3.5yo on Christmas day

[Ohwowcalmdown]

I have two kids, 3.5 and 1.5. Youngest has no idea that Christmas is happening and has been a jolly elf all day. Eldest has, for the first time, been much more aware of Christmas and all the build-up and Santa and presents…

Today, we had family over and there were 8-10 of us in total at different points. I’m not that happy with how my eldest behaved, and I don’t know whether I’m expecting too much or whether I need to change things.

Obviously, he was very excited. Great in the morning (his usual self) until after guests arrived. As soon as present unwrapping started, he was a bit possessed. He was so enthused about the presents and I was struggling to get him to just slow down and calm down and be grateful. I made a conscious effort not to buy much for them as I really don’t want them to be spoiled, but they still ended up with quite a bit to open (gifts from grandparents, aunt and uncle).

In the afternoon, he was “difficult” at multiple points. Asking for more food, more TV, being very silly, being defiant in the face of any response and really resistant to being asked to do/not do something. Guests all left by 6pm but at bedtime he was having a meltdown about what type of cup he wanted for his water.

I feel a bit sad that his behaviour was so poor. Rubbish manners and brattish behaviour are something I really want to avoid. I realise that today was a big day for him and probably a bit overwhelming, so I don’t know whether to excuse some of what happened. But I also feel conscious that he’s of an age where he should be learning how to behave appropriately for the situation.

I took him upstairs on his own on a couple of occasions just to simmer down - he’s so much better like this. But I know that I can’t just avoid taking him to any social event! Not sure how best to approach things. Perhaps I need to ask grandparents to stick to one gift each next year (I’ve tried and failed with this) to avoid so much stuff? Or maybe we need to be stricter in removing him from situations as soon as the behaviour is unacceptable?

Hoping it’s an age thing and will get better on its own… But suspect this is wishful thinking!

Not sure why I’m posting really. Just wondering if anyone has any advice or has had similar.

Think about how different he was last year and the one before. He's still learning and today was his first Christmas day where he had any sense at all of it. Avoid TV in the morning if you can next year. There is enough stimulation naturally from the day!

It’s his age. It’s only when they get to 7/8 they are able to control excitement. Not yet there but DS children even 7 year old finds it hard after a while. We tend to go out for a short walk when they are overwhelmed and that helps for a bit or aunt or uncle will take them out for a bit

This sounds absolutely standard. We (society generally) spend a month or more hyping up Christmas, and then we are shocked when tiny children get overwhelmed by it all on the big day that we've been building up to for weeks and weeks. This isn't a criticism of op, just an observation!

My advice is to take a walk at some point in the day, preferably somewhere open and plain and muddy, away from the flashing lights and tinsel, where they can have a charge around.

It's Christmas we build kids up for weeks. All of it, letters, advent calendars, parties, etc etc and everyone is excited, and you just can't expect little kids to be angels on the day.

This is why I don't think Christmas Day after weeks of hype is the time for life lessons like patience or resilience.

People totally forget what 3/4 year olds are like and after so much hype.

Being far too harsh on him. My son is about 5 months younger than yours and he was mostly fine but definitely had some difficult moments yesterday. Crying at times, overwhelmed by the busy morning, the visitors etc. We done a couple of periods of the day where it was deliberately calmer (read a book, look at photos on my phone etc) and he was flat out and snoring by 6.30pm.

As @Hedonism says, we build up to Christmas for ages beforehand so their behaviour can be out of sorts on the big day.

Finding this thread really helpful as my 3.5 year old went between so overexcited and very overwrought (kicked off massively in church and had to be taken out). He had a lovely time but he was so glad to get home today and be back to semi- normality.

I often feel like my 3yo is the only one having tantrums over nothing (wants X, gets X then screams because it’s not Y), going from content to mental in 0.1 seconds…threads like this make me feel a bit better.

My 5 year old was the same. It's just the excitement of the day, they're all out of routine and opening a load of gifts surrounded by all their favourite people. It's a lot.

Haha glad to help @Allswellthatendswelll and @Kibble29! It also helps me to know that this is totally normal - he’s my eldest and I don’t have much experience of toddlers before having my own.

For those saying I’m screwed up or way too harsh, I just want to reiterate that I haven’t taken any of this out on him and I mainly expected that it was par for the course - but it’s still reassuring to hear from others with kids who are (or have been) the same age!

We’ve been on a mammoth muddy puddle walk this morning and he is much more himself without all the fuss of yesterday. Phew!

AHH another one reassured to see this! My middle child is 3yrs 2 months and had his moments yesterday! Especially from 4pm onwards because he was knackered - he doesn't really nap anymore but he has suspected sleep apnoea and is absolutely exhausted by that time each day. There were a lot of adults at our Xmas but most of them only have child experience with my own kids and my eldest is a very different personality (and was in a very different situation, as the first and only child in the family for 3.5 yrs!) so I feel like everyone was mentally comparing his behaviour to how hers was at a similar age and writing him off/getting irritated with him.

My newborn barely slept all day and spent most of the time attached to me so I was basically out of action. Family did help entertain him at points but I do feel he would have been better behaved if people had given him bit more attention/played with him more but I totally appreciate that isn't actually their responsibility. Anyway overall he was alright and we had mostly a good day - but today he is absolutely feral!!! He's being appalling tbh such that I now feel he behaved very well yesterday in comparison, my word I would have been embarrassed if hed been like today...our friend visited this morning and DH had to carry 3yr old kicking and screaming out the room upstairs at one point for repeatedly hitting, kicking and throwing things at his older sister! Mortifying!

3.5 is about the worst year from what you describe, old enough to be really excited but not old enough to regulate behaviour. By next year he'll be able to pace himself better

Mine are now 12 and 14 and DH and I were talking earlier about how much more enjoyable Christmas is now and reminiscing about the christmases when they were 1 and 3 or 2 and 4 and what a nightmare they were! Insanely early starts, tantrums, unwrapping frenzy, overtired etc. I reckon the Christmas sweet spot is about 6-12 although my 14 year old was lovely and helped with dinner, chatted to grandparents, loved his presents and most importantly they were up at 7 and not 4.30 as I clearly recall one year.

Definitely par for the course at this time of year and should settle down as soon as things get back to normal. My boy has been in bed since 6pm again today (usually a 7.15pm bedtime) so he’s clearly feeling the strain. 😅

I agree.

You sound like you expect far too much from such a young child. He sounds completely normal and has actually done well today for his age!

We will always remember the year when our eldest was 4, and we accidentally woke him as we were going to bed at around midnight. He dashed into the bathroom as I was brushing my teeth and said 'HE'S BEEN!!!!!!!'. He then came into our room approximately hourly to tell us how excited he was and how he couldn't possibly go back to sleep (fair enough, tbh, if you are 4 and there's a stocking full of presents at the end of your bed). That was a loooonnnngggg Christmas day.

He's now 14 and came to midnight mass with me - spotted the presents under the tree when we got home, looked pleased, went to bed, got up at 7. It does get easier!

My DD is 4 in January OP and has had some AWFUL tantrums since xmas started! My parents (who we are staying with for a few days) have been taken by surprise, and my mum actually told her off yesterday (which was absolutely fine, as she needed telling off!). I think it's all the excitement, lack of routine, being in a different place, new toys, travelling etc. It's A LOT for their little brains.