34 Christmas dinners cooked and I'm done.

[Houseplanter]

So I've hosted family for 34 years. My kids, elderly parents, kids family.

And I'm so done with it. I have grandchildren spread across the country who I love dearly but have no desire to see them at Christmas particularly (I'm a very involved GP the rest of the year) and def don't expect to be a guest.

I've lost all my other family.. my parents, my siblings, aunts and uncles. I do find the whole thing very melancholy.

Is it selfish to just want to hunker down now and let them all get on with it without me?

No. But tell them now so they can make their own plans for budgeting for food etc.

Why would that be selfish?

The majority of my friends (we're in our 50s) go to their adult DCs for Christmas now.

Mine still come to us, but my DH takes care of Christmas dinner as he enjoys it.

If he didn't, we'd make other arrangements.

Not selfish. But may I suggest you find something different for your Xmas day, rather than re-live the last 34 xmas's by yourself. Do it different.

Got to a similar stage and decided to spend Christmas as differently as I could. One year volunteered with Crisis another went abroad to Istanbul for a walking holiday. Have done cookery courses in Italy and holidays in South Africa & Vietnam. Found it such a relief to step away from all the expectations and work associated with the holiday in the UK. I don't have close family and what remains of my nearest & dearest are happily focused on their own families.

Not unreasonable, but make sure you tell your kids in advance

Not selfish at all! Cooking and hosting is incredibly tiring and not much fun, especially if you are cooking for quite a few people. Just let your family know in advance that you would like to do it a little differently this year. What would you like to do on Christmas Day?

Definitely not selfish! You've done enough. But let everyone know now so that they have time to get used to the idea and can make other plans.

I’m nearly 25 years in to hosting every event but nowhere near the grandkids stage. I don’t have anyone older than me in my family, I don’t have any adult children yet, so nobody is going to take over there either. I cook a two course roast every Sunday and add extra trimmings at Christmas and have just been informed it’s 21 for dinner this Christmas Day, 11 are staying over, I wish I had the big house that implied but I don’t.

Don't blame you at all

Have a peaceful Christmas

@IdaClair who informed you of this? Honestly, I would be going abroad on my own instead of doing that! It would be a hell of a lot cheaper as well.

Just make sure you tell everyone now so they can make arrangements.

How would that be selfish? Christmas is an utter faff, and it’s usually always on the woman to organise - the marathon of cooking, cleaning, buying presents, decorations, making sure everyone is happy, etc etc, whilst everyone gets to sit around, feeling the “magic of Christmas” that you created. Honestly, surely it’s that one time of year that you can just sit and put your feet up, and watch some good telly and have a glass of wine., or whatever? I can’t wait, for when our children are older, to just book one of those Christmas lunches at a pub or restaurant. For me that would be bliss.

Don’t feel guilty. Christmas is so overhyped, and so unnecessarily expensive. Do what you want to do, however way you want to do it.

Not selfish whatsoever. I've told my family that I shall be away next year for Christmas-I adore all of them but the whole thing just drives me mad now. I loved it when the kids were younger- I live the traditional aspect, but absolutely hate the commercialism of it all. Materialism actually makes me angry and I find it so frustrating when you ask what people would like and they can't think of anything as they all have everything they need (all adults and working now).
I've always fancied being in a remote part of the country for Christmas and that's exactly what I'm planning next year, with my dogs. We only have one life.

No. Not selfish. Just inform them now so they can plan ahead.

Bloody hell! How did you get informed of that? Surely you invite people?

Totally understand but it might be difficult to get your family to go along with it.

Would you be genuinely happy on your own or would you prefer to go somewhere to be hosted for a change? Would a 'drop in' work for you to go to a relatives briefly?

There are so many assumptions around Christmas that it can be hard to get people to understand you really do want to do something different.

I have done walking holidays at Youth hostels to escape family chaos/conflict when younger and whilst I really enjoyed it the fallout from having not done 'the right thing' was long lived (clearly it wasn't about the right thing for me).

As suggested above if you let people know well in advance it will give them time to come round to it, but be prepared for them to try and convince you of what they think is best for you (or them).

Do you actually enjoy this? So basically, you don’t get a Christmas because you are constantly cooking and cleaning

I hope you tell everyone specific things to bring for their contribution, and organise a work rota so you get time to sit and enjoy the festive season too! No turning up with one bottle of wine and eating you out of house and home. If it were me, those 11 overnighters would be asked to bring their own sleeping bags and towels..

No! Not selfish at all to just do what you want to do for a change especially after 34 years! But tell them now so they can make their own plans.

Hope you have a lovely relaxed yule holiday this year.

I'm totally with you.

I've done Christmas for family for 25 years and this year I've protested and said I'm only doing it for my immediate family of 6. Everyone is pissed off with me (how dare I ruin their Christmas! Now they'll have to cook for themselves!) But, I'm sticking to my guns.

Just tell them it is someone else's turn to host !

Good for you @overdog ! So after 25 years I take it no one else said why don't you come to us, we'll do it? Enjoy your cosy family of six xmas celebration this year.

I'm with you on this one!

I think I've done 33. I still have octagenarian parents, and an unemployed sibling who will expect to come join me - plus 3 adult kids and partners, and a teenager still at home. No GC, but all adult offspring clearly think I should be delighted to host the lovely family childhood Chrismasses that I've done every year of their lives.

I am so bored with it. And everybody reverts back to their childhood when Mother did it all. Even though they are adults they do nothing much to help - might make a half assed attempt at stacking the dishwasher (adult DC). Parents and sibling sit around and expect to be picked up, fed, entertained, and run home again the minute they have had enough.

Everyone loves it except me. I'd love to just go away somewhere and pretend it isn't happening, but know that there would be reproachful, hurt looks and feelings.

I'm afraid I thought from title that you were super organised and had done all your food prep and frozen it.
I agree go away and spoil yourself

Oh poor you. I'd hate this.

You're in charge. It's never too late to make a list of jobs and hand them out - if the person assigned to setting the table, organising drinks, heating canapes etc doesn't do their bit, simply let it stay undone.