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Christmas

From present ideas to party food, find all your Christmas inspiration here.

Original poster

Present pile size guilt

55 replies

Lovemusic82 · 23/11/2023 14:14

I know I’m being unreasonable. My dc are now older teens, this year they haven’t really asked for anything, dd1 is at uni in a tiny room so doesn’t need more stuff, dd2 severely autistic and breaks most things, she’s 18 in a few months and will be getting a big gift then. Neither of them see clothes as a gift, are not too bothered about fashion or girly things.
I have just got out the bits I have bought for them to see what it looks like and the pile looks poor, dd1 totally gets that there will be less this year and that she doesn’t really need much but dd2 might be a bit disappointed.

DD2’s pile consists of a Lego set, a wooden puzzle kit, a mini dolls house kit, a oodie and a few books.

DD1 is getting a Instax printer, pj’s, Lego flowers and a toy/sweet grabber (bit of a joke present).

They don’t really get gifts from anyone else, their dad will give them some cash. Should I add a few gifts? I feel guilty that it doesn’t really look much but I don’t want to fill the house with tat. Dd1 often doesn’t touch most the things I buy her. After seeing some of the lists on another thread mine looks a bit small but my DC’s don’t really do most the things other teens do (fashion, beauty, perfume etc….).

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PuttingDownRoots · 23/11/2023 14:17

Those sound lovely gifts.

If you want to buy more (which I don't think you have to)... DD1 might appreciate vouchers for a favourite shop or cafe etc.

DD2- day out somewhere?

eatdrinkandbemerry · 23/11/2023 14:18

I'd add a selection box (my oldest is almost 30 and loves a selection box) and maybe some fluffy socks and a nice water bottle 🤷‍♀️

Original poster
Lovemusic82 · 23/11/2023 14:22

Thank you. I was thinking of adding some vouchers for dd1 for costa etc. I haven’t got much to go in her stocking so might put a couple vouchers in there. I’m sure dd1 will be happy with what she has got.

Dd2 loves music so I would rather spend money on a festival or music event somewhere. I will get her some art supplies to add to her pile as she loves drawing. I just feel like I haven’t bought her a ‘wow’ gift this year and I’m worried she will be a bit disappointed although all her gifts are things she has pointed out in shops over the last few months.

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Original poster
Lovemusic82 · 23/11/2023 14:22

Selection box is a great idea.

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DappledThings · 23/11/2023 14:25

I've never bought a pile. We get 2, maybe 3 things for each child. And that's completely normal behaviour.

HenriettaVienetta · 23/11/2023 14:25

Don't compare to other people's lists. It isn't a competition.

  1. They might be lying.
  2. They might have more space/money/younger kids.

Yours are young adults. The days of big piles of toys have passed.

Christmas should also be a time for enjoying each other's company, not rampant consumerism.

DiscoChristmas · 23/11/2023 14:27

I think your list sounds lovely.

And Better a few things that are used and enjoyed rather than piles
of stuff that is looked at once.

Delphina17 · 23/11/2023 14:34

I will never get 'a pile' of things for mine. That's not the meaning of Christmas. What consumerist nonsense. Will any of you remember all the presents you got every Christmas in 20 years' time?

Why don't you focus on having a lovely time together as a family? Don't buy anything else. If you have money to throw away, you could instead donate to good causes and choose this together.

Original poster
Lovemusic82 · 23/11/2023 14:35

Thank you, dd2 is mentally about 8 years old so she doesn’t really understand the less is more thing or getting older and not needing stuff. If I asked her ‘what’s the best thing about Christmas?’ She would probably say ‘cheese and chocolate’. We don’t have a big family, Christmas Day will just be us and maybe my dad, so Christmas isn’t a huge event. I’m sure they will both be happy with what they have and as long as there’s Christmas food dd2 will be happy.

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Original poster
Lovemusic82 · 23/11/2023 14:38

And I don’t have money to throw away 🙄. I’m a single parent and carer to dd2. We do however give to charities. I’m not looking to spend more money, I guess I’m just worried about dd2 not really having a big present but I’m sure it will be fine.

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WomenShouldStillWinWomensSports · 23/11/2023 14:38

My kids are getting a Duplo set each, a book each and a new coat each.
That's it.
The DGPs always go overboard at Christmas and it annoys me how much tat they fill our house with. I'm sick of getting duplicates.

