On who does responsibility for planning Christmas fall?

[Fairyduster24]

Anyone else feel sometimes that the weight of planning Christmas falls squarely on their shoulders? My husband is a lovely man and does his bit in all other areas of life but with Christmas he just rocks up on the day and enjoys it!

Anyone else in a similar boat?

When I try to explain the mental load to him I feel like I sound a bit bonkers because it does all sound a bit minor (ie. What presents/stocking fillers should we buy the kids and what should we buy for your Mum). He helps when I ask him for his view but there is no initiative. I think part of the problem is he isn't a big gifts guy for himself or others, but that is kind of a big part of Christmas. Likewise all the Christmas Day out planning is done by me. He is a good cook and will help with a shop and with cooking/hosting when we are hosting. It's all the other stuff.

We split it pretty evenly, I sort my family, he sorts his family (although not strict on this so there have been times where he’s seen something my mum or sister would love and gets it & vice versa, but the expectation is each do our own), then our child we do together. All the decorating and shopping for decorations we do together, we do the food shop together, we both look for & organise Christmas things like this year we have a couple of Christmas market plans, when we host then I do the cooking and then he does all the tidying up & dishes etc. It’s pretty much an even split for us I’d say and we’re both happy with that.

I did that, he stopped giving them gifts at all.

Last year (as I started a new job with more hours) I told my husband he was buying for his family and I'd buy for our two kids.
I have no parents/siblings/niblings and he has 7.
If I see/have a good idea I will tell him but I am done with the mental load of it!

I have ADHD too. I have a Christmas "To-do" list in my phone all year long.

Gift ideas, activities to book, specific items that I'll be needing and I try and have everything bought/ booked(except food items) before I put the tree up on the first December.

I can then enjoy the festivities with minimal stress.

Tell him, in no uncertain terms, that Xmas eve is to be kept clear. No shopping or wrapping up etc. It's strictly family time. Get him to say he understands and agrees.

That's his problem, not yours!

I do all of the presents. Santa for 3 dc, stockings. Plus all family gifts on my side and dh's side (10 people) - the planning, buying, wrapping, posting, hiding, everything. I organise all the Christmas cards to various cousins etc. And I stay on top of our diary - all the concerts, kids parties, Xmas outings, buying ds3's nativity costume etc.

Dh pays for it all and works OT to do so (self employed and Nov-Dec are busy months for him). He plans and organises Xmas lunch entirely. Orders/shops for it, cooks it (3 courses plus appetisers, booze etc for 13 people - all from scratch, makes his own pastry for starters, makes ice cream for desserts etc). And he does 95% of Xmas decorations, getting it all up, getting the tree etc. I faff around the edges placing the odd bauble 😂

It feels pretty even (I think).

Me, because DH is Jewish. He has to tackle Hanukkah, I'm in charge of Christmas.

All planning, buying gifts, wrapping and decorating is on me but as pp mentioned upthread, I prefer it that way as I am a complete control freak and I absolutely love Christmas. My oh does all the cooking Christmas Day and our NYE party.

I know, I just left it, no skin off my back if they dont get gifts. He gets gifts for big birthdays for them now and that's it. Even less of my business now he's an stbxh.

I do all the planning and present buying, he doesn't have any family to buy for, there's only his dad who is in his 90s and lives abroad, we send him a photo calendar. Dh does have 2 god children that I buy for because dh wouldn't have a bloody clue what to get them!

Dh used to make more effort, he's becoming very grinchy 🙁

I love planning Christmas and sorting out all the gifts and food, but if I'm overwhelmed or don't want to do something, I tell him he needs to do it himself and he does. I'm still project management but he does assist when directed! 😂

i guess i do a big chunk but he always decorates and gos through the attic for decorations .He does help me with ideas for kids but generally i find the gifts and cook but he cleans the house before and during christmas .The only thing i wish is he was better at buying gifts .Sometimes he buys me small nice things but generally its hit or miss like sometimes its something nice but one year it was a generic dinner set we needed for the kitchen.We wrap the kids gifts together though ,i do plan christmas days out but he drives and helps get things sorted for day trips .So its some shared some not i guess

I don't buy for my husband parents. My husband usually does that days before Xmas. But the kids gifts, the wrapping, the food shop, the Xmas jumpers, tickets for plays, booking of pantomime, anything and everything else - that's all on me. OR certainly on my mental load - I can ask husband to do it. And so long as I am very specific on instructions and he remembers/I remind him then he is happy to help 😂

Yes absolutely, he buys presents for his parents !!

