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Original poster

34 Christmas dinners cooked and I'm done.

33 replies

Houseplanter · 16/10/2024 23:02

So I've hosted family for 34 years. My kids, elderly parents, kids family.

And I'm so done with it. I have grandchildren spread across the country who I love dearly but have no desire to see them at Christmas particularly (I'm a very involved GP the rest of the year) and def don't expect to be a guest.

I've lost all my other family.. my parents, my siblings, aunts and uncles. I do find the whole thing very melancholy.

Is it selfish to just want to hunker down now and let them all get on with it without me?

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 17/10/2024 10:53

What do you really want to do OP, what would your best possible Christmas look and feel like? Do that! Enjoy every minute.

FrenchandSaunders · 17/10/2024 11:11

I don't blame you at all OP, it's time to make a change.

We're doing something different this year, booked an air bnb by the sea. Enough bedrooms for adult kids and their partners to come if they want to. I'll pop to M&S a day or two before and buy everything ready to pop into the oven (except roast potatoes!).

We plan to have lovely walks by the sea, pop into a few pubs, have a chill in front of the log burner in the air bnb with a book. Go out for dinner or takeaway on the other days. Can't wait.

genesis92 · 17/10/2024 11:18

Is this because you have the largest house? Unfortunately your generation is going to be the first to have larger houses than their children. Just the way it is now.

Doesn't mean you have to host of course, that's your decision. However most people my age (early 30s) don't have houses big enough to host the whole extended family in.

We go to my mums still as she has the space but make sure we practically do all the cooking and cleaning.

reabies · 17/10/2024 11:27

We are in the opposite position, would love my parents and PILs to pass the torch as it were, but still keep getting invited each year. And then feel mean and like we are rejecting them when we say no, we'd like to spend it in our own home. Maybe I'd like to cook my own Christmas Dinner for once, with the trimmings I've chosen, and sleep in my own bed at the end of the day.

Anyway, all this to say, no it's absolutely not selfish to do what you want to do for Christmas. Whether that's hosting or going somewhere else on your own. Everyone else can make their own plans accordingly.

JoBoJoBo · 17/10/2024 20:38

reabies · 17/10/2024 11:27

We are in the opposite position, would love my parents and PILs to pass the torch as it were, but still keep getting invited each year. And then feel mean and like we are rejecting them when we say no, we'd like to spend it in our own home. Maybe I'd like to cook my own Christmas Dinner for once, with the trimmings I've chosen, and sleep in my own bed at the end of the day.

Anyway, all this to say, no it's absolutely not selfish to do what you want to do for Christmas. Whether that's hosting or going somewhere else on your own. Everyone else can make their own plans accordingly.

Why not invite them to yours to give them a break if they have cooked for you for years ?

JoBoJoBo · 17/10/2024 20:42

Hatty65 · 17/10/2024 10:29

I'm with you on this one!

I think I've done 33. I still have octagenarian parents, and an unemployed sibling who will expect to come join me - plus 3 adult kids and partners, and a teenager still at home. No GC, but all adult offspring clearly think I should be delighted to host the lovely family childhood Chrismasses that I've done every year of their lives.

I am so bored with it. And everybody reverts back to their childhood when Mother did it all. Even though they are adults they do nothing much to help - might make a half assed attempt at stacking the dishwasher (adult DC). Parents and sibling sit around and expect to be picked up, fed, entertained, and run home again the minute they have had enough.

Everyone loves it except me. I'd love to just go away somewhere and pretend it isn't happening, but know that there would be reproachful, hurt looks and feelings.

Have you a partner that could take over the cooking ?

reabies · 18/10/2024 08:06

JoBoJoBo · 17/10/2024 20:38

Why not invite them to yours to give them a break if they have cooked for you for years ?

Show quote history

Our house does not have anywhere for people to sleep, and neither set want to be in a hotel over Christmas. We live too far away for a day visit. We were hoping to have moved before this year's Christmas, but it's not going to happen. Hopefully next year we'll be able to issue an invitation!

My point was more that they are absolutely welcome not to cook for us, but get sad when we say we are not coming.

Hatty65 · 18/10/2024 15:52

@JoBoJoBo I've got a DH who does cook occasionally, but would bloody struggle to get a decent Christmas dinner for 14 or so out on the table. He'll peel and prepare the veg the night before for me, but his cooking is limited to knocking up a chilli or something fairly basic.

I'm just bored with having everyone to cook for and host on Christmas Day. I'd rather lie in bed til late morning then get up and eat cheese on toast to be honest. I prefer a peaceful time, rather than the entire family milling about the house.

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