PuttingDownRoots · 23/11/2023 14:41

But how so you define a big present? Oodies look massive. Lego is expensive. Those are big presents to a lot of people!

persisted · 23/11/2023 14:41

You don't have to, but if there is some extra money available why not have a chat with them about what they might like?
costa card, cinema vouchers, tickets for a gig/show. If everyone is home and off work over Christmas maybe a nice day out somewhere together....

my younger sibling doesn't remember many Christmas presents, they do remember the year I took them to the Steam fair at Warwick castle.

Original poster
Lovemusic82 · 23/11/2023 14:47

PuttingDownRoots · 23/11/2023 14:41

But how so you define a big present? Oodies look massive. Lego is expensive. Those are big presents to a lot of people!

She usually gets a big Lego set as a main gift. The Lego set she’s getting this year is a small set. She knows she’s getting the oodie but isn’t excited about it, it’s something she needed as our house is freezing cold in the mornings and her old fake oodie is broken. But yes, I have spent quite a bit on the few gifts I have got her. Her understanding isn’t great around money due to being severely autistic and not very verbal. She doesn’t understand the price of a oodie.

We have been trying to reduce the amount of stuff in our house so I don’t want to buy anything that’s going to take up space or get broken (she breaks most things). I’m sure she will be fine with what I have bought, it’s just me being silly and over thinking it.

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Original poster
Lovemusic82 · 23/11/2023 14:50

Dd1 has tickets for a big concert in the summer which she has paid for herself.

We will do a few things on the run up to Christmas, Christmas market and Christmas lights which she will probably enjoy more than presents.

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Milkmani · 23/11/2023 14:51

The majority of present piles you see online and social media are made up of Poundland tat to make it look like the kids are getting hundreds of gifts. If you can only around Poundland then fine but I doubt if that was the case you’d be buying a huge pile of it. My parents used to give us quite a lot of expensive Christmas presents, add in all the gifts from family and friends I found it quite overwhelming as a child and never knew what to play with. You sound like you’ve got thoughtful, useful gifts in mind. You could always add a day out voucher if it’s not too much or something like afternoon out to a posh cafe etc.

PinkRoses1245 · 23/11/2023 15:10

Buy them only things they actually will use. My guilt about the environment and waste will always trump guilt about number of presents. Much better to have a few quality and useful items.

PinkRoses1245 · 23/11/2023 15:10

I think doing Christmas activities is a much nicer idea than lots of tat, they will appreciate the time with you.

BigBoysDontCry · 23/11/2023 15:11

I think the things you have are plenty and well thought out.

I tend to add in consumables/things they use anyway to the presents. So I'll maybe get a big pack of Pepsi (or more like beer or cider nowadays) big bag of popcorn or crisps, box of chocolate or sweeties, hot chocolate sachets etc. Shower gel/shampoo and always toothbrush/toothpaste in their stocking.

Doesn't really cost very much and mostly just added into the shopping over the weeks. Mine aren't bothered about clothes/designer stuff either but I still wrap up new socks and pants if they need them anyway.

BigBoysDontCry · 23/11/2023 15:14

You could do like a movie night gift in a bigger box, just pop in popcorn, a can of a favourite drink, a sweet/chocolate bar, a note saying its a movie night on x date and if funds allowed you could add in a pair of fluffy socks or blanket.

clarrylove · 23/11/2023 15:20

Cheese and chocolate for dd2 then!

Soonenough · 23/11/2023 15:22

I got sucked into this way of thinking about presents for years. Filled the house with excess stuff as wanted a big pile of presents under the tree., as if an American Xmas movie. Looking back , what a waste of money . DCs are older now and I still have to stop myself. Most of us have more enough stuff and the only people benefitting are large retailers . Pedalling gift sets because the box looks bigger , selection boxes containing minimal chocs .

Your daughter sounds like she will only appreciate the exact things she asks for and will have no interest in anything extra. Your other DD is old enough now to want quality over quantity. Save your money , don't give in to buying useless tat and upgrade your Xmas experiences instead . They sound lovely.

Realfastfoodie · 23/11/2023 15:23

Those sound lovely. I agree with others - can you do something that’s more of an experience? A movie night, a trip to the theatre as a family, vouchers for something they love to do. I’d have adored that?

A culture of big present piles leads to overwhelming house clutter and is eating our planet. You are doing so well at those ages to find them things they want and need.

Realfastfoodie · 23/11/2023 15:24

If your youngest loves chocolate and cheese - how about some of those just for her or a voucher for a chocolate or cheese shop!

cestlavielife · 23/11/2023 15:27

It s fine

If I asked her ‘what’s the best thing about Christmas?’ She would probably say ‘cheese and chocolate’.

Get her some nice chocolate her favourite in minis and cheese !! You can wrap cheese selection box but put cheese in fridge