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Christmas

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Original poster

Giving the same amount when ones wants nothing and the other everything!!

58 replies

UndertheCedartree · 09/10/2023 14:16

I've struggled with this the last couple of years. My elder DC is 16 and wants very little - a cd player, some CDs, and a few basic clothes. My younger DC is 11 and she not only wants lots of things (doesn't expect to get them all, just has lots of ideas) but is really easy to find suprise items for.

I've never minded about spending the same amount on each but I feel they need to have roughly the same amount of presents. I have a sort of formula for stocking, main present(s), hamper (food/toiletry items), sack (smaller presents). I have autism and like things to be organised and logical so it just hurts my head! Do I just do my DS's stocking half full? And just a few clothes in his sack??

What do you do in this situation?

OP posts:
ShellySarah · 09/10/2023 14:17

A gift card? Somewhere you know they like so they can choose?

Also are CDs still a thing?

SoSad44 · 09/10/2023 14:19

Kids still have CD players? Really?

why don’t you get an Alexa?

Justhereforthechristmasthreads · 09/10/2023 14:22

Personally i'd lessen what you put in the youngests stocking to match what the older one has rather than try and fill the eldests (probably end up with stuff they don't really want or need and that's a waste)

50lessfat · 09/10/2023 14:24

Has the 16 year old got a savings account? Don’t buy tat for the sake of it put the cash into their bank account.

Rosesandstars · 09/10/2023 15:24

Could you just buy things like Christmas socks, chocolate or favourite sweets, cans of pepsi or something that he drinks, deodorant or otherwise gift cards or books for the stocking? Or ask if he can think of a few small things he'd appreciate? I don't think I would want to half fill a stocking as it would be a bit disappointing!

HonoriaLucastaDelagardie · 09/10/2023 15:25

I agree, don't spend for sake of spending, give the older one money to put in a savings account. Will be far more use in the longer term. Driving lessons, holidays with friends, festivals, will all be coming along in the next couple of years.

felisha54 · 09/10/2023 15:26

A cd player? Very retro
I'd give her cash or vouchers and make up the same value

Labradoodlie · 09/10/2023 15:32

A stocking, and a hamper, and a sack, and ‘main presents’ sounds way, way over complicated.

Dial it back to a stocking and some stuff under the tree. Get things that make them equally happy, rather than buying random shit to make equal sized piles.

BlairWaldorfOG · 09/10/2023 16:28

Hey OP, it sounds to me as though you buy similarly to the rest of us but whereas I personally shove smaller stuff and toiletries in a stocking then give them just their pile of presents you organise yours to help you keep your head straight with it all. Which is fine if the system works for you no matter how complicated others may see it.

I would buy what your child is asking for, don't overbuy for the sake of it but if you wanted to get something else that you see he'd like add that too. Otherwise just clock it in your mind as a less expensive Christmas this year for him but that things may change next year in terms of his wants/ needs.

Scaredycats · 09/10/2023 16:30

I don’t think there is a problem with one DC having more presents than the other if the value is the same. Your 16yo will be old enough to understand this

Original poster
UndertheCedartree · 09/10/2023 16:52

ShellySarah · 09/10/2023 14:17

A gift card? Somewhere you know they like so they can choose?

Also are CDs still a thing?

Apparently, they are!! He has an echo dot that he never uses, but wants cd player/CDs as the sound is different/better!

OP posts:
Original poster
UndertheCedartree · 09/10/2023 16:52

SoSad44 · 09/10/2023 14:19

Kids still have CD players? Really?

why don’t you get an Alexa?

Already have a few Alexa's - he wants CDs!

OP posts:
StarlightLime · 09/10/2023 16:55

Lol at all the "CD's?? Nobody plays CD's anymore, get an Alexa!" posts.

Original poster
UndertheCedartree · 09/10/2023 16:55

Justhereforthechristmasthreads · 09/10/2023 14:22

Personally i'd lessen what you put in the youngests stocking to match what the older one has rather than try and fill the eldests (probably end up with stuff they don't really want or need and that's a waste)

Yes, exactly. I end up getting things for the sake of it. We went through his room the other day and at least half a dozen things from last Christmas have gone to Charity or his sister.

