If you don’t like your present …..

[thisfilmisboring]

Do you tell your other half?

Of sorts. My face and actions do if not my words 😂

Do you, @thisfilmisboring ?

🤣🤣

I’ve never said anything other than thank you
but, last year husband bought me a pair of boots, just not my style at all. No way I would’ve worn them so I told him and he was really annoyed!

He’s ordered some stuff from very (linked to my email the dope) and I really don’t like not just one but several of the items!

I feel bad but hate the thought of the waste of money

Sorry, reply I’ve just left kind of explains why I asked.

I don’t think I’ve ever said to anybody I don’t like a gift before and always just said thank you- to be honest not sure I’ve ever really been given something I really hated!
He tends to buy ‘safe’ options.

DH often gets it nearly right. Not terrible, just not quite right. I can see he has tried and thought well. I never say anything on Christmas Day because I don’t want to spoil it. But a day or two later I will suggest returning things as i don’t really need them and don’t want money wasted. He’s always been fine with it.

Yeh, that’s quite a nice way to go about it.

Dh always chooses for me and also always says after opening that if they’re not right they can be changed. He’s usually spot on to be fair. But I do the same with him, anything I pick for him is a guess and I always make sure to keep emails just in case.
Other than that I don’t really exchange presents with many other adults, certainly not more than things like booze/candles/makeup stuff which you’re never really going to return anyway.

I tried faking it for years. Last year I stopped. Now I'm matching the effort he puts in. If it clearly shows he couldn't be arsed, left it til the last minute then bought me a crappier version of the already cheap thing I wanted, I'll make sure my face shows my opinion. Last Christmas was a low point. I actually swapped some of the shit he got me with the stuff I'd got him, since he'd bought poundshop shite I had explicitly said I didn't want, and he admitted was all he could think of because he'd lost the list I gave him. That I texted him. Twice.

He got me better presents on Mother's Day (or at least went with the kids' opinions), so I think it worked. He'll get a reminder this year to give him a fair chance.

He's not evil, just doesn't understand the concept of gifting. He would genuinely prefer to never give presents and doesn't understand why I'd care what he bought. Ffs.

Wow, I hadn't realised I was still so angry!

That’s pretty shitty of him in the past so I’m not surprised.

This is why I’d feel bad saying I don’t like because there is genuine thought and effort gone into buying the gift.
It’s a coat he’s bought me so not like something he won’t notice if I don’t wear.

If he's done it through your Very account and you really don't like it (and think he wouldn't notice if you didn't wear) then I think I would put on a smiley face on Christmas Day and then discretely return them and buy something more your style.

They have an extended return window around now:

Christmas Gifts: we’ve extended our 28 day approval guarantee so you can return any unused gifts bought between Sunday 1st October 2023 & Monday 11th December 2023. Please return them to us by Monday 8th January 2024. All the usual approval guarantee conditions apply. Christmas trees and decorations are excluded from this extension.

@thisfilmisboring a small book sized parcel arrived for him today, and it's my birthday this weekend, so I'm really hoping it's the book I specifically asked him to get me this year.

Can you return it for a refund/swap/voucher tell him there was a problem with it but they didn't have another available in your size?

DH tries very hard, but I had years of 'thanks, but not quite right' and just accepted it.

Now I just send links with very specific instructions!

I probably would. And he’d always check, honestly, if it was ok or not, no guilt tripping. I’d very likely say something like “I really like the colour but it won’t actually go with anything I’ve got and I could really do with it in blue instead” or “love it but I’ve got one similar, so you were dead on but could I swap for an x instead?” Generally I can see why someone chose something and I’ll say what I like about it (as usually I do) but I’ll search to see if an alternative can be got and suggest that instead.

@VikingLady well I hope he’s been listening! I get that giving/receiving gifts is not for everyone- I know plenty of people who feel the same but a little thought/effort isn’t too much to ask I don’t think.

@TokyoSushi haha- see he won’t let me do this. Says it ruins the surprise.

@Talipesmum
yeh- he always wants to know if it’s ok or not and in the past even if it’s not been quite what I’ve wanted I’ve never said anything as I’ve always been able to use/wear whatever it was.
it was just these boots last year and he seemed so pissed off!

It’s really unfair for him to be pissed off. Best to train him with feedback :-)

My dh goes from a list but he's brilliant at surprises too and knows what i like. I never have been disappointed but it would be so hurtful to show disappointment to dh or anyone who has thought to gift me a present.

I've been married for 4 decades. At the beginning i used to give him ideas about what i liked, but he really didn't understand and sometimes got similar but not what i want, or something he thought i'd like but i didn't.

So after about 2 years of presents for Christmas/Birthday that i didn't want/like and wouldn't use, i told him: Here is a list. Do not deviate from the list. If you can't get The Exact One, get something else off the list. (it took him ages to understand that i like All The Things and that a long list means he has a lot to choose from, and i will be surprised at what he picked, not "get me all of this stuff")

The advent of the internet has been great - he gets an actual link to the actual thing. And of course, over the years he has learned a lot so i probably don't really need to make a list at all.

So to answer the OP: yes. I did. And now i get the things i really want.

Only the year he bought me a new Le Creuset casserole dish :(. He will never do that again.

I know that DH has bought me a laptop bag as a gift this year. It's very nice and all but it's £80 for a bag I don't want or need and would only ever use for work. I couldn't give a crap what it looks like and am happy to use the free one work provide. I know I sound like a spoilt brat but I feel quite sad really. We don't buy much for ourselves and Christmas is when we do tend to treat each other so a bag for work is a bit of a disappointment. I won't say anything until after Christmas. He absolutely means well and they are bags we've looked at before, thinking their cool. I just don't want one!

We gave up exchanging gifts years ago, neither of ever got it quite right for each other. I hate the waste of money on 'unwanted gifts'. Anything we want or need we just buy for ourselves... I really don't want or need a surprise.

@TessDurbeyfieldisalive
yes! This is exactly what I thought I would sound like! Although, when I read your post I don’t think you do- it’s just a lot of money on something you don’t need or want!

@Brefugee your post made me laugh 😆

We gave this up years ago - when he got me some earmuffs that were badly made and didn't fit my head . We laugh about it every year - but now I buy my own gift and wrap it. He gives me the money and waits for the surprise on Xmas day haha

DP is a great believer in surprises, which I hate. And he has very little common sense when it comes to gifts. Even if I tell him what to get, he buys the wrong thing. One year when I was low with horrible menopause symptoms anyway I couldn’t take it any more and just started crying into the potatoes I was peeling for Christmas dinner. He has started to pay a little more attention now.