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Christmas

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Original poster

I want another Christmas my way!!

34 replies

OneMoreMyWay · 12/12/2023 11:20

I was brought up with a standard British Christmas. DH was not. We have always done Christmas my way because I have always been the one who organises the gifts, tree, shopping etc. DH literally has just signed his name on the gift tag and gifts have been as much as surprise to the Dc as to him.

DC2 has figured Santa this year. DC1 (with SN) we are not sure about although he does know about Nikolaustag.

I came back from the shopping today and told DH I had everything, just needed the last two parcels and Santa is organised. He immediately said we should "stop this nonsense and open gifts in the 24th this year." He then said we needed to stop lying to the Dc. I pointed out DC2 already knows, still wrote letter to Santa etc and he answered they are old enough now to stop.

Am I totally wrong here? I have organised everything for this year already. He doesn't get to change how we do Christmas this close Christmas, does he? Won't that's totally upset the DC?

Do I have to let him have next year?

Edit to add: DC1 is 14 so we've had a fair few years "my way".

OP posts:
Wanttobeok · 12/12/2023 11:22

Balls to that.

Tell him when he organises everything you can try doing it his way...or don't because it sounds shit

Runnerduck34 · 12/12/2023 11:57

Christmas traditions ard lovely, we still do stockings from Father Christmas even though my DC are all teens and early twenties . Is opening presents on 24th his tradition? If so Id split it and open some Christmas eve and rest Christmas day.
But yanbu to do Christmas your way as you do all the effort and DC have grown up with British traditions. DH sounds bah humbug. I'd just ignore smile sweetly and carry on regardless.

TomatoSandwiches · 12/12/2023 12:00

When he takes responsibility for the organisation and execution of how he wants Christmas to be then he can have it that way.

AgnesX · 12/12/2023 12:03

In fairness to him you've done it your way for all this time

It's probably not an issue for your child when or where the presents come from.

Quickredfox · 12/12/2023 12:06

We also a two culture family with one half celebrating Christmas on the 24th and one on the 25th. We do the 24th with all the traditions and a couple of presents. Then the 25th with the rest of the presents (stockings from FC, other presents from named relatives/us).
Fair enough to change if your other half does his share of the work…if he doesn’t, it isn’t.

furtivetussling · 12/12/2023 12:10

If you are doing the whole jolly lot and he doesn't lift a finger, then he has no say. If he wants Christmas done his traditional way, then he needs to step up and bloody well do something about it instead of whingeing. If he wants it, he needs to make it happen.

Original poster
OneMoreMyWay · 12/12/2023 12:12

We do the 24th with all the traditions and a couple of presents.
We have never done this though as I was of the opinion he sorts his traditions, I do mine. He's also never done anything for Nikolaustag (6th Dec) which my MIL had a go at me about when DC1 was tiny. I said that was up to DH to organise as they weren't my traditions so didn't know how it all worked. So MIL has always sorted the stuff for 6th.

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WhatWouldJeevesDo · 12/12/2023 12:23

compromise! Allow him to cook you his traditional Christmas dinner on Christmas Eve then carry on as normal.
I don’t think presents just before bed is a particularly desirable idea. You can’t immediately go and try out your roller skates, bicycle or whatever in the middle of the night.

Quickredfox · 12/12/2023 12:28

OneMoreMyWay · 12/12/2023 12:12

We do the 24th with all the traditions and a couple of presents.
We have never done this though as I was of the opinion he sorts his traditions, I do mine. He's also never done anything for Nikolaustag (6th Dec) which my MIL had a go at me about when DC1 was tiny. I said that was up to DH to organise as they weren't my traditions so didn't know how it all worked. So MIL has always sorted the stuff for 6th.

I’m not saying you should do anything, but that it’s easily solved when neither parent is lazy. He doesn’t have to demand you do it on the 24th, he can sort it himself.

Quickredfox · 12/12/2023 12:33

WhatWouldJeevesDo · 12/12/2023 12:23

compromise! Allow him to cook you his traditional Christmas dinner on Christmas Eve then carry on as normal.
I don’t think presents just before bed is a particularly desirable idea. You can’t immediately go and try out your roller skates, bicycle or whatever in the middle of the night.

It’s not necessarily immediately before bed but in the afternoon. Kids fall asleep well the day before and don’t get up stupidly early. If you want to be in a multicultural marriage you can’t just say the other traditions are undesirable, you have to consider them equally valid. Fair enough if the other parent can’t be bothered to do their share, though .

MuggleMe · 12/12/2023 12:35

I think it's a fair comment you take on board for next year. Santa and everything stays, that's your tradition though. Adding in his doesn't mean you get rid of all of yours.

Saymyname28 · 12/12/2023 12:36

Tell him he can cook whatever he wants for dinner on the 24th. Any presents he buys DCs they can open on the 24th.
Essentially "yeah you can do whatever you want, but I'll carry on doing what I enjoy too. "

Ponderingwindow · 12/12/2023 12:38

My dc didn’t admit to figuring out Santa for years. I knew she knew, but she pretended to believe. She was afraid the presents would stop. I told her it has always been a game and we won’t be stopping the game.

your children will feel like they are being punished if you stop their established Christmas traditions. They belong to them now.

you can add in additional activities. There is nothing stopping your husband from doing the work.

Original poster
OneMoreMyWay · 12/12/2023 12:40

Well, the thing they wrote and asked Santa for will be in their stocking so they'll be motivated to get up early irrespective of whether they open all their other gifts the night before! It's also the "main gift" from us the rest will be books/clothes etc. And you can't open a stocking the night before...

