Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Christmas

From present ideas to party food, find all your Christmas inspiration here.

Original poster

How to tell sibling I don't want to buy presents this year

52 replies

Toothyfruity · 01/10/2023 16:37

I have 1 brother who is married with 4 children. I am married with a new baby.

For the last 3 or 4 years my brother has not gotten us Christmas presents. He says he intends to and forgets or doesn't get around to it. They also haven't gotten my parents presents in recent years despite receiving significant support from them. They're not stuck for money though none of us are wealthy.

Every year I get them and their children presents. They never thank me. I also buy birthday presents for their children and don't get a thank you text or anything for those gifts either.

So this year I'm not arsed getting them anything and want to agree with them that there'll be no presents. I suspect that they'll suggest we only buy for the kids. Frankly I don't want to do this because they have 4 and I have 1. Also he will probably not actually get anything for my son going on past performance.

Is there a nice way to say that I don't want to buy for the kids either or will I sound like Scrooge?! We'll all be together for Christmas day so it has to be addressed.

We get on very well and have never had so much as an argument so I don't want to be rude or make things weird.

OP posts:
ChristmasIsComing2023 · 01/10/2023 16:40

Will he even notice if he’s forgotten for years?

WolfFoxHare · 01/10/2023 16:41

I’d be tempted just to not get them anything and not mention it! If they ask, say either ‘Oh I thought we’d all decided not to bother?’ Or ‘Oh yes I didn’t get round to it this year’

Bit harsh on the kids though, I suppose.

Mumofoneandone · 01/10/2023 16:41

We've started pulling back on present buying over the last few years - has been fine. More tricky ones to face this year. Not easy, especially when you are with them. Maybe drop them a letter to say you aren't doing presents this year - with or without an explanation.......

Fleabane · 01/10/2023 16:43

If he hasn't bought you presents for 3-4 years, he's already introduced this hasn't he?

Just don't buy any presents. If he says anything, just say that you assumed you'd stopped buying one another gifts given he hasn't got any for years

DisforDarkChocolate · 01/10/2023 16:45

Just send a message saying something like 'we're following your lead and not doing presents this year', if he challenges you just tell him to you'll start again when he's caught up with the ones he missed.

Mrsjayy · 01/10/2023 16:45

Don't say anything why would you say anything? send a card and wish them all a merry Christmas, BTW he hasn't forgotten he's probably in some stalemate with his wife on buying gifts she probably has refused as she has everything else to do.

VictorianChic · 01/10/2023 16:47

He’s possibly been hoping for the last 4 years that you’ll take the hint and stop buying.

I think that a quick text saying that you’re cutting back this year will be in order. He’ll probably be pleased.

This needn’t be a big thing. But I get that you’re worried, given your good relationship.

DelphiniumBlue · 01/10/2023 16:48

For me, I think it would be impossible to spend Christmas day with children and not have a present for them, irrespective of whether their parents buy for your DC. You don't have to spend much, a sweetie stocking/selection box type thing would be fine, but could you really give them nothing at all? I think you'd be feeling mean and grinchy and it spoil your enjoyment. I think better to take the moral high ground here, get something for the kids but not the parents.

caringcarer · 01/10/2023 16:51

Don't get them gifts but just pick their kids up a chocolate Santa from Aldi.

Lovethatforyouhun · 01/10/2023 16:53

Send an email to him, but bcc and send to yourself.

”Hi All,
So with the new baby and everything, we have decided not to do gifts this year.
Sorry to be a scrooge McDuck, but we do look forward to seeing you for a wee dram at Christmas”

nettie434 · 01/10/2023 16:56

DisforDarkChocolate · 01/10/2023 16:45

Just send a message saying something like 'we're following your lead and not doing presents this year', if he challenges you just tell him to you'll start again when he's caught up with the ones he missed.

I like this wording. It would be different if your nieces and nephews had very few presents and were reliant on you.

TomatoSandwiches · 01/10/2023 16:57

I would get the children a selection box each or similar, a nice tin of biscuits for brother and sil and leave it at that.

Original poster
Toothyfruity · 01/10/2023 16:58

Thanks for the suggestions.

