I'm dreading the influx of tat

[Jkoi]

I'm already wondering where on earth we are going to put the influx of tat coming into our house as presents, which sounds so ungrateful, but is true.

Previous years conversations about less buying have fallen on deaf ears. My family do quantity over quality when it comes to gifts. We ask for experience gifts and vouchers (and those are what we generally gift) but get these in low denominations with a sackful of items from B&M accompanying them.
One year I got an autobiography of a reality TV star I wasn't even really familiar with- I thought it was a joke or a mistake and family member said no it was just in B&M so I got it.
Now the items for us go straight back out again, generally donated. However now the kids are old enough to know if we were trying to secretly get rid of toys they'd unwrapped! The toys will mostly be one trick pony press a button toys rather than anything open ended or even particularly aligned to their interests, with a load of soft toys. I'm particularly dreading this year as they have got into Temu in a big way and I'm imaging a load of the kids gifts won't even meet safety standards.

I'm not really looking for a solution as I don't think there's an easy one without causing offence, I have tried making a point about fast fashion items etc going to landfill in the past and they will swear black is white that charities can make money from damaged clothes with holes in. They just don't see anything wrong with buying loads of stuff, either from an environmental perspective or the fact that we practically don't want it!

I always remember my neighbour being ankle deep in wrapping paper and toys on Christmas ... 3 DC under 7.
Luckily we don't have a big family and I always had a toy clear out before Christmas.

In my house DC had 3 presents: one toy from Santa, one toy from us and something educational or clothes.

Luckily DC are teenagers so it's a token gift and a shopping trip for the staff they want.
PS I never really bothered with stockings except for a few favourites sweets in them.

We used to put up with it for a few weeks then get rid of it when it will be forgotten, say end of January.

Isn't it awful that Christmas (in this country at least) has become an annual celebration of all things plastic and tat. I hate it.

All my presents to other people this year are experiences and I have asked for the same. It's my little stand - a non-landfill Christmas.

I buy Grandson the one toy he wants and then clothes he needs and books because I am "book Gangan". Dd's house is small she doesn't have room for piles of stuff. I'm not into stuff myself so wouldn't foist it on others. Dd has sold grandson's toys he no longer uses on Vinted to make room for this Christmas toys. Another plus for buying fewer good quality items is that they make a decent return when sold on anyway.

This is my MIL as well, she looks after our daughter once a week and when she drops her off it is invariably with a bag full of crap she has picked up at a charity shop (toys, clothes, teddies). For Christmas and birthdays she gets big gifts I.e. not expensive but literally just big whether or not it's something our daughter would want. Like a kitchen she got from FB marketplace for a tenner, or a massive rocking horse she saw in a charity shop. We have a small house and have no room for this stuff! Her own house and garage are rammed full of toys she has picked up. I have absolutely nothing against second hand at all but often it's well used or poor quality.

Then has the cheek to comment on how our house is coming down with toys and our daughter has too much stuff!!

I'm rather grateful that both my mum and I crochet and a good gift to either of us is stuff like replacement hooks or small cakes of hand mixed yarns or a new pattern.

Even if I make my mum some new mittens, as simple as they are she can appreciate that they're quality because of the products used and time gone into them even though she's perfectly capable of making them herself. Especially so even.

I made my sons hat for school out of some leftover super chunky alpaca wool and his teacher said if I'd have known you could make these you could have done a stall at the school Christmas fair. I didn't say it but I know nobody would buy hats worth £50 to £80 after material costs, labour, skill and time put into it have been considered when they can go to Asda and buy a hat scarf and gloves set for £5.

