How do you explain charity to children who believe in Santa

[elorana]

Evening all, I'm getting a bit ahead of myself but I have an 18-month old DS who is soon going to celebrate his second Christmas with us. He's obviously still not very aware of what this is all about, we're more at the stage where each bauble, tinsel and garland make him clap with excitement (!), but as I'm busy preparing for the festive season I started to question how other parents manage Christmas and charity. My DH and I donate toys to a Christmas present appeal each year, we buy one a month so we have a few to give and it remains manageable as we buy during the year. We would very much like DS to believe in Santa if he wants to, but how do you explain to him that you give toys for less fortunate children at this time of year? I'd ultimately like to get him involved once he's a bit older and teach him compassion but don't want to ruin the whole Santa thing for him if he chooses to believe. Any good tips from parents who are in a similar situation?

We always do one present from Santa but the rest are from each person.

Can you just say that some families need help with this?

Santa brings the main present here, but they get something from us, grandparents etc as well.

When we talk about others not having as much as us, they assume that's what we mean.

yes, I mean we do one big present and a stocking from Santa, same as PP

No idea. Dc1 busted the Santa myth in Reception, aged 4, when the school had a Giving Tree in the hall and encouraged the kids to bring presents for the poor children who wouldn’t otherwise get any.
The basic premise was good, obviously, but I was gutted that there was no real way I could explain why these kids had been left off Santa’s list 🤷🏻‍♀️

I agree with PP that it’s rather more straightforward if your DC believes that Father Christmas brings the stocking. And that tree presents come from people (parents, grandparents etc, even pets!)

So icw charity, Father Christmas would still bring a stocking, but you’re helping their parents provide presents for under the tree.

This is also useful if you ever have to explain why Santa can’t magic up big presents. Or if they ever notice disparities between families

We always told our kids that we send money to Santa to pay for the toys and that he picks some of them and we tell him other stuff that they want. The kids know that it depends on how much we want/can spend. Plus the elves unionised and demanded a fair wage 😂

Easy - as others say, Santa brings the stocking and other presents are from whomever actually gave them.

Otherwise you're heading for trouble down the line when your DC wonder why you never get them presents.

Also, Christmas is about giving - as you are to the charity - not just receiving, so the DC needs to see you doing that to understand it. And when older they can give presents too.

In our house Santa brings one ‘medium’ present, and fills the stocking with 5-6 small things, usually including something mum/dad would never buy (like slime or a recorder or some other noisy, messy thing). The main present comes from mum and dad because we want them to understand the value of the gift, and that we worked for it not that it appeared by magic.

Other presents come from the giver, and once the child is old enough to understand they’re involved in buying gifts too.

We talk about money and how much things cost generally too, like when they see the foodbank box, or have harvest festival at school, or they ask for a toy while we’re buying a cousins birthday present.

Santa's reindeer can't find some of the children who don't have homes this Christmas - so Santa has written to ask kind people to please send some presents to those children, so that they won't miss out. That's a good way of getting at the real issue truthfully - that some children are homeless and won't get presents this year unless others offer them charity - but doesn't make it seem as though Santa himself doesn't know and care for all children (rather it is a logistical problem with the reindeer navigation). This can work instead of or alongside an explanation involving the financial situation of the children's families.

Santa brings the stocking, the other presents are from the people that actually gave them.

It also prevents the problem where presents from other family members are 'from santa' and they don't get a thank you - seen several of those threads on here!

I think you'll set yourself up for an easier time all round if you do some variant of Santa brings the stockings, presents under the tree are from mum and dad or similar, particularly if you want to encourage 'believing' as long as possible (otherwise you'll end up with questions about why Santa brought Ben at school an Xbox but not him, or why Santa can't bring gold-plated trainers or whatever they'll be wanting in 5 years!). Then if the question arises you can say you're sure Santa will bring the poor children a stocking but their mum and dad might not be able to get them any extra presents, or similar. Or you could just say maybe Santa's not sure of their address or their mum and dad might not have the milk and biscuits to put out for Santa (or whatever tradition you're going to do).

Mine never questioned it at all though, so you're probably overthinking! Mind you we did try and practice charity as a year round thing not just at Christmas so maybe that helped. I do remember though youngest DD after some kind of event to gather donations or food for needy children asking me very earnestly why the children couldn't just ask at school for help, she had such faith in the absolute power and kindness of teachers, bless her heart. Children have a lot of faith in the goodness of the world and innocence is what I'm saying so I doubt it will worry your little one unduly doing a present drive.

