Page 15 | If you are a woman between 50-60 please give me feedback on these gifts!

GotMooMilk · 2023-12-13T15:15:22+00:00

MIL is the HARDEST person ever to buy for. She doesn't really have any hobbies, doesn't like food presents (have given her a hamper of home made food and drink last year and no one has looked less impressed at anything...!) and has an incredibly minimalist house so doesn't like home gifts. She doesn't like going places she hasn't been so a restaurant/theatre voucher wouldn't be used. Every Christmas or birthday she kills me! Anyway I have got her: - Fluffy slippers - Gel eye mask that can be kept in fridge or warmed - Small box of chocolates - Make up bag Does this sound ok?

Calliopespa · 13/12/2023 19:34

Dmsatdawn · 13/12/2023 19:29

I’m in the same age bracket of OP’s MIL and discovered the absolute joy of silk pillowcases. I kid you not, your hair will thank you in the morning, It stays the same when you wake up. It’s the gift you never knew you wanted.

Oh that’s a brilliant idea! They are lovely and great for skin and hair. Also luxurious and spoiling.

NeedToChangeName · 13/12/2023 19:35

stepintochristmas1 · 13/12/2023 18:57

This age group don't want stuff ? 🙄 . They're not about to pop their clogs y'know .

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@stepintochristmas1 I think generally, there is a trend towards experiences rather than stuff

And many people in their 50s are keen to declutter. I see it on this thread and in my daily life

I didn't say they were about to pop their clogs .....

MammaPee · 13/12/2023 19:36

What about booze? I'm nearly 57 and it works for me.

ChimneyPot · 13/12/2023 19:37

A Christmas flower arrangement or table centre?

Okaygoahead · 13/12/2023 19:39

Again, just because I think I was misinterpreted - it's not that you think they are ready for the death chat in their late 50's. It's that they may have, recently, gone through the experience of dealing with the legacy of someone who COULD have benefitted from the death chat.

I'll be very specific here - there is/was a specific 'depression' mindset. My parents, my husband's parents, many many people growing up early- to mid-century, grew up under its influence. Waste not, want not. Make do and mend. The instinct to save and, well, hoard! every little thing. Never, ever throw anything out, because you NEVER know when it might serve. I give my parents-in-law a lot of slack on this. This shaped their childhoods and their Nazi-occupied adolescences. Scrimp, keep, save, hoard.

The problem was, they then went through adulthood in a period of absolute prosperity. So they acquired, and acquired, and acquired, but never quite figured out how to divest. (And by acquired and acquired - I don't mean anything extreme, just that they lived a perfectly reasonably comfortable life). So the belongings piled up, but were never sorted or passed on, because...you never knew. Could come in handy.

Then they die. And their successors - my, and OP's, generation - come in and have to figure out what to do with all the accumulation that made them feel safe and settled. We're really the first generation that had to deal with this legacy of postwar too-much-stuff, and it wakes us up: we want to make sure our own kids don't have to do this for us. Hence the allergy to new stuff.

Again, not saying this is why OP's MIL cringes at the idea of a present, but just to put a finger on something many of us 50-somethings are feeling: for fuckssake, no more STUFF.

Kingsleadhat · 13/12/2023 19:44

Does she read magazines? I'm wondering about a magazine subscription

longtompot · 13/12/2023 19:46

Ulysees · 13/12/2023 18:07

Get her Ringtons instant and some of their biscuits etc. We get vans coming to the house but you can order online. They do hampers but you could make one up. Everything is wonderful.
https://www.ringtons.co.uk/

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Do you know if their gold blend is anything like the original Nescafé gold blend before they 'improved' it? As if it is, I think I need to put in an order.

Okaygoahead · 13/12/2023 19:47

Hating stuff, I wince a bit at the frankly very nice pot-pourri holder I made 'the children' give their grandmother one Christmas and which now sits in our living room because where else. I would die if anyone felt they had to give me a pot-pourri holder. I would much rather specify that my children contribute to a specific Ukrainian urban air-defence system, but that's just me. And if my children totally disagreed with my request, I would like to think I agreed with their alternative. Maybe my mother-in-law was dying for us to contribute to a cause close to her heart, rather than give her a pile of fucking scented dried rose petals, because that was the gift-giving norm. Blow it apart.

Calliopespa · 13/12/2023 19:47

Okaygoahead · 13/12/2023 19:39

Again, just because I think I was misinterpreted - it's not that you think they are ready for the death chat in their late 50's. It's that they may have, recently, gone through the experience of dealing with the legacy of someone who COULD have benefitted from the death chat.