As a crafter I'd rather support small businesses for Christmas and hope that my family members understand I've paid good money for good craftsmanship to a mum or a dad or a student or an actual individual person rather than a huge corporation for a single item rather than line the pockets of billionaires for mass produced tat that encourages slave labour in countries with no employment laws to protect their workers.

aww I love that you share the love of crochet with your mum! That is a very good gift set up you have with her - having good quality tools and materials to craft with really makes it more enjoyable and the end product so much nicer! Hope you manage to get some crafting in for you over Christmas!

and absolutely no way to craft stalls - my work asked me to do the same three weeks before the Xmas event. I kindly declined as 1) I don’t want to be making a stalls worth of Xmas decs for work in my free time (and 3 weeks is no where near enough time to do it) and 2) to make it worth my while I would have to charge at least £10 -£15 per decoration which no one would pay when we have b and m two doors down! 🤦‍♀️ plus I love having my unique crocheted Christmas decs - I’ve upskilled myself over many years to be able to make the beautiful things I do - I don’t want people from work having the same tree as me, especially when they don’t appreciate the work that’s gone into it!

My MiL suffers from this too!

Will buy double as well if it's a particularly good bargain - but I didn't even want one 😂

I feel your pain OP. My comes from DHs nan and while it’s lovely that she goes all out for us, she always gets the wrong sizes and any item that says sale! I reminder her not to waste her money and one pair of pjs will do very nicely. However she never listens and will grab any sizes just because they were on special. Lots of pjs, sleepers, pants, socks and dressing gowns sometimes multiple duplicates just because it’s a bargain apparently. They won’t fit and it’s so wasteful.

Now I tend to collect the boxes and sacks early and donate most of it before it comes into the house. Luckily she doesn’t wrap anything and Dc are older so can pick a few bits that will fit. However occasionally I have to say she does get a few bits that actually fit or are useful.

I mean slippers*

In addition to charity shops, can I also suggest that you think about donating to a local fund raising group - a lot of towns have their own fundraising groups for all sorts of national and local charities.

Gift sets and the like are great for raffles, tombolas, etc throughout the year. Then someone can win a gift set, gift it to someone instead of buying a new one, that person hates it so they donate it again and the circle continues until the set is manky. Or it finally lands with someone who likes it. Everyone wins!

I did personally end up with a gift set containing my favourite everyday shower gel one year in that way. I was delighted as it was discontinued. Most of these types of products last 2 years unopened before they start to deteriorate.

This.

"You play with that. You can play with that tomorrow."
Remove from visibility.
If you pick the right present ls for them to play with and you remove the others they WILL forget them.

Then remove from the house.

If they are left out they will play with them so that's the trick. They have short memories.

I usually end up taking a huge bag to charity and putting anything that I can be bothered to sell on Vinted. Made over £100 last year so at least I gained something back to put by or spend on the kids on stuff they actually want. Obviously nowhere near as much as mil spent in the first place, but I have tried talking to her about toning it down and she never does and we don’t have the space for everything we are given.

We usually receive three containers of Quality Street/similar which DH never touches, so down to me to eat/donate. I'm now prediabetic, so DH gas said absolutely no chocolates, but pointing out I'll have the odd glass of wine or a biscuit if they want to gift consumables.

You need to introduce the German tradition of Schrottwichteln to your workplace/hobby group/extended family. Schrott = crap, tat, rubbish, Wichteln - an exchange of gifts, Secret Santa-style except at random (everyone pulls one out of the pile or two people are picked to swap). Everyone wraps up something they don't have any use for and someone else draws it. It's usually pretty funny, and at best you end up with something you really like/will use.

If you are able to take delivery of these bags before the children open them then I suggest unwrapping them. Then pick out a couple that you are okay with and wrap them again.
Take the rest if they are suitable to a charity shop. Then tell your MIL what you did and explain that you said you didn't have the room but it will help a charity. Don't let it get to the children. Arrange for it to be dropped off when they aren't there to see it.
If necessary repeat next year. Your house. Your children. Your choice not to live knee deep in tat.

