you've experienced bereavement or some other awful event at Christmas, how are you supposed to feel celebratory?
It's a very isolating time of year for some.

Even for people whose lives are ticking along okay, there's still immense pressure to experience magic and joy, which is very hard to conjure up on demand.

'I just find the whole thing exhausting and pressured and I am dreading people at work on Monday asking "did you have a good Xmas?!".'

Oh yes, I dread that too. I try to remind myself that they're just being polite and going through the motions. It doesn't mean anything more than 'good weekend?' or 'morning!'. And answer with something vague, like 'quiet one' with a smile, and then move the conversation on

I hated Christmas for a long time after some horrible and traumatic bereavements at Christmas time. I can understand the sentiment.
But also I have learnt that people who enjoy Christmas may also be using Christmas as a distraction or comfort from their own grief or struggles. So those people enjoying Christmas may very well be putting on a brave face too.

I used to get so angry with people shopping frantically while I was processing my grief

But ..

DFIL showered us with gifts this year. He lost his wife earlier in the year. I think shopping and selecting gifts was his way of distracting himself at a very difficult time

I dislike it as Xmas was never brilliant as a teen, parents argued every single Xmas day. It was only ever the four of us. Sibling and I spent all day in our rooms after church and dinner.

I created wonderful xmases for my DC when they were little, but I struggle with having to socialise too much, I will never understand the ease that my DH spends a whole day with his family just chatting and hanging out. I find it utterly exhausting.

I've had three weeks off work (school) and don't feel remotely rested!

There must be other people who dislike the socialising too.

I’m sorry for people who are feeling sad because they have lost loved ones at Christmas. However as the mother of wonderful adult DC’s I would be horrified if Christmas was spoilt because they were missing me.
I want them to be a teeny bit sad when I die but go out and enjoy themselves and have a good life. We have already agreed that they will spend some of their inheritance recreating a wonderful holiday we had in the Caribbean and scatter my ashes in the sea.
Please look after yourself everyone.

I hear you. I am no contact with my mother and although I have a husband and kids who I paint a smile on for, we have felt very lonely this year as extended family have their own small gatherings. Hubbys family live in a different country so can’t easily go to them. We are looking at going away over Christmas this year so we are at least in the sunshine with no mess to clean up. I appreciate this isn’t something everyone can do. Sending hugs to anyone who needs one.