Surprised how hurt I was by this

[Anycrispsleft]

I'm not a particularly gifted baker but since my kids were little I've managed to master a handful of cakes/desserts of which three are now Christmas regulars in our house. My mum died suddenly about 12 months ago and so Christmas was a bit muted - on boxing day we went back to my home town to see some of the family and to start clearing my mum's house. I did actually do my Christmas desserts but one we had a bit of on Christmas day and then had to bin, the other stayed in the freezer till the first week in January.
I was looking forward to doing a proper Christmas this year including baking, then last night we're all watching GBBO over dinner and my husband says "that's what we could do between Christmas and New year, I could try out some cake recipes. We never do any baking" And I was like, well, I do and my 11yo DD goes "oh yeah, the pavlova and the yule log, like every year" and like, she's only 11, and I've often joked about my tiny baking repertoire so she's only repeating what I've said myself but I was caught off guard and it really hurt. Not even what she said so much, but the fact that my husband didn't even think about the fact that I bake two bloody desserts every year for Christmas on top of all the other organising- it's not even Christmas martyrdom, we live in rural Germany and the supermarkets are all totally basic, if I had an M&S or a Tesco nearby our family tradition would have been a shop bought trifle! I wasn't even a big Christmas fan before I had kids, I had a difficult childhood and Christmas was pretty miserable in our house so I went the other way with my own kids, trying to invent traditions and get really into it and stuff. I guess all that has more or less served its purpose you could say, the kids have some good memories and if it's going to be a bit less poncetastic in the next few years I could definitely use the break, but it just is a bit sad. I don't know.

Your husband said “we don’t do any baking” - not “you don’t do any baking” - as “we” usually involves the person doing the speaking, perhaps what he meant was “baking does not go on in this house that involves me, I quite fancy having a go”?

I'd keep doing it even if they're being dicks about it this year. They'll love to remember these sort of traditions when they're older p
You're a year in to losing your mum. That's huge. You are probably feeling a whole range of things.
I hope this Christmas is OK for you xx

I feel for you, OP. But you’re going to get very little empathy on here.

You were trying your best, after not having had that in childhood, and your partner seemed to dismiss that. As you say, you’re not blaming your DD.

Did it particularly hurt because you feel taken for granted or dismissed by your partner more generally?

Applelogo, the thread you linked is from Feb 2022, op's mum died 12 months ago.

OP said her mother died 12 months ago, not 12 years.

A perfect example of how advanced searching and trying to catch out posters can be absolutely vile.

👏👏👏 @Applelogo

My previous post doesn't make sense now, but Applelogo had linked a thread from Feb 22 and wondered if op's mum had 'risen from the ashes', so had misunderstood op's '12 months' for 12 years, and not read the date on the linked thread. Then edited their post.

The op said she was hurt not 'harbouring resentment' @Applelogo.
It was 12 months not years.

OP, I understand why you're hurt. Kids comments and husbands thoughtlessness can hurt when you've been making an effort for years and it seems no one noticed. But I'd try to put it behind you, perhaps first having talked to dh about it. Throw yourself into a baking project as a family, it actually sounds like good fun with Christmas coming up.

Honestly, pretty much nothing has happened. You are being over sensitive

Your “mistake”, @Applelogo, is searching for information on the OP and using it to attempt to undermine them.

It is absolutely shameless behaviour.

If you don’t think OP’s issue is important just scroll on, rather than attempting a deeply nasty gotcha.

You are being way too sensitive .

Most of us have moments of feeling unappreciated @Applelogo. You're really extrapolating a lot from what OP has said.

I’m trying not to imagine your day to day life right now, @Applelogo. As if you find yourself digging on MN in an attempt to smear a poster over such an innocuous post, then I’m guessing things must be pretty bleak for you right now.

I think you've been overly sensitive. You don't do any baking in the GBBO sense of the word.

Maybe use it as an opportunity to extend your family's repertoire of baking by making one of the things form GBBO each week. Obviously not to the same level of fanciness!

You’re being extremely sensitive.

regardless of anything if you only make two deserts a year you really don’t do much baking

I have no idea about the history with your mum, but always worth considering whether there are learned behaviours you might have adopted.

It doesn’t mean they don’t value your Christmas baking op as part of the family tradition. I know Dh said Christmas but dd probably didn’t register and in general, as in all year except for Christmas, you don’t bake? Whcih is fine obviously! I like baking and I would absolutely describe someone who only ever baked at Christmas as not a baker. Think about what you want out of this- would you rather dump the baking? Do you love it and just want them to notice you? It isn’t a problem if Dh bakes. I think your daughter would be a bit sad if you didn’t do the usual Christmas effort with her, I wouldn’t skip it to make a point when shes about to flip into teenage ness.