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Original poster

How to tell daughter Santa isn't real?

57 replies

katiewil · 06/11/2023 13:01

I have a 10 year old DD.. she is going into high school next year so I want to prepare her by explaining that Santa isn't real, but I also don't want her to lose the excitement and magic of Christmas? Any advice on how I do this? I'm so scared of ruining Christmas for her, but I also don't want her going into high school believing in Santa as I know how mean kids can be :(
Any advice appreciated

OP posts:
stayathomer · 06/11/2023 14:41

Don’t until early next year, say about March. It’s too close!

drspouse · 06/11/2023 14:42

Our DCs have plenty of magic around Christmas - they love the Christingle service, the traditions we have each year, decorating the Christmas tree, listening to Christmas music. No need for pretend.

tenpoundpombear · 06/11/2023 14:43

derekthe1adyhamster · 06/11/2023 13:16

I would just not mention him this year! No writing letters or anything. Make sure all the wrapping paper is the same for presents from you and Santa,
if she hasn't already realised and is just playing along for you, then it won't take long for her to twig.

This, mine wrote me their lists instead of to Santa. I think I also used phrases like "what do you want me to get you for Christmas"

They still play along with it all, and why not! It's still magical for them in other ways.

Does she have any younger siblings? She can be "in on it" if so and help create the magic!

trafficcarrots · 06/11/2023 14:43

My ex just told the kids santa wasn't real because he didn't want them to be bullied. I'm so annoyed he never discussed this with me. I've explained mum and dad are santa, as we're our parents and maybe one day they will be too. Santa isn't a person, it's the spirit of Christmas, the joy of giving and making others happy. He managed to even ruin that happy takeaway from it.

stayathomer · 06/11/2023 14:44

People who say they know, unfortunately on telling my ds 12, I watched his heart shatter into a thousand pieces! Same year we told ds10 (who had told us for years he knew) and he shrugged and said he knew it. Everyone has different beliefs and perceptions

Original poster
katiewil · 06/11/2023 14:46

trafficcarrots · 06/11/2023 14:43

My ex just told the kids santa wasn't real because he didn't want them to be bullied. I'm so annoyed he never discussed this with me. I've explained mum and dad are santa, as we're our parents and maybe one day they will be too. Santa isn't a person, it's the spirit of Christmas, the joy of giving and making others happy. He managed to even ruin that happy takeaway from it.

That's actually a really good way of putting it! I think I'll steal this idea if she does start asking

OP posts:
LostMySocks · 06/11/2023 14:47

DS is just 10. He's asked a few questions and I really thought he'd have figured it out. Came home from holiday club in the summer talking about the 'Father Christmas ' argument. Apparently this is where some kids are convinced he's real and the others say it's the mums ans dad's. I thought that was the end of the secret but a couple of weeks ago he and his younger brother were arguing about who had heard him on the roof. One was convinced he'd heard bells and the other a hohoho.

We saw what he's convinced is the real Santa when we were on holiday when he was young. He does think that there are a lot of helper Santas for little kids and knows that we all keep the secret.
I love buying stocking presents so hope we get one last Christmas

HardcoreLadyType · 06/11/2023 14:47

DD1 set a trap for the tooth fairy, and when I was rumbled, she asked about Father Christmas. I said I thought she probably knew, but knowing for sure did upset her.

My younger two were never really told, although I remember having a jokey conversation about him with them, when they had made it clear to me that they didn’t believe.

The more organic way was far less traumatic.

I imagine your DD knows, really - children at school will have said. Just let it be make believe for her, if she’s not ready to let go completely.

Calmdown14 · 06/11/2023 15:13

I think the hints you have dropped aren't a bad thing.

I also have a 10 year old and thinking this is the last (though he has 2 years until secondary).

He knows the tooth fairy isn't real and suspect he will start noticing the signs but that really only comes in when they are already questioning stuff.

He loves helping to set up things for his little sister so quite looking forward to having him involved.

I won't lie if he asks if he's real but will give 'its up to you what you believe ' type answers. I think gradual realisation is kinder and that tends to start happening as they get a better grasp on the world around them and geography etc.

drspouse · 06/11/2023 15:27

@tenpoundpombear My DD asked me to photograph her list before she posted it to Santa. She thought we were the ones to send back the preprinted letter (in fact it's from Royal Mail) so I fear she may think we're lying when we say we don't.

WinchSparkle80 · 06/11/2023 15:38

My eldest DD is 21 and I still have not confirmed or denied Santa’s existence - although the christmas list of makeup and clothes with links might be a giveaway 😂. Youngest DD is 13 but ND and strongly believes and would not care is anyone took the piss she wouldn’t believe them…. he is real.
Youngest DS is 12 and definitely is playing along….and so it continues

and I love it.

Enjoy at least another year OP

Mustbethemulledwine · 06/11/2023 15:50

My 11 year old (also starting high school next year) no longer fully believes. He knows santa isn't real, I know he knows, but he's not said it out loud yet, and I've not brought it up either.