My dad delightfully told me that he had bought dd all the gear to make resin jewellery and other random things when he visited yesterday. He has bought all the bits on temu and Ali express. I am dreading Christmas Day. My dd is autistic and although she will love what he has bought it will require a lot of support and supervision from me and it will all need to be locked away when not being used. We have little space for anything. Temu seems to be a big hit with grandparents this year 😬, he also said he has bought be a box full of things.

That is perfect.

My mum and my PIL did this. The toy was normally something DD asked for or if she was younger we suggested something to go with existing toys.

She loved getting a dress/pj/top/books/pens/colouring in or sticker books.

I've just had a look at Temu. Honestly, how can anyone have the patience to do their Christmas shopping from a website like that? It's like virtual car boot fair or a bad day at TK Maxx. So much random stuff in no particular order and the screen is constantly changing and jumping around. I'm sure there is the odd good thing if you can be bothered to hunt for it, or just happen to stumble across it, but most of it look like rejects from the middle of Lidl. So chaotic. God knows how you start to narrow down what you want. It gives me a headache just thinking about it.

The very first page I landed on was showing novelty slippers, a thing that projects stars onto the wall, a cordless vacuum, a sink strainer, an anxiety bracelet, replacement zip pulls, a crocheted 'positive energy' duck (WTAF?) dog poo bags, a back brace and an ice skating dress.

I don't care that it seems cheap. Life is just too short to wade through all that shit.

Temu is an odd beast. One night I did an Amazon temu comparison. It does save money but you don't receive it the next day.

Our puppy eats cushion covers. At first I was upset at losing my Laura Ashley ones. So I went onto temu typed in cushion covers, duck egg blue up popped a list of suitable ones. I bought a dozen in two sizes. They arrived. Very well made. She's already eaten five of them but at the price I'm not upset.

I also bought two new sofa throws she'd been chewing.

Half my presents last year went to tombola! 😂
Apple sourz, Christmas candles and baylis and Harding toiletries that I can remember from it!

One of the things I hate now is the guilt I feel for not giving them 'enough'.

Each child has a toy they asked for as well as
A toy they ostesibly 'need': coding toy, musical instrument etc
Character clothing item
A book

Plus one present and selection box from father Christmas
Plus bubble bath and a puzzle in stocking

Yet here I am feeling guilty as it just looks so much less than what they have from others
Even though I know half of that will be in landfill by the end of the year

Going to order some 'want, need, wear, read' tags for next year to strengthen my resolve!

I'm with you OP. My immediate family OH, my adult children and me give each other only a few gifts, but they are chosen with care , often small inexpensive things, but show that we listen to each other- I am usually overwhelmed with happy tears because I feel so loved and appreciated.

My mother however is a different matter. In her world quantity is king. She buys all of us 40-50 gifts each - I dread the opening of them, having to have a fixed smile and look appreciative. She puts zero thought into the whole thing. Beard oil for my OH who is always clean shaven, a kitchen wall hanging saying " you don't have to be mad to live here but it helps," ( DS has severe MH problems), singing fish, multiple Bayliss and Harding gift sets, slipper socks. Every year I raise the issue of only buying a couple of gifts or having a limit- she will agree in October, but still buys loads of stuff that no one wants or needs.

I put everything in the boot of my car on christmas day and given away in the weeks afterwards. My local charity shop is happy to take many of the things, and a local women's shelter are always willing to take toiletry stuff for residents.

It actually makes christmas day a bit unpleasant and awkward.

Soooo glad it’s not just me! I’m in the bad books for suggesting DC 3&1 don’t need a tin of biscuits (mainly gift money) would prefer a book! And then the equal spend between, just isn’t necessary at this age! Have a done a clear out and donated though as a lot of toys have been outgrown now so have the space but mainly picked by ourselves with one or two ‘extras’

It’s confusing, because I grew up with very little and took care of the things that I had, so if I had been given a mountain of cheap toys as a kid i would have been in heaven. Maybe it’s these memories that fuel grandparents? Our kids are surrounded by excess while we as adults remember simpler times