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Christmas

From present ideas to party food, find all your Christmas inspiration here.

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Original poster

Bit of a sad one...

45 replies

ShellySarah · 03/10/2023 16:39

My mum has told me what she wants for Christmas. I think there is a real risk she won't be alive. She is terminally ill.

I was thinking of doing Christmas for her now with a card and present. She can't eat due to the cancer so it won't be like that.

I thought that was a good idea but now I'm thinking it may upset her more as she'll probably figure out why I'm doing it early.

OP posts:

Tulipvase · 03/10/2023 16:43

That is sad and really hard.

Could you just buy it for her as a gift? Not necessarily a Christmas gift?

When my dad was very ill my brother travelled back from overseas to see him. My dad was a bit cross, in part due to the money spent but also I guess, the realisation why he was coming back.

ItStillLooksLikeRainDear · 03/10/2023 16:44

I’m so sorry for what you’re going through. It’s so hard. Can you just buy the gift for her just as a surprise? Rather than it being a Christmas present. ‘I’ve got you this mum to say thanks for being you. I had something else in mind for Christmas but know you wanted this.’

TheYearOfSmallThings · 03/10/2023 16:50

I would let her know I had bought and wrapped it, but not give it to her. She is looking forward optimistically and that is better than any gift - and this way she gets to feel that you are also looking forward with the expectation that you will give her the gift at Christmas.

longtompot · 03/10/2023 16:59

Does she know she might not be here for Christmas?
If she does, I would ask her what she would like to do.
If not, I would give it her early as a PP said, and say you had something else in mind for Christmas but knew she wanted this and you wanted her to have it.
An awful situation for you all to be in and I am so sorry to you and your family 💐

ConnieTucker · 03/10/2023 17:06

Can you get her what she wants now and tell her youd already chosen her christmas present?

Mummapenguin20 · 03/10/2023 17:09

I’d get it now and say it’s just because x

AdaColeman · 03/10/2023 17:18

How very sad for you all @ShellySarah . What a lovely daughter you must be to be so caring and concerned for your Mum.

I'd get the gift your Mum has asked for, and give it to her now, saying it was to cheer up a rainy Tuesday, or something similar.

Original poster

ShellySarah · 03/10/2023 17:20

longtompot · 03/10/2023 16:59

She's in denial about her illness.

I could just say it's because she deserves it for being ill

OP posts:

Original poster

ShellySarah · 03/10/2023 17:20

Deserves a nice present that is

OP posts:

TomatoSandwiches · 03/10/2023 17:23

Did you ask her what she wanted or did she mention it on her own accord?
If you didn't ask can you get her the gift she wants and say you had already bought her Xmas gift but she deserves this one being so unwell?

Original poster

ShellySarah · 03/10/2023 17:24

She mentioned it last time I was im hospital visiting. She said you know what I want for Christmas...

She said it assuming she'd be here for it.

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Astonishing · 03/10/2023 17:36

I bought my mum a Christmas gift and never got to give it to her, I think find a reason to give it to her now x

EmiliaRuusuvuori · 03/10/2023 18:17

We had planned to get my husband's terminally ill Dad a particular thing for his birthday but he died two weeks before. He didn't know we were going to buy it for him but six years on I still regret not getting it and giving it to him early.
I would just give it to your Mum before Christmas 💐

NoraLuka · 03/10/2023 18:23

I’d definitely give it now, but without calling it a Christmas present.

FluffyFluffyClouds · 03/10/2023 18:24

Sorry you're in this situation OP.

I got my Mum a tiny (the size of a hand) Xmas tree and a little hairbrush gift when she was in hospital dying, one November. BUT everything was out in the open - she wasn't in denial.

I guess you could, like PPs said, take the line that you just wanted to spoil her because she's been through so much? And/or let her have her present early in case her treatment is making her ill around Xmas time, so that she will definitely be able to enjoy it before New Year?

PlanBea · 03/10/2023 18:26

Sorry you're going through a hard time. My dad died on the same day as his father's day card arrived at my house for me to sign and give to him. It was a particularly nice one and I was gutted I never got to give it to him. Coincidentally, my mum's dad died the day her father's day card for him arrived in the post and she still is sad he didn't get to see it over 30 years on. I'd say you have something else planned for Christmas so got her this just because, rather than do the whole Christmas now.

Lovepeaceunderstanding · 03/10/2023 18:28

Maybe she just wants to feel like she has a future and doesn’t want to think she won’t be here.
I think I might not buy it but tell her you will put it on her list. Maybe talk to her about Christmas and what you’ll all do with her.
You could buy her a little gift that she could use now.
Im so sorry you’re going through this, sending you hugs.

longtompot · 03/10/2023 18:37

Totally different to your situation but my uncle died earlier this year very unexpectedly. The last time my mum saw her brother they were meant to get a specific take away as he hadn't had one for years (we had one in our town but they left in the early 90s) but when they went to get it the shop said it was closed.
She regrets not being able to get him something he wanted, and that was just a take away.
If it's something she really wants get it for her now as a, like you say, for being so brave/stoic etc during her illness and treatment.

1month · 03/10/2023 18:47

Get it for her now and say to cheer her up after all she’s been through.

Tell her you will get her something else for Xmas.

If she wants to be in denial then I’d go along with it too but I’d definitely get her the present asap so she can appreciate it.

Are you able to say what it is?

INeedNewShoes · 03/10/2023 18:48

I'm so sorry you're in this situation OP. I'd give it to her as a present now 'just for being a fab mum' and that you didn't want to wait, not necessarily making any reference to Christmas. Everyone's different but I wouldn't want a Christmas celebration being falsely brought forward I don't think.

1month · 03/10/2023 18:49

Depending what it is, you could say you saw it and couldn’t resist getting it but you’ve already got her something for Xmas so she might as well have it now.

krakenworst · 03/10/2023 18:49

I’m so sorry for what you’re going through.

you know your Mum best. If she’s coping with her situation by being in denial, perhaps she needs the ‘hope’ at the moment that she will be around for Christmas. Such hope maybe really important to her at the moment?

Do you think she might like talking about Christmas and the plans and presents etc so that she can ‘enjoy’ the anticipation of it regardless of what the future holds?

And perhaps nearer the time you could get her a different present for Christmas because ‘ you couldn’t resist’ and so justify giving her the desired one early (‘I don’t want to give you two presents at once etc).

Bon courage
xxx

itsmyp4rty · 03/10/2023 18:50

Yes give it to her now and say she deserved a treat for being such a great mum or something.

OhComeOnFFS · 03/10/2023 18:50

I'm another who'd buy it now as a treat given she's so poorly. Tell her you'll get her something else for Christmas. I hope she responds well to any treatment and gets the care and attention she deserves.

Original poster

ShellySarah · 03/10/2023 18:56

1month · 03/10/2023 18:47

Get it for her now and say to cheer her up after all she’s been through.

Tell her you will get her something else for Xmas.

If she wants to be in denial then I’d go along with it too but I’d definitely get her the present asap so she can appreciate it.

Are you able to say what it is?

She wants perfume. As hospital smells horrible and she wants to smell nice.

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