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Christmas

From present ideas to party food, find all your Christmas inspiration here.

If you are a woman between 50-60 please give me feedback on these gifts!

727 replies

GotMooMilk · 13/12/2023 15:15

MIL is the HARDEST person ever to buy for. She doesn't really have any hobbies, doesn't like food presents (have given her a hamper of home made food and drink last year and no one has looked less impressed at anything...!) and has an incredibly minimalist house so doesn't like home gifts. She doesn't like going places she hasn't been so a restaurant/theatre voucher wouldn't be used.
Every Christmas or birthday she kills me! Anyway I have got her:

  • Fluffy slippers
  • Gel eye mask that can be kept in fridge or warmed
  • Small box of chocolates
  • Make up bag
Does this sound ok?
OP posts:
Thread gallery
6
wjpa · 13/12/2023 18:26

I’d just do an Amazon voucher or John Lewis if she prefers that. Probably Amazon is easier.

Simpleblessingsxx · 13/12/2023 18:33

Calliopespa · 13/12/2023 17:54

That was a response to the suggestion not a gift idea btw!

"Nail on head"
Had to think about this for a second🤣

NeedToChangeName · 13/12/2023 18:41

Posh handsoap. Not exciting, but everybody washes their hands, so you know it'll get used

Many people esp this age group don't want 'stuff'

DuesToTheDirt · 13/12/2023 18:42

When people don't know what they want themselves I really wonder what the point of buying is tbh.

One year my mum requested "A jumper. I can't find one I like, but maybe you can find one I like." Confused

Okaygoahead · 13/12/2023 18:44

57 here, and while I am a bit aghast at the idea of having no hobbies and no interests, well, there she is 😬. At the same time, I am also at the stage of life where many of us have to go through our parents' things, if they themselves didn't do a Swedish Death Clean or, more gently, even a Kondo. And just that process in itself can make you very averse to stuff of any description - morbidly, on my bad days, I think "that's all very nice, but will it have any resale value when I croak?" - and the thought of one thing more is just too much. (SIL and BIL gave us a sort of festive pitcher last year, and while beaming enthusiastically while receiving it, my inner thought was "why the merry fuck do you think I would want such a thing? If I had wanted such a thing, do you think I wouldn't have acquired it in my more than half-century of existence?").

I think you can classify gifts in three categories: things, experiences and gestures. Let me explain.

Things: Now, mid/late 50s, I only want things if they are really exceptional - and no, I don't mean yachts or stunning diamonds, I mean one-of-a-kind, I saw this and it could only fit you, kinds of things. Finding that kind of 'thing' happens most easily with people who have a lot of interests and a lot going on, and that just isn't your MIL. Other things are just things, crap to be getting through. If that's what you're reduced to, stick to consumables - that's why people choose chocolate, candles, bath things (anti-thing as I am, I've still asked for posh bubble bath, and I don't mind the odd scented candle).

Experiences can be tickets to an event you know the person will appreciate, a spa outing, whatever. Even better and more meaningful if you as the gift-giver also participate, but that isn't essential. Personally, I'm all about these. The problem is finding the right time or place (still waiting on an escape room promised me a year ago, but I'll wait!). Unfortunately, your MIL sounds as though any conceivable experience would leave her cold. And some people still hang firmly onto something they can actually touch under the Christmas tree.

Gestures are charity donations in lieu of gifts. Nothing at all is 'exchanged', but you know that something you think is important is getting an extra boost. I now exchange charity donations with one of my sisters. The other sister said that it was too cold and unfeeling, and the whole point of Christmas was the physical nature of exchange: I open the present that shows that you thought about me, and you open the present that shows that I thought about you. While I get, and have accepted, her reasoning, I would also note that she is digitally pretty incapable and so that may contribute to her feeling that it isn't really 'real'. The bonkersdom is that we seem to have accepted that the reasonable level of exchange is a book, but no online booksellers offer wrapping anymore, at least not where we are. So I say: a package will be arriving from X. That's your Christmas present. Put it in festive wrapping, and open it on the day! And she says the same in return. Pretty stupidly transactional, but it's important to her. And ultimately it's important to me, because I get something that she thinks I SHOULD read.

The only reason I went into this boring degree of detail was, maybe it's time to establish with your MIL what level of gift-giving she would be comfortable with - if any! Her wrinkled-nose reaction to all of your previous gifts may be, however involuntary, Christ, another fucking thing we have to use. So maybe the best thing is just to be up front with her. "I get maybe that you don't want more stuff - how can we show our appreciation?" "Are you feeling like gift-giving is just piling stuff upon stuff? Can we come up with ideas about how to change it?"

wite · 13/12/2023 18:48

I would like the chocolate but the others wouldn't get used. The eye mask sounds like one I got from the bodyshop years ago and it was rubbish. Sorry

Oriunda · 13/12/2023 18:50

Does she listen to music, or radio? What about Alexa? I got my MIL one (she uses my music subscription). We can call her on it. She can listen to music. Use it for kitchen timers etc.

