Hosting dilemma

[ZenNudist]

Im feeling obliged to host my family for Christmas this year but i dont want to.

Am i mean?

Neither I nor my mother hosted last year (went to in laws together). I did it the year before and I mainly can't face all crammed in for 4 days as they don't live locally. They arrive Christmas eve and leave the day after boxing day. Its too long. Especially as my dad is hard work.

As saw both sets of parents last year I could just say we are not seeing anyone this year. Seems a bit harsh.

I can understand mum not wanting us at her home because she hosted a lot when we were younger. My dad shops and cooks. To be honest I'm not fussed about going to them either but have offered to turn up Christmas day and leave boxing day. She doesn't want to do this. She wants to come here.

I might say we can come over between Christmas and New year and have a quiet Christmas at home.

They are old and I feel bad. I've had a terrible year with work and I just want to chill. It's a short holiday and 4 days of mum and dad feels excessive or exhausting!!!

I would be pricing up a car and driver, or Uber or taxi and booking it now as a ‘Christmas treat ‘ for parents to be collected and then dropped home Christmas Day or collected Christmas Eve and dropped home Christmas Day.

They have the kids for a week at summer. My mum is nice to the dc and dad not good with kids so sadly my dc rather have his number

He can be awful to them

You need to stop sending the dc to stay for a week with a man who you know is awful to them.

You need to stand up for your dc.

Your mother is a grown woman who chose to stay with an alcoholic husband who treats his grandchildren awfully. Its not for you to throw your children at his mercy to appease them.

I know you have said your dad doesn’t want to drive home on Boxing Day because he likes a drink but I would make it clear that Christmas Eve to Boxing Day morning is the only invite on offer. They leave after breakfast before anyone is drinking. Can you say you are going somewhere for lunch at midday so you will make breakfast and then they can get on the road nice and early giving you time to get ready to go out (aka get back into your pjs as soon as they go round the corner)?

My in laws only live an hour away , there’s no way they’d be invited to stay
We just pop in and see them for an hour or so on Christmas morning , then go home and enjoy our Christmas
can you try something like that ?

Work out all the options you can tolerate

• you go to them just for Christmas Day (one of you has to drive)
• they come to you arriving Xmas morning and leaving early afternoon on Boxing Day (DF can't drink until he gets home)
• you or DH pick them up and drop them back (either on the day or for one overnight)
• spending Christmas separately this year

Etc etc.

Only give an option that you can live with and then leave it to them to decide which of your acceptable options is the most acceptable to them.

Could you throw money at the problem and go on holiday - either with or without them? Choose a lovely hotel with a spa and grounds where you could be together but not all packed into one house, and get time off by booking spa treatments either for you and your mum or for you and your partner.

I realise that I'm suggesting a very expensive option that I couldn't really afford (but dream of).

Goodwood Hotel looks very nice.

Could they book into a nearby hotel?

Its a non problem. Your parents only live an hour away, they can easily go home the same day or even the next day. My parents live an hour from me and I hosted last Chirtstmas, they came for the day and then left!

An hour drive is nothing.

Yes I thought that

anyone “awful” to my children wouldn’t be in their company. Ever. Let alone alone with them for the week

i will take a punt that your parents paid for the summer holiday you went on with them

I don’t think that your DCs should be compelled to spend three days of their Christmas holiday with someone who isn’t terribly pleasant to them all year round tbh.

Your mother, however, is an adult and her marriage is her responsibility. Your priority is your DC.

For your children’s sake therefore, limit the visit to Christmas morning to BD morning. If your parents don’t fancy the invitation, they are free to decline it.

Can you have other plans that mean they can still come Christmas Eve but need to leave on 26th? (Panto tickets, meeting another friend and family, going out for dinner as a couple...) you don't need to tell them what it is, just that you have plans so they will need to leave.