Thank you all, some really sound advice and I like the idea of having presents from both Santa and the family under the tree. Back when I was a kid everything came from Santa and I can't help but feel it must have made my parents a bit sad we didn't realise this was actually them showing how much they loved us - well, until the bubble burst at least!
Might try with the stockings being from Santa and see where it gets us. It does indeed make the whole charity aspect much more understandable for the little one

My parents always said parents had to send money to Santa for the presents, which explained why I always had plenty and a friend of mine only got a pack of felt tip pens one year - her parents couldn't afford to send much money. I've carried on that explanation. This year my daughter (age 7) has been pushing for me to get her a present too as her friend gets a present from her parents as well as stuff from Santa. I've just reiterated that I pay for all of the stuff that Santa brings so it's like they're presents from me anyway.

If Santa only brings modest stockings of gifts and everything else is from you it saves a lot of problems

Op don't over think these things.

Just say Christmas is a time of charity giving and that's that.
If you happen to have a child who starts to question that aspect you can say we don't know what that dc will get but does it matter if they get a few more gifts when they have no x yz etc.

I've never done fc that he can get anything let alone everything, you can make lists but who knows.

Even things from other family members eg grandparents? That seems very odd to me, did they never get a thank you for their gift?

Just never start the idea of Father Christmas bringing everything. I'd never heard of that as a concept until I was on MN a few years ago.

For us it was always stockings from FC and that's small bits; chocolate and stickers and bubbles and little cuddly toys etc. Everything else has always been from the people it's from and appears under the tree whenever it arrives at our house.

So my parents would always make us thank my grandparents for example for keeping the gift safe or bringing it over if they were coming for dinner but yeah, that's how it worked. I have to precise I was raised in France where this is common practice.
I do prefer the idea of a split between Santa and the family, it also makes Santa feels less of a 'lie' somehow!

It may seem odd to you if you can't comprehend families do different things I suppose. Children generally only believe for a short few years, adults can invariably cope with not being personally thanked by a child they chose to buy a present for if they know the family work it this way.

OP honestly children don't overthink stuff as much as people think they do when they're young. Just say santa inspires you to want to give gifts to others as he does or something.

@elorana

Back when I was a kid everything came from Santa and I can't help but feel it must have made my parents a bit sad we didn't realise this was actually them showing how much they loved us - well, until the bubble burst at least!

This is how I found out my DDs knew Father Christmas was a myth. I'd being doing the whole thing: mince pie, sherry, carrot for the reindeer, talcum powder footprints from the fireplace etc for far too long, I now realise. They said they knew he wasn't real and felt bad because they couldn't thank us for the stocking presents the one under the tree that was supposed to be from FC.
The other thing we found useful (though not to do with your query, sorry) was to tell them that they'd get a present from him but they couldn't specify what it was. They could ask us if they wanted something and we'd try to get it, but it helped get around the whole potential "Father Christmas is magical so he could bring me eg a pony/grand piano/the real Peppa" or something.

I have an older child who's asked about why i buy toys for toy appeals.

I ezplain, as others do well father christmas brings us a few presents and mummys and daddys and family give the others. But some mummys and daddys don't have much money so we help them out. I have been asked why he doesn't bring all the presents. But thats easy as he has millions of boys and girls to buy for and only so much room in his sleigh.

We also often clear her old toys and clothes out together to give away to boys and girls who need them. She now often does this unpromted at 4.

We're very lucky and she knows that and is reminded of that. I think claiming everything is from santa causes alot of problems further down the line when they get to 5/6 and start comparing with friends.

This is what we do, sort of a celestial Amazon, with a lucky dip element.

We also have a magic cupboard that sends things to Santa/the birthday fairy when we have to buy the item in the children’s presence.

My parents went with this, way back before Amazon in the 80’s.

Stockings only are from FC.

In our house father Christmas brings a stocking with small gifts. The main presents come from us and the family. I think it teaches greater appreciation and means we can talk about things like this without any issues.

Santa brought the stocking and one gift only here. The rest were us and family and friends. Don’t go down the route of Santa brings everything. That way you can explain charity giving.