If his traditions were equally desirable and valid, why hasn't he wanted to follow them before now?
DH sounds bah humbug He has always been. Maybe now he's realising the DC are too old and have missed out on his traditions. I don't know. He's always been Christmas is pointless, religion is not a thing for him etc.

OP posts:
Original poster
OneMoreMyWay · 12/12/2023 12:44

Yes, @Ponderingwindow , that's what I fear would happen. The DC will feel they're being punished because they know the truth now.

We'll be seeing his family on Boxing Day, so there won't be any presents here from his side of the family on the 24th anyway. The only present from us, that he knows about and had some discussion about, will be a backpack. I'm sure that will make their Christmas Eve special 😂

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Camembertcufflinks · 12/12/2023 12:48

We split it as others have done- family presents from the side that have Christmas on the 24th and go to theirs for a meal and then Santa and presents from us to the kids on the 25th. We also do chocolate coins in slippers on 6th. BUT my DH pulls his weight and does half the organising. Yours sounds like he wants to have his cake and eat it

PaperDoIIs · 12/12/2023 12:52

OneMoreMyWay · 12/12/2023 12:44

Yes, @Ponderingwindow , that's what I fear would happen. The DC will feel they're being punished because they know the truth now.

We'll be seeing his family on Boxing Day, so there won't be any presents here from his side of the family on the 24th anyway. The only present from us, that he knows about and had some discussion about, will be a backpack. I'm sure that will make their Christmas Eve special 😂

Tell him he can buy and sort everything for the 24th and do it his way , as well as explaining to the children the tradition,meaning etc.

Then on the 25th you do the usual Christmas things that you sorted. Or warn him for next xmas

He can have his traditions when he actually puts the work in.

Sommerled · 12/12/2023 13:00

Saymyname28 · 12/12/2023 12:36

Tell him he can cook whatever he wants for dinner on the 24th. Any presents he buys DCs they can open on the 24th.
Essentially "yeah you can do whatever you want, but I'll carry on doing what I enjoy too. "

Absolutely this!

BadBarry · 12/12/2023 13:18

Hmmm I always think who it matters to most should win the argument- of course there are exceptions to this rule.
Clearly he hasn't cared too much for 14 years so I would wager it means more to you.
I'm sure there are things he likes his way and you bend to accommodate.
I bend to accommodate things my husband likes but I don't care about and wouldn't do if it were just down to me and vice versa when I feel more strongly he will go with it as it's something I care about.
So basically what's caused this sudden interest and how much does it matter to him?

Twilightstarbright · 12/12/2023 13:19

Mixed culture marriage here. DH does nothing to contribute so we don’t do anything on 24th unless MIL invites us over.

actually he buys a ton of stollen which I like! But I’m not here to facilitate other cultures traditions I have no experience of, that’s on him.

Nonplusultra · 12/12/2023 21:38

I think the transition from believing in Santa to not needs to be gentle so imo this is not the year for a big change. We ‘played the Santa game’ for a while after the dc worked things out because they weren’t quite ready to let it go.

This is the first year that they’re starting to shrug off old traditions and do something a bit different.

Maybe in another year (or two) yours will be inclined to embrace new things, and will want to explore their df’s cultural heritage. I don’t think it’s in anyone’s interests to overlay those traditions with the bleakness that can accompany the end of the Santa magic.

Original poster
OneMoreMyWay · 24/12/2023 22:12

Well, that was a fiasco. At dinner, he shouted at the Dc and told them off because he suggested they open their presents now and they both said they wanted to go to bed early and open them tomorrow. In the end DC2 got upset and started handing out presents. They've opened their presents from us and from each other, the rest are left for tomorrow. However, they have only just gone to bed because they've been playing with their new stuff and DH stormed off to bed 5 minutes after DC1 went to bed as he doesn't see why he should stay up. So I'm awake alone, waiting 20 mins to do the stockings. DC1 actually wanted to go to bed 3 hours ago.

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WhatWouldJeevesDo · 24/12/2023 22:41

So many threads so many ridiculous men this year.
Merry Christmas

PaperDoIIs · 24/12/2023 23:02

OneMoreMyWay · 24/12/2023 22:12

Well, that was a fiasco. At dinner, he shouted at the Dc and told them off because he suggested they open their presents now and they both said they wanted to go to bed early and open them tomorrow. In the end DC2 got upset and started handing out presents. They've opened their presents from us and from each other, the rest are left for tomorrow. However, they have only just gone to bed because they've been playing with their new stuff and DH stormed off to bed 5 minutes after DC1 went to bed as he doesn't see why he should stay up. So I'm awake alone, waiting 20 mins to do the stockings. DC1 actually wanted to go to bed 3 hours ago.

Why did you not step in? It was never going to be good because he didn't put any effort in and as such he doesn't care (except for the bragging rights). So why let him ruin it for you and the kids, have them up extra late and over tired and make them cry?

You did it once, it sucked (because of him), you're not doing it again. Make sure you make that clear to him.

Original poster
OneMoreMyWay · 25/12/2023 08:26

Ummm, who says I didn't step in? And have you ever tried getting an over-excited child to go to bed when their father is telling them to stay up and play and that I'm being a kill-joy? He's now pissed off they're playing with their gifts and ignoring him, and says he doesn't know why Christmas Day is off, he might as well be in the office as it's just like any other day.

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