My eldest son did the same during his final year of believing. He pretended to believe for the sake of it and come January when all the decorations were down and everything went back to normal he just turned around and declared he knew santa wasn't real.

Meadowflower2023 · 06/11/2023 16:04

WinchSparkle80 · 06/11/2023 15:38

My eldest DD is 21 and I still have not confirmed or denied Santa’s existence - although the christmas list of makeup and clothes with links might be a giveaway 😂. Youngest DD is 13 but ND and strongly believes and would not care is anyone took the piss she wouldn’t believe them…. he is real.
Youngest DS is 12 and definitely is playing along….and so it continues

and I love it.

Enjoy at least another year OP

😂 this made me chuckle as I'm the same. My DS is early twenties and every year we joke that if he doesn't believe then the big man doesn't come. I'm
sure he thinks I'm bonkers but I love the magic and traditions of Christmas.

ThisIsNotThePostYourLookingFor · 06/11/2023 16:14

I told my daughter last year (she just turned 12) but she has additional needs and I didn’t want her going into high school still genuinely believing and some one ruining it for me or bullying her but didn’t want to ruin the magic as such either so I did the Santa story which I had heard on here years ago.

It’s basically that once the child is old enough to understand then they can become a Santa themselves and understand that Christmas is more about giving than receiving.

Blondeshavemorefun · 06/11/2023 16:29

I've always said you need to tell them before they go to secondary school

So enjoy this Xmas and then tell maybe after Easter next year if beleive in Easter bunny

Where dd6 obv beleive in fc but we've never done Easter bunny

Just we but the eggs

Neriah · 06/11/2023 16:31

katiewil · 06/11/2023 13:19

I did mention the other day something about hiding her sisters toys and she seemed mortified and said why doesn't Santa have them? So I panicked and said aww I have to send them to him Blush to be honest I think she may just be playing along, I think I may have to just sit her down and tell her as I still need to keep the Santa magic alive for my DD who's 3

I recall vividly a winter walk in the park with my 7 year old nephew, who told me that Santa really doesn't exist, but not to tell his mum and dad because they still believed.... 😂

gotomomo · 06/11/2023 16:32

My dd2 told dd1 in an argument when dd1 was 11. She hadn't twigged! The argument didn't end well!

RoseBucket · 06/11/2023 16:40

I told my daughter when she was starting to question it, the concept was based around St Nick so it has kept the magic and warm feeling around it @katiewil my daughter is a young adult now and a teacher and tells the story of St Nick.

talkingteapots · 06/11/2023 16:41

Just let her find the presents. That's how mine found out at 6 years old lol x

madmumofteens · 06/11/2023 16:47

Don't tell her my son asked me outright at age 11 years told him the truth lots of tears and snot and asked why do parents lie 🥹

Angrycat2768 · 06/11/2023 16:57

WinchSparkle80 · 06/11/2023 15:38

My eldest DD is 21 and I still have not confirmed or denied Santa’s existence - although the christmas list of makeup and clothes with links might be a giveaway 😂. Youngest DD is 13 but ND and strongly believes and would not care is anyone took the piss she wouldn’t believe them…. he is real.
Youngest DS is 12 and definitely is playing along….and so it continues

and I love it.

Enjoy at least another year OP

Yes I'm still doing this with mine! My 15 year old plays along with me even though he obviously knows its not real but the younger one says ' oh yeah, "Santa"' ' with air quotes when I ask him to write his Christmas list. Santa has always only got them one present and a stocking in our house anyway, and they still love a stocking.

Angrycat2768 · 06/11/2023 16:58

Neriah · 06/11/2023 16:31

I recall vividly a winter walk in the park with my 7 year old nephew, who told me that Santa really doesn't exist, but not to tell his mum and dad because they still believed.... 😂

Show quote history

Lol! That's so cute!

purser25 · 06/11/2023 17:04

I think this happens when everything is from Father Christmas rather than labels on saying who gave it to them. I think it is sad for the giver and the child not to say thank you. Maybe just have the stocking from Santa but seriously most children will work out that it is impossible for Father Christmas to visit every child in the world in one night. They can still enjoy the magic of Christmas without believing in Santa. I am in my 60’s but then I don’t think anyone believed beyond about 7 or 8 people used to just say whet they had from their relations.

JanefromLondon1 · 06/11/2023 17:39

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This has been withdrawn due to privacy concerns.

HowcanIhelp123 · 06/11/2023 17:39

I figured it out around the time my parents en-suite shower suddenly 'broke' around christmas. It was (badly) taped up with black bin bags with an 'out of order' sign on it. It was also full of wrapped up presents 😂. I think I was 7. Played along as I had much younger siblings for a fair few more years.

Do tell her before secondary. My friend's mum was very very very protective of her daughters 'childhood' and very much insisted santa was real. At 14 someone at school told her he wasn't and it ended up in a physical fight between the two (started by my friend) because they called her mum a liar and her mum said santa was real. Then she got bullied for starting a fight defending Santa's existance. You can tell her very kindly, you'll probably find she already at least suspects.