I'll be very specific here - there is/was a specific 'depression' mindset. My parents, my husband's parents, many many people growing up early- to mid-century, grew up under its influence. Waste not, want not. Make do and mend. The instinct to save and, well, hoard! every little thing. Never, ever throw anything out, because you NEVER know when it might serve. I give my parents-in-law a lot of slack on this. This shaped their childhoods and their Nazi-occupied adolescences. Scrimp, keep, save, hoard.

The problem was, they then went through adulthood in a period of absolute prosperity. So they acquired, and acquired, and acquired, but never quite figured out how to divest. (And by acquired and acquired - I don't mean anything extreme, just that they lived a perfectly reasonably comfortable life). So the belongings piled up, but were never sorted or passed on, because...you never knew. Could come in handy.

Then they die. And their successors - my, and OP's, generation - come in and have to figure out what to do with all the accumulation that made them feel safe and settled. We're really the first generation that had to deal with this legacy of postwar too-much-stuff, and it wakes us up: we want to make sure our own kids don't have to do this for us. Hence the allergy to new stuff.

Again, not saying this is why OP's MIL cringes at the idea of a present, but just to put a finger on something many of us 50-somethings are feeling: for fuckssake, no more STUFF.

I can see and understand your point about stuff. I just think having the conversation could get awkward and I think it’s one for them to raise if they are feeling “overstuffed.”

Calliopespa · 13/12/2023 19:49

Calliopespa · 13/12/2023 19:47

I can see and understand your point about stuff. I just think having the conversation could get awkward and I think it’s one for them to raise if they are feeling “overstuffed.”

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… on the basis that the risk of offence is graver ( no pun intended!) than the risk of them inwardly rolling their eyes at an unwanted gift.

Ulysees · 13/12/2023 19:49

@longtompot I don't know as I hate nescafe. It's a very smooth coffee though. I even take it to work and on holiday 😀

Okaygoahead · 13/12/2023 19:50

With same mother-in-law, I think really that the most meaningful gift we gave her was an old-fashioned clove-studded pomander orange. Because we actually found it carefully hung among her clothes when she died. Something you actually make, and which actually serves a bit of a purpose, even in this day and age.

MerryChristmasToYou · 13/12/2023 19:53

ChimneyPot · 13/12/2023 19:37

A Christmas flower arrangement or table centre?

That's not a present

RemusLupinsBiggestGroupie · 13/12/2023 19:53

MerryChristmasToYou · 13/12/2023 19:53

That's not a present

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Of course it is.

Okaygoahead · 13/12/2023 19:55

Calliopespa · 13/12/2023 19:47

I can see and understand your point about stuff. I just think having the conversation could get awkward and I think it’s one for them to raise if they are feeling “overstuffed.”

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Absolutely. Like any conversation! Obviously better to have it all out in the open, which is why I suggested asking, what do you prefer? Things? Experiences? Impact? Not: since you are dead soon, shouldn't we save shore birds?

MerryChristmasToYou · 13/12/2023 19:55

No it's not.

Something useful would be better.

RemusLupinsBiggestGroupie · 13/12/2023 20:12

MerryChristmasToYou · 13/12/2023 19:55

No it's not.

Something useful would be better.

IYO. I'd rather have a bunch of flowers that will die than a pair of slippers that I don't want but will feel guilty about giving to the charity shop.

DuesToTheDirt · 13/12/2023 20:27

Well I'm in my 50s and don't like getting "stuff", on the whole, unless it's to replace something that's worn out. Boring I know. I'd rather have experiences, or something consumable. Or a donation to a charity, come to that.

DH though is the same age and does still like getting stuff.

Chewbecca · 13/12/2023 20:33

Okaygoahead · 13/12/2023 19:39

Again, just because I think I was misinterpreted - it's not that you think they are ready for the death chat in their late 50's. It's that they may have, recently, gone through the experience of dealing with the legacy of someone who COULD have benefitted from the death chat.

I'll be very specific here - there is/was a specific 'depression' mindset. My parents, my husband's parents, many many people growing up early- to mid-century, grew up under its influence. Waste not, want not. Make do and mend. The instinct to save and, well, hoard! every little thing. Never, ever throw anything out, because you NEVER know when it might serve. I give my parents-in-law a lot of slack on this. This shaped their childhoods and their Nazi-occupied adolescences. Scrimp, keep, save, hoard.

The problem was, they then went through adulthood in a period of absolute prosperity. So they acquired, and acquired, and acquired, but never quite figured out how to divest. (And by acquired and acquired - I don't mean anything extreme, just that they lived a perfectly reasonably comfortable life). So the belongings piled up, but were never sorted or passed on, because...you never knew. Could come in handy.

Then they die. And their successors - my, and OP's, generation - come in and have to figure out what to do with all the accumulation that made them feel safe and settled. We're really the first generation that had to deal with this legacy of postwar too-much-stuff, and it wakes us up: we want to make sure our own kids don't have to do this for us. Hence the allergy to new stuff.

