How does your children’s Xmas compare to yours as a child?

[Bet1439h]

Hi, when I was a child, at Christmas I received an extraordinary amount of gifts from my parents. I had no idea it was unusual at the time. I mean in 1990 they must have spent £500-1000 per child every year. Looking back at photos it was quite frankly batshit. The entire lounge was covered in gifts on Xmas morning (as you could imagine £1000 bought a lot more back then). Now I have my own kids I don’t want to do this, but I also can’t help shake the feeling that I’m letting my children down by not doing this. I feel like my kids are “poorer” than I was as a child as they don’t have this amount of stuff or the experience of such a large amount of gifts. It’s within my means to spend £250 per child for Xmas, I’m comfortable spending that and won’t miss the money.

Does anyone else that grew up receiving loads of gifts feel like they need to continue it? I feel like my expectations of Xmas are skewed.

My husbands family are the opposite and don’t do many gifts, for them maybe 5-6 things to open per child is normal. I’m not joking when I say that some years I probably had over 100 gifts from my parents at Xmas.

Going back to the 70's -My parents gave us gifts of course, but not hundreds at all, one big thing and some clothes etc.
my paternal Grandparents literally bought everything we circled in 'the catalogue' (which was our favourite pre Christmas thing to do! LOL) my maternal Granny had less money so didnt do that at all. Looking back my mother must have despaired at the amount of tat we got from the paternal grandparents. and/or felt inferior, poorer too.
We spent Christmas Day with one set of grandparents, and Boxing Day with another- thankfully as my parents relationship was awful and strained.

Our stockings were fabulous tho, always a satsuma, chocolate, a book and tiny toys, or Sindy doll clothes my Mother had made. 100% the best part of Christmas gifts was our stocking. The stocking were 'from Father Christmas', the gifts under the tree were from parents/relatives.

Do you remember the actual presents, OP? Kids do not need so many toys and the world does not need more plastic tat!!

Your kids will thank you for not contributing to the destruction of the planet via vile consumerism. Sorry but I find Xmas has completely lost its meaning with people feeling guilty over spending a huge amount of stuff no one needs.

Why £250 per child? If you're getting them stuff that will be used for years, fair enough. But if not, I strongly recommend you try a more humble approach - charity shops and Vinted/marketplace for toys so you're at least not filling the pockets of corporations and not contributing to more landfill plastic. If you spend less, you can put whatever is left over from your budget for future Christmases (for when they're older and need a laptop, phone, etc) or for when they leave home. They will appreciate the money and be grateful you saved it rather than spent it on stuff they didn't need! And kids do NOT need hundreds of toys.

Christmas will still be a big exciting day, and if they get less they're more likely to remember the presents. My 5 year old only remembers the Tonie box she got last year (nothing else, and we only got her about 5 presents). My niece remembers a set of Sylvanian families characters that she really enjoyed and the random tangerines in her stocking (not the bike or many other toys her parents got her). Point is, Christmas is about the time you spend together as a family, giving to others, not the presents.

We were "poor" growing up, a single income family for various reasons and several children. My parents would buy throughout the year when there was something on sale, buy second hand or get the "knock off" versions of the popular things so we would all have a fairly substantial pile in the morning. All presents were from Santa so they tried to make it magical and plentiful!

To be honest I don't really remember the piles of presents (I only know they existed from photographs and conversations as we got older) but I do remember all our family traditions, like having a big Christmas lunch and a snacky tea about 8pm while we watched TV. It felt so much fun to do things the wrong way around. It was just us, no grandparents or anything so those traditions were special.

With my kids they've got a big extended family so end up with a pretty large pile of presents come Christmas morning just with each of the families buying them one gift. We budget about £150 each which includes a present and stocking from Santa, and a few bits from us. We are better off than my parents were but still struggle more than many. Again though, my children talk about the Christmas traditions we are making ourselves more than presents. They love the activity advent calendar I do every year, our annual Christmas downstairs sleepover and the scavenger hunt.

It's the time spent together that really matters for us, not the material stuff.

