Christmas gifts in difficult circumstances

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My father (70) is acutely ill in hospital. He is stable and functioning well, if you know what I mean, but will likely be an in-patient for the next 2-3 months at least (so essentially confined to one small hospital room) and overall prognosis is currently uncertain. He was well until a few weeks ago so this has come as a bit of a shock. My mother (65) is still working part-time and visiting him 4-5 times a week. Her life is now work and the hospital, essentially. Siblings and I are visiting whenever we can (2-3 weekends a month and also trying to go midweek sometimes) but we all live at a distance/have young children at school and work commitments, so it's not as often as we would like.

To anyone who has been in this situation, what gifts (Christmas or otherwise) would have been appreciated and might have made things easier? Particularly for my father, he is facing the situation with incredible courage but it is quite an anxious and worrying time for him and, between resting and treatment, he has a lot of time essentially cooped up in a room by himself.

Does he have a radio in his room? When a member of my family spent an extended time in hospital we bought a radio as the hospital system wasn't working. They loved being able to have background chatter plus listen to their favourite shows. Also a kindle or tablet then he can read and play games.

Is he up to books? Perhaps quiz books or brain teaser/riddle type things. Photography books.

Decent grooming products and toiletries might be appreciated. A new dressing gown. Expensive, quality socks.

It depends on how tech-savvy your Dad is and what your budget is, but if it were mine, I'd buy an iPad and good earphones and load it with all the TV players (eg iPlayer) as well as the audible app and set up an audible account with some credits so he could buy a few audio books.

I'm so sorry for your dad and hope he makes a good recovery.

I'm sorry for your mum, too. It sounds as though her life has changed overnight, too.

I'm sorry this is such a difficult time for you all.
Gifts for someone in hospital are so difficult as they have little space and I'm not sure you'd want anything of high value that might go walkabout. We had the same challenge for a parent's birthday.

I'd think about things which might make him more comfortable - eg one of those V pillows if he is able to sit up.

Not sure what he is capable of but i know boredom was a big thing - not just for the patient but for visitors. Maybe a selection of travel sized games - backgammon, connect 4, battle ships etc Or Uno / Uno flip.

Christmas editions of magazines eg Private Eye or relating to his interests. It can be hard to concentrate on a novel in hospital, so something he can dip in and out of.

A pre-loaded MP3 player and earphones.

For your Mum, if it's the sort of thing she'd appreciate, what about a voucher for a massage or facial with an additional voucher to say you will take over visiting while she does that.

What were his interests before he was ill?

Thank you for all your kind messages and thoughts - really appreciate them.

Games would be a great idea - as a family, we're quite into games. The fly in the ointment is that he is severely immunocompromised, so we can't hug him or go within 2 metres of him when we visit and have to take Covid-level precautions, essentially. So we'd have to work around this.

He's reasonably tecchy so we're all clubbing together to get him an ipad/new laptop, depending on what he decides would be most useful. My parents still watch a lot of DVDs, so we're going to get something that can be used with a plug-in DVD player. He's also interested in cooking, music, art, DIY, puzzles, sport (at a general level, without being fanatic about any of them), travelling (not going to be happening for a while) and tbh just generally pottering around and talking to people.

He loves spending time with grandchildren but children aren't allowed on the ward he's in so that's not going to be an option for a while. Grandchildren are all quite young (all under 7) so not of the age to have a sensible conversation yet.

The doctors and nurses are amazing but it's a fairly bleak environment tbh. He is bearing up amazingly.

What about one of those digital photo frames that you can add to remotely via a phone app. My mum has one and it is set to change which photo it displays every minute and we often load up new ones of our kids or holidays etc so she gets a surprise when it changes.

@Dancingonaslice . Thanks, I love this idea. We are sending lots of photos daily but would be great to add them straight to a photo frame

Does he play chess? With an iPad he could play online chess with children/grandchildren - we had success with this over lockdown with a 7 yr old so the oldest grandchild might be up for it?

@Holdyournoseandthinkofchocolate . I think he has played chess in the past. Online games generally might be a good call. We did play some games/do some quizzes online as a family during lockdown.

The iPad for your dad is a great idea. Especially if he is immuno-compromised, you can video call him, and play games together remotely through apps. (Would he have wifi in hospital?)

Perhaps some nice toiletries for your dad? A really good moisturiser! Shower/wash things that fit into a nice bag that he can take from his hospital bed into the bathroom?

A cosy blanket for his bed?

And what about Cook vouchers or some other food delivery for your mum? If she is combining work and hospital visits she may be pushed for time. Cook have lovely meals that are freshly made, delivered frozen to go in the freezer, and then reheat in around 5 minutes.

Or if it's her sort of thing, a massage, facial, something to pamper/try to reduce her stress for a short while.

