Present pile size guilt

[Lovemusic82]

I know I’m being unreasonable. My dc are now older teens, this year they haven’t really asked for anything, dd1 is at uni in a tiny room so doesn’t need more stuff, dd2 severely autistic and breaks most things, she’s 18 in a few months and will be getting a big gift then. Neither of them see clothes as a gift, are not too bothered about fashion or girly things.
I have just got out the bits I have bought for them to see what it looks like and the pile looks poor, dd1 totally gets that there will be less this year and that she doesn’t really need much but dd2 might be a bit disappointed.

DD2’s pile consists of a Lego set, a wooden puzzle kit, a mini dolls house kit, a oodie and a few books.

DD1 is getting a Instax printer, pj’s, Lego flowers and a toy/sweet grabber (bit of a joke present).

They don’t really get gifts from anyone else, their dad will give them some cash. Should I add a few gifts? I feel guilty that it doesn’t really look much but I don’t want to fill the house with tat. Dd1 often doesn’t touch most the things I buy her. After seeing some of the lists on another thread mine looks a bit small but my DC’s don’t really do most the things other teens do (fashion, beauty, perfume etc….).

Thank you for the great ideas and for reassuring me.

Dd2 loves cheese but is lactose intolerant so I need to do a bit of research into what cheeses she can have, we do buy lactose free cheddar and I’m sure they must do other cheeses without lactose.

Last year my mum made dd1 a crisp selection box which went down well.

My DDs are around the same age
DD1 is getting a hoodie, water bottle and a mug
DD2 is getting earrings (£30) and a mug.
They’ll both get stockings with shower gel, sweets and other little bits.

There’s not much of present pile but they’ll be getting gifts they appreciate and money. I’m not buying just for the sake of it.

I hear you OP.
My 2 are 16 & 18 & both ASD & neither have a clue what they want.
They both need a new phone as theirs are broken/not charging well.
But, apart from that it will be consumables (choc & cheese here too!)
fluffy socks, fake oodies, possibly a book/magazine or two.
Tis tricky though as, not only am I worried about the 'size of the pile', my 18 year old looks really crushed if it's quite small. They are not even especially bothered about what is in the pile (still eating chocs from last years stocking!) but they do like a big pile. Like you I am a Carer so little money & I also don't want to fill my house / landfill with junk. So far I have socks & dried mango chunks bought. Aaargh...

Normal is realities to what you are use to.

Four gifts would absoloutly NOT be normal to us but a pile of presents wouldn't be normal to someone who has only done 4 gifts before.

Also teen piles in general usually look much smaller than young kids stuff and by 18 its not unusual to get less. Even those that do big piles for kids at Xmas don't tend to do whole sacks of presents for adults and it sound like your kids are adults now and made the transition. So while my kids are young and get more than that I would say between 3-6 for an close adult family member (partner, adult child, parent, sibling if you have a good relationship etc...) is normal to me so 4 or so fits in that.

I tend to bulk my girls gifts out with favourite chocolates, nice shower gels, shampoo and conditioner, maybe cheap perfume/body sprays, and this year they have new razors in their stockings!! I also bulk their stockings with socks and pants. Always stuff they will use and I won’t have to buy for a couple of months!

Another trick is to put things in Xmas gift boxes to create a bulky look . I have put pjs in a box that looks better than a flat parcel.

I usually do this but whilst moving dd into her uni halls I realised she has 100’s of socks and knickers 🤣. Neither of them wear perfume/body spray, I have tried buying them before and they don’t get used. Stockings will mainly be food items and stationary, dd2 likes fidget toys and putty.

Luckily we have a tiny Christmas tree so it will still look like there’s lots of presents under it.

I feel the same OP. Dd11 autistic and their isn't really anything she's into this year. Previous years has been toys, barbies, Lego etc. so big pressies under the tree.

It's only me that gets her presents as we have a tiny family so feel more pressure.

