Cooking Christmas dinner with 3 week old…

[VillageFete]

Hi,

All being well, my DD will be 3 week’s old at Christmas (planned C section)

I already have a 14 year old and 4 year old.

The plan was to have inlaws (MIL/FIL/BIL and his 5 year old son) Up for pastries/sausage sandwiches/bucks fizz around 11am and then eat out with my mum and sister at 3:30pm as they’re nurses and both work Christmas day until 2pm.

I felt the breakfast issues might have been a little ambitious this year as my 4 year old son and 5 year old nephew go absolutely crazy together- the house is chaos with them on Christmas morning. Nephew’s mum (SIL) stays home to prep their dinner and MIL/FIL/BIL go back for dinner about 1pm, so we have them here for about 2 hours. Usually not a problem, but i’m dreading the chaos with a 3 week old and very little sleep? Want to caveat this with MIL only ever wants dinner at her other son’s house, she doesn’t have it with us (Although obviously welcome) She prefers to have it there, as she’s very close to SIL’s side of the family and they all have it together- we’ve not been invited but i’m sure would be welcome if we asked.

Regarding eating out - there’s been an issue with the booking and they can now only accommodate us at 12pm. Massive mistake on their part and i’m not very pleased. Everywhere else local is fully booked - I’ve checked.

With mum and sis working until 2pm, neither of them can do dinner plus their house is very small, no dining table etc so much easier for them to come here. Both are very close to my 14 year old DD and she loves spending Christmas with them.

I now need to do dinner, but need it to be as stress free as possible. How can I accommodate inlaws on Christmas morning whilst trying to do dinner with newborn? I’m thinking i’ll ask my mum to prep a few things the day before and bring them with her on Christmas day.

I usually love hosting, it’s never a problem and i’m very OTT with my Christmas dinner - most things from scratch and it takes a lot of prep. Obviously I need to dial it down this year. What can be made in advance?!

I’m probably massively overthinking this and won’t give a crap once baby is born. I’ll be recovering from a C section and tubal litigation. But at the minute I don’t want to offend anyone and still want my kids to have a nice Christmas and see the people that they love.

You have to be very clear to yourself and everyone else that this year has to be different, and don’t worry about what they think - if they care about you they will already have been thinking the same thing. If they aren’t thinking that, they don’t care, and therefore what they think doesn’t matter.

I would just say that the usual morning stuff simply can’t happen this year, and MIL can come on Boxing Day to see your children. They shouldn’t be dumping your DN on you when you’re 3 weeks PP - it sounds like it’s only done to free up your in laws to get their own Christmas lunch ready in peace, to be quite honest. So don’t allow that. Have a nice, quiet ish morning with your children opening their presents and eating too much chocolate.

If DH doesn’t like it, and insists, then a) have a think about how you feel about his priorities, and b) he can do absolutely everything for them all while you lie in with the baby and the older children open their stockings in a leisurely way in bed with you upstairs. Emerge when they leave. If he’s not on board with this - it doesn’t happen.

Then prioritise getting dinner to enjoy with your mum and sister, who haven’t got the luxury of the sort of Christmas your in laws have. Buy everything frozen or ready prepped from M&S etc, and you can sit on the sofa with the baby and a list of what needs to go in the oven and when, to maintain your control, and your husband and teen can do what you tell them to get it ready on time.

You and your new baby are as important as all the rest of them, and this year, more important, so do what you need to make it easiest for the two of you.

Just cancel/postpone the Christmas morning get together .. utter madness to invite so many people when you have a 3 week old. Your SIL gets a nice peaceful morning to prepare her Christmas feast whilst you are hosting, prepping a Christmas meal and caring for a tiny baby.
I appreciate you acknowledge you are a 'control freak' and want everything to be perfect but you need to be realistic. Can't the PILs host a Christmas Eve small get together ? and you stay at home with the baby.
What are the working arrangements for Boxing Day - could you host your mum & sister then?

Thank you all, this has been a real eye opener. I am being a bit of an idiot here and putting too much pressure on.

You think i’d know how up the wall you can be with a newborn - given it’s my 3rd (And final!!) But I seem to have forgotten.

