3.5yo on Christmas day

[Ohwowcalmdown]

I have two kids, 3.5 and 1.5. Youngest has no idea that Christmas is happening and has been a jolly elf all day. Eldest has, for the first time, been much more aware of Christmas and all the build-up and Santa and presents…

Today, we had family over and there were 8-10 of us in total at different points. I’m not that happy with how my eldest behaved, and I don’t know whether I’m expecting too much or whether I need to change things.

Obviously, he was very excited. Great in the morning (his usual self) until after guests arrived. As soon as present unwrapping started, he was a bit possessed. He was so enthused about the presents and I was struggling to get him to just slow down and calm down and be grateful. I made a conscious effort not to buy much for them as I really don’t want them to be spoiled, but they still ended up with quite a bit to open (gifts from grandparents, aunt and uncle).

In the afternoon, he was “difficult” at multiple points. Asking for more food, more TV, being very silly, being defiant in the face of any response and really resistant to being asked to do/not do something. Guests all left by 6pm but at bedtime he was having a meltdown about what type of cup he wanted for his water.

I feel a bit sad that his behaviour was so poor. Rubbish manners and brattish behaviour are something I really want to avoid. I realise that today was a big day for him and probably a bit overwhelming, so I don’t know whether to excuse some of what happened. But I also feel conscious that he’s of an age where he should be learning how to behave appropriately for the situation.

I took him upstairs on his own on a couple of occasions just to simmer down - he’s so much better like this. But I know that I can’t just avoid taking him to any social event! Not sure how best to approach things. Perhaps I need to ask grandparents to stick to one gift each next year (I’ve tried and failed with this) to avoid so much stuff? Or maybe we need to be stricter in removing him from situations as soon as the behaviour is unacceptable?

Hoping it’s an age thing and will get better on its own… But suspect this is wishful thinking!

Not sure why I’m posting really. Just wondering if anyone has any advice or has had similar.

Honestly I would just put it down to Christmas Day over excitement. My son is nearly 3, we are staying with in-laws, and he has been over excited and a bit tricky quite often today. Also demanding more cake!

i figured we /family can’t hype up the excitement of Christmas and presents and then expect toddlers to be calm and self possessed .

TLDR, today is just a day. Write it off, tomorrow (or next week!) we can start modelling and expecting good behaviour again

Honestly this sort of behaviour is par for the course with 3.5 year olds at Christmas. It’s peak “get overstimulated, overexcited and have a meltdown” age. I think you’re expecting too much. He’ll grow out of it.

It's just his age. It will be different again next year.

He’s 3.5. It’s been a busy day, and he sounds overwhelmed. Most toddlers his age will have been. Lots of presents, people, food, a totally different routine…

It will just get better with age. You can help, by doing things like asking for less presents; or staggering them (although be careful not to just spread the overwhelm!), smaller numbers coming round, planning things that will help him to regulate…

But also just know that it’s really normal.

OK thank you all for being so reassuring!

Was hoping I’d been expecting too much.

Let’s try again for a more zen Boxing Day!

Cut him some serious slack. It’s a day for making lots of allowances. It sounds like you may be worried what others think, but any relatives worth their salt will know that it’s normal for kids to be over excited on Xmas day!

My little one is the same age and we have had some difficult moments today as well 😅 from their perspective, they are starting to understand the concept of “Christmas” but to them at their age it’s still just another day, they haven’t attached any of the meaning to it that we have as adults.
Then they get a shit ton of gifts that they’re just excited to open, they don’t yet understand gratitude, prob eat far too much rubbish and far too little good stuff, lots more people than usual and end up incredibly overwhelmed, overtired and overstimulated.
My little one had a big old tantrum just before bed on account of the fact that they were “not tired” then promptly fell asleep while reading our book, which they never ever do.

He's only little.