We always had nice Christmases albeit spend wasn't a huge amount. We always had extended family round so it was busy and exciting
Bit rubbish now in comparison, parents/ relations gone, family very fractured [ siblings no contact etc] so Christmas a non event now really

Christmas.Day is not that different. Gifts are more technology-based now as there is more technology around. We probably do more Christmas-themed days out, eg a light trail.

We had huge amounts of presents and food but my parents also had huge amounts of debt and we didn't get anything else at all for the rest of the year.

My dcs get fewer gifts from us but if they need new shoes in March they can have them and they have days out and holidays which i never had.....they have the better deal imo.

My parents were comfortable but we only had a few presents each from them, a few from family, plus 1 present and a stocking from Santa. I didn't ever feel I missed out. All our presents were lovely and thoughtful, DM made a real effort and I loved the comfort of christmas traditions, helping make the christmas cake and decorating the tree. Dh had a similar experience.

My DCs christmas is very similar too. We often gift experiences. We don't do lavish presents. We've made our own traditions and they love getting stockings, and surprises that weren't on their lists.

I know the main focus is about gifts, but my Christmases are very different. We used to go to my mother's family a 3 hour drive away. Weeks leading up to it my mother would get snappy and stressed because her family were (and are) very toxic. She was the youngest and an appeaser and a scapegoat and tried to make everyone happy which delighted her own mother and her sisters because they would use her as a flying monkey in their own dramas and then round on her. Then we would drive home again and she would scream at my father, sister and i for all our transgressions - not being enthusiastic enough- walking out of the room when the fights started (sometimes literally physical). My father refused to go to any event with her family including Christmas from when I was about 13 and my sister and I would go to 'protect' my mother. When i was 15 I tried to stop my oldest aunt from screaming at my mother because she did not like the gift she got and I got punched in the face.

Few years later I left m y home country and have never spent another festive event with that side of the family again- and indeed have seen them only 4-5 times when I have been home and my mother manipulated a 'lovely family reunion' my lying to me about who would be attending dinners etc.

Our Christmases.... DH, Dcs and I are all homebodies. We stay at home. We eat too much, watch too much television and films and snuggle up together. I'd never let anyone treat my children the way I was treated. We have Christmas eve pyjamas and hot chocolate and just chill out at home.

My mother at 75 still tries to appease and please her sisters. It's a real shame. But I've stopped trying to change how she feels about it. It's a cycle she has to get out of herself now. Probably when they are dead.

Sorry to be a downer. 😫It's just something hat winds me up every year,

FWIW the Dcs get one big present and some small ones. And I love gifting experiences.

I had very busy christmases with a huge family. There was always tons of presents. My sons is the same, huge family and lots of gifts. More Christmas activities in the run up now, but there wasnt the choice in the 80s.

I was born in the 80s so the Christmases of my youth that were really magical were in the early 90s.

I remember one year in particular coming down the stairs after Santa had been and seeing the living room filled with toys. It looked like a toy shop, but because there were four of us, there was only about 4-5 gifts each. My mom was also very clever and set everything up so we could get on with opening and playing without disturbing her for a couple of hours, no interest in seeing the joy on our faces! We had two main presents and some small bits each. That year it was a tiny tears doll, a baby changing table set thing and then a vhs, a book and maybe something else small like a jigsaw. As this is what I remember as the perfect Christmas, it is naturally what I want to recreate for my son. I also don't want to over fill my house with plastic tat.

We spent last year with our inlaws as we had a newborn and my MIL presented my niece with a sack containing about 8 massive things. The whole time complaining about the other inlaws buying the kids too much 😂

I know people want to show love through gifts but there is only so much any house can cope with and any child can play with. Focus on making it magical not just throwing plastic at your children.

Yes I had a similar childhood Christmas to yours OP in the 90s but my husband's sounds like it was the complete opposite. I think we've managed to establish a good middle ground so far!

We probably budget about £2-300 per child but that's not a set amount and includes necessities like toiletries and clothes/shoes/sport-specific stuff. Their piles definitely don't resemble mine.