OP posts:
Original poster
UndertheCedartree · 09/10/2023 16:56

ShellySarah · 09/10/2023 14:17

A gift card? Somewhere you know they like so they can choose?

Also are CDs still a thing?

I was thinking an HMV gift cards so he can get more CDs!

OP posts:
AvengedQuince · 09/10/2023 16:57

I'd reduce the size of the 16 year oldest stocking/sack/pick one or the other. I'd spend roughly the same on both, making up a shortfall with cash.

Original poster
UndertheCedartree · 09/10/2023 16:57

50lessfat · 09/10/2023 14:24

Has the 16 year old got a savings account? Don’t buy tat for the sake of it put the cash into their bank account.

Yes, he does and yes, that's what I want to avoid this year. I didn't even really get tat last year, but just the things I choose he doesn't want.

OP posts:
Original poster
UndertheCedartree · 09/10/2023 17:00

Rosesandstars · 09/10/2023 15:24

Could you just buy things like Christmas socks, chocolate or favourite sweets, cans of pepsi or something that he drinks, deodorant or otherwise gift cards or books for the stocking? Or ask if he can think of a few small things he'd appreciate? I don't think I would want to half fill a stocking as it would be a bit disappointing!

I will get socks, PJ's, sweets and drinks. I just could do with a few small things but he can't come up with anything. Books used to be popular but now he has an e-reader he doesn't want any more books.

OP posts:
Original poster
UndertheCedartree · 09/10/2023 17:02

HonoriaLucastaDelagardie · 09/10/2023 15:25

I agree, don't spend for sake of spending, give the older one money to put in a savings account. Will be far more use in the longer term. Driving lessons, holidays with friends, festivals, will all be coming along in the next couple of years.

He wants to go to some concerts next year so is going to ask family for money for that. But I agree don't want to spend for the sake of it.

OP posts:
Original poster
UndertheCedartree · 09/10/2023 17:03

felisha54 · 09/10/2023 15:26

A cd player? Very retro
I'd give her cash or vouchers and make up the same value

I know. He's very into retro things. He plays all the retro video games too.

OP posts:
AvengedQuince · 09/10/2023 17:04

DS is 17 and would be disappointed if money was wasted on things he would give away. He would prefer to spend it on food or save it for electronics. Cider has been well received since he turned 16 though!

Weatherwax13 · 09/10/2023 17:06

I obsess over everything being "equal " at Christmas too OP.
Why don't you ask him outright, are you ok that you'll have fewer things to open than your sister? If he assures you he's fine with that you can relax. If he's really into his music, a gift card to pick out more cds will be really appreciated I imagine. Especially if it's a surprise. Wrap it in a little box so it's another visible gift under the tree to open!

Original poster
UndertheCedartree · 09/10/2023 17:18

Labradoodlie · 09/10/2023 15:32

A stocking, and a hamper, and a sack, and ‘main presents’ sounds way, way over complicated.

Dial it back to a stocking and some stuff under the tree. Get things that make them equally happy, rather than buying random shit to make equal sized piles.

Ha ha, you have no idea how complicated I make it! It helps me to organise it in my head. They don't get a load of stuff, but it provides a routine for Christmas and spreads it out so noone gets overwhelmed - DC are both autistic too.

OP posts:
AutumnAuntie · 09/10/2023 17:19

I give money as I have this situation with one of my DC.

Original poster
UndertheCedartree · 09/10/2023 17:23

BlairWaldorfOG · 09/10/2023 16:28

Hey OP, it sounds to me as though you buy similarly to the rest of us but whereas I personally shove smaller stuff and toiletries in a stocking then give them just their pile of presents you organise yours to help you keep your head straight with it all. Which is fine if the system works for you no matter how complicated others may see it.

I would buy what your child is asking for, don't overbuy for the sake of it but if you wanted to get something else that you see he'd like add that too. Otherwise just clock it in your mind as a less expensive Christmas this year for him but that things may change next year in terms of his wants/ needs.

Thank you for understanding!

Yes, I definitely want to do that. He has had years where I have spent more like when we got him a Switch or a laptop. I know he will be so happy with the CD player and won't mind getting less than his sister, I just have to get out of the mindset of getting them exactly the same!

OP posts:
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