When to cut down

[Trilby12]

At what age do you stop spending on your kids like you did when they were small/teens if at all? I have three in their twenties now and have cut back but I have friends that haven’t. Am I wrong to cut back or is it just a matter of choice? I also have two children that are preteens who still get twice as much as the older ones so that makes me wonder whether they should all have the same regardless of age. Until I realised friends still give what they always have I assumed it was just a natural thing that it was slowly withdrawn until they got 1 present 🤔

I gave only one present when ds was little, it increased more as he got to 16 or so! Tbh partly because I am richer but also he needs more, I'm.more likely to give him jumpers or trainers as well as one thing that's not a basic.

I don't think I'll.ever cut back to just 1 present. They'll always be my children, even when they're in their forties!!

My two still get stockings and this year they are getting more than the last few years as I have a bit more money and feel like spoiling us just a little.

I don't spend as much on my eldest now. I started doing this last year when he graduated and got a full time, well paid job. He has more money than me and he can afford to buy most things he wants, whereas I can't! Before that, I didn't cut back at all.

Had this exact conversation with my friend.today, ive adult ds in 30s job etc and 2 teens, im thinking of cuttimg back this year on his presents but i feel.bad

Do they have children? I think I'd spend the same until they had their own children, then reduce a bit to account for buying for my grandchildren as well (presuming no significant change in financial circumstances).

Well, I’m 35 and presents from my parents are definitely less but still very thoughtful. I love getting them gifts and hosting, and in return they get me and my DH some lovely things. Last year, my Mum knitted me a throw which is very precious to me. They buy us a National Trust membership every year for our family. The year we moved into our forever home, they got me a set of crystal glasses that I loved but was in no position to buy myself.

So yes, there are still gifts but it’s definitely more equal now. We spend probably equally on each other!

I haven't cut back on the adult dc aged 21 and 25 as I love gifting them and it's a mix of house things and luxury items they would maybe not get for themselves for various reasons. My teen I've not cut back either but everything they get they need and will use so no clutter for them. Theres no right or wrong way as you do what is right for your family.

We went to family secret Santa once they were adults as there's a lot of us. £30 spend. Saves all the tat!

I’ve 2 DDs aged 23 and 20 and a DS aged 13. I am fortunate to be able to afford to spend quite a lot of all of them and still do. DD1 is doing teacher training and DD2 is in her second year of uni. I spend similar amounts on them all. They get a stocking each too. Once they are earning I’ll probably cut back on the spend a bit. I imagine I’ll carry on buying them several presents though and continue with stockings.

I think it depends on what you can afford. If I could afford it I would still spend a lot on my 2 children but if it was a struggle I would have to cut back.

My eldest daughter has 1 child and a second due in March. I think I need a rethink on this.

I don’t have a lot of money but I’ve never let any of them go without.

I’ve not cut back , I ask for ideas and get a few surprises . One of mine is very unmaterialistic and gives very few ideas the other is little better and then wants things like a new coat which necessitates him actually looking .

It’s a good question. I think my parents started to spend less on me once I graduated and got a job. It does seem to have crept up again over the years though.

So I guess I have assumed the same with my kids. As older teens we spend about £300 each, although that includes subscriptions that run through the year.

I guess it makes sense that I buy them what they need/want at Christmas given I am anyway paying for uni, but then once they have full time jobs and are “standing on their own two feet” it gets cut back.

Interesting read. I've changed my approach to Christmas stockings - fewer items but each of them either more expensive or favourite edible treats. Probably the same for other gifts - not as many, but more valuable (not just monetarily but things with more meaning )

I haven't really cut back. At 29 and 26 I spend the same (actually the money and something to unwrap). I haven't increased the value with inflation.

We never did the big piles of presents. They got stuff like trainers, pajamas, socks, etc., when they needed them.

Speaking as an adult child, I think my parents spend about the same as they did when I was little, but now. I buy them more expensive presents too, they have religiously collected my 2 children from school once a week for 10 years so I like to buy them something nice to say thank you (they have saved me a fortune in childcare, have got me out of some tricky work /home conflicts) plus they spend lots on my DCs so I think it is fair.
I like that they still buy lots of lovely presents for me (probably around the £100 mark) and I am 45!
However if they ever said that they wanted to stop and just give a token present , that would be perfectly acceptable to me. If I had a mix of younger and older children, I think I would spend the same on each until they were self sufficient and not needing someone to buy things like trainers, bicycle, laptop etc . I would end up buying them essentials anyway so it’s good to buy them as Xmas presents.
If I had adult kids who were struggling financially while I was comfy, I would probably continue to buy nice versions of the essentials as Xmas presents.

My adult children still get half what they did as children so they are not doing bad plus they work so they don’t go without. I’m just conflicted now as to whether I’ve done the wrong thing reducing it.

23 year old still in higher education. I have cut back over the last 5 years on the number of gifts but not the amount I’ve spent. When they start a career I will cut down the amount and they can start buying me some nice things perhaps

I'm cutting down now. My oldest is 25, youngest is 17. Now my older ones work they buy themselves what they want, so by Christmas I struggle to think of things. Oldest has asked for a couple of t-shirts, and I'm also getting him a display case for his rock collection. As well as the usual stocking (which only has socks and chocs in, and a satsuma)

So although not down to one present yet it's getting that way as they get older and earn their own money.

I give all my DC and foster son the same budget for Xmas. My DC are adults now but they are still my DC. I suppose it depends if you can afford to carry on gifting them at Xmas or cutting them back. Certainly you should only gift what you can afford.

I have transferred the spending largely to grandchildren as they have come along, but I still get stockings and smaller luxury items for my children.

it also depends on their situation. My children are all struggling more than me- particularly in trying to save/buy houses so I am generous. If they were better off financially I would reduce things.

My mum still spends roughly the same money she did on me as a child. I'm in my 50s now though, so the actual value has changed considerably!

Reading all the posts has made me realise everyone is different & what I think is cutting back is still more than some get while less than what others get. I don’t feel as bad this morning. My adult children have partners that buy for them as well as jobs to enable them to buy things they need whenever they need them whereas my youngest two still rely on me & my husband completely so I think it’s fair they get more. Thank you for everyone’s input.