If you can stretch to an iPad you could easily add photos to that. There are subscriptions to films etc. Audible or borrow box. Lots of games can be played remotely with family online. There are puzzles if he is into that sort of of thing - 'The room' is very diverting. FaceTime is great for staying in contact. Podcasts. Kindle books. Lots of libraries offer online magazines. Plus the whole internet.

Would also suggest a decent case, headphones and an extra long charging wire. I suspect less susceptible to damage than a laptop.

Hope he feels better soon.

For FIL in similar circumstances, he appreciated some practical gifts like a long charging cable to use devices in bed, as well as books and magazines. A digital photo frame is a great idea. We also bought him a lightweight dressing gown and pyjamas, as he found the hospital wards very hot and uncomfortable.

A Portal would be great - it has games and stories and silly interactive faces etc (virtual) which make it fun even for very young kids, and you can remotely load it up with photos that change every minute, and it functions as a really easy way to videoconference. Only issue I had using it for an elderly relative was that the NHS Wi-Fi disconnected every day and she couldn’t reconnect. But if he’s techy enough to do that, it would be great.

We used it for all of this, and it’s also really good for chatting on while you play Scrabble or chess online on another device.

Oh yes and a Netflix subscription went down well too, MIL used it as well (when you still could)! Even though they weren’t always together they could watch the same programmes and it felt like they had something new to chat about.

I got my mum a puzzle book, it’s by carol vorderman and it is ten minute puzzles. Might be good for him to dip in and out of or you could do some together.

We have this case. If he could cope with the look I would really recommend. It is very protective but also nice to hold in the case. Sometimes other protective cases can feel very hard.

iPads can be cleaned with clinical wipes etc.

Thanks, all of these suggestions are great. And for people visiting others regularly in hospital (and often travelling by train/ bus when too tired to drive), what did you find or would have found useful?

A kindle? Easier to hold than a physical book, battery lasts quite a while and you can load up tons of books. With the back lightening, it can also be read in the dark.
Yes you can read on an ipad but it's a lot more akward to hold and heavier.

Wireless headphones

As visiting family: Food in the freezer to eat when back and tired. Cook does lovely meals and lots are also single portions.
My mum went back and forth to my dad for 4 months by train. She got these lunchbox biscuit packs and always had one or two in her bag, also cereal bars/protein bars to give some energy.
Something cosy, really soft scarf and gloves. Sound strange but the feeling of this really helps when you are tired and maybe sad/anxious about the patient.
Audiobooks

for people visiting others regularly in hospital (and often travelling by train/ bus when too tired to drive), what did you find or would have found useful?
For me it was food! Never felt like I had much of an appetite and used to graze on crap, rarely had a decent meal. Good friends invited me to supper several times , was able to eat more when with them and even though I didn't always feel like kt, the company cheered me up. They always made extra so I could take a portion and freeze (I had to stay a long way from my own family & most of my friends at that time).

Just Eat vouchers or very quick cooking kits would have been welcome gifts.
I took a weekend off visiting to go to a big event, at a friend's suggestion had my sadly neglected nails done, which i don't usually, and a cut and blow as hair was long overdue a trim. I felt guilty taking the time but felt so much better and reenergised after.

A digital photo frame maybe, you can get ones where other people can drop in pictures and videos via an app you could all share new pictures etc keep him update !!

If he has an iPad then a subscription to Readly, you can have more than one device to each subscription so your mum could use it as well if she has a smartphone or tablet. It has hundreds of magazines across all different genres.

For your mum, a gift card for the hospital cafe or Costa

A really good travel mug for your mum, Contigo are excellent.
Amazon has boxes of twin-packs of Border biscuits, price fluctuates but around £15 a box. Because they're individually wrapped they're super convenient for travelling, easy to pop in a pocket or bag.
A nice facial spray mist, plus a lip balm, sitting in hospitals I find my skin and lips get really dry.

Food and drink! Healthy rather than sugary to avoid energy crashes, but easily accessible and easily eatable. Things in small packets that can always be carried in a bag ready to snack on or drink.

I just wanted to say thank you all for your messages - I've made a note of all these ideas as we're in it for the long-haul, I'm afraid. I'm going to suggest the digital photoframe to siblings as a joint present we can all get him. In the meantime, we're going to send some puzzle books and other books (we've started an Amazon list) and also a voucher for the hospital cafe for my mum.

He types a lot and used to do some creative writing, so we're thinking a new laptop (he doesn't currently have one) might be good in addition to the ipad.

Room isn't a particular issue since he has a single room to himself with a fair amount of storage (obviously can't send giant teddies or anything like that 😂). Also the ward has good security and is a highly controlled environment so we're not particularly worried about anything going missing, luckily.