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Original poster

How to tell daughter Santa isn't real?

57 replies

katiewil · 06/11/2023 13:01

I have a 10 year old DD.. she is going into high school next year so I want to prepare her by explaining that Santa isn't real, but I also don't want her to lose the excitement and magic of Christmas? Any advice on how I do this? I'm so scared of ruining Christmas for her, but I also don't want her going into high school believing in Santa as I know how mean kids can be :(
Any advice appreciated

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CreationNat1on · 06/11/2023 13:05

Let her believe for one last year and tell her around April when the hype has died down.

LylaLee · 06/11/2023 13:11

CreationNat1on · 06/11/2023 13:05

Let her believe for one last year and tell her around April when the hype has died down.

This

BlueChampagne · 06/11/2023 13:12

Give her a copy of Tolkein's "The Father Christmas Letters" in her stocking?

CrackleOfWinter · 06/11/2023 13:13

Yes let her believe one last time and tell her before secondary.
This year maybe involve lots of winks, exaggerated tones and hints etc. My DD found out when the wrapping paper I used had WHSmith written all over the inside of it, so maybe use some of that? 😆

Humphhhh · 06/11/2023 13:13

I wouldn't stress, she'll figure it out or her peers will tell her. Does she have any social media? This may be the Christmas she starts to question.

None of my (12+) children believe in Santa but still want the whole charade so we all just pretend 😂 (😭 neverending elf on the shelf). I've never told them none of it is 'real'.

InTheRainOnATrain · 06/11/2023 13:16

Does she have additional needs? If not are you sure she actually believes and isn’t just going along with it because it’s fun, or she’s got the idea from somewhere that it means less presents or something? DNeice was one of these, in our family adults don’t get stockings so she somehow came to the conclusion that she had to pretend in order to keep getting hers. Apparently it’s pretty common 🤣

derekthe1adyhamster · 06/11/2023 13:16

I would just not mention him this year! No writing letters or anything. Make sure all the wrapping paper is the same for presents from you and Santa,
if she hasn't already realised and is just playing along for you, then it won't take long for her to twig.

YikYok · 06/11/2023 13:17

My dd has a 13yo friend who her mum claims still believes… I’m not sure she does… your dd will start hearing on the playground that it’s not real.

Christmas traditions can still feel magical even when you don’t believe in Santa. Do something heart-warming be that will give you ll the happy glow.

WellDuh · 06/11/2023 13:18

I never told any of my kids. They all worked it out or were told by kids at school. I think all of them made it to about 10 years old and by the time they were 11 knew Santa wasn't real.

SagaNorensPorche · 06/11/2023 13:19

I started phasing him out by saying Santa is so busy, he has to focus on delivering to the younger children so parents buy the gifts for older kids. Gradually they realised there was no Santa, though I've never actually confirmed it and still wink whenever I mention him.

Original poster
katiewil · 06/11/2023 13:19

I did mention the other day something about hiding her sisters toys and she seemed mortified and said why doesn't Santa have them? So I panicked and said aww I have to send them to him Blush to be honest I think she may just be playing along, I think I may have to just sit her down and tell her as I still need to keep the Santa magic alive for my DD who's 3

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Original poster
katiewil · 06/11/2023 13:20

I may get her to take charge of the elf for her sister, as she may still feel the magic then Grin

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cocksstrideintheevening · 06/11/2023 13:21

Dts are 12, I've never told them he's not real, they figure it out for themselves. We still go along it with all even the bloody elves. They like it and like their traditions, we don't go and see him anymore but they'll happily tag along with younger cousins.

JaninaDuszejko · 06/11/2023 13:25

Kids know, she's just pretending. Don't 'tell her', she'll find that mortifying. And she might not want to help with the Elf, the 'magic' is fun even when they know because they know you do it because you love them.

SagaNorensPorche · 06/11/2023 13:25

It's when the penny drops that parents are out and out liars - Santa, Easter bunny, tooth fairy. Grin They'll have an inkling anyway from peers, and I don't know one child that has ever let the cat out of the the bag to the youngest siblings.

Alltheyearround · 06/11/2023 13:29

@SagaNorensPorche I like that idea a lot.

