Please help me with gifts!

[tearsandtiaras]

Lone parent here - work full time in a professional role, no help from DD's father. My bills are so high- Life is constant financial struggle .

My dilemma is over 2 days at Christmas weekend we are visiting family £120 alone in petrol I have to save for.

I have 12 children to buy presents for ranging from 4-18
4 grandparents
8 aunts /uncles -although im hoping to get out of this

And my own DD.

I am crying at night time worried how to manage this. Could anyone suggest cheap ideas for the childrens presents? I don't know them well

I would try charity shops and vinted, there are so many brand new things on Vinted. You could probably raise some money by selling some things on there too.

This is absolutely ridiculous. Buy a cheap box of sweets for each family with children if you really must, nothing for adults.
Or some sweets/wine for whoever is hosting.
But most children get far too much stuff at Christmas and won't even notice if they don't get something from you. Concentrate on your own daughter.
Do you even want to spend Christmas with them if you don't know them well? The £120 petrol money would go quite a way towards a nice Christmas at home with your daughter.

What Millybob said. Christmas, bloody Christmas is not designed for or worth your tears, OP. It’s not supposed to cause misery even though it does for plenty of people. Would you prefer to just do Christmas with you and your DD? Nice and chilled out? That would save on huge petrol and gift costs. You could say ahead of time your plans have changed due to finances (hello COL crisis) or you could oops - develop Covid around the time of the trip. (But by then others will have bought for you, so not great). But do what suits you and what is possible financially - not what suits everyone else.

Vinted, Facebook marketplace and gumtree. I've just bought my daughters all our generation stuff which looks brand new for Christmas and saved over half the cost each time. Primark (Dunnes stores if you have one) or equivalent and scarf and gloves. For adults it really should only be a token gift. Regift bottle of wine. For kids what ages and sex? A safe bet is a pair of PJs. Again can probably get some new on vinted. I just sold 2 pairs of new with tags Christmas PJ for 2 quid. Will probably cost 5 quid by time postage is added.
Do you want to travel for Christmas, if not do what pleases you! Fake illness if you have too. Or be straight up, sorry I can't afford the petrol this year. Gutted but see you next year. Maybe someone who isn't having to travel will offer to help out. I hate this feeling about Christmas. Although I've lost my 4 grandparents and lost my father this year, and I know they and me would give up ever getting a gift to get another Christmas together. I'm sure your family feel the same. That it is about spending time together. (oh and for my aunts some years I tend to bring a bunch of tesco flowers, just peel the sticker off).

In your position, I would not break myself buying a stash of gifts that will very likely get lost in the mix anyway. I would wait for a special offer on popcorn at my local supermarket and gradually build up a stash of bags as and when you can (possibly sweets too but that's not necessary) then hit your local charity shops for DVDs that each person will like (lots are selling up to 3 for £1 to get rid of them) tie them together with butcher's twine or cheap curling ribbon with a label that says "Name's Night at the Movies". Done. Put thought into making the film choices personal and everyone will be delighted.

And personally, I would only buy for the children.

*Then spend what you can safely afford on food, gifts and experiences for you and your DD to share. And don't be afraid to cut your visit short (or skip it altogether) because it sounds like you've earned some proper downtime. You deserve to enjoy the fruits of your labour.

"local charity shops for DVDs that each person will like (lots are selling up to 3 for £1 to get rid of them)"

There is a reason for this. Nobody watches dvds anymore, most don't have a dvd player!

OP - if you really have to buy gifts, at least don't bother with the aunties and uncles and for the grandparents get a box frame from home bargains with a photo printed of your DD.

For the kids, also home bargains...they have an insane range of games starting at £1.99 at the moment. Just look at the ages and pick the most suitable for that age. There's top gear, blockbusters, who wants to be a millionaire, don't get got. Loads of them. Obama llama is £2.99, Santa banter is £1.99 and Nice Buns £2.99

I think you might move in better-off circles than me, literally everyone I know has a DVD player!

I agree.

"I think you might move in better-off circles than me, literally everyone I know has a DVD player!"

Really? I think I know of one person that definitely does and he's a huge film buff, also subscribes to most streaming services.

If my kids or any of my friends and families kids were given dvds they'd be slightly bewildered I think (obviously they'd say thank you etc) but they would be completely unusable!

I think the correct course of action is to contact the adults and explain you can't afford to buy presents this year.

Christmas should not require you to spend money you clearly need for your children and bills.

If you were my relative I wouldn't want you to be worrying like this.

Absolutely agree with @MidnightOnceMore despite gift suggestions.

I'd hate for a family member to feel this way

If you don't know them well, why spend so much?

And don't even think about trawling charity shops to build up a DVD library for each person! Christmas is definitely not worth that amount of head space - I feel exhausted just thinking about it! You'd be bound to get it wrong, anyway!

The works have a 3 for £15 deal on craft sets/toys, last year it went down to 3 for £12 in the sale (possibly black Friday). That's my go to for kids I don't know well, and usually some farther Christmas gifts for my own kids aswell.

This. You should only be buying for your kids, and second hand/charity shop is fine.

Send each family a nice holiday card with a warm greeting. Job done.

Please just explain to them your financial situation, Christmas is not about getting yourself in a financial pickle and I’d be mortified if I found out a family member felt such pressure to buy me or my little boy a gift! I’d just want to spend the time with them and really wouldn’t mind about a gift - also I think a lot of families are having conversations about cutting back gifting.

In my family there’s just so many of us (like 7 uncles and partners and 20+ cousins) that we don’t buy for anyone but our household and then our Grandma but we do make sure we catch up and see each other instead over Xmas. The kids get enough from parents and in-laws and they’re just excited for the cousins to all run wild together. It was a relief when someone suggested not buying gifts!

Can you lift share with anyone or get to another relatives house that’s closer and get a lift? I’d also be more than happy if my family pitched in together for someone’s petrol that was struggling to come that far.

Tbh if you’re family don’t get your financial situation and are bothered about gifts then I REALLY wouldn’t be putting myself out and in debt and stressed for people that didn’t show me compassion and empathy.

sending love OP!

Just why are you doing this??? Have an honest conversation with your family. Don't buy cheap tat no one wants.
Don't make yourself miserable.

Could you suggest a secret Santa then you only need to buy one present?

DVDs can be played via a game console. That's how I watch dvds , especially the Nightmare before Christmas and the Hogfather.

I know this is often trotted out on MN but buy a selection pack for every child. A small box of festive sweets for each aunt/uncle combo and also the grandparents. I'm 56 and still love getting sweets at Christmas so it'll be fine. Send a short sweet message out beforehand to let everyone know.

In terms of the petrol, you haven't specified what your visit schedule is, but £120 sounds crazy. One visit over Christmas, the remainder of the season at home to celebrate with your children.

In the middle of the COL crisis it's only reasonable to cut back on adult Christmas gifting. Get chocolates and snacks for the kids if you must, but opt out of adult gifts by suggesting doing a Secret Santa. You can make video greeting cards or Christmas collages instead of cards, too, if exchanging cards is a part of tradition in your family (it is in mine).

Sweet cone with Christmas ornament attached
Books from the Works/Poundland
Selection box with card with fiver in attached
Christmas magazine/activity book

DVD player!!! I haven't seen one, let alone owned one in at least 10yrs! Do you also have a VHS player?😂

OP- Why not suggest a secret santa for gifts instead? Even if just for the adults, so you are only buying 1 adult gift instead of 12.

Are the children you are buying for in the same household?

If so what about a game between them? Like others have said try charity shops, Vinted, Facebook market place. You can find brand new things at a fraction of the cost.