I used to get so stressed about this too. I stepped back 8 years ago and told him we were now responsible for our own side of the family.

The first few years it was a mad rush at the 11th hour but it fizzled out and now his family don't get anything most years 🤷‍♀️

I'll admit it was difficult to watch and not make suggestions or give tips but ultimately I am less stressed and happier that I don't have an extra 4 parents, 2 siblings and spouses and 4 children of various ages to buy for ON TOP OF sorting out my own family and working FT.

I’ve only realised in the last couple of years what a mug I’ve been for over 30 years of doing 90% of the work at Xmas, from the planning what gifts to buy, to going out to buy them/order the, wrap the, hide them and the food planning, shopping and cooking.
Two years ago, I started to really ease back and when my DH retired last year, we share it much more, probably 60% me & 40% him. That said, I’m ok with 60%, as I’m better at knowing what to get people and this year will be the second year running I’ve not had to cook dinner, which means less planning and buying.

Small steps 😁

We're the opposite. I'm shit at thinking of presents, including for my own children. I just don't have ideas. DH is all over it. He started making lists and sharing them with family about a fortnight ago. Him and SIL (my brother's wife) have between them sorted our DC and my niece and nephew.

I wouldn't have a clue where to start with catering whereas he has hosted 10 people for Christmas multiple times. I, like OP's DH, do pretty much just turn up and enjoy the day.

I play to my strengths - cleaning and tidying before and after.

He organises all the decorating too. Has already arranged to go to the garden centre with MIL (needs two cars so tree can go in back with seats down and DC go in MIL's car) to get a tree and decorate it while I'm away for the weekend so I don't have to.

Yeah, mine does. He might ask me what I think (he’s a big fan of novelty gifts if he’s buying for someone a bit difficult and needs reigning in occasionally) but he’s usually got them by November to make sure they’ve got enough time to be boxed up and dropped at the post office. He often gets bits for my side too, if he sees a good buy, and they’re always very well thought out and relevant to the person he’s bought them for. He’ll budget, write a million shopping lists and will organise a couple of trips out. I could comfortably leave him in charge of Christmas and he would think of almost everything. Not Christmas cards or getting the place ‘visitor ready’, but I’m happy to do that then relax while he cooks and runs round after me.

I plan most of it.
far too elaborate and over invested but I love it. Christmassing makes me happy.

Sort of me. I say sort of because over the years, a lot has changed and improved.

So I still do the vast bulk of planning and organising but 1. Dh no longer wanders off bored if I want his input 2 dh fully appreciates the effort I put in.

He (mostly) sorts his family. He does panic buy, but no longer on Christmas eve or some.equally irritating date when I need him.available.

He deploys, without complaining, his super power of speedy last minute shopping for anything and everything that I have managed not to take into account. This is more important and useful these days because quite frankly, my life is so busy and overwhelming I find it hard to actually stay on top.of everything (I might also have mild adhd. Mostly not an issue except in these moments).

He proactively asks me what things need to.be done and that he can take off my plate.

It's taken years to get here though!

I do the bulk of it but I don't mind because DH does more than me in other areas.

I've found the Christmas topic on here invaluable, especially the bargain threads

I do the lion's share (mostly because I want to, I love Christmas and gift buying... And I'm a control freak). But we decide family plans together, and having learned from Mumsnet I've adapted a strict 'your circus, your monkeys' policy when it comes to gift buying and card writing for DH's family.

I do the gifts, we both do Xmas day hosting. I go with DH to buy ILs gifts but I generally do all the other gifts. I'm more organised and have much more time to order (finding the best value/ shopping around), receive and wrap gifts.
Christmas Day, he does breakfast, we both do food later on but that's not a full roast we have a hot buffet throughout the day.

It falls to me, because I’m a sahm and December is legitimately DH’s busiest month. Tbf he absolutely pitches in once he’s got his holiday and one lie in (so Christmas Eve) but all the planning, ordering, shopping, and wrapping falls to me. He’s happy to head out on Christmas Eve and hunt through 4 supermarkets for a missing ingredient, or organise the dc to blitz clean the house. And he is so enthusiastic about everything I cook that I overdo it just for more big smiles

His dps are impossible to buy for, and that really stresses him out and I’m too soft to leave him to sweat it. I also feel compelled to make sure mil gets something nice, because she’s organising all the presents while fil doesn’t lift a finger to help.