Sainsbury's is really good for free from cheese @Lovemusic82 if you have one nearby. Mozzarella, cheddar, cream cheese and a smoked one I think. You could make it into a gift by adding some nice crackers/breadsticks/chutneys if that's your DD's thing. (I think your gifts sound lovely and well thought out fwiw).

I see they do a vegan camembert and boursin type now too. I remember also seeing breaded vegan mozzarella in the frozen free from section too (that may have been in Tesco though, I spend far too much time in the free from section!)

Thank you, I will have a look in Sainsburys, we do get lactose free cheddar from there sometimes. She can have a tiny amount of lactose but not much.

I will bulk the pile out with food, most of which we would usually buy anyway. I have dd2 some bubble tea and have ordered her a bubble tea cup which she will love.

Selection box
Bath bombs
Chocolate orange
Hand made soap in a wash bag
Shower gel

@Lovemusic82

This may sound daft, but my nearly 16yr old DS always asks if we're having a balloon Christmas.

So, when he was about 8, he got some little bits, because he got a trip to Disney as a surprise, which is lovely, but did not add to the virtually non existent "pile" that children love to see in the morning.

That year, I bought about 40 candy cane balloons and covered the living room floor. The impact was not from the visual of a big pile of presents, but the visual of this big (but cost like £20) display. He loved it. Wants it every year. Not arsed about the presents as much as the balloons!

I think part of the magic is running downstairs and having a "wow" feeling. But it doesn't have to change from the presents.

Is there something like this you could do? If not balloons, a chocolate fountain with fruit for breakfast set up on a table with lots of glitter and streamers? If not that, how about putting their smallest present in a little box, then a bigger box, then a bigger box (we did this one year when DS got a manicure set, and the outer box probably could have fitted a bike in. Or, DM one year, got a huge flat-ish box and put inside "One premium air guitar, love Father Christmas" which really tickled him.

I don't think you need more presents. It's the impact of a "wow" moment that creates the memories. Get creative...

A Pringles tube with the mini Pringles in?
A few popcorn buckets for a movie night?
A bath pillow and bath bomb
Long hot water bottle (tk max had these)
Fleece blankets (Asda)
a helium balloon Xmas themed
maybe a family game?

Why not just put all the presents, mixed up, under the Christmas tree (including DDs’ ones for you)? That way they will together look like a big pile. And then just take turns to open.

Fluffy socks, hot water bottle, new duvet cover or a fluffy blanket, PJs!

I wouldn't worry about piles though mine are 8 & 12 and they have 5 presents each this year.
One main each (I always get them a big present for Xmas each, not birthday) and then 4 little things. I find they prefer a smaller pile and actually use what I get them than if I just buy stuff for the sake of it.

If dd2 loves putty maybe a slime kit. Amazon do them!

I have teenagers too. They are getting a selection box each, book each, one is getting a new rucksack and mug the other getting a hobby related item. They will get a money wallet each too. Doesn't look much but that is just what happens as they get older 🤷🏻

Oh and a chessboard between them.

I think as they get older they generally ask for more expensive things. DS 15 didn’t ask for anything. So I’ve clutched at straws by digging into is interests, he’s only got 4 things which amount to the same as dd11 who has about 8 presents. They get the same spent on them and I always feel bad but I remember when DS was an only child he got plenty, so it just looks bad now b3cause the stuff is more expensive.

I also picked up some smellies from B&M the other day. Just small things, that they will use. Can't afford lots this year, and the DC understand this.

Yes, that's a great trick. Might try that this year 😂

I don't think you should buy things they don't want or need just to make up the numbers. As you get older, there is a natural transition to fewer but usually more expensive gifts.

How about a gift experience for the whole family? Paintball? Axe throwing? Segway? Xxx

I’ve bulked out piles before now with dull stuff that I’d have been buying in any case - previous years have included towels, blankets etc. this year they will get only a stocking each as their present is an experience for both of them.