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Original poster

AITA or are my in laws out of line?

41 replies

Mum8929 · 25/12/2023 11:08

Sorry if this is a bit of a rant, staying over at in laws over Christmas. They told us before coming they had gone out and done many food shops to prepare. They’ve known and planned for this week of staying over for almost a month but every meal there’s just not enough food being served. With SIL and her partner we are six adults at every meal. BIL is a big guy he’s prob around 6”2 and is very into sports so eats a lot. In laws are aware of this yet they made a roast yesterday and only served two roast potatoes each and two pieces of broccoli. BIL even started bringing over frozen chicken nuggets to have with his meals. When we all made comments that we were being put under a regime FIL replied it was good for us( he’s a GP so not sure if he meant in general or that he thinks we’re fat?)MIL is obsessed with counting calories and “portion control”. She’s always slamming others behind their back for being overweight, yet I think she is underweight and has an eating disorder.Can’t help but feel like they are putting us on a diet here. I just find it such poor manners to invite people over and then portion control during Christmas time as well. I would never want my guests to feel hungry in my house. FIL is a retired GP so maybe is trying to be healthy but still none of us are really overweight so I am absolutely without words that they would put us on a diet at Christmas. Is this normal in other families? AITA for not wanting to go over for Christmas again?

OP posts:
Myhusbandearns150k · 25/12/2023 11:10

As soon as the shops open go and get some food and make it clear it’s not good enough. My grandparents were like this, we joke about it now but I remember being so miserable.

HermioneWeasley · 25/12/2023 11:12

How miserable. I wouldn’t go again. YANTA

TheLightSideOfTheMoon · 25/12/2023 11:12

My parents are very into diet culture and meals with them are a bit ‘two carrots each’.

My mum is the stereotypical almond mum.

When I cook for them they run their eyes over the table at the remaining chicken leg, two potatoes, one stuffing hall and the spoonful of suede and say,

”Gosh, you’ve got enough here for dinner tomorrow!”

My dad also hates food wastage which comes into it.

Fulshaw · 25/12/2023 11:14

I would’ve taken a stash of snacks to hide in my bedroom, if you know they’re like this.

As for now, suggest a walk and go to the pub or takeaway. It would be rude to demand more food from them.

Spirallingdownwards · 25/12/2023 11:15

Nip to the newsagent and buy all left over selection boxes and eat them after the meal.

They are the twats in this situation. Who doesn't always make enough for there to be leftovers on Christmas Day of all days. In their situation what they would be leftovers would actually be normal meals for you guys.

We had an aunt like this and my mum would take us to an afternoon tea before we went there knowing we would get a minute piece of ham, one lettuce leaf and a cherry tomato (I don't even like tomatoes) or equivalent.

Original poster
Mum8929 · 25/12/2023 11:17

We did go to the shop yesterday and BIL brought his own chicken nuggets to add to every meal. The thing that gets me is making us feel like fatties if we eat more than what they think we should eat for portions. I just don’t want to come here for Christmas again. We made comments and they def know there not serving us enough as MIL said this morning what we think are big enough portions are not what you lot think it is. So they must be aware but choosing to let us starve?!! I don’t understand as they have money.

OP posts:
LegoDeathTrap · 25/12/2023 11:17

They’re twats.

My FiIL is like that. Worst thing is, he lives in the middle of now email so we can’t even sneak to a shop.

I once found DH hiding in the bathroom after lunch eating 2 days old sandwiches from the journey down to see them.

willowthecat · 25/12/2023 11:21

How big is the roast ? How many slices of turkey or whatever do you get each? It seems miserly to not have enough poatoes and veg for everyone - I agree overeating at Christmas can be a problem for some people but why go to the other extreme !

Zoomzoomzoomzoom0 · 25/12/2023 11:26

Mil is like this. Remarks on what/how often everyone eats. I just ignore it but am conscious of the kids picking up on it. She's very much of the " food is an enemy " type of disordered eating. I've told them granny is funny about food as she's from a different generation. It's another reason I avoid her.

TheSuggestedAmendment · 25/12/2023 11:28

Appalling hosting. Your DH needs to step up and be blunt.