I got modest gifts as a dc and I bought modest gifts for my dc, this was less about the money and more about the fact I disagree with rampant consumerism. They never went without essentials but my dc didn't have the latest fad nor designer clothes consequently. They are adults now and live Christmas still including the even more scaled back spending now they are grown up, again they get what they need, their grandparents gave them£5k each but better that than random presents over the years

We have made some lovely traditions with my children such as church on Christmas Eve and a Christmas Eve buffet. I also buy lots of presents and gifts - too many really.
i grew up with a bland no effort Christmas that was all about the adults getting drunk and crashing out in front of the TV. Gifts were rubbish and few , food was unremarkable and a standard roast with no trimmings. It was grey. I think this is why I over compensate really.

This year will be different as both my kids are away with partners, one of his is away too and my dsd with us has an (extreme) so it's just another day of caring but mum will cook an amazing spread and we can both have wine as mum is teetotal so can drive us in emergency to hospital (frequent alas)

We’ve always done Santa/parent presents in stockings/sacks/piles and presents from
other family members/friends under the tree. We also divide opening presents so Santa presents are for in the morning, and tree presents in the afternoon, which can work well in terms of breaking up the day. If family are coming round, gifts for them go under the tree too. There are usually quite a few!

Christmas has become so commercialised. I was born in 1950, I was never sold the Father Christmas story. There was an actual sock hanging on the end of the bed,it was the orange,nuts, little gifts. I knew my parents filled it, I would wake up in the night, and check I never caught them. We always stayed with my paternal grandparents, presents exchanged were after lunch, when we all settled down. All my friends of roughly the same age, said they opened them on the bed as soon as they woke up, they thought I was weird,that seemed weird to me, but a lot of the relatives didn't arrive till almost lunchtime. By the time people got married had their own family,there was 30 plus of us,it was agreed, presents for children only. We carried on with our own dks like this,I'm an only child, with parents coming for Christmas lunch. Then second DH, big family expected to attend family lunch, I worked nights, wanted to go to bed, after some years,we said no, we're staying at home,to say it wasn't well received was a big understatement! Ended up not speaking for over a year! My kids don't have much money,2 are regular disabled, they don't like it if you buy for them and they can't afford to reciprocate,so we do a secret Santa with a price limit. Gks, have a saving account, everyone gets what I call a "tree present", something little that will hang on the tree.

When I was a child, Christmas was miserable. My parents didn’t make much of an effort with anything, they begrudgingly put a tree up which we weren’t allowed to touch, they got little joy from giving gifts although we did get lots of presents but that was to compete with other family members. There was always a row and they weren’t interested in spending time with us.

Christmas for my children has always been very different. Our house is decorated by us all, we have family and friends over, we do lots of things together even now that they’re teens and adults. The only thing similar to my childhood Xmas is that we do buy our children lots of gifts, but they’re given with love, not to compete with anyone else.

My partners family didn’t buy him many gifts as a child but he loves buying our children lots of gifts.

Christmas as a child for me was awful. We'd get a stocking with a few small bits, and a few presents under the tree. But I was the oldest kid to a single mother with serious MH issues, and all December from about the age of 7 I'd be comforting her crying about what she couldn't afford/how to make money stretch. I started giving up whatever I'd have spent on my presents so she could buy nicer ones for my siblings. I remember staying up all night Christmas Eve helping her wrap the gifts for my siblings because she'd only get her benefits then and it was a mad rush to get everything done on time.

Now - I go too far the other way 😂 Making Christmas magical for DS and also my siblings/parents. I do wonder if DS as an adult will look back at 'wasteful' gifts and excess, and go for smaller mindful gifts with his family. Time will tell! I try not to go too OTT though (not hundreds of presents, but enough to fill under the tree)

My children get loads more presents than I did. I over bought when they were little but feel it's about right now.
One of the big differences for me is that DH and I watch the DC open their presents. My parents never did, we got our Father Christmas presents in a sack on our beds and opened them whenever we woke up.
I also don't remember believing in FC, I remember seeing the sack being brought in by my drunk, giggling parents when I was 4 and that was that. I never said a word though as I was worried I'd be in trouble, they still don't know to this day!!
We don't tend to travel at Christmas either which is a bit of a shame for my DC, I loved being squished in the car and sleeping on the floor at GP's houses with cousins etc. We do have lots of people to our house though, so in that respect Christmas is pretty much the same. Busy, noisy and lots of people and fun.