I agree re- SIL and other Inlaws having a much easier ride. I’ve just said to my DP that I think it’s madness to accommodate them this year, but understand completely that he wants to see his family, so why not disturb their plans and pop over to their house and let chaos descend there instead?! He agreed that’s fine, but it means MIL missing out on seeing our newborn on Christmas day. I personally don’t think that’s a problem? She can come here on Christmas Eve for a couple of hours- a newborn knows no different and only wants its mum anyway?!

My mum and sis would happily forego a visit on Christmas day if they thought they were making my life easier, but I really don’t mind them calling in for some dinner - they work really hard (inlaws retired years ago) And deserve a bit of dinner! Plus my 14 year old DD would really want to see them. Don’t get me wrong, they won’t stay too long, just some dinner and an hour with the kids. Plus my mum has said she’ll
do all of the post dinner cleaning, as will my DP.

Make it simple and buy pre prepared stuff rather than doing it from scratch , then it’s just about sticking it in the oven at the right time and you can instruct your husband to do that . Don’t make it into an unnecessary drama .

Who will do the cooking for your immediate family, your DM and DSil if they come on Christmas Day? I don’t think I made a single meal for the first six weeks after DC’s were born - DH, friends and family took over.

THIS YEAR (And just this year!), you’ll have to make a choice.
You can’t cook a Christmas dinner from scratch, host PIL and co and deal with a 3 weeks old whilst recovering from major abdominal surgery.

I think you need to chose what’s the most I portant for you. A really nice Christmas meal with your mum & sister OR have PIL & co in the morning?
Once you’ve chosen what’s the most important for you - the time spent together with various family members or the meal with your mum & sister - then you’ll be able to plan around it.

Please don’t try to do it all. Apart from the fact it’s not going to work, it’s unfair in you (huge pressure) but also your DH, dcs and family because they’ll be the ones who will have to pick up the slack ay very short notice.

Tbh, my own aim would be to make it a time as relaxed as possible for myself and my little family. Everyone will still be trying to adjust, esp your 4yo. Making that day nice starts with making it relaxed and fun. It’s ok to do things differently too!

A great opportunity to break with the Tradition Treadmill.

Christmas is supposed to be a relaxed gathering with family/friends. Pare it back, keep it simple, focus on the company. Let go of the control, allow a bit of chaos from the kids, let DH off the leash in the kitchen and don't worry about the result. Food is ready when it's ready, and have nibbles and cold stuff on standby.

The year I had a 12 day old DS2 we got the dinner from M&S. everything’s prepped and ready to just shove in the oven so DH took care of all that. We did have a couple of ILs pop in but I made it very clear we would not be hosting, or feeding beyond the massive pile of pastries we had in for us to pick at until the dinner was ready. We also had dinner about 4.30, which meant we had more time to just relax and do presents. That would fit with the time your DM and DSIS can get there and pitch in with dishing up. Keep it simple, and certainly don’t entertain the idea of SIL getting their house to herself to prep their dinner in peace - you’ll have a newborn for Christ sake!

Honestly, don't cook. You'll be sore and spend every 1/2 hour feeding. Get your partner to cook whilst you sit with a cup of tea/ wine. See your relatives the day before or after if it's too much. Assuming you want to breast feed, a two hour lunch in a restaurant will be tough. But aunt Bessie's and pre prepared meat and have an easy lunch at home with immediate family. X

I wonder if the place that made the mistake could possibly provide the same food as a takeaway? Im guessing they don't have the tables available, but surely they could cook a bit extra. It would in some way perhaps make up for their error and would mean it just needed warming or dishing up at home.

It's a good idea to change the morning arrangements so that's one headache off your list. If you don't want to buy in a ready-made dinner, could you be the cook/supervisor eg give instructions to DH and DD from the sofa?

Maybe your husband can take the next 2 months to improve his cooking skills. I find it quite strange that an adult can't cook and very sad that you do it all even with being heavily pregnant.

You buy everything pre prepared from M&S.

I would do beef (on the bone) in the slow cooker.

I would teach DH to make roast potatoes, get him to practice lots.

He can also learn how to do the other veg and trimming.

You can sit on the sofa with the baby and offer supportive suggestions!

www.cookfood.net/menu/christmas/christmas-day

Buy all the above, download the pdf of the timings, hand it to a visitor, and sit down with your baby 😀

I used this many a Christmas, it's saved so much work and resentment. But for you, OP, it's a necessity!!!!