For those saying he's been trying to get me to take the hint this is not the case. Every year he asks me if we're doing presents and we agree that we are but he just doesn't buy them. On the day then they apologise and say they're on the way or they didn't get a chance or whatever. Sometimes they even tell me what they were going to get which is quite funny.

It was the same when my son was born. They told me what they were going to get him and made quite a song and dance about it but it never materialised. So I'm anticipating him asking me this again this year, which I why I want to have a plan in place.

OP posts:
Mrsjayy · 01/10/2023 17:02

Yeah he/they are flakey and stingy just say you will be doing selection boxes for the children like a pp suggested and leave it at that. I can't stand stingy people I'd have cut back years ago .

Lizzieregina · 01/10/2023 17:03

Yes I’d buy selection boxes for the kids, or a big box of sweets and call it a family gift.

PikachuChickenRice · 01/10/2023 17:03

Just do the same as him. Agree - then give the same excuses when they ask why it hasn't materialised.
What exactly is the difficulty here? Am I misunderstanding?

Floralnomad · 01/10/2023 17:06

DisforDarkChocolate · 01/10/2023 16:45

Just send a message saying something like 'we're following your lead and not doing presents this year', if he challenges you just tell him to you'll start again when he's caught up with the ones he missed.

Just do this .

Mumofteenandtween · 01/10/2023 17:09

I’d start with a message along the lines of “I know that you are really busy - shall we not bother with Xmas presents this year?” If you are really lucky he will agree but as a minimum he’ll probably go down to “just kids”.

Buy 4 selection boxes from Tesco’s and 4 Amazon vouchers. Keep them hidden. If he brings out a present for your baby then hand over the selection boxes. If he has genuinely made an effort then also hand over the vouchers. If he doesn’t then if you want to give the selection boxes and not if you don’t.

After Christmas enjoy spending the Amazon vouchers and eating all the chocolate!

Fulshaw · 01/10/2023 17:13

Don’t buy anything for him or SIL.

For kids, something very cheap like a selection box each or a joint gift like a board game or outdoor game they can all play.

Ginann · 01/10/2023 17:20

I'd say no gifts from now on to save 'everyone' time/ money etc.

I was going to say get the kids a little something, chocolate / sweets however you're still buying and in time to come your dc will question.

cheddercherry · 01/10/2023 17:20

I wouldn’t text with a “shall we” because you could get a “no” and end up in the same situation.

Just be breezy and say that you’re having a bit more of a stripped back Xmas and aren’t buying gifts for people outside your household. You can say it’s for cost, stress or environmental reasons, or simply just say you’ve had a bit of year of it and this year you’re scaling back. You don’t need details if you don’t want. Full stop. No add in xyz, or make exceptions. Lay down your plan. You’re giving enough notice for it not to be awkward on the day and considering he’s never even bought for yours he doesn’t have a comeback to stand on.

We also don’t buy for siblings and kids (they all have 3+ and we have one too) and tbh we’re all relived on not having another 14 people to buy for! We buy for our parents and the grandparents we have left and we love that they get fussed instead. We’re already a big family, the kids don’t miss out on a couple of presents from the 3 various aunts and uncles and we prioritise a big get together or day out instead of token gifts.

OstrichInPink · 01/10/2023 17:22

DisforDarkChocolate · 01/10/2023 16:45

Just send a message saying something like 'we're following your lead and not doing presents this year', if he challenges you just tell him to you'll start again when he's caught up with the ones he missed.

Perfect

Butterflyfluff · 01/10/2023 17:48

Every year he asks me if we're doing presents and we agree that we are but he just doesn't buy them.

So this year just agree you’re not - simples!

stayathomer · 01/10/2023 17:50

‘Meant to say to you I know you always worry about getting us presents but don’t this year and we’ll leave them too. You know, cost of living and all that! We’ll just make sure to have a fun one! (Tinkly laugh😉)’

SleepingStandingUp · 01/10/2023 17:50

Hey Steve, given it's been too much for you to sort presents for the last few years, I think it's best if we just agree in advance this year not to bother. Looking forward to seeing you soon x

Done.