DS is 13 (SEN) and still a believer, he said to me last week 'Is it true that Father Christmas can see everything you do? '. I told him no to that one. No one should feel they are monitored by the all seeing eye of anyone. Guessing someone at school had said that as it came out of the blue one bedtime.

I can't remember the transition from belief to non-belief, presumably it was by osmosis from other kids as I am sure DM never sat us down.

I think of FC as being the spirit of Christmas, the spirit of giving - he might not quite grasp that as yet though.

Original poster
katiewil · 06/11/2023 13:34

Thanks all, I will just keep my mouth zipped and carry on as normal I think, we are a massive Christmas house and I love making it as magical as possible for my girls (including getting up in the middle of every night through December to move the blinking elf Hmm)

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GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 06/11/2023 13:42

My 9 yo nagged my right leg off to tell him the truth. In the end I did, as he kept saying “but tell me the truth “. Then I did, and he’s been upset about it since.

He does have ADHD though. Not being “naughty”, I think just wanted confirmation of it being true, and I misread it.

So maybe don’t say anything for now!

clarepetal · 06/11/2023 13:46

Santa isn't real?!

Sleepybear1234 · 06/11/2023 13:48

I told my ten year old a month ago as she caught her dad being the tooth fairy (badly ) I assumed she knew and was going along with it turns out she didn't and she herself has said I should have given her one last year. So I agree with the posters above leave til spring and tell her then.

housethatbuiltme · 06/11/2023 14:29

Don't

People are allowed to believe whatever makes them happy, regardless of if its Santa, Fairies or God etc... its shitty to appoint yourself as the person who must smash that happiness for someone because 'you know the truth'.

She most likely knows (I can't imagine any kid in a public school makes it to 10 without being told, I was told at 5 in school my learning difficulties didn't make me slow to understand either before people mention that). However 'believing' in Santa is often a show, it makes people happy to act like its real (adults do it all the time) without having to remind them its not.

Don't assume your kid is too thick to have basic cognitive thought processes, just celebrate that she still sees the happiness and whimsy in life and the world. That shouldn't be crushed just to stop less happy people laughing at her still having joy.

boysmuminherts · 06/11/2023 14:33

No need to tell her at all, she'll work it out. Maybe she'll continue to believe. It'll be fine.

Original poster
katiewil · 06/11/2023 14:37

housethatbuiltme · 06/11/2023 14:29

Don't

People are allowed to believe whatever makes them happy, regardless of if its Santa, Fairies or God etc... its shitty to appoint yourself as the person who must smash that happiness for someone because 'you know the truth'.

She most likely knows (I can't imagine any kid in a public school makes it to 10 without being told, I was told at 5 in school my learning difficulties didn't make me slow to understand either before people mention that). However 'believing' in Santa is often a show, it makes people happy to act like its real (adults do it all the time) without having to remind them its not.

Don't assume your kid is too thick to have basic cognitive thought processes, just celebrate that she still sees the happiness and whimsy in life and the world. That shouldn't be crushed just to stop less happy people laughing at her still having joy.

Why would I assume my kid is thick? Because I still think she actually believes?
I would never assume or think that my DD is thick.. she is a bright girl who does still love the magic of Christmas! That's why I asked
And I don't want to be the one to tell her that's why I come on here asking for advice, as I also don't want her going into high school and being a target for it as I know what kids are like!
But as my PP said I'm not going to tell her, I only replied to your comment as it irritated me that you would write that I assume my daughter is thick Smile

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Original poster
katiewil · 06/11/2023 14:38

Thankyou everyone.. I am not going to tell her and I'm going to let her continue enjoying all the magic SmileStar

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drspouse · 06/11/2023 14:40

We've never pretended to the extent that things FC brought couldn't be bought in the shops or having special wrapping paper, or even having presents under the tree from him - we just had stockings from him.
We started hinting before last Christmas (are you SURE that was from him) and we spent Christmas with my DPs who were I think slightly bemused that the DCs weren't yet nudge-nudge-wink-wink about him. They are 9 and 11 this year and DD started asking me in the summer "is he REALLY real", DS talks as if he is real but I don't think he believes any more than he does the tooth fairy.
So we no longer pretend he's real and have left them to draw their own conclusions, but the questions started in the summer and eventually I said "you know you get presents whether you believe or not?".