Have you had a c section before? This is all a bit crazy. You should be avoiding hosting entirely, if anyone objects to that they are arseholes, you will be recovering from surgery.

If your mum and sister need to come to yours then they can but they can "host", they should understand. You need to unclench a bit too and allow others to cook. You go and see in laws at their house at a suitable time.

Don't make it harder than it needs to be.

Husband cooks.

I would say that you don’t do a Christmas dinner at all.

Put a ham in the slow cooker and do a spread of cheese, pate, nuts etc. You can still keep it festive with crackers and you could make something like a crumble a day or two before to just reheat.

I think under the circumstances that is more than enough hosting! And you can all go out for a roast Boxing Day or in the week before new year when your relatives are free and the bonus is it will be cheaper then!

You have a 14 year old… she can cook!

I would consider the following

• gammon in the slow cooker
• prepared red cabbage (you can store it in the freezer and defrost in fridge on Xmas Eve)
• prepared gravy (as above)
• roasties in the airfryer - they are foolproof. Get dd to peel potatoes and par-boil day before, store in fridge then on the day toss in oil and garlic/rosemary and air fry for about 20 mins
• airfryer pigs in blankets
• airfryer root vegetables (parsnips, carrots, swede, sweet potato, maybe chuck in some halves of red peppers towards the end)
• airfryer yorkies and stuffing balls
• frozen peas, microwaved
• jar of good quality cranberry sauce

As the airfryer stuff cooks, put it in a warm oven so eventually the meal is assembled

All of that is extremely easy even for your DH and dd and I imagine it will be an amazing Christmas without too much pressure.

you can offer to host a huge meal at Easter or a big summer bbq. I am 100% sure your lovely families wouldn’t want you making your life so difficult by worrying about a turkey in Xmas day

I hosted Christmas with 6 week old Dts. My advice - don't!

This is easy to resolve.

You have a simple breakfast - croissants warmed in the oven, a tray of sausages also from the oven. Bucks Fizz if they want it, kids obviously have chocolate.

Lunch - order everything pre-done from M&S or somewhere nice and get your husband to get everything in the oven at the right time. Teen can help.

If he's that useless you can't rely on him to do that, then in laws can bring their own breakfast, DH can be on tidy up duty, and you can project manage from a comfy chair with your teen.

Or third option - tell them you're not up to it with the new baby.

I had one Christmas with a 2 week old baby and a nearly-2 year old, we stayed at home with no big plans and it was just as well because the baby was a cluster feeder and I had to eat my Christmas dinner with a baby latched on feeding frantically. I had to lay a muslin over him so I didn't drop any roast potato on his head and DH had to cut my dinner up for me as I couldn't reach over the baby to the table. I hadn't had a section and felt reasonably ok in myself but it was fairly chaotic with the new baby and I definitely couldn't have managed what you're planning

LadyBitsnBobs · Today 12:49
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You have a 14 year old… she can cook”

WTAF? Why the hell should a 14 year old cook a full on Christmas dinner for a family when there’s an adult male in the house.

oh, because she’s a girl, right.

FFS.

You do fuck all on Christmas Day OP!
This is insane.

Order everything you can possibly think if from M&S and Waitrose as soon as you can place orders online and let DH sort out prepping and cooking. I'm sure he'll manage.

You sit down and don't lift a finger. I can't believe you're even contemplating such an idea.

By all means have everyone around because it would be lovely to see them all.
But DH and guests sort out food and drinks during both visits.
In fact, they would all be mad to let you do anything.

The little boys will be told the baby needs a reasonably less chaotic atmosphere and I'm sure the grown-ups will keep an eye on them to control the exuberance.

As much as it’s ’Christmas’ it is actually just another day. As long as everyone gets something to eat does it actually matter if it’s not the full turkey dinner with all the trimmings? Could you do something different like getting a Chinese in? I know lots of people do that or make something but have mainly pre-prepared things that you just have to throw in the oven then sit them out as a self-service buffet type set up. Something that’s not going to take you more than half an hour to deal with. I don’t think anyone will be expecting a full Christmas dinner from you at that stage!