Ju1ieAndrews · 25/12/2023 11:29

Get your husband and sibling to have a word with his parents and say that you're all starving and if they don't serve up enough food, none of you will want to visit again over Christmas/meal times.

Be short and factual.

They're being bad hosts, and bad hosts don't get repeat visitors, blood relatives or not.

Allfortheloveofabiscuit · 25/12/2023 11:32

It isnt their place to police anyone else's eating, even if any of you were overweight. Could you not just put on extra food - it could be really damaging to any dc to be treated like this at any time of year, so Id be seriously considering how much time to spend with them generally with mils comments etc

JazzyJogger · 25/12/2023 11:33

How odd to ration vegetables? They are very low in calories and super healthy

JazzyJogger · 25/12/2023 11:34

Most supermarkets sold veg at 15p a pack so it can't be down to money

Sparkletastic · 25/12/2023 11:36

DH and SIL need to stick up for their partners and themselves and speak to their parents. Can they rather forcibly help prepare the lunch and make sure they are on veg and potatoes duty.

TheCatfordCat · 25/12/2023 11:41

My mum can be like this. She once hosted a barbecue and said there was either a burger or sausage each, and offered the tiniest salad imaginable. She had about 15 people over, and my then DH was grilling, not her! She eats like a bird, scared of putting on weight, so she thinks everyone else is the same. In the end SiL sent BiL to the Co-op for more food! Oh, and we were only allowed one small can of beer each!

At Christmas she and DDad go to DB's and my Dad eats a lot and I think it's because he's half-starved at home! DB and his partner make mountains of food anyway, but my dad does take advantage.

Mum cooks plain, and with little flavour. Eating at my DParents house can be miserable sometimes. I often volunteer to cook because I prefer punchy flavours. My dad eats a lot when I cook.

My mum was very critical of my weight and what I ate from puberty. She tries the same with my DD but I put a stop to it. I've brought DD up avoiding comments on DDs eating habits and appearance. DD is healthy, a size 10, and has food issues like her GM did (and then me). She also cooks herself healthy food. Mum is the same as pp, what I consider only fit for the bin, she'll share with Dad for lunch the next day!

Spencer0220 · 25/12/2023 11:49

Definitely not unreasonable. Get a takeaway and share with all the other adults.

My mum tried this once. I got my phone out, opened DH favourite pizza website and told her if she didn't start cooking more from the freezer now, we were getting a takeaway.

More food came. She's never done it again.

theduchessofspork · 25/12/2023 11:50

Don’t go again

See if you can find a spa for snacks (how come you didn’t bring them)

They are who they are but I sure as hell wouldn’t spend Christmas there, they are terrible hosts

Ponderingwindow · 25/12/2023 11:57

A weekend stay at my parents house was like going to a weight loss spa. The scale didn’t lie. It was quite dramatic. My father’s portion was generous, but my mother assumed the rest of us needed about the same amount of food as a 2 year old.

I learned pretty quickly to arrange our visits in ways that avoided her cooking for us.

AnnaMagnani · 25/12/2023 11:57

Never go again. You are probably right that MIL has an eating disorder.

Find a shop and sneak a load of snacks into your suitcases to tide you over.

And point out loudly and clearly that the portion sizes you expect are correct as not one of you is an unhealthy weight. And it's fecking Christmas, not Lent.

KeeeeeepDancing · 25/12/2023 12:01

Yes she is doing it on purpose to teach you all a lesson.
Just don't go again.

TheSuggestedAmendment · 25/12/2023 12:10

I don’t understand why their children haven’t told them this isn’t OK? Why are you all going along with it?

RafaistheKingofClay · 25/12/2023 12:15

It is bad hosting to not offer enough food, but did she plan to cook just enough for different meals every night or were some of the meals supposed to be using up left overs?

Christmas dinner is different but I can see why they might not want to risk over catering for a week though and stick to recommended portion sizes per person when preparing.

That’s not really an excuse for not having food to top up on e.g. snacks, fruit etc.

FluffActually · 25/12/2023 12:16

Your ILs are the biggest (competitively tiniest) assholes! What is your DH doing/saying about this?

ConnieCroydon · 25/12/2023 12:56

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