Again, not saying this is why OP's MIL cringes at the idea of a present, but just to put a finger on something many of us 50-somethings are feeling: for fuckssake, no more STUFF.

I am 50s and couldn't agree with this more. No More Stuff!

Angrycat2768 · 13/12/2023 20:39

Okaygoahead · 13/12/2023 19:39

Again, just because I think I was misinterpreted - it's not that you think they are ready for the death chat in their late 50's. It's that they may have, recently, gone through the experience of dealing with the legacy of someone who COULD have benefitted from the death chat.

I'll be very specific here - there is/was a specific 'depression' mindset. My parents, my husband's parents, many many people growing up early- to mid-century, grew up under its influence. Waste not, want not. Make do and mend. The instinct to save and, well, hoard! every little thing. Never, ever throw anything out, because you NEVER know when it might serve. I give my parents-in-law a lot of slack on this. This shaped their childhoods and their Nazi-occupied adolescences. Scrimp, keep, save, hoard.

The problem was, they then went through adulthood in a period of absolute prosperity. So they acquired, and acquired, and acquired, but never quite figured out how to divest. (And by acquired and acquired - I don't mean anything extreme, just that they lived a perfectly reasonably comfortable life). So the belongings piled up, but were never sorted or passed on, because...you never knew. Could come in handy.

Then they die. And their successors - my, and OP's, generation - come in and have to figure out what to do with all the accumulation that made them feel safe and settled. We're really the first generation that had to deal with this legacy of postwar too-much-stuff, and it wakes us up: we want to make sure our own kids don't have to do this for us. Hence the allergy to new stuff.

Again, not saying this is why OP's MIL cringes at the idea of a present, but just to put a finger on something many of us 50-somethings are feeling: for fuckssake, no more STUFF.

Agree with you on this. We have a garage full of stuff that both my DM and my MIL have given us because they don't want it in their house and they cant get rid of it. My DM's stuff, if I don't want it goes into my car and straight to the charity shop. My MIL has some stuff that is quite valuable but it is still piled up in the garage. It's a PITA to get rid of. My DH spends ages trying to get it into auctions/ putting it on ebay etc.

Calliopespa · 13/12/2023 20:55

Okaygoahead · 13/12/2023 19:47

Hating stuff, I wince a bit at the frankly very nice pot-pourri holder I made 'the children' give their grandmother one Christmas and which now sits in our living room because where else. I would die if anyone felt they had to give me a pot-pourri holder. I would much rather specify that my children contribute to a specific Ukrainian urban air-defence system, but that's just me. And if my children totally disagreed with my request, I would like to think I agreed with their alternative. Maybe my mother-in-law was dying for us to contribute to a cause close to her heart, rather than give her a pile of fucking scented dried rose petals, because that was the gift-giving norm. Blow it apart.

When I first read this post I read it as “maybe MIL was dying” ( as in she dropped dead) in order to avoid being given the “ pile of fucking scented dried rose petals .” 🤣Obviously that interpretation required a closer second reading! I was thinking she can’t honestly have minded them that much.

ConstantRain · 13/12/2023 20:59

"I'd be upset not to get at least one pair of socks!"

My dsis sent dm a sock bouquet once and she still thinks it's the best gift she's ever had.

quirkychick · 13/12/2023 21:10

I think @Okaygoahead put it perfectly. We had to clear out late mil's bungalow (and we had already helped her move from a large family home). There was so much stuff! It all needed sorting through and we still have a couple of boxes left. @Angrycat2768 the valuable stuff was even more of a headache.

We're definitely not minimalists, but I want the things we have to be worth the space they take up. So, yes, I prefer presents replacing something rather than adding to it eg sheepskin slippers I have chosen as my old ones are wearing out, rather than an extra pair of fluffy slippers I don't want or need. Extra items like beauty products and jewellery, I would want to choose myself or someone who knows my taste well.

Ramalangadingdong · 13/12/2023 21:23

Makemydaypunk · 13/12/2023 19:29

The Radio Times is a bit risque’ for the 50-60 age group, I would stick to The People’s Friend or maybe The Lady?

Edited

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😂

DuesToTheDirt · 13/12/2023 21:27

My MIL has some stuff that is quite valuable but it is still piled up in the garage. It's a PITA to get rid of. My DH spends ages trying to get it into auctions/ putting it on ebay etc.

Getting a bit off topic now, but my mum kept trying to get me to get rid of some of her stuff - maybe worth something, but not valuable. "They had one of those on that auction show, it sold for £50." (I could try this, but I'd have to spend a day at an auction.) "You could try putting that on ebay." (I look on ebay, find lots of listings starting at 99p.) No thank you.

It's bad enough trying to sort out my own things for sale/giving away/charity, without dealing with other people's.