Very tiny Christmas

[crochetmonkey74]

There will just be two of us for Christmas this year (not a partner)
and we have both experienced a lot of bereavement and grief over the last few years. In previous years, we have really gone all out and tried to make the best of it but this year are feeling the pull to have a very low key small Christmas.
If you do this, would you mind sharing what you do?
In previous years we have gone abroad, stayed at fancy hotels, rented a lovely beach property etc etc but it always seems to somehow highlight that we are having to do all that to escape the lonely truth of just being us two. I have previously been in an unhappy relationship in a large family so I know that more people doesn't automatically mean more happiness, but it can feel like it highlights the grief.

Any ideas or chats of solidarity?

I'd probably go out for lunch locally or at least go for a few drinks in a nice pub after lunch

yes we have booked lunch out - I think I am probably over worrying. It's just really hard when you picture everyone else having very lovely big family Christmasses. Ironically, when I still had a big family, one year, I decided to go away with a friend just the two of us, so I've done a small Christmas before but somehow this now seems lonely

I will be on my own, apart from cooking something decent and watching telly, I don't do much. DIY starts on boxing day!

Sorry for your loss.

Personally, when we have been away for Christmas, I have found it quite soulless.

I ended up unexpectedly stuck alone at the last minute at Christmas because of lockdown. Not quite the same thing as we were at least able to FaceTime to open presents, play games and eat together. I didn’t feel like doing much but then I dashed out and bought a Christmas tree on Christmas Eve, spent the evening decorating it and finishing icing the cake, then went totally overboard with pampering myself, dressing up, lighting candles, playing Christmas music and making lovely food on Christmas Day. Why wouldn’t you do those things (if you enjoy them) just because there are only 2 of you? You’re worth the effort! I spent 25 years making Christmas lovely for everyone else so why not do it for myself? Maybe that would work for you if you feel ready to make new traditions?

I am in the same position as you with a relative and bereavement in the last few years. It is just the two of us, we stay at home, have food we love and television programmes we enjoy. We decorate to make the house feel festive but don’t over do it. It is a very quiet Christmas for us but it is actually nice and we enjoy it. We do just a couple of presents each but for us it is about the food, tv, reading and feeling comfortable and cosy.

i agree about the going out for lunch or staying in a hotel on Christmas Day and seeing right in front of you families enjoying Christmas together can make our situation feel hard that there is just the two of us so we stay at home. We do enjoy it and make the best of it, it could be a lot worse and we count our blessings.

It sounds great and more people does not equal a better time
It's very hard when you imagine all around you are having more fun but some will be envious of a quiet one
You're still making an effort to mark the day. Many wouldn't if they have been bereaved.
It will just be me and my adult son here and neither of us want a traditional roast so we will do a " keep it coming" airfryer hot buffet, with baked Camembert, mini party foods and something like Tiramisu for dessert.
I will string a few fairy lights around a driftwood wreath and a few ornaments on the sideboard( snow globe etc)
We"ll have a couple of drinks through the day and watch the Gavin and Stacey Christmas special
He will open a few presents and that's the day done
We always have a good day so relax and make the best of your day too

How do you guys cope in the run up? Do you feel like your Christmas is too small? Does it make you feel lonely?

One of my favorite traditions in the run up to Christmas is to read Nigel Slaters Christmas chronicles, they are heavy focused on small food based choices for himself and I think one other.
He life doesn't seem lesser because it is less populated with people in his home. It seems serene and thoughtful.

Its generally just DH and myself, unless we go abroad to where my family are. Due to family dynamics in the UK, and being NC with DH's sister, we don't go to the family home for a Christmas meal if they are there. Sometimes his mum will visit us, but mainly for a cuppa and not a full meal. We've also had family bereavement this year, so unsure what his dad will want to do.
Edited to say we don't/can't have children.

Some things we have done, just the 2 of us:
-Had a meal out over Christmas in a restaurant
-Take the dog for an early morning walk along the beach/park
-Walk around in the evening and see Christmas lights
-Play boards games
-Stay in PJ's and watch Christmas films/TV

It's been just me and my adult son for nearly 10 years now, since my DH died. I've never had a huge family Christmas like some people, but now there's just the two of us it can feel a bit sad sometimes. We always go out for Christmas day lunch and I book a later table so I've time for a nice walk in the morning. It also means the evening isn't too long (if that makes sense). My son lives at home but basically retreats to his own bedroom most of the time. We went away to hotels for the first few years after DH died and although it was very pleasant it was mostly other couples staying so it sort of accentuated DH's absence and to a degree made my son feel a bit out of place. I do miss the run up though - buying treats, ordering the turkey etc. Although I know I used to curse trying to fit everything in and working full time! You just have to make the best of the hand you're dealt.

Me, DH and DD rent an apartment on the coast and have nice walks on the prom. Don’t do a lot of cooking - go out for lunches, take a jigsaw. Christmas lunch is sometimes pizza with all the sides. This year it’s a veggie wellington from Lidl with all the trimmings. Might give each other a small gift. Drink lots of champagne. One year watched back to back episodes of Criminal Minds. That was a great day!

I think you'd be surprised how many people have a tiny Christmas. Many people are just having Christmas with the people they live with every day.

For years and years I hosted bigger family days but, after illness and bereavement, the last four years (except last year) have just been me and an elderly relative. I focus on making it really special for her. I like the run up to it but Christmas Day itself has always left me a bit cold!