I love my Alexa ..... one in every room. The cheapest (Flex) work as a USB charger but will still play the music etc.

Pablova · 13/12/2023 18:52

I wouldn’t be excited about anything on that list and I’m not the easiest to buy for either as I am very fussy have very specific taste in brands / quality.

Things I would like :
luxury brand Leather gloves, cashmere scarf, silk pyjamas.

Terrribletwos · 13/12/2023 18:52

Amazon voucher sounds ideal to me.

Would hate chocolate, slippers, etc.

Calliopespa · 13/12/2023 18:53

Okaygoahead · 13/12/2023 18:44

57 here, and while I am a bit aghast at the idea of having no hobbies and no interests, well, there she is 😬. At the same time, I am also at the stage of life where many of us have to go through our parents' things, if they themselves didn't do a Swedish Death Clean or, more gently, even a Kondo. And just that process in itself can make you very averse to stuff of any description - morbidly, on my bad days, I think "that's all very nice, but will it have any resale value when I croak?" - and the thought of one thing more is just too much. (SIL and BIL gave us a sort of festive pitcher last year, and while beaming enthusiastically while receiving it, my inner thought was "why the merry fuck do you think I would want such a thing? If I had wanted such a thing, do you think I wouldn't have acquired it in my more than half-century of existence?").

I think you can classify gifts in three categories: things, experiences and gestures. Let me explain.

Things: Now, mid/late 50s, I only want things if they are really exceptional - and no, I don't mean yachts or stunning diamonds, I mean one-of-a-kind, I saw this and it could only fit you, kinds of things. Finding that kind of 'thing' happens most easily with people who have a lot of interests and a lot going on, and that just isn't your MIL. Other things are just things, crap to be getting through. If that's what you're reduced to, stick to consumables - that's why people choose chocolate, candles, bath things (anti-thing as I am, I've still asked for posh bubble bath, and I don't mind the odd scented candle).

Experiences can be tickets to an event you know the person will appreciate, a spa outing, whatever. Even better and more meaningful if you as the gift-giver also participate, but that isn't essential. Personally, I'm all about these. The problem is finding the right time or place (still waiting on an escape room promised me a year ago, but I'll wait!). Unfortunately, your MIL sounds as though any conceivable experience would leave her cold. And some people still hang firmly onto something they can actually touch under the Christmas tree.

Gestures are charity donations in lieu of gifts. Nothing at all is 'exchanged', but you know that something you think is important is getting an extra boost. I now exchange charity donations with one of my sisters. The other sister said that it was too cold and unfeeling, and the whole point of Christmas was the physical nature of exchange: I open the present that shows that you thought about me, and you open the present that shows that I thought about you. While I get, and have accepted, her reasoning, I would also note that she is digitally pretty incapable and so that may contribute to her feeling that it isn't really 'real'. The bonkersdom is that we seem to have accepted that the reasonable level of exchange is a book, but no online booksellers offer wrapping anymore, at least not where we are. So I say: a package will be arriving from X. That's your Christmas present. Put it in festive wrapping, and open it on the day! And she says the same in return. Pretty stupidly transactional, but it's important to her. And ultimately it's important to me, because I get something that she thinks I SHOULD read.

The only reason I went into this boring degree of detail was, maybe it's time to establish with your MIL what level of gift-giving she would be comfortable with - if any! Her wrinkled-nose reaction to all of your previous gifts may be, however involuntary, Christ, another fucking thing we have to use. So maybe the best thing is just to be up front with her. "I get maybe that you don't want more stuff - how can we show our appreciation?" "Are you feeling like gift-giving is just piling stuff upon stuff? Can we come up with ideas about how to change it?"

I kind of see where you are coming from from an enormously pragmatic pov, but I would approach any such conversation VERY gingerly OP. It’s basically “ as you approach the end of the conveyor belt [and let’s be honest she’s only 50s : there could be about a third left] from where I’m standing I’m guessing you must have had ample time to accumulate everything you want and are now thinking about the Death Clearout. Would you like a contribution towards your coffin of choice?”

MaturingCheeseball · 13/12/2023 18:54

I don’t see the point of vouchers or money. Well, ok if it’s a £10 WH Smith voucher from Great Aunt Rita who you saw once when you were seven but for close family members… it just defies the point of Christmas and is just depressing.

Also when people have “hobbies” that’s dangerous territory. They usually have very specific requirements. I am a big reader and I have been bought “cup cake tea room” or “stalker of millennial” books which is very kind but not my area of interest.

Frankly some bubble bath or chocolates would be fine. Just something to unwrap.

stepintochristmas1 · 13/12/2023 18:57

NeedToChangeName · 13/12/2023 18:41

Posh handsoap. Not exciting, but everybody washes their hands, so you know it'll get used

Many people esp this age group don't want 'stuff'

This age group don't want stuff ? 🙄 . They're not about to pop their clogs y'know .

