Mum in her 80s, have bought her everything nice before!

[drspouse]

DM always likes my presents but it's kind of a high bar now and I feel like I've done everything!
She likes reading, knitting, gardening, art, and rambling, as well as travelling.
She's relatively active but is 81 so there are limits nowadays.
If I buy her anything to eat she moans that she "doesn't need it" and gives it to someone else.
I have bought her a nice knitting kit (but she finds it hard to get the right tension so tends to stick to her tried and trusted patterns despite the fact that the DCs will never wear her itchy jumpers...).
Bought everything cashmere already, as well as a lovely wool blanket for the sofa.
Done a book club subscription, nice socks and lavender eye mask, done hand cream though of course I could get some more but that's a bit small for a whole present.
She makes everything for the allotment out of junk and I don't really know what she needs (apart from hand cream of course!).
I tried to get her annual membership of her local art gallery before but it was really complicated and she's too far from big cities to really want to travel for e.g. Royal Academy membership (also she's fallen out with a few of her regular haunts, suspect over gender woo but I can't remember which ones!)
She's already in the NT and I have such a lot of family limitations that I can't any longer go and take her out to the theatre or similar (that's been successful in the past and I would enjoy it too, so that's a shame).
She does a painting class but I don't really know what she'd like/need for that.
ETA she wouldn't want scented candles, and I've bought her an oil burner before but I don't think she used up the melts I got.
Heeeelp....

Daft question but have you asked her what she wants?

Does she have any good friends? I wonder whether you could pay for an experience rather than something to keep in her home.

Gardening magazine subscription? A trip for the weekend to a nice hotel with you? Voucher for dinner with all her dc?

I was coming on here to say magazine subscription too.

Lovely wooden knitting needles? Nice workbox? High-tech clothing for rambling that will be superbly waterproof? Nice walking socks?

She would likely appreciate TIME with you rather than more stuff!

Afternoon tea somewhere nice with you? A spa day together? Meal out? Have nails/pedicure together?

Bird bath and/or feeder for her garden
A whirly/scare crow type thing for her allotment to keep birds off

A bag to hold her knitting in
A cute metal statue for the garden/allotment
Lazy Susan style platter for the coffee table so she can reach lots of things
Tea subscription
High Tea experience
Ugg boots/slippers

Is there anything awkward to take to the allotment that you could deliver or install for her? As a fellow allotmenteer a van full of manure delivered directly to my plot would make my Christmas.

When my mother was that age we used to go shopping together quite often so I knew exactly what she liked - it’s so much harder when you spend less time together.

It sounds as if she has a busy life so there must surely be an item of clothing that could do with replacing or upgrading? How about a not cashmere beanie for allotment days?

Or, if she travels regularly, perhaps she might welcome a new piece of luggage?

Really fancy wool?

(I have no idea about knitting tbh)
beautifulknitters.co.uk/collections/cashmere

My mum requested a daylight lamp to help her read or paint in the evening.

An iPad. My mother (in her 90s) has had one for about 4 years and loves it. She's always looking things up on Wikipedia and loves exploring YouTube. She uses it with attached earphones. She also enjoys FaceTiming with the great grandchildren.

Oh - it didn’t occur to me that the OP’s mother might not already have one, @Lavenderosa! The more ancient members of my family cannot be separated from theirs.

@OP - if she likes her garden would she appreciate something like a really lovely bird feeder bird box or hedgehog house. I have bought both for my mother ( mid 80s and she really likes them ) So one was a very pretty bird table and also more which hung from a tree she can see from her kitchen window.

If she does a painting class , can you find out what it is - so watercolour you could buy a lovely big pad of good quality water colour paper and some lovely brushes with perhaps a few paints ( this will not be cheap ) or if she likes acrylics again some good quality brushes and perhaps a couple of canvases and some very useful colours eg titanium white - am sure you can google - but again these are not cheap. Canvases you can order over the internet and perhaps a couple of small ones to begin with .

Just thoughts

Agree with a PP, have you actually asked her? My DM is at the stage of life where she just doesn't want anymore 'stuff' in her life ... every.single.time I visit I come away with stuff for the charity shop (much of it unwanted gifts she has received from other relatives and friends). I can remember clearing my DGM's house after she died ... boxes and boxes of unwanted gifts carefully chosen over the years ☹️.

I have also reached the stage in my life where there is nothing that money could buy that would make my life any better... within reason I can buy what I want and thankfully all my family and friends have a 'no gifts' rule. We still meet up and enjoy each other's company but that might be just going out for coffee and cake or a meal.

I do like a charity 'goat type' gift but I know they are not everyone's taste.

Yes something practical for the house/garden/allotment. I like the bird feeder idea.
When my mum was that age I used to get her a magazine subscription.

An amarylllis.

How about a sundial for her garden? Remarkably heavy for their size so she won't be able to move it!!

A really good quality pair of sharp secateurs so they cut easily for someone who might not have a huge amount of strength in her hands any more, and with brightly-coloured handles so they are also easily found after you've put them down somewhere random in the garden.

Afternoon tea at a garden centre.

A book of aerial photographs of the UK or some other country that she likes.

@Ragwort Exactly, we went through something similar with my DGM. Once she hit about 80 she really didn't want any more stuff, so while she was able we took her out for meals/days out instead. Once she got less able I would get her a nice bunch of flowers or a houseplant. She said she didn't want anything and she really meant it! It gets to the stage it's better to give 'a wee minding'

I got my mum one of those bird boxes with a camera in and it was pretty magical to see the blue tits nesting in it!

@VeruccaSalty Oh oh was it a bird buddy - we have one and I cannot tell how much we smile and love it. Ours we have no birds nesting but the great tits do a holding pattern worthy of Heathrow to come and get their meal worms before Mr Robin chases them off . Not sure if it is the same - ours needs wifi - but it send photographs to DH's phone.

Magazine subscription
Flower subscription plus a nice vase to put them in each month
Walking socks
Gilet
Paints if you can find out what type she uses
Pay for her hair appointment upfront and print out the booking
Nails the same
Take her to a nice garden centre and have lunch in the cafe
Kindle if she reads

I buy older relatives:

1. Anything they say they specifically want, such as books, a jumper, a new teapot, etc.
2. Food
3. Drink
4. Bulbs in a pot or something for the garden
5. A charity gift of some sort.

A lot of older people have everything they need and my relatives at least don't want to have to 'find homes for things', so now I just give them stuff they can consume and be done with or which benefits others with less.

A heated throw for when she's sitting knitting or watching TV in the evening? My mother got one of these last year and loves it.

I agrée with some PP.
Id give something you spend time together.

If whole evenings are too much, id go for something you can do in the couple of hours you’d normally spend with her. Like an afternoon tea, visit one of those museums etc….

If she has an allotment how about an unusual fruit bush for it? For instance a goji berry or kiwi fruit? With kiwis you need to make sure it's self fertile, other you'll have to get a male and a female plant 😁