Yes it's important to learn good manners and to understand how to be well behaved. You're right to expect that, but as he's still quite young he's just been really overstimulated/overtired by the latter part of the day. It's such an exciting day with that many people around and lots of presents.

It doesn't sound like he behaved particularly badly, and you did what you could to help him regulate his behaviour.

Keep doing what you're doing.

I had exactly the same today with my just turned 3 year old. Ultra confused on top of everything as only just had her birthday as well so we have had this over last few days.

Took her to the park to try and calm down and she ended up falling asleep on the swing. I am glad I read that as I was starting to worry about the behaviour and what seemed like ungratefulness but I guess it's to be expected with all the excitement going on!

He’s 3.5, he isn’t going to be grateful and it’s massively unreasonable to expect him to be.

Your expectations are completely screwed. A 3.5yo is simply not developmentally able to be able to ‘slow down and be grateful’. It’s an exciting day, completely out of routine, presents and different people in the house/travelling elsewhere. 3 is still tiny and as you say this is the first year he’s even aware something is happening. His behaviour sounds entirely normal and appropriate and not in the least poor, please don’t hold him to an unachievable standard.

He's 3.5yr! He's not going to have impeccable manners yet. He's super excited! It's Christmas! There's presents. And guests. And lots to eat!!
Tbh I wish I could get that excited for the day. Cut him some slack and let him enjoy the day 🎄

One of mine is a similar age and got really disregulated at points. He was also really rattled by many relatives being loud (drunk!) It’s totally standard for young children to be this way and no reflection on anyone’s parenting! Hell, I know a lot of adults who get overstimulated and disregulated at christmas!

Christmas overload. It's a lot for them to take on board. Not the end of the world.

My son is now 7 and has been the same every year since he was 3 😂 big day, big build up, lots of over excitement and routine change

I never understand why people rave about Christmas with under fives. Mine were always pretty hideous. They are older now and it’s lovely.

How much outside time and play did he get? It sounds very full on day for a young child. At that age I would have got them out to a playground a few times to burn off some energy.

Christmas is very out of the normal routine, with extra sugar and exciting gifts. His behaviour today sounds quite normal. Mine are a harder on days like this and need a few more reminders of how to behave and sometimes need removing from the excitement for a short time like you did. Very similar to when we are on holiday.

A walk to the park after lunch helps too.

It just sounds normal to me, we have the day to ourselves as too many visitors would be too much and we stagger the presents so only Santa ones today, then others in the days after, it'll change when they're bigger of course but at that stage it's a lot for them

Just an age thing. My child is basically an angel (not my doing, she was just born this way!) and even she was a pain at Christmas at that age (and still, at 6, needs the odd reminder to show her gratitude / calm down etc). It’s just so overwhelming for them. You’re clearly doing your best, he will be absolutely fine.

My 4 year old (almost 5) has been bonkers for a our 5 days now. He's literally been jogging up and down the living room like a caged animal, rolling about, deliberately poking his brother (age 7) and sister (age 2) and giggling like a mad person. Today we were home and could see all 3 of mine were set to self destruct so decided on a walk and say hi to grandma who lives nearby (we're going for the whole day at the weekend)..he jogged around her dining table screaming, albeit happily, like he'd totally lost it so after 10 min we left and just let him run around the block. My mum will understand and happily entertain all of us in a few days but my god I wanted to crawl under a rock. My mum's face was like 😧. It's tricky op but take a deep breath and let him enjoy himself up to the point they might actually do something daft out of giddiness, otherwise accept the madness 😜 DH and I are absolutely exhausted

Honestly I've experienced worse adult behaviour at Christmas. It's such a bizarre day, with a month long build up. There are bound to be big emotions and for a more aware toddler of his age. Totally normal.

I'm pushing 40 and found today massively over stimulating and was on the edge a few times. My 3 year old was the same, despite efforts to keep things calm and laid back. I figure that DD has same introverted tendencies as me and gets peopled out pretty easily. Tomorrow is a new day