Calliopespa · 13/12/2023 19:01

Calliopespa · 13/12/2023 18:53

I kind of see where you are coming from from an enormously pragmatic pov, but I would approach any such conversation VERY gingerly OP. It’s basically “ as you approach the end of the conveyor belt [and let’s be honest she’s only 50s : there could be about a third left] from where I’m standing I’m guessing you must have had ample time to accumulate everything you want and are now thinking about the Death Clearout. Would you like a contribution towards your coffin of choice?”

… and on balance I’d rather waste a tenner here and there than have that discussion land the wrong way .

Terrribletwos · 13/12/2023 19:06

Not about to pop my clogs but no I don't want more stuff!

Kinda daft thread as everyone is different and you really can't put everyone over 50 into the same bracket, as seen from the answers.

Floofydawg · 13/12/2023 19:12

BelieveInYourElf · 13/12/2023 15:24

I'm in that age bracket and would find them pointless gifts.

Me too. Would prefer good quality toiletries or a nice candle. Or gin.

Okaygoahead · 13/12/2023 19:13

Calliopespa · 13/12/2023 18:53

I kind of see where you are coming from from an enormously pragmatic pov, but I would approach any such conversation VERY gingerly OP. It’s basically “ as you approach the end of the conveyor belt [and let’s be honest she’s only 50s : there could be about a third left] from where I’m standing I’m guessing you must have had ample time to accumulate everything you want and are now thinking about the Death Clearout. Would you like a contribution towards your coffin of choice?”

Of course, I don't mean 'why the hell are you buying that? you'll be dead before you get any use out of it!' That's not at all the intention, and obviously tons of people that (my) age are up for all kinds of things, and you may have friends or family members who are doing something new and endlessly interested in stuff and that's terrific. I actually have the same problem in reverse - apart from the sisters, I have a brother and SIL who are in fact the eldest. They have SO many interests and SO many thoughts and not a day goes by that I don't think, this would be perfect for them - BUT! They have forbidden any kind of gift-giving, because they really have reduced their material lives and they also feel they know better about what they want/need than any of us ever could. Also, they hate transactionality. The whole reason I divided gifts into three categories was to try to make it less pragmatic or painful - just to make it easier for people to figure out where they were on the gift-giving scale. You can totally be like my sister who, sincerely, needs nothing new in her life, but who feels like something is grievously missing if she doesn't unwrap a physical thing. That's fine! And my solution for books for her is that a book is something you unwrap, but if you're very lucky, it winds up being something much, much more. Or, sadly, just a damp squib.

Calliopespa · 13/12/2023 19:13

Terrribletwos · 13/12/2023 19:06

Not about to pop my clogs but no I don't want more stuff!

Kinda daft thread as everyone is different and you really can't put everyone over 50 into the same bracket, as seen from the answers.

And I think that’s the answer OP. I think you have approached an admittedly difficult recipient by thinking she is a specimen from a “getting on” demographic. Still, at least you didn’t say “I nearly got you a candle but then decided it wasn’t worth it as your own flame might snuff it first.” Try to think of things in her home ( and she must have SOMETHING) and get an upgraded version. Good luck!

worriedgal · 13/12/2023 19:17

John Lewis or marks and Spencer's voucher and the chocolate if it was for me
I'm that age bracket

GotMooMilk · 13/12/2023 19:22

Thanks again- think I’ll swerve any death chat… very tempted to take everything back and invest in some really nice bath stuff

OP posts:
Ramalangadingdong · 13/12/2023 19:23

RemusLupinsBiggestGroupie · 13/12/2023 17:22

I would be HORRIFIED by a subscription to the bloody Radio Times.

Does she have a Christmas tree? How about a couple of really lovely decorations?

Don't get vouchers unless she actually wants them.

The Radio Times… Can you imagine? I would think that they were relegating me to a care home, plonked in front of the telly all day long. In reality I don’t watch much tV - far too busy!

Ramalangadingdong · 13/12/2023 19:25

Twiglets1 · 13/12/2023 17:39

Wow, it was a joke! I'm 57 and I laughed.

Each to their own. I don’t find it funny.

Makemydaypunk · 13/12/2023 19:29

Ramalangadingdong · 13/12/2023 19:23

The Radio Times… Can you imagine? I would think that they were relegating me to a care home, plonked in front of the telly all day long. In reality I don’t watch much tV - far too busy!

The Radio Times is a bit risque’ for the 50-60 age group, I would stick to The People’s Friend or maybe The Lady?

Dmsatdawn · 13/12/2023 19:29

I’m in the same age bracket of OP’s MIL and discovered the absolute joy of silk pillowcases. I kid you not, your hair will thank you in the morning, It stays the same when you wake up. It’s the gift you never knew you wanted.

MerryChristmasToYou · 13/12/2023 19:31

@Dmsatdawn 's suggestion is brilliant.

ithinkthatmaybeimdreaming · 13/12/2023 19:32

She does sound rather difficult.

Btw - I am over 60 and while I would be appreciative of anything given to me, from your list only the chocolates would actually be on my "want" list.

However, you know your MIL better than we do. Sorry to hear your husband is unwell, but couldn't you just ask him?

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