We get extra special food to eat and I take out subscriptions to various streaming services so all the things I've wanted to watch all year are saved up for a good binge.

Last year, I got Covid so had to cancel at the last minute and spend it on my own. Whilst I wouldn't necessarily mind this too much, I hadn't planned for it and it was a bit miserable feeling so rotten.

I spent lots of Christmas’ with just my eldest DC when he was a young child. I had a ‘regular’ Christmas, Quality Streets came out Xmas Eve, presents in the morning, I did a roast and then we had chocolate log, selection box, Wallace and Gommit on the TV.

I didn’t ever think it was too small and the run up was simple, I bought some presents, christmas napkins Christmas food and decorated my flat. In a way it was better than now as there is so much hype and expectations.

Just treat it as a normal day. Lie in, read a book, go for a walk, cook a pizza, whatever..... No tree, decorations, "Xmas food".....just normal stuff. Have a chilled, relaxing 24 hours. It really is just a day, you know.

What do you enjoy about Christmas? I'd identify all of those things and do them.
I'm not religious but love a Christingle service it reminds me of my childhood.
Local pub does a charity Christmas quiz, mince pies and carols on Christmas eve and then we walk along the beach home - I appreciate that is very specific to where I live.

It's just two of us, and it never feels lonely because I loathe the commercialisation of Christmas. I don't want to play happy families at all. I like being solo and ignoring the whole thing.

I love a small, stress free Xmas. We still cook a lovely dinner - and don’t have to time it round other people. We light the fire, watch what we want. We decorate how we want. Walk the dogs, whatever we fancy.

I have a business that is pretty busy over the festive period and only have Xmas day off. But you could plan walks with a stop at a nice cafe for a mulled wine or hot choc, or go to Christmas markets or light switch on nights.

I much prefer it to big, loud xmases with the in laws. I must be anti social.

on Xmas eve I’d have the best cheese board pick tea and watch a film. On Xmas day I’d go for a nice long walk (probably the beach) and have my fave tea in the evening. On Boxing Day I’d find somewhere to go out to.

Christmases on my own were delightful. Wake up - good coffee - read, have shower, open any presents... Lovely walk, light lunch of things I like..treats. Lots of phone calls and messages. The radio. . A bit of pottering and lots of telly / films/ books.... Favourite dinner - simple. More telly and chats on the phone then bed. Felt special and lovely.
It will be nice OP - keep it simple...

To be honest I prefer the run up to Christmas rather than the day itself. The day itself always feels poignant to me as I remember my family members who are no longer with us. It is strange, I like the nice food and treats, the favourite tv programmes but at the same time I want it over so everyone goes back to normal. I do think people without family often struggle a bit at Christmas as it is very much pushed on everyone that Christmas is a family time, 14 for dinner, not enough seats etc, Uncle Joe snoring after lunch etc. I had that type of Christmas as a child and would like to experience it again but sadly my family members are gone and it is just myself and one relative now. It sounds miserable but actually it isn’t, it is just tiny and very quiet but that is ok.

Celebrate the little things. Go out and see the lights. Burn an advent candle each day. Treat yourself to an advent calendar - doesn't have to be expensive!

And how about a mindfulness calendar? Some ideas here:
https://www.etsy.com/uk/listing/1604029750/printable-mindfulness-advent-calendar-25?gpla=1&gao=1&&utmsource=google&utmmmedium=cpc&utmcampaign=shoppinggukenngbe-paperrandpartyysupplies&utmcustom1==kCjwKCAiAxKy5BhBbEiwAYiWxx3ZdQYDRNTpL6CMxfaJQKjmKw9Bk4dEEdGj4RP6OYKTskvyfkYNBoCFMkQAvDBwEEk&utmmcontent=go2162995055221674563828587108391548699aud-2079782229334:pla-314261241107m1604029750engbb102858184&utmcustom2=21629950552&gaddsource=1&gbraid=0AAAAADutTMdePGUYQNILD6E7P60FHGDSr&gclid=CjwKCAiAxKy5BhBbEiwAYiWxx3ZdQYDRNTpL6CMxfaJQKjmKw9Bk4dEdGj4RP6OYKTskvyfkYNBoCFMkQAvDDBwE

Go out for a winter walk. Go to a carol service or to hear your local brass band play carols. Anything to make you feel happy.

The lonely truth of just being you two? I’m just me and I love Christmas. Lights, quiet, time to be yourself. Decide when and how you’re going to decorate. Book a theatre trip together. Read, walk, listen to music or plays that you love. Watch favourite films, get up when you want, go to bed when you want. Plan a project together. Do something special for each other. If you don’t like who you’re with then I can see it’s a problem.

One of my favourite Christmas was just me and DH; we did what we wanted, opened champagne at 10am, fell asleep watching a film mid afternoon, got out favourite treats and some really nice presents for each other. It was lovely and special.

Our families are abroad so we normally always have a tiny Christmas with 2 people.

I quite like it tbh, it's very low key. We have a posh breakfast, a daytime walk and Christmas dinner in the evening. No rushing around, no stress, no family squabbles.

It's just going to be me and teen dd this Christmas, I'm looking forward to it tbh.

No pressure, will do a nice dinner, take the dog out, watch telly and maybe get the board games out.

I'm working either side so not going to stress about it.