How old are your children, OP? Unless they're already used to getting loads of Christmas presents then surely they'll take whatever they get as normal. I have no idea how much my dad spent when I was a child but I always got nice presents and things I appreciated. One year when my mum got laid off we didn't get very much but we were old enough to understand. The following year we all got big presents, my brother got a bike and I got a hifi. I suppose my dad wanted to compensate for the previous year.

My kids are aged between 9 and 21 and I always spend as close to £100 each as I can. They get one or two big presents from Father Christmas then in their stockings they get a book, a small toy, a chocolate orange and chocolate coins. The £100 also paid for presents for the four of them to give to each other but now the older two are adults and have jobs, they pay for their own presents for their siblings.

I spend about £100 -150 on dd. She goes to a private school and gets the best education I can afford instead of fancy gifts. She's not into the latest labels or expensive tech because she sees how transient it is. When she's at uni I'll fix bits of the house that need work, but until then we both agree her education is the most important use of my salary. My Christmases were similar - fewer presents doesn't mean less fun.

My family was relatively wealthy growing up, we had plenty of gifts but what I always wanted and rarely got was something that I actually wanted and asked for.

We were asked for and wrote lists, we could afford it. I never asked for tat. It was always practical stuff, but 2/3 years I would get pillow cases, books on academic subjects (my dad's maths books from the 60s!) because I 'liked' the subject. Weird pieces of art that weren't really age appropriate, awful frilly clothing.

Every year was disappointing and like I was a distant niece rather then their daughter. Like they didn't know me or really cared what I wanted or thought what I wanted was stupid. Notably two things I asked for were given to my brother (remote control car and digital camera) when he hadn't asked for them.

Give them things that let them know you listened and that you care and know them. It doesn't have to be everything.

I try to strike a balance between practical stuff, things they asked for and other 'surprise' things you think they will like that weren't on their list. I limit big stuff, plastic and expensive items. If you don't think a particular gift is appropriate. TELL THEM.

Your job as a parent is not to make them happy RIGHT NOW. Your job is to give them the tools to allow them to be happy now and in the future. That means experiencing Joy, excitement and love but also managing expectation, entitlement, and yes sometimes disappointment.

Mine were good Christmas's untill about age 6 and then they started getting sadder as my parents marriage deteriorated. When my mum left I realised she was the one that did Christmas. So from 11years old onwards they were really sad. It was on me to "do" Christmas. Otherwise, my dad wouldn't. We might get one present of something really random we didn't want. I had to wrap and help pick numerous girlfriends presents that's where my dad spent his money.

My children's are much happier and stable. Don't have much money to spend on doing mountains of presents but we do try and get them their most wanted items. We happily decorate/ do traditions and light trails. We also talk to them about how they want to do Christmas too.

I wish we had more loving healthy extended family to do games with /visit have more variety but hey ho.
The inlaws get them presents but things they aren't interested in for example the same paw patrol puzzle 4 years running 😬 not one of my children have ever been interested in paw patrol.
It's difficult when you don't have much money and have to be really selective or as adults we might go without. To then see the waste others spend. But that's a me issue. Everyone is free to do what they want with their money. I really hope my children don't feel left out or unloved because they haven't got present mountain's

Our Christmas's in the 90's were insanely full of presents in the living room - stockings (sacks) at the end of the bed full of presents, with more presents from the grandparents later in the day.
Now we have DD my DP thinks she has too many presents, as his was completely different, BUT she has a lot less than me, and I don't necessarily think it's a bad thing to not set the expectations too high - as i'm pretty sure if I woke up on Christmas morning as a kid